Tribulations - Live and Learn, Book Five: Live and Learn, #5

By Amanda Vint

Eleanor is left in disbelief, as Stephen reveals more about the darker side of his past. With more secrets revealed and her marriage in ruins, Eleanor wonders what the future has in store.
When offered a last minute trip to Las Vegas with Rob, Eleanor thinks that it could be just what she needs to escape for a while, but little does she know that she'll be bringing home more than just memories.
With someone watching her every move and her business being targeted again, the future looks uncertain. Just when she thinks there is a ray of hope in the midst of the confusion, there's more twists, drama, and heartache in store.
It seems the truth will always find a way of unearthing itself.
Can she move on from Stephen for good? Or is the bond between them strong enough to overcome any obstacles in their path?
Continue the journey, as Eleanor is determined to keep hold of what is rightfully hers - no matter what the threat may be.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Amanda Vint
• Release date: Jun 6, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223231868

Amanda Vint

Amanda Vint started writing romance novels in July 2016, self publishing her debut novel "Live and Learn" in the October of the same year. Following on from the positive feedback that the first book prompted, it then went on to become a series; with the next books "Twists and Turns" and "Clarity" being published. Specialising in the romance genre, she also uses her educational background in the field of psychology to incorporate a darker side to some characters, thus adding dramatic plot twists to the storylines. Amanda loves to connect with her readers and has a Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/AmandaVintBooks) and blog (www.amandavint.com) dedicated to doing so.

Book preview

Chapter One - Incomprehensible

Standing up from my seat, I walked over to the fireplace. Reaching out, I lay my palms on the mantle, and looked at my reflection in the mirror. In my peripheral vision, I could see Stephen sat on the sofa behind me, looking at me, and longing for a word of utterance from my direction.

What could I actually say to that, though?

I felt sick. I had been with this man for years, and until recently things had been normal to me. He’d had his hands all over me, yet they had ended a life? No, this had to be some sort of sick joke. But who in the world joked about something like that?

Whirling myself around to face him, he sat sheepishly on the sofa - head lowered and not looking in my direction.

Please tell me you are lying, I muttered - the only time I have ever wanted my husband to have told me a lie.

Stephen slowly shook his head. I narrowed my eyes, steadily walking over to where he was sat, and looking down upon him. This was obviously some sort of nightmare, and I’d wake up from it at any moment.

Eleanor... he began, looking back up at me.

I shook my head. Hush, I don’t want to hear you speak my name, I calmly stated, before turning my back to look away from him.

I could hear Stephen stand up behind me. He reached out and placed his hand on the side of my arm.

Please, he whispered.

I whirled myself back around. Please, what? I glared.

Listen to me. The long pleading look filled his chocolate eyes.

I shook my head again. I don’t want to hear it. I can’t believe you have... when? I hissed, unable to believe that I was having this conversation in the first place.

It was a long time ago. He sighed. I was young and stupid. I was involved in some really dodgy shit back in New York...

So that excuses it, does it? I snapped.

No, no... not at all! Stephen protested. Until recently, I didn’t even know what had happened.

You don’t seem very quick on the uptake with a lot of things, do you? I huffed. First cheating on your wife, and then killing someone... hmm, it’s very convenient how you don’t remember any of these events!

It’s not like that. I hadn’t realized the guy had died up until recently. I remember the night like it was yesterday. It has always stayed with me. But I never meant for anything to get that far, he sadly replied, hanging his head in shame.

Jesus, Stephen! All the times I had tried to reason your bad temper! Looks like it has always been out of control! I cried, still unable to process the information. Ha, and you had the nerve to demonize David by calling him a psycho!

He’s still a psychopathic bastard, Eleanor! Stephen fumed.

Oh, I’m sorry... I wouldn’t want you to get angry now! I seethed, glaring at him and moving away to sit back down on the sofa.

Can you please just listen to me, Stephen desperately pleaded, while sitting himself down next to where I was.

Listen to you?! I raged, turning to look him dead in the eyes. Why the hell should I?!

Because I’m not asking for anything other than a few minutes of your time. I would never hurt you, and you know that. I just want to explain, he begged.

I pierced his eyes with my own. I suppose I could be certain that he would never hurt me - well, not in the physical sense, anyway.

Make it quick, because I don’t even think I want to hear any of this anyway, I pouted.

Right. He sighed, composing himself to tell me something that I really didn’t want to hear. This was years ago when I lived in New York... I’ve told you loads of times about how rough it was. I could fend for myself, but it was all about who you hung about with. Anyway, I got in with this gang, and they were up to all sorts... all sorts that I wanted no part of, but it was also about being accepted. In order to be part of this gang, I had to be initiated.

