Stop Being A Victim!: Lift Weights Off, Lift Eyes Up, and Spread Your Wings

By Diana Beranek

Hop aboard the overcomer train! Take a thrilling ride with Diana. Get your ticket now. Breathe in peace; breathe out tension on this expedition through the wilderness.

Have you ever felt like your life was a roller coaster ride and you wanted to get off? Have you ever wanted to flip the script and you didn't know how? Have you ever been assaulted by a barrage of major trials that lasted for years? Have you ever been angry at God for allowing so much for so long, only to be knocked down again? Have you ever insisted there's a personal quota on suffering and a scoreboard of pain where you're on top of the list? Have you ever wondered how all the broken pieces of your life would be shaped together into a puzzle where all the pieces fit?

In her personal memoir, Diana reveals how God transformed her from the inside out to overcome a victim mentality, not just to be a survivor, but rather an overcomer, and led her to the other side in order to experience joy. Along the way, God taught her to trust, something which was missing, and changed an ugly duckling into a beautiful swan:

* grieving to joy

* pride to humility

* self-sufficiency and indifference to compassion

She invites you to follow her real life journey as she unwraps the gift of her life. She sprinkles in quotes, blends in Scripture verses, adds a twist of humorous adventures, and tosses in personal insights and wisdom, as she shares her story of financial and health issues, childhood abuse, changing careers, healing physically, and emotionally through traumatic events and grieving. She pours out the perfect recipe seasoned with fighting back to let your light shine. Let her be the friend you've needed to stop being a victim of anything!

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• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Nov 17, 2022
• ISBN: 9798885403689

Book preview

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Stop Being A Victim!

Lift Weights Off, Lift Eyes Up, and Spread Your Wings

Diana Beranek

ISBN 979-8-88540-367-2 (paperback)

ISBN 979-8-88540-368-9 (digital)

Copyright © 2022 by Diana Beranek

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Acknowledgements

Introduction

Mentoring My Younger Self: Little Diana

I Didn't Know How: What Are Weights? What Is the Victim Mentality?

Once Upon a Time, There Was a Little Girl

Ugly Duckling Transforms into a Beautiful Swan

Jacksonville: A Series of Unfortunate Events

The Crossroads Moment of Changing Careers: What Do I Want To Be When I Grow Up?

Get Rubbed the Right Way and Feel Great Being Kneaded

God Spelled Backward Is Dog: From Toys to Treats

You Can't Unscramble Eggs: My Sixteen-Year Health Journey

Transformative Years 2014-2019: Meet Me in the Middle of the Wilderness

Healing the Orphan Spirit

It All Started in the Womb: Healing the Mother Wound

Surviving Singlehood Past Fifty: the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Life Is a Beautiful Ride: In Memoriam

Spread Your Wings and Fly: The Pendulum Swings to the Other Side

The Opportunity To Overcome the COVID-19 Crisis

Epilogue

About the Author

This book is dedicated to my longtime massage client Ken Koehler who committed suicide on Christmas Eve in 2009 in Jacksonville, Florida, and to Andrew Tallman, my lifelong friend and fellow massage therapist, who died of stage 4 brain cancer on May 15, 2021. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to either in person. How our pathways crossed and how their stories affected me will be included in later chapters. I miss both of you dearly as my heart was touched by your friendships. Because of both of you, I listen more. I listen deeper. I choose to do life differently, as an overcomer, not as a victim of anything.

Acknowledgements

There's a long list of people to thank who made a difference in my life. I would like to thank my massage clients over my twenty-five-year career who supported me, believed in me, referred me to others, and wanted me to succeed. Our paths crossed for a reason; sometimes, I was the teacher, and sometimes I was the student. I would like to thank the seeds that God planted from childhood on until I fully accepted Jesus into my heart and developed a personal relationship with Him. Also, Christian writers/speakers like Lysa Terkeurst, Joel Osteen, and Havilah Cunnington spoke loudly to me over the years with their powerful, inspirational books, and devotionals.

The first seed planted in me was a plaque I received from a Lutheran Sunday school class in Stoddard, Wisconsin, when I was six years old depicting the words, Jesus loves me. I still treasure that plaque which is safely placed in my hope chest, given to me by my grandmother. Even though I didn't know Jesus as a child, I felt I should keep the plaque for sentimental reasons.

