Dear Earthling: Cosmic Correspondent

By Pen Avey

Embark on a thrilling space adventure with Dear Earthling: Cosmic Correspondent! Join the lovable alien protagonist, Dethbert Jones and his robot best friend, Andi Social as they navigate through the universe, encountering misadventures and making new friends along the way. This hilarious and heartwarming tale explores themes of family and friendship, while also igniting kids' curiosity about space. With vibrant illustrations and an engaging storyline, this book is perfect for young readers who love to explore the great unknown. Dear Earthling: Cosmic Correspondent is sure to spark imagination and leave kids eager for more out-of-this-world adventures!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Common Deer Press
• Release date: Dec 1, 2018
• ISBN: 9781988761275

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

Greetings Earthling,

My name is Dethbert Jones and I’m 10.63 years old. I live on a planet called Crank that’s in a galaxy nine million light years away from the blue planet you call Earth, and I really need your help!

I’ve just joined a club called Space Cadets, which is a bit like your Scouts, but instead of learning to tie knots and start campfires, we’re taught to fly spacecraft, and disintegrate weapons of mass destruction.

Something Space Cadets has in common with Scouts is we can earn badges. One’s called Cosmic Correspondent. To get it, we have to find a pen pal from another planet. I think the idea of writing to an alien sounds cool, so I had a look on The Everything (a bit like your The Internet but 100 billion times bigger), which told me our species are very alike. I ran a personality advisor application, and it turns out we’re a perfect match.

For example, I see from your file that you enjoy cooking. I also love baking tasty treats and made a scrummy snapple pie yesterday. I never got to taste it though, as while it was cooling, my horrible little sister Shriekfest jabbed her pudgy fingers into the crust. Mum tried to convince me it would still be okay to eat, but I’ve seen where she puts those mucky little digits. Of course Shriekfest wailed like a siren when she was caught, and Mum soon forgave her (far too quickly in my opinion).

I notice you also have a sister, though she’s older than you. I wish I were the youngest so I could get away with stuff instead of always having to set a good example.

Write back and tell me the sort of things you do to upset your older sister. It may give me the heads up on what to expect.

You’re probably wondering how we’re going to exchange letters? Don’t panic—I’ve got that part covered. My dad’s a scientist/inventor, and one of his work friends came up with something called The Mailington 220, which is a universal postal system I’ve set to directly link us up.

Dad says it breaks down particles into anti-matter and sends them to the destination of your choice. On arrival, the item you’ve sent instantly reforms into its original shape.

Note: Never send any living thing using this method. The inventor, Dr Brainfreeze Macmillan, thought he might save himself a bundle on airfare and tried to post himself to his aunt’s house on the other side of Crank for a cheap holiday. Unfortunately, when he reformed one of his arms was firmly attached to his forehead—not a good look (although handy for reaching things off high shelves I’d imagine).

Generally it’s completely safe though—the radiation you’ll absorb from opening my letters should only make a few of your teeth fall out.

Haha, joke! That hardly ever happens.

Anyway, I hope you’ll agree to be my pen pal. If you want to write back to me, just use one of the special packets I’ve enclosed and press the green button.

I’ve got to sign off now as my best friend Andi Social is dropping round so we can do our quantum physics homework together. I’m sure he copies a lot of the answers off me, but he’s a robot and has a calculation chip installed, which comes in handy.

I hate quantum physics, don’t you?

Your new friend (potentially),

Dethbert Jones.

P.S. Please accept this gift of a popular Crank sweet called HOLOMUNCH.

CHAPTER 2

Dear Earthling,

Dethbert here. I was very excited to get your letter and laughed when I read that at first you’d thought my letter was your sister playing a prank. I’m glad you enjoyed the Holomunch, though I was surprised to hear that you don’t have these flavours on Earth (Healthy Burp’s my favourite—it’s a great ice-breaker at parties).

Thanks for your gift of bubble gum—I’ll admit at first I didn’t follow your instructions properly and swallowed half the packet. Next morning I parpled and blew a bubble in my underpants.

My mum despairs and says the stain may never come out.

Sadly, I couldn’t share the rest of the packet with Andi, as robots don’t produce the saliva needed to activate the gum. He wanted to experience it in some way though, so I blew a bubble near him and it popped on one of his hearing holes.

His dad-bot also despairs and says the stain may never come out.

I’m surprised parents on Earth allow this sweet!

Thanks also for the information about tricks you’ve played on your big sister in the past. I’ll certainly check my shoes for worms from now on.

In your letter you wanted to know more about my planet and its people. Crank is a lot like Earth, if you imagine what Earth will be like thousands of years in the future. Our species are quite similar too—you Earthlings are kind of like us Crankians, except we’re a bit more evolved.

Don’t take this the wrong way, as we’re far from perfect and are still trying to repair our planet from centuries of warfare and destruction.

In the past, wars used to start for ridiculous reasons like, He looks a slightly different shade of purple than me, or, They built their patio waaay too close to my garden fence.

These days we prefer to settle our arguments politely—by challenging each other to games like Squabble (in which you spell out words that no one’s ever heard of in the hope that they actually exist).

Other planets in our galaxy are not quite so friendly, so here on Crank we run a peacekeeping force called the Elite Space Rangers, which steps in to sort things out when our neighbouring planets aren’t behaving themselves. I’m in the Pudding Squadron of Space Cadets, and if the Elite Space Rangers ever get called out on a mission, we’ll go along too and provide delicious sweet treats