First Time for Everything

By Mina V. Esguerra

During lockdown, good friends Sabrina and Victor spent a few days together in the same apartment. She was starting a cafe; he was teaching her some of his family’s recipes. They made sandwiches, then made out, and almost had sex. At 39 years old, it would have been her first time. She panicked, fled, and did not return any of his calls or messages.

That night looked like a rejection, but Victor was never mad at Sabrina about it. They’d known each other for a long time, and if anything had happened he would have failed a relationship anyway. He was already everything to everyone, from keeping the family business running, to being the reliable eldest son while the world was seemingly on fire. No time to fall in love, even with one of his favorite people.

Two years later, Victor gets a call from Sabrina who asks if they could possibly try again. Which part? Everything.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Mina V. Esguerra
• Release date: Jul 1, 2023
• ISBN: 9798215852965

Mina V. Esguerra

Mina V. Esguerra writes and publishes romance novels. Her young adult/fantasy trilogy Interim Goddess of Love is a college love story featuring gods from Philippine mythology. Her contemporary romance novellas won the Filipino Readers’ Choice awards for Chick Lit in 2012 (Fairy Tale Fail) and 2013 (That Kind of Guy). In 2013, she founded #RomanceClass, a community of Filipino authors of romance in English, and it has since helped over 80 authors write and publish over 100 books. She is also a media adaptation agent, working with LA-based Bold MP to develop romance media by Filipino creatives for an international audience. Visit minavesguerra.com for more information about her books and projects.

Book preview

Chapter One

When Sabrina stepped into the lobby of the St. Tropez Court condominium tower, she steeled her emotions and braced for impact. The verdict? Ouch—but not too bad. She was going to survive this.

For most of her life, Sabrina Losfieros associated physical spaces with memories of what happened there. When the memory was unpleasant, the place itself became hard to visit. If she had to be there, she didn’t enjoy it, and eventually found a way to live without ever setting foot there again.

Her university campus, for example, was a place of nostalgia and cringe two decades later. Complicated feelings yes, but mostly pleasant—except for the specific spot along Katipunan Avenue where her family’s coffee shop business stood for one year, that still brought a bittersweet pain making it difficult for her to even look at it as she drove by.

It wouldn’t make sense to anyone else, and it didn’t have to. The small building where it had been wasn’t even there anymore. It was demolished at some point, and became part of the larger restaurant beside it, and then that restaurant changed at least twice in the past five years. It was still a source of sadness for Sabrina that it shut down when it did.

So yeah. Some very specific places brought a special kind of twinge to her heart, ranging from mild discomfort to full-on avoidance. That spot in Katipunan. That grocery store where she happened to be when she got the email telling her she’d been laid off. The entire St. Tropez Court condo building, even if Victor Agos only lived in a two-bedroom unit on the eighteenth floor.

For two years, she’d avoided this building and now she was back. It looked mostly the same. Two people were at the reception desk; she recognized one, but not the other.

Not the end of the world as she knew it. She was feeling fine.

The first time she stayed over at Victor’s apartment, it had just been for a few days. Not long enough to have been given a key, and she also never had to leave the space and come back on her own. It wasn’t like she’d have kept a key all this time anyway. When she got to 18E, she had to press on the button doorbell.

The door swung open and there he was.

She’d known Victor Agos since they were teens. Once upon a time, his family supplied the food they served at Fire Clan Coffee. Just like her, he’d been too young to be part of the actual business but old enough to help deliver and lift things, and she hadn’t been too young to assist him if she happened to be there when he came by. When the coffee shop failed, Sabrina’s family moved on and they didn’t see the Agos family as much as they used to.

Hi, Sabrina said.

Hello, he said. They were both forty-one now, which Sabrina vaguely remembered that they joked about. Two years ago, they’d been hovering right over (the seeming abyss of) forty. She was stressing out about it, him not so much. She’d predicted he’d be fine, there was a whole new world waiting for someone like him once his birthday came around. He had always been good-looking, broad-shouldered, sturdy. He’d slide into the silver fox hot tito category effortlessly, and reap the benefits. The kind of world waiting on the other side for her though—

He’d said she was wrong, and she had a lot to look forward to, and then they kissed.

Sometimes the memory in a certain place was both the best thing and the worst.

Sabrina told herself she was not going to be overwhelmed. Even managed to convince herself that she was not going to lose it; surely the entire thing about being nervous to see him again and under these circumstances was just her imagination. This was no big deal.

What size of deal was the feeling that your insides were out of control? She felt so much of herself internally screaming. Her mind, internally screaming. Her heart, internally screaming. That constellation of nerves that signaled her kilig and yes even arousal, internally screaming.

