A Montage of Melodies from My Unfinished Symphony: An Insightful Memoir Full of Life, Love, and Laughs

By Steve Carothers

Steve Carothers is a very funny guy with a knack for telling very funny stories.

In A Montage of Melodies from My Unfinished Symphony, readers will find themselves laughing out loud at each anecdote with its humorous moral while at the same time appreciating each story's memorable dash of what matters.

Who'd have thought renting houseboats on Lake Powell would be such a star-studded affair? Steve recounts his whimsical and heartwarming brushes with celebrity greats like Robert Redford, Jane Fonda, and Martina Navratilova. From what could be a Guinness record-setting prank in "The Wedgie" to the mystery of "The Giant Slushy," these hilarious stories set in the spectacular American Southwest are sure to tickle your funny bone while making you feel warm and fuzzy all over.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Covenant Books, Inc.
• Release date: Oct 4, 2022
• ISBN: 9781685268763

Book preview

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A Montage of Melodies from My Unfinished Symphony

An Insightful Memoir Full of Life, Love, and Laughs

Steve Carothers

ISBN 978-1-68526-875-6 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-68526-877-0 (Hardcover)

ISBN 978-1-68526-876-3 (Digital)

Copyright © 2022 Steve Carothers

All rights reserved

First Edition

Edited by: Darby O’Shaughnessy

Cover photo: Lake Powell by Brady Carothers

Illustrations: Cody Carothers; Kenia Carothers; Koda Carothers

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Covenant Books

11661 Hwy 707

Murrells Inlet, SC 29576

www.covenantbooks.com

Table of Contents

The Intro

The Wedgie

A Journey Back in Time

It's a…?

Lizardbit

Lollipop, Lollipop

Auspicious Beginnings

The Plop Thickens

The Matador

The Hitchhiker

Sally

The Pup

The Deer Hunt

Over the Glass Mountain

Fresh Snow

The Speed Trap

The Sundance Story

The Proposal

A Giant Slushy

Cool and Refreshing

The Call of the Wild

A Fish Tale

Are You Sure? He Said

Are You Sure? She Said

KD

Dear Dad

Picture-Perfect

About the Author

To Julie, the love of my life:

My soul mate,

My best friend,

My lover-dover—

My Jewel!

The Intro

I have always enjoyed telling stories, and this collection contains some of my favorites. My boys, Cody and Brady, love to listen to my zany stories, so they encouraged me to write them down as a legacy to my children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. While A Montage of Melodies from My Unfinished Symphony is a memoir and not an autobiography, this hodgepodge of twenty-six anecdotes and letters offers insights into experiences that shaped my life from school days through teen years and into adulthood, including various jobs and marriage. All are marked with humor and in some cases wisdom from family and friends. Although I did have fun taking poetic license to tell these stories, I have tried to remain faithful to the facts as I remember them, especially those that contain a dash of history.

This book is the perfect bathroom companion; the stories are short, easy to read, and printed on quality paper—you know, in case you run out of TP!

https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/j7jbC70YSDxX6hC8bbf-vZ8dQvLW3M6zv-SunQgtxTpCAFlP8wMnnRGmoMN_DE9qKFP9D2OOZDVWJw10QOICx7p_cXHM7cCxMfs_Omz_5MuH7VlO0YjyTcsQHNBC3OLASJKjoDW3

Brady, age two, in his favorite reading room

The Wedgie

I had just completed the final coat of varnish on a coffee table I was building in shop class.

As I wandered around the shop waiting for the bell to ring, I noticed Raymond aka Bubba on the floor sanding a piece of wood.

Bubba was a big boy! Some would say he was big-boned; others might say he was husky. He was for sure the largest student on campus.

You know how, when a large person bends over, the top of their bottom half becomes exposed? Seeing this large swath of Bubba's underwear exposed, I couldn't resist. It just seemed like a good idea at the time.

I reached down. The expanse of underwear was so wide I grabbed two handfuls and tugged.

Right before my eyes, Bubba's underwear fell apart; his underwear disintegrated! I hadn't pulled all that hard. I had no idea how Bubba got that threadbare underwear on in the first place.

Bubba looked over his shoulder. In a booming voice that sounded like Bill Cosby's Fat Albert, he roared, I'm gonna get you, Carothers!

I was pretty sure it wasn't an empty threat.

Bubba was big and strong but not fast. I, on the other hand, was small, quick, and agile. I figured the possibility of Bubba catching me was remote.

For months, we played this cat-and-mouse game with me escaping easily. Each time he failed, Bubba would look me in the eye and say in that booming Fat Albert voice, You just wait, Carothers. I'm gonna get you. For me, this game was becoming a source of entertainment and an adrenaline rush.

Although the event took place years ago, I remember it like yesterday; January 4, 1971—a date that will live in infamy!

January 4, the first day back to school after Christmas break, started off like any other day: I got up, had breakfast, and went to school.

All my classmates were chatting about what they'd received for Christmas and what they'd done over the Christmas break. Me? I was wearing my Christmas gift from Mom: a brand-new pair of size 28 Fruit of the Loom tighty-whities—not exactly the eight-track player I'd requested for Christmas.

My first class was uneventful. As I was making my way to my second class, I made a pit stop. The urinal was in use, so I stepped into the bathroom's lone stall. When I finished, I opened the stall door.

Standing there, waiting for me, was Bubba.

Trapped! All my speed and agility were useless. I was at his mercy.

Bubba picked me up by the back of my brand-new undies and proceeded to jerk me up and down like a yo-yo. This was going to be no simple wedgie; this was revenge!

I knew Bubba wasn't going to stop until my undies ripped. Please, God, unravel these undies! Help them rip and rip quickly—please! After being bounced and bounced like a yo-yo, up and down, up and down, my undies finally ripped.

With the destruction of my undies, Bubba was satisfied. He dropped me on the floor like a broken sack of flour. I told you I'd get you, Bubba boomed with pride as he exited the boy's room.

I opened my mouth to respond, but a distorted, high-pitched squeal came out. I sat there feeling sorry for myself, and then I started to get angry.

I was mad at myself for wearing new undies that day.

I was angry with Mom for giving me undies for Christmas.

I was mad at Bubba for ripping my new undies and for possibly rendering me sterile for life.

I was also mad at Fruit of the Loom Inspector Number 8.

I slowly