Lancism Life Wisdom: Wise Humour That Enlightens You

By Lance Ong

Lancism Life Wisdom is a journal of life wisdom. This book will teach you the secrets of creating a beautiful life. How to avoid the pitfalls and traps which impede the common man. Inside, you will learn the kind of thinking which gives you true wisdom and success in life.

Lancism Life Wisdom is written humourously with pun intended. This book carries the wise and funny truths of a young man’s life. Reading it, you will chuckle as these humorous insights enlighten your perspective of living.

A lancism is a wit and wisdom from Lance — a wise and funny truth. Take all these lancisms to heart, as they are powerful guideposts for your life.

If you would like your life to become beautiful, buying and reading Lancism Life Wisdom is one of the wisest decisions you have made in your life!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Partridge Publishing Singapore
• Release date: Apr 4, 2023
• ISBN: 9781543773354

Book preview

Copyright © 2023 by Lance Ong.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

www.partridgepublishing.com/singapore

CONTENTS

About This Book

Lancism Humour

Ignorance — Not Knowing The Difference

Lancism… On Life Situations

Lancism… On Giving Up In Life

Lancism… On Getting Injured.

Liquid Tips For Better Health

Lancism... On What It Means To Be A FAT BOY!

Does Having Muscles Really Help You Get Girls??

The Witches Said Wide-Eyed… A Maaaaan!

Don’t Doodad Yourself!

Classic Wisdom About Money

Foreword

Chapter 1 Controlling Lust And Sexual Energy

Discover The Secret Of Sex Transmutation

Titty-Tainment The Vicious Success Suppressant

The Two Heads

Where Is Happiness?

Chapter 2 Moral Philosophy

The Golden Rule: Do Unto Others As You Would Have Others Do Unto You

The Measure Of A Man

Three Pillars Of Thought Control

Making Conscious Choices

Chapter 3 Achieving Personal Greatness

If You Want To Be Young & Successful, Use Time Wisely.

The Magic Of Dreaming Big

Pursue Your Interests To Find Your Talent

Money, Money, Come To Me!

Formula For Success

Chapter 4 Life Wisdom

How To Have A Beautiful Life In A Mad Dash Society

Competing With Others

If You Want To Be Happy, Remember To Sense The Flowers

Never Be Afraid To Approach The Hunk Or Babe

The World’s Greatest Lie

Chapter 5 Spiritual Awareness

SPIRITS - The World We Cannot See

Life & Death In A Day

Almost Died Today....

The Power Of Sixth Sense

The Soul’s Path

Chapter 6 All About Love

All About Love 1: Can’t Find A Partner

All About Love 2: Finding A Suitable Partner5

All About Love 3: Creating Lasting Love6

Chapter 7 A Letter To Governments

The End

About The Author

ABOUT THIS BOOK

This book is about life wisdom. It is sometimes funny, at other times serious. Sometimes in life, we have to sit back and see the humour of our predicaments. Then think strategically, according to true principles, about how to solve one’s life problems.

If you can break through in life, it’s because you knew what to think… and you did it correctly. This book, will guide you on what to think — the true concepts of a beautiful life.

Read it well; have a laugh. Each article is designed to humour and enlighten. Tell your friends your newfound wisdom and have a chat about some of these concepts to deepen your learning.

This book, is the key to creating a beautiful life. There are simple jokes at the front, but we get serious about life later in the text.

You are the Hero of your life. And you must fight through it with the gusto of a mighty warrior. But there are pitfalls and bears along the way. This guidebook — Lancism Life Wisdom — will help you laugh and think your way to success.

LANCISM HUMOUR

Here are 9 little jokes that describe the ironies of life.

And one serious article of liquid tips for better health.

Ignorance — Not Knowing

The Difference

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God Said… Buddha, you are good enough to be my Angel.

Buddha laughed so hard, he spewed out his morning coffee.

Lancism… On Life Situations

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Some people are in jail… for criminal behaviour.

Some people are crazy… in the psychiatric ward.

Some people are poor… scraping meat off leftovers to make a meal.

Some people are dying… terminally ill in a hospital.

If you are fine, you are very lucky indeed! Life is full of suffering. We must be grateful that we are okay.

Lancism… On Giving Up In Life

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Teochew thinking is… I no money, I kill myself.