Initiated? I echoed.

Yeah. He sighed again. There was this other rival gang, and I don’t really know where they came from... remember, I was really young and stupid...

Just carry on, I muttered, willing for him to hurry up.

I was with Darcy then, and she was a part of the gang as well. I only did what I did because I thought I was in love with her. I realize now that it wasn’t love... none of it was.

Ugh, if this is going to be some sort of tragic love story, then I’ll just stop you there, I snapped.

No, I’m only trying to quickly give you some background. Anyway, I went along with it for her. She was already in this gang and wanted me to join. So like I said, I had to be initiated. I went along with it, and my orders were to ‘get rid of’ a member of the rival gang. I knew what they meant... they wanted me to kill him, to prove myself. So we followed this guy, and while the others stayed out of sight, I went after him. I’ll be honest, it was the only time in my life when I have been really scared. I think after that, no human being has ever been able to faze me.

So then what happened? I wondered, feeling slightly intrigued in hearing the rest of the story - as morbid as that was.

I grabbed hold of him from behind... he pulled a gun out of his pocket... I nearly bottled it, but I knew that if I did, he was going to shoot me. So a grapple took place, and I fought with him. Luckily I managed to keep the gun away, and I punched him and he went down. I hit him again to make sure that he was clean out. He was still breathing when he was lying there, so I grabbed the gun, and I held it to the air and fired, to make it sound like I had shot him. I hadn’t, though, and as far as I was concerned, he was fine. Well, not fine, but he was alive.

Who told you he was dead, then? I asked, turning myself toward him.

Darcy. She told me about it, and was going to tell you if I didn’t give her money and stay away from you. But I knew I had to be honest and tell you the truth.

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. But why would she do all this? How did it end with you and her? She left you, didn’t she? I wondered.

I don’t know why. I think a part of her hates me because I did better for myself than she did. Although her life isn’t that bad.

Didn’t she run off with a professor? And how do you know she isn’t lying now? I asked, thinking back over what Stephen had told me in the past.

She showed me the obituary for the guy. I remember his face well, so I knew she wasn’t lying. She told me that he died from me hitting him too hard. Yeah, she ran off with a professor. She stayed in that gang longer than I did. I wanted out from that day onward, and it really took some doing. It wasn’t easy to get out. I started working several jobs to get the hell out of New York. That’s why my mom supported me with my choices. She didn’t like Darcy at all, and kind of had an idea of what was occurring. But anyway, Darcy stayed in that gang, and I tried to help her to get out, but she seemed to get a sick thrill out of being with them. It was really weird. But she eventually seemed to see the error of her ways and said she wanted to better herself. She went to college to get a degree, and that’s when she saw a better option with someone else and took it. She broke up with me there and then.

I sat there in disbelief. She even took me to a spa with Tasha, and was talking about her past relationships, saying that the relationship she’d had when she was younger, the guy smothered her... I can only assume she was talking about you. What a conniving bitch! I fumed.

I probably did smother her, because I was always on at her to leave New York, and to make something of herself. She didn’t like it then, and she doesn’t like being told what to do now.

But this still doesn’t excuse the fact that you killed someone. I don’t care if they were in a rival gang or not, I stated. I’ve seen your temper in action, Stephen.

I know. I still can’t get my head around it, and I have to live with that. I suppose, ironically, my temper is a way of guarding myself against that. I don’t like being vulnerable, and that’s all I’ve ever been around Darcy. That’s why that evening on the yacht, I couldn’t believe it was her. And when she said what she did for a living...

Oh yeah, she said she worked in law enforcement, I finished.

Ha, the irony of that job! Stephen sarcastically laughed.

Hmm, sounds like a bit of a change of direction, I thought out loud.

I couldn’t help but picture the way she had schemed around me all the time that Stephen hadn’t been here, and if only I had known that it was because of her that he was staying away! My God, the nerve of the woman. It all made sense about the money that went out of his account when she had seen him here that day - it was hush money to keep her quiet.

But, why weren’t the police involved? I wondered.

Because that guy was part of a gang that had conducted loads of crime. He was wanted by the police, and when they found him, they knew what dodgy crap he was up to. Therefore it was a gang related incident, case closed. You’d be surprised how much they wash their hands of it. He sighed.

Lucky for you, though. Otherwise you would be doing a stretch inside by now.

It’s not lucky, Eleanor. There’s nothing lucky about this. It’s strange. It’s like I’ve lived all these years not knowing what I’ve done. Then now, to have found out what happened... I don’t know what to feel. Living in New York, when I look back, it's like a past life, you know?