The second seed planted in me was a college friend, Laurie, who invited me to campus crusades at the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire where we attended. I never participated in the events as God had no meaning in my life at that time, mainly because religion wasn't practiced at home. The conservative dormitory I lived in during college was girls only so I was given an opportunity to bond with females. Their friendships and support were the happiest and fondest memories of my life; we hung out, laughed, and shared daily experiences. We reconnected over the years and stay in touch by email.

The third seed planted in me was my first dog, Merky, who I adopted while living in Dallas. Since I didn't grow up in a loving, nurturing environment, God used Merky as a vessel through which He taught me how to love.

The fourth seed planted in me was a glass display of bronze coated, sculptured hands that hung in a waiting area of University of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics for twenty-two years. During my breaks as a student working in the pharmacy, I would marvel at the different sizes and shapes of hands like basketball star Wilt Chamberlain next to jockey Willie Schumacher or Billy Graham next to piano composer Chopin. A professor at the university, in the hand surgery department, created this display which was then moved to an exhibit in Dallas for an orthopedic surgeon at Baylor Hospital where I also worked in the pharmacy department. The hands seemed to follow me leading me to my massage career.

Of course, I never knew the word seed until I was a mature Christian and became aware of how God worked through the Holy Spirit. These seeds didn't take root because they weren't watered by Christian friends, Christ-like attitudes, and the right belief systems. God had truly been in my life a long time before I ever became aware of Him. Since I was a very independent, self-sufficient, and strong-willed girl, allowing God in the door that He had knocked on for a long time is the journey that I want to share.

This book is based on the following Bible verse which is my anchor verse for living my life to the fullest.

Introduction

Writing a book was not on my to-do list, nor was it ever a dream. Throughout my life, many people suggested to me that I should write a book after they heard about my life experiences. I put the idea in the back of my brain and filed it away for years. I felt that if I followed through and pursued the idea, I needed to write my story for the right reasons. I didn't feel I was ready. One of the biggest things holding me back was still being single at fifty-eight years old. I felt some very important chapters were missing: getting married, having children, sharing a family, and living in a house.

I dipped into writing to some degree before now. In grade school, we had an assignment to put our ancestry together using words and pictures. I assembled all of it into a three-ring binder and titled it From Baby Ways to Grown Up Ways. I was very proud of my work and received an A+. I was always someone who needed more paper to answer essay exams. In my twenties, I was published for a medical article, which I'll mention later. It seemed a writer was hiding inside me screaming to escape, but I was hesitant to let her rip.

Each year, God gave me an intentional word for the next year to apply to my life. That changed when God gave me a phrase, instead of a word, for 2020: step into more. The first few months of 2020 had many unresolved issues, and then the COVID shutdown came bringing on numerous changes and adjustments. By September, I wondered what the more God was referring to.

After receiving an email from Havilah Cunnington, through Bethel church, I was offered a free webinar about a crash course in writing, especially geared for women. Let's just say that was the spark that ignited my writing interests. It explained the steps needed to write and answered questions that all potential writers were thinking. It gave me the confidence to move forward. I was aware of the learning curve ahead, but I was so grateful that she was paving the way for my journey. I registered and listened to each module. Then, a series of events occurred after I completed the crash course. I finished a challenging crossword puzzle; I completed a challenging tax form after listening to a YouTube video, which was not something I had ever felt inspired to figure out, and I heard a very distinctive voice that evening that could have only been the Holy Spirit.

On a Tuesday evening in mid-October 2020, God's voice to me was clear, Do it now. Start writing your book. Stop being a victim of singlehood. Write the book despite being single even though a chapter or two hasn't been written or resolved. Write the book even if there's no closure and answers still remain. The time is now. Wow, that was a lot to digest. I remembered Havilah asked the question What do you want to pass on to others? I knew the answer immediately was wisdom, something that a pastor had prayed over me that was foreign to me. At the time, it was the craziest thing I had ever heard, and now it was my purpose to write.