Come in. Victor was wearing his version of pambahay, athletic shorts and a plain T-shirt. He stepped aside so she could enter the small foyer. Her eyes went to the corner where the shoe rack was, and he’d put her indoor slippers there.

Like from before. That was nice.

He was saying, You want to take your mask off?

Oh yeah, I will.

You can hang it up— he said, but she knew where, same panel of hooks on the door.

Thanks. One word but it felt a lot longer, that final s stretching because she didn’t really have anything yet to follow it. Sabrina busied herself with neatly adding her shoes to the rack by the door, slipping her feet into her slippers, rolling her luggage toward the wall. When she stepped into the kitchen and dining area, the space that Victor’s condo opened up to, she saw the table and gasped.

There was a spread of—everything. Sandwiches, cut up into little triangles. A tasting plate of different pastas and noodles, rolled up into a serving ready to pick up with a fork. Bite sized pastries, shiny with glaze and caramel and jam. Two fluted glasses that he was pouring a sparkling drink into.

Only at this point did she admit to herself that she had been so worried, her heart in her throat the entire 290-peso Grab ride to this location, and then she looked at this table and the somewhat smug smile on Victor’s face and suddenly, relief.

It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, Sabrina said, in a tearful voice that was only half-joking.

I thought, ‘how do I welcome Sabrina back to the condo’ hmm.

Unli-merienda is a genius idea.

Genius? See I wasn’t sure when I was making this, but I’m glad you like it. I should tell you this is just the first of several ideas.

This is really more than enough—

Sabrina. He used that voice, and she bit her lip to stop herself from babbling. Also, she really liked that voice.

In the years since they first met as teens helping a failing coffee shop, Victor had continued working in food. The Agos family was more successful at it, eventually creating several brands of pasta sauces, an entire line of convenience store sandwiches, takeout cakes in cups and tins. They never put up their own restaurant, but Victor actually studied family-business restaurant management (yes such a degree existed) and was the growing empire’s resident expert.

He taught her so much of what she needed to start Yumi & Kit Cafe, and keep it going. And then they didn’t talk for two years.

She missed that firm voice, exuding so much calm authority, the signal that attention should be on him.

Sabrina fell quiet and blinked.

If we’re going to do this, Victor said, and not have it end like last time, I told myself I was going to be clearer about everything. I think even if we’ve known each other that long, there will still be things we will just get wrong. This is—this is new. If something feels like a mistake, I hope we talk about it. And not just…

Leave your home and then hide from you for years?

He laughed. Exactly. But your flight response was your flight response, can’t argue with that either. I’m just formally putting in the request that you…

Not flee. She wondered if he saw a therapist and had a similar conversation to unpack what transpired between them because…yeah. That was what she resolved to do. That was why she had asked for a do-over, why she was back here, and it was interesting to say the least that he had said yes.

I would really appreciate it, he said.

I will not flee this time.

All right. Victor sighed, an actual sigh of relief. We will do this. And…this is still going to be your first time?

Yeah, no point in playing coy about it. Sabrina lifted her chin. Yes, it is.

Did you try meeting other people?

I met a lot of people, but didn’t… Her voice trailed off again because she was hoping that would be enough, but he was waiting for her to finish her sentence. Okay, I guess you want me to be more specific. I met a lot of people, especially when I opened the cafe. I downloaded the apps, and whenever I was at work, I would log on and know there were people around me who were ready for a hookup if I wanted it. I guess I don’t look terrible or too old—

Sabrina.

"Yes, Victor, I know you’re going to tell me I’m beautiful or whatever, but that was honestly what I was thinking. I thought, hey, these guys probably think I’m desperate and I don’t look too bad, might as well. Good enough for a Tuesday, I don’t know. I want to have sex—I’ve always wanted to have sex with someone—but not under those circumstances, not when I don’t know if this thing I feel will be used to make me feel bad about myself. I waited because I thought I’d eventually get to the point where I’ll look at a guy and think yeah, I’d fuck him and forget about him the day after but that just feels icky and the day I finally called you again? Was me waking up and realizing I’m forty-one and I might never actually feel comfortable getting laid that way so what else do I do?"

That was a lot. But it was the whole truth, finally.

The cool thing about Victor was that he just…took all of that in. As if he already knew all of this. She never told him, how could he have known? Anyway, he simply said, Well thank goodness you have me, then.

Yes, my friend Victor, who doesn’t mind having sex with a forty-one year old virgin.

He frowned. You mean your friend Victor, who has always thought you were gorgeous, who has always cared about your needs and boundaries, who absolutely wants to have sex with you if you said you wanted it, will have it with you however you choose to.

Hoy, dial it down. Yes they didn’t know every detail about each other but Sabrina knew enough about his bachelor lifestyle, only had the audacity to ask him