Kind of. But I’ve never done anything like that, so I can’t relate to how it feels. Imagining is hard enough. Why tell me this, though? I mean, I know a problem shared is halved and all that lot, but I don’t know what to say to it. I sighed, placing my head in my hands.

Stephen reached out and placed his hand on my arm. I’m sorry that I had to tell you. Either way, you were going to find out because of her. I couldn’t let that happen, and I was tired of having to keep my distance. It’s my problem to bear, not yours. I know you can never forgive me for any of this, but, Eleanor... I really want to see my children.

I looked up at him - a mixture of confusion and loss consuming me.

I don’t know, I mumbled.

Please... I’m their father and I miss them so much. The night before I left, I said my goodbyes to the children. I held Madison in my arms, but, I can’t just disappear out of their lives. Please don’t rip my children away from me. I have nothing else anymore. I know I’ve lost my home, my wife, but please don’t make me lose them as well, he pleaded.

Before I could answer, the front door burst open and Natalie stepped through with the children. We both sat upright on the sofa and looked in the direction of the door, watching the three of them mill through with Natalie behind them looking flustered.

Sorry, Eleanor... the playgroup was off, she explained, as she took her jacket and shoes off at the door. We got all the way there... She turned into the living room, and saw that I wasn’t alone. Oh, hi, Stephen. Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.

It’s no problem. I smiled softly toward her. There’s no chance she knew what she would be walking into.

Daddy! Madison cried, as she spotted Stephen on the sofa.

Stephen stood up, grabbing her in his arms and raising her up into the air before giving her a big hug.

Oh, I missed you, princess. He smiled, nuzzling her in close.

Before long, Mason and Henry were around both of his legs, vying for his attention.

Where have you been, daddy? Mason called up toward him.

Erm... Stephen looked at me awkwardly and placed Madison down on the floor, before crouching down in front of the children and wrapping his arms around all three of them. Daddy had a lot of stuff to sort out, but it’s all sorted now. Anyway, how are you guys doing? He smiled as he pulled them all in close.

We paint pictures, Henry squeaked.

Wow, you’ll have to show me, Stephen beamed, and then glanced awkwardly toward me.

Yeah, you’ll have to show daddy some other time. Anyway, Natalie, would you mind taking them out to the swings for a moment whilst we talk? I motioned to her.

Oh yeah. Natalie snapped back to attention and stepped forward. Come on, kids, last one to the swings is a giddy kipper! The children turned to Natalie with their eyes lighting up, as they freed themselves from Stephen’s arms and went running through the living room door. I’ll leave you guys to it. She smiled, as she closed the door behind her.

Thanks. I gently smiled toward her, as she disappeared from view.

Stephen got up from the crouching position and came back over to me, sitting himself down and sighing happily upon seeing the children.

Don’t take them away from me, he whispered sadly.

Fine. I sighed. I know how much you love the children, and they love you too. It wouldn’t be fair to them. They’ve had a hard enough time trying to get their little heads around what has already gone on.

I know, and it’s all my fault. Everything. I can’t believe I’ve been so stupid. I hate myself, he sulked.

I thought you were better than what I now know of you, I stated, feeling numb.

Stephen moved in closer and turned towards me, taking my hand in his. Is there anything I can possibly do to retrieve any part of our marriage, Eleanor? I love you, and I can’t hide that. 

It’s too late for that, I spoke, turning my attention toward him. Even if for some reason I could even begin to forgive you for what you have done, both with that bitch and in the past, there’s the small matter of what I have been doing with David, since you left. Are you honestly telling me that that’s okay with you?

Stephen gulped hard with the fury behind his eyes being apparent to me.

I hate that Sommer’s, and I could rip his head off for being anywhere near you again, he seethed. But I can’t be a hypocrite, and I love you enough to try and get through this. I think I understand why you did what you did, and much as I don’t know if I want to know this, but just to clarify, why in the world did you ever go near that freak again?

You want honesty? Fine. I went there with David again, because I wanted to feel wanted. You wouldn’t come anywhere near me, then you left me. I was hurt and rejected. Then, you know Brandon?

What about him? Stephen warily asked.

Stupidly enough, one night I threw myself at him, and he knocked me back. I felt so humiliated. I wanted someone to want me, as pathetic as that sounds.

Stephen reached forward and ran his fingers softly down my cheek. It’s not pathetic, but what you don’t realize, is that I always wanted you. If it's any consolation, Brandon is stupid. You are so beautiful, and even though a part of me is relieved that he didn't go near you, I should have been here, and my own actions are to blame. I am the real idiot for treating you the way I did. It is unforgivable, and I’m so sorry.