I chose to start writing immediately the next day. The reasons to write the book became clear too. Firstly, it became an act of obedience to the Lord. Secondly, writing transported me out of my comfort zone, which led me to overcoming many fears in the writing area about being real and vulnerable to my readers. It required intentional time to put my thoughts, memories, goals, trials, and emotions on paper as I sifted through years of journal notes, my major source of writing. I journaled most of my adult life since becoming a Christian around 1990 at age twenty-seven through Mandarin Methodist Church in Jacksonville, Florida. Before that time, I had little self-awareness and didn't reflect on anything. Thirdly, I was now ready to write my story to inspire others to keep moving, growing, changing, and getting through difficult seasons in a more uplifting way. Maybe my journey of insights along the way was the more God was referring to, the more I was meant to share.

My story is powerful starting with all the years of being a survivor to finally crossing over to the other side and becoming an overcomer. I repeated the same journey as a survivor through each trial, each chapter, just with different circumstances. I got stronger, not feeling like a victim as much, pushing through, persevering, until I overcame what was meant to defeat me. I've had a colorful life; I want to share it with anyone who struggles in the same areas. I wish someone had given me a life manual or magic words or a secret formula early on so that I would have known how to navigate the unexpected, unchartered territory. Hopefully, you will see yourself in my life experiences and relate to my struggles.

I thought that if I wrote a book, the title would be Find a Way to Win No Matter What, which was my life motto. Once I started writing, God made it clear that the title needed to be changed to Stop Being a Victim, as that was the underlying factor throughout all of my life. During my transformative years from 2014–2018, I was led to the connection between feeling like a victim and feeling rejection, which was the root cause of everything starting in my mother's womb. The subtitles were concepts God revealed to me about lifting weights off and embracing the process of spreading my wings to get me to the other side where I experienced freedom and joy.

Every good story is supposed to have conflict and plot twists. Mine has both. I always thought my life was such a bad story, which I really didn't like. I couldn't believe it was my life for many years. I wanted to flip the script much like how realtors flip houses, and I didn't know how. I wondered why I had gone through so much but wondered if maybe God was getting all the bad stuff out early in my life; then it would be smooth-sailing. No such luck as I was totally wrong in my thinking. Many puzzle pieces didn't fit, and many were missing. I wanted to hit reverse, pause, fast forward all at the same time as my life played on. My whole life seemed like a roller coaster ride. I begged to get off many times or move to a different country or escape in any way possible as it was too much for one person. I learned that my whole story mattered—all the experiences I wanted to cross out, erase, or rip out.

Writing this book has been a life-changing experience leading me to change how my story ends. Writing was the unknown, the other side of my comfort zone. God wasn't waiving a caution flag on writing. He was telling me to start my writing engine. God taught me to trust through a never-ending series of emotional events that used to weigh me down. I wanted to share what God showed me and what He can do for you. It takes a strong person to admit she's missed the mark, strayed many times, and made many bad choices. The writing process reminded me of putting together a jigsaw puzzle as a child with my family—it didn't matter where you started whether it be the borders of the ocean, a pretty flower in the middle, or the detailed sections. When the pieces fit together, it was simply beautiful. Completed jigsaw puzzles are hanging in my office reminding me how much my life was random pieces needing connection.

Have you ever been assaulted by a barrage of major trials that lasted for years wondering when it would end? Have you ever felt defeated by life, angry at God for allowing you to be knocked down once again by even more circumstances? Have you ever felt you took the long route through your emotional turmoil? Have you ever insisted that there needed to be a personal quota on suffering and a scoreboard of pain as you are at the top of the list? Then this book is for you!

I felt all these emotions and didn't know for a long time that there was a better way to think or to react. I didn't know how to interpret events differently. I actually wasn't aware that there was a healthier, more positive way to live. I don't have all the answers, but I can share my story of overcoming a victim mentality. Whereas I previously only perceived an unending series of circumstances stacked against me which I endured through, I questioned how to move forward. All I saw, all I focused on was the continuous flood of pain, being the victim every time.

I've been an actor playing a role in God's big story of my life. God made many revisions of the script without my consent or approval. The lens I looked through was clouded with anger, discouragement, self-pity, and rejection so I couldn't see clearly. I felt so misunderstood my whole life and wasn't comfortable explaining or sharing. I felt judged constantly, not realizing for a long time that my good intentions were very different from others' perceptions. My past used to define me: abuse, bad choices, victim mentality, and the wrong people. All these things disqualified me from having a good story that was normal, making me feel like I fit in.

