Silence

By Eileen M.A. Poulsen

Healthy, I loved running and walking for hours on end. Relaxing feeling as the wind blowing through my hair, listening to music through earphones, without a care in the world. Teaching early morning aerobics at 5:30 a.m., enjoyable never a problem, enjoyed dancing to the music. One decision driving home from work changed my life forever. Should I wait for the accident ahead to clear, or take an alternate route home? I took the alternate route. Technically, was this meant to be, or is this my punishment for being so impatient?

Fender bender accident, whiplash from behind, nothing too serious (at least that's what I thought at first), pushed into the car in front, my car looked like an accordion. Both ends of my car were crushed. Slammed my left side of my head and ear, not sure where they hit as everything happened so fast. Instantly, my left ear kept ringing; it wouldn't stop ringing. It was impossible to sleep. I retired to bed fine. I woke up the following morning in a complete silent world. Trying to sleep in total silence was becoming a nightmare; becoming afraid of the dark as my mind imagines dangers I cannot control, creating panic attacks, and restless sleep. I lived in fear of trying to sleep as my mind never shuts off. My mind wanders looking for something it can never find, often times waking up in a cold sweat, screaming out for help.

Tested with an MRI to diagnose a brain tumour, stroke, MS, spinal tap testing for meningitis--all clear. A mystery medically still never solved. Retired to bed fine, no ear ache (never had any) and woke up deaf. Only legible medical cause has to be the fender bender whiplash accident, no other explanation. I've never suffered with any ear problems my entire life, never an ear ache, infection, nothing.

"If you can't fly, then run. If you can't run, then walk. If you can't walk, then crawl, but whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward" (Martin Luther King Jr.).

• Language: English
• Publisher: Newman Springs Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jan 31, 2020
• ISBN: 9781640968592

Book preview

Table of Contents

Title

Copyright

Preface

Introduction

Let's Start Using My Employer's Education Reimbursement, Why Not?

Bachelor's Degree Struggle

San Antonio, Texas

Hospitalization Involving Numerous Tests

Seasons in the Sun

FDA-Approved Hearing Invention Esteem

Planning Our Trip of a Lifetime

Life without Esteem

Independence Day Weekend 2016 Total Silence

Total Silence

Cochlear the Light at the End of the Tunnel

When Darkness Falls

What Not to Say

Famous Helen Keller Quotes on Deafness

Acknowledgments

Epilogue

About the Author

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Silence

Eileen M.A. Poulsen

Copyright © 2019 Eileen M.A. Poulsen

All rights reserved

First Edition

NEWMAN SPRINGS PUBLISHING

320 Broad Street

Red Bank, NJ 07701

First originally published by Newman Springs Publishing 2019

ISBN 978-1-64096-858-5 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-64096-859-2 (Digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Preface

My impatient decision on changing my regular driving route to avoid an accident led me into an unforeseen accident ahead on this new route; a decision that changed my life forever. Rear ended from behind on the freeway, nothing too serious, just a small fender bender, a few aches and pains, nothing too serious, at least at first. Fatigue and dizziness started to set in, a constant ringing in my ear leading to complete deafness. Trying to sleep in total silence becoming a nightmare, being afraid of the dark as my mind imagines dangers I cannot control, creating panic attacks and restless sleep. Yet after numerous medical tests, no medical cause has ever been found.

Introduction

Just a normal day driving home from work, thinking about my young boys' soccer team that I coached; something I really enjoyed doing. Listening to the radio, an accident was reported ahead. Not wanting to be late for practice, I made a decision on taking a different driving route home. Decisions, decisions, was I really meant to change my route, or should I have been more patient and just taken my normal drive home?

As the two free-ways connected, I glanced below from the bridge I was driving and saw another accident ahead with the traffic stopped. I slowed down and completely stopped behind the car in front of me. I heard tires screeching behind me and glanced in my rear view mirror as I saw the car behind me slamming into the back of my car. I was praying out loud hoping he wouldn't hit me. He did; I then slammed into the back of the car in front. I hit the left side of my head as the seat belt dug into my collar bone. The impact technically wasn't that bad; estimated the car behind was approximately at a speed of thirty mph. This fender bender changed my life forever, from never suffering with any ear problems, never suffered any ear infections, to now becoming deaf. Was it fate? Was I really meant to take a different route home and be hit from behind causing this dramatic change in my life?

Let's Start Using My Employer's Education Reimbursement, Why Not?

One of my coworkers asked me one day why I wasn't using the company's education program. Excuse after excuse, I was very skeptical at first. Was I really too old to be attending college? I was forty-two years old, and up to this point in life, my career never required a degree. That was always my excuse. Did I really need education to be a successful employee? I never seemed to have any problems in getting hired. Thinking through this logically, who could walk away from free education? My employer had the best education tuition around, an incredible program. If approved by my employer, obviously it had to be related to your job, the semester was paid up front by myself; the grades earned for every A, I received 100 percent reimbursement, also included books; B reimbursed 90 percent; C 80 percent. So why not? Time is going to pass whether you do it or not.

In the past, I always hated school starting on my second day in nursery school at St. Aidan's. I had just turned four, and while the class had their heads down saying the morning prayer, I took off, grabbed my coat, and ran out the front door, running across the field screaming at my mother to stop as she's pushing my younger brother Paul in his stroller. Ms. Teasdale came running after me, and my mother ran away pushing Paul, and I dropped to the ground hysterically kicking Ms. Teasdale as hard as I could in her shins. I must have left an impression on her as I became her pet. She used to sit me on her lap while she styled my hair. My mother was a dinner lady in the canteen at St. Aidan's, so I saw her every day at dinner time, and as a plus, I always got more food than the other students.

Our final year at St. Aidan's was the crunch year. All catholic schools had to take the 11+ two-day tests issued from the education committee. I never really took my schooling seriously as I only cared about sports and was the fastest runner and always won all of the races on sports day. I spent the majority of my time playing football in the park and fields behind my house, never cared to take my education serious.

Now we all have to go to St. Columbus to spend two days taking the 11+. I'm handed the sealed paperwork, waited for the teacher to say Begin. It was a timed test, and I was the first to finish. I thought it was easy, looking around at all the brainy people who were stressed. How come the dummy of the class finished first? Was it because I really didn't care?

The day came for the postman to deliver the 11+ results. My mother told me to just go to school and not be late, as