Closing my eyes, I savored his touch. As much as he had hurt me, and what he had told me today, I loved him, and hearing the words that he did want me, washed me with a relief that I couldn’t describe. I was torn in two - it was a double edged sword. I wanted my husband, but I wanted to erase everything that had recently gone on, and I knew that wasn’t possible.

I’m still hurting. I don’t know what to think, I whispered, realizing that I was back in a state of confusion again.

I wish I could soothe your pain. In all the years we have been together, I always wanted to be the one to do that. I never thought for a second things would end up the way they have. He sighed.

Neither did I, I sadly agreed.

Eleanor... Stephen whispered softly.

I opened my eyes and looked at him. Yes? I replied.

Do you still love me? Honestly? he asked, his eyes pleading in my direction.

Yes, I uttered - the word escaping my lips before I’d even had chance to contemplate an answer.

He let his hands drift up toward my face and cup my cheeks. My eyes, heavy with burden, locked into his again, as he leant forward and rested his perfect mouth upon mine. I softened into the kiss. He had been my heart and home for so long, that I relished in feeling him with me again.

The kiss grew heavier, and I could feel the wanting coming from him. He pulled me into his strong arms - the arms that had protected me, and were the safest arms that I knew of. I wrapped my own arms around him, and let him devour me with his kisses, as he hastily trailed them down my neck. Our breath becoming heavier, I let my head fall back as he kissed my chest and nuzzled into me.

He stopped and raised his head to face me. We can’t do this here.

Snapping back to where we were - no, we definitely couldn’t do this in the middle of the day in the living room. I took his hand, as he obliged and followed me on. We dashed out of the living room, bypassing anyone else who may have been around, and up the stairs together. My mind was on autopilot - there didn’t seem to be any room for thinking. The numbing sensation had taken over any rational form of thought.

Entering the bedroom, Stephen shut the door behind us and we found ourselves in a steamy clinch once more. I ran my fingers through his gorgeous hair as I frantically kissed him. He removed the t-shirt from me, as he hastily took his own off, and threw them on the floor. Taking me in his arms, he backed me toward the bed, with the heat pulsating from every fibre of our beings.  

Just as we were about to lie on the bed, the strangest vision came over me - the vision of him and Darcy, rolling around together. His hands had been all over her, and while I knew that he was no virgin when we married, I couldn’t shift the yucky feeling from knowing that to go away. I tried to ignore it as Stephen was in the middle of tugging at my jeans, but I couldn’t.

Then the flash of being in this bed alone, when I was losing our baby and he wasn’t with me, was the next image to consume my thoughts.

Stop! I shouted, as I backed up from him.

What’s wrong? he asked breathlessly. 

Slumping myself on the edge of the bed, he sat down to join me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

I can’t do this. I sighed.

Why not? he wondered, leaning forward so he could see my face.

Because I know what you’ve done, and I can’t erase it.

Which part? He sighed, as he rolled his eyes and sat up again.

All of it, but mainly being with her, I sulked. I know where you’ve been. Does it not bother you about, you know, recent events?

Yeah, kind of, but I can overlook it because I love you and I want this to happen. I’ve stayed away from you for too long... Stephen leant forward and softly kissed my neck.

Squirming to get free from caving to him again, it was possibly the hardest thing I’d ever done, and I stood up from the bed.

Well maybe that’s where men and women differ, because I can’t do it knowing you’ve been elsewhere. You might be able to cut off from it, but I can’t.

Stephen looked up at me and didn’t move. Where does that leave us? he whispered.

I don’t know, I whispered back, with tears welling in my eyes.

He stood up from the bed and wrapped me in his arms. Maybe we just need some time?

Turning my face upwards to look at him, the tears slowly started to trickle down my cheeks.

I don’t think I will be able to get over this. Stephen... I murmured.

Yes? he quietly asked.

I want a divorce.

Chapter Two - Terms

We sat with each other on the bed and wept – one of the very few occasions I’d seen Stephen actively cry, with neither of us being able to truly comprehend that this was now the end for us. As much as I knew that there was too much water under the bridge for us to carry on, I still couldn’t believe it. I was thankful that he had been honest with me, but I couldn’t forget about what he had done, and how he had hurt me. It was like an open gunshot wound, and even after it had healed, it would still leave a scar.

After about an hour of us being sat with each other, both in a state of vulnerability and coming to terms with our marriage being over, we got dressed and decided that at some point in time we would have to leave the bedroom.

It was agreed that Stephen would stay for dinner and see the children, as no matter what had gone on between us, we had to stay amicable for them. No matter what, we also still loved each other, and as spiteful as we could've been to one another, I