So how did Jesus take the broken pieces of my life and shape them together into a puzzle where all the pieces fit? How did I go from being a victim and a survivor to becoming a victor in every experience? How did God get me to the other side and glue all the experiences together? I saw myself as a demolition project for God as I needed renovating. There were cracks on the podium of pride foundation, structural issues, walls needing to be torn down, and a new coat of paint needing to be applied as the master carpenter Jesus went to work on me. Maybe we're all just fixer-uppers needing to find out what's working and what's not.

Being ready emotionally and mentally was really what it was about proceeding from victim to victor. In years past, I couldn't have shared the dark chapters, the humiliating experiences, the scandals, or the shame. I wasn't ready to see my life story from God's perspective. He opened my eyes clearly to see His perspective. I realized it was a choice, an attitude really, of how I perceived past events and what lens I looked through. I've been shown that perspective was the best fertilizer that God used to soften my heart.

I wrestled with God a long time as my childhood experiences showed me that I had to protect myself. There was a tug of war going on in my heart. I learned that wrestling with God meant being real about my issues: the loneliness and pain of childhood suffering and not pretending I had it all together. I was drawn to the lyrics of the song by Julia Michaels, Issues: I got issues but you got them too. Did I have issues the size of a pebble or a boulder? Did issues have me? What was my cover story and what was my real story? A + B didn't equal C as all I could see was the unfairness of my life. Pride reigned supremely. The capacity to forgive deeply had to be learned as it involved more than using the windshield wipers to wipe away the hurt.

My relationship with the Lord is the strongest it has ever been, but I took the scenic route to get there. I realized how much God truly loves me and how much He wanted to get me to a better place. I arrived at the place where I was completely honest with myself, open to changing and being vulnerable, ready for God to start healing my wounded heart. That healing started with me, and I was willing to accept how much I had to learn. My journey will be unwrapped in the following pages. Please follow me as I open up the gift of my life to show you how Jesus delivered me to the other side where I was mentally free from living as a victim to embracing the joy of recovery. Maybe I can be the person for you that I wish had been there for me. Allow me to let my story unfold for you, one slice of life's pie at a time.

Chapter 1:

Mentoring My Younger Self: Little Diana

Dear little Diana,

I want to give you advice, comfort, and insight to help you so please take a seat and listen carefully. There will be many things in your life you will not understand. There will be many times you will feel alone and scared, when you will feel little emotional support and feel that no one cares.

It is all a test, Diana. It's a test of how you react to the trials that will hit you out of left field that you didn't see coming, which you couldn't prepare for. These tests will be very hard. Some days you won't feel you have the strength to make it through them. Every time you fall and feel defeated, please get back up quickly as there's so much more ahead for you. These trials are meant to strengthen you as they're really learning opportunities for you to tap into the strength within. God will perform spiritual surgery at times on you to remove what is working against you.

You don't know God yet, and He will be a tough challenge for you to let in. He will knock on the door of your heart many times. Your natural tendency will be to push Him away as you want to be independent. You are a mighty stallion that will need to be broken. Listen to me when I tell you that He is your real Father, and you are His daughter, Diana. He loves you deeply and He wants to hold your hand every moment of your life ahead if you will allow Him to.

You will be confused about why there are so many forces, people, and circumstances against you, so many dark clouds hanging over you. You will ask God many times why you had to go through so many unfair things. You will want a break from all the drama of doing the right thing, and instead, the wrong things keep happening. You will wonder when it's your turn to win. Always remember your Father has a great plan even when none of the puzzle pieces seem to fit. Trust will be very difficult for you as many people will disappoint you. Remember always that God is your greatest friend and watches over you when you don't know who is safe to confide in. Take comfort in this Bible verse:

Your journey will be full of ups and downs and it will feel like a roller coaster ride. You will get involved with the wrong people, make bad choices, and not know how to so much of the time. If I could fly you in a helicopter over the highways of your life, you would see that all the dead ends and detours were a huge part of your journey. I wish I could provide you a road map to better prepare you. Always remember that God is a GPS system who will always get you back on track whenever you stray.

So many trials will last a long time and seem permanent. Diana,