Hokkien thinking is… I no money, I go jail and live.

Black thinking as well.

American thinking is… "I have no money, I Borrow! If I die, the bank will handle it!"

Lancism Thinking: Don’t give up in life… borrow if you don’t have enough. Borrow early, while your credit is still good. Pledge your house. Learn to invest your money. That will provide a steady stream of investment earnings that can feed you for a lifetime!

Lancism… On Getting Injured.

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It’s easy to get injured practising martial arts.

Boxing — brain damage. Jujitsu — dislocation. Karate — broken bones.

Don’t knowingly put yourself in situations where you can be hurt.

The other boy sees you have a pretty girlfriend or a shiny new car… HE INJURES YOU.

The other boy knows you are a rich man’s son or a future millionaire… HE INJURES YOU.

BE INVINCIBLE. Don’t let yourself get hurt. Don’t make yourself vulnerable. For example: Good morning Sensei (Teacher)! You can shatter my bones for your showy demonstration!

Now… let’s get serious.

Liquid Tips For Better Health

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Black Coffee with no milk is an effective drink if you desire the brain-boosting effects of caffeine. If you add milk, you will find that the caffeine boost of your coffee disappears. So, drink coffee black with no milk — hot or cold — otherwise known as the Americano and Nitro Brew at Starbucks.

Beer will actually rot your teeth if you sleep without brushing. Beer is malt, which is sugar. Although it is not sweet, bacteria love it! Always brush your teeth after you have drunk your beer — especially before bedtime. Beer is especially good if you are stressed up. That is its true usage — to relieve chemical stress.

Teeth are actually made of soft substance — bones are actually your body’s hardened jelly. Don’t bite too hard. Be careful of cracking your teeth. Always keep your teeth clean — you can brush, floss, and mouth rinse.

Drinking Tea is the act of boiling herbs for consumption. Teas are very powerful traditional substances for body health. Different kinds of tea leaves have their own unique health benefits. So buy tea like you are a herbalist brewing medicine for yourself.

Alkaline Water has the power to slow down the oxidation of your body. Which means, it is anti-ageing water. You can buy a Water Ioniser Filtration Machine that can produce this Alkaline Water for your family to drink every day. May you enjoy excellent health and be forever young!

Lancism... On What It Means

To Be A FAT BOY!

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People will constantly poke fun at your belly.

It’s insensitive, but they mean well.

Truths

Girls don’t think of having sex with a Fat Boy….

Handsome Guys Get All The Girls. No Joke!

BUT. One Man One Woman. That’s The Way God Made It.

Lancism Wisdom: If you want to burn belly fat — be slim; have rock-hard abs — you got to make a study of it. There are real exercise techniques, diets, and belly-slimming supplements that will sculpt you in a matter of weeks! Serious.

Does Having Muscles Really

Help You Get Girls??

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Lancism: You Bet It Does!!

It’s an evolutionary thing. (Since the time of the caveman.) Muscles attract women. Who has muscles? Superman! Thor! Arnold! Remember This Formula: Handsome + Muscles + Brains = Gets Girls Love

Why So?

Because… brains + brawn are most likely to survive in life. They can excel at work and still survive a bar fight. Plus, if he is handsome, women will want to mate with him.

But do you know the Ultimate Formula??

It is… Handsome + Muscles + Brains + Rich + Wooing You = Marry This Guy

Lancism: So what must guys do? They got to groom themselves, work out at the gym, study hard — become intelligent, articulate, and debonair — make tons of money, learn the art of seduction, even cooking; demonstrate talents, look cool, flash your credit cards, drive a hot car, buy a bachelor’s pad… then go pick up the woman of your dreams.

The Witches Said Wide-Eyed…

A Maaaaan!

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Witches actually want men… ‘Ahem!’ I mean… Women actually want men.

What you don’t know is how happy women secretly are to see a handsome man.

Women do know how to hunt men.

So… a good-looking man must be on the lookout for which assailing woman is going to pound him!

The Prince might even have to fend them off!

Such are the woes of a handsome man… too many women playing shenanigans with you. Treating you like dirt in order to get your attention.

There are all kinds of women… you know, Young Prince?

You can only pick one. Then you need to fend off the rest.

Affairs would break your true love relationship.

Lancism Advice: Be wary of letting