Alcoholism and Other Fun Things

By Geoffrey Stoddard

Alcoholism. One of the more unfortunate 'ism's' to run roughshod over the puny and fragile human inhabitants of this planet. This potentially deadly disease is no laughing matter. It has ruined many a person much greater than me. And yet, maybe if I am able to shed some light on this sensitive subject, I might intervene and spare you the same actions I stumbled over with my addiction. While t deserves to be presented on a serious platter, I thought it might be different to add a little humor to the stew. In this way, perhaps the subject can be addressed in a less hostile manner with which to lessen the blow to those who suffer, or have suffered, themselves. So, buckle up and let me slosh you through my extreme battle of Alcohol vs. Human. Come and enjoy a laugh at my expense and learn of my failings. The book you read may save your life. (Did that sound stupid? Yeah, it did to me, too.)

• Language: English
• Publisher: Geoffrey Stoddard
• Release date: Apr 21, 2023
• ISBN: 9798215123164

Geoffrey Stoddard

Geoffrey Stoddard was born on June 3rd, 1952. Always the artistic type, he has to this day written and published over 32 novels and several short stories - including the “And Other Fun Things” biographical series. He is also an accomplished composer and musician who began with the acquisition of his first guitar at age 14. He also authored a 3 act play. He lives in Olympia, Washington with his 1 year old Bombay cat named Kuro.

Book preview

Alcoholism and Other Fun Things

By

Geoffrey Stoddard

Alcoholism and Other Fun Things

Copyright 2023 Geoffrey Stoddard

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite eBook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

DISCLAIMER: Alcoholism strikes millions of people in myriad walks of life every day. Unlike illegal substances, alcohol can legally ruin the lives of not only themselves but friends, families, and innocent citizens. I have written this in my usual inimitable comedic fashion for a specific reason. A sensitive issue such as this is no joking matter; although a little bit of sugar can help the medicine go down. Being a recovering alcoholic, I feel extremely qualified to speak on this subject and now take you on a journey through some very dangerous yet humorous roads in the hopes that you will not follow in my tire tracks, or if you are still drinking then it is my hope that the humor might keep you reading toward an eventual healing.

Contents

Chapter 1: Drinking for Fun and Pleasure

Chapter 2: Booze, the Breakfast of Champions

Chapter 3: Will the Real Alcoholic Please Stand Up

Chapter 4: Redemption

About the Author

Other Books by Geoffrey Stoddard

Chapter 1

Drinking for Fun and Pleasure

I am an alcoholic. I will always be (and have always been) an alcoholic. I’m also a bit of a snob but that’s a subject for another book. I am also a pretty nice fellow who refuses to let alcoholism define me. Now then, this life has been entertaining (at the very least) and has pinned upon me the award of ‘Most Annoying Person of the Year’. But what about my next life? Will it be free of turmoil at the behest of beer and alcohol or will my awful luck preclude me to the awful luck of again coming into this life with a rattle in one hand and a whiskey bottle in the other. That said, however, the canvas and paints (yes, and the brushes as well) changed on the day that I involuntarily but inevitably stopped drinking. On my own. Without any help at all. Nada. Zero. Zilch. Whoopie-poopie. Eensie weensey. なし. Nope. No. Nien. None. We pause momentarily whilst I indulge myself in the teeniest bit of gloating for stopping the runaway bus that was alcohol consumption. Oh, and for knowing what なし means.

I have freely laid out this particularly staggering (pun intended) dance at the wedding tango of my life in my past books on Depression and Pneumonia. I do feel, however, that this subject is important enough to deserve its own platform. The win-win part of this fable is that I could shovel even greater dirt for greater embarrassment value (and probably will) into the encroaching grave that is my addiction. Well, that and the fact that, prior to my leaving the alcoholic knitting circle, I had drunk enough to fill Lake Eerie. And based on the outflow, the greater part of the Pacific Ocean as well!

Let us now turn back the clock to the day of my birth. I came unto this planet, yay verily and forsooth, on the 3rd day of June 1952. Yes, that makes me OLD but no less soft and fluffy and cuddly and as thoroughly huggable as a tree sloth. (A tree sloth?). Hey, that birthday has been cemented into history by the first line of the song ‘Ode To Billy Joe’ by Bobby Gentry. A super-duper song of my era. It proves that I am mondo super important! So there! Just