Conversation with a Computer Concerning Telepathy

By Robert Hearn

The recent reports of the twenty Americans in Cuba, in China too, who have suffered the effects of temporary concussions from audio and microwave signals reminds me of the telepathic hit I received in the 1960s. I've thus drawn the following conclusions: 1.) Telepathic controls are actually telekinetic controls and can influence cellular matter such as the brain. 2.) These controls are painful in the same manner as a concussion and can control behavior. All this material is to be regarded as science fiction; there's no evidence of telepathy or telekinesis

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jul 17, 2019
• ISBN: 9781643506272

Book preview

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Conversation with a Computer Concerning Telepathy

Robert Hearn

Copyright © 2019 Robert Hearn

All rights reserved

First Edition

PAGE PUBLISHING, INC.

New York, NY

First originally published by Page Publishing 2019

ISBN 978-1-64350-626-5 (pbk)

ISBN 978-1-64350-627-2 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Copyright 1917 Robert Hearn

Contents

The Multiverse Song

(Clown or loudspeaker, rap?) 71

Act One 75

The Freudian Trip

John…Marsha…attendant 77

The Monster

Professor…Bench Man…Elmer Fudge 83

Life After Death

TC1…TC2…TC3…two morgue bodies 88

The Zombies Are Coming

Zombies 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…two actors in audience

(any number for zombies after 5) 92

Act Two 95

The Perfect Marriage

Computer wife, husband, counselor 98

The Brilliant Vampire

Vampire, secretary, psychiatrist (Brilliant Vampire, loudspeaker, rap?) 104

Who Am I?

Death 1, Death 2, park attendant, shopping basket lady, psychic, Grim Reaper (Death’s Shadow, loudspeaker, rap?) 113

Murdering Jokes

three clowns, two ushers 122

The Multiverse Song

(Clown or loudspeaker, rap?) 124

This two-act comedy is very fluid. Proscenium or theater-in-round staging can be used. Possible platform staging. Any race can take any part. Any jokes can be replaced with other jokes. The author is not responsible for a change in material, however.

The Multiverse Song

(Clown or loudspeaker, rap?)

© 2017 Robert Hearn

The Multiverse is a bubbly delight.

Fueled by Big Bang inflation,

Expanding faster than the speed of light,

In a super positioning multiplication.

String theory and its dimensions,

Collapsing into probability,

With dark matter and dark energy proliferation,

Causing deep space negativity.

Is our universe infinite?

Like a perpetual motion machine?

Or is it logically finite?

With a spheroid or saddle-shaped geometry?

Schrodinger’s cat is dead and alive.

A kitty both stiff and animated,

Hazy and fussy to the sight.

Poisoned or not in a box airtight.

So the feline dies in one universe,

And is alive in the next.

With all the collapsing youngsters,

Repeating the same fractal set.

Which means the Multiverse is crowded,

With As and Bs and Cs,

With pussycats abounding,

In litter boxes peeing.

So how about us?

And the rest of our universe?

Do we do the kitty-cat quantum jump?

Into the litter box odoriferous?

Multiverse

Copyright 2017 Robert Hearn

House manager. Welcome. Welcome. Glad to have you all here to view this production. A few points:

One, this is not a play for human beings under the age of eighteen. This show contains sexually explicit material. Here are some examples: A senior has decided to make a contribution to the sperm bank. A nurse gives him a bottle in which he’s supposed to deposit his sperm. After twenty minutes the nurse is worried and goes to see him. She asks if he’s having any problems. He responds that he did it with his left hand; he did it with his right hand, and he did it with both hands. But he still can’t get the bottle open. Another example, a fellow says that he remembers the first time he used alcohol as a substitution for women. The other guy asked him what happened. The first guy replied that he got his penis stuck in the neck of the bottle. A third example, two guys and a girl are shipwrecked on a desert island. After one week, the girl is so ashamed of what she’s doing that she kills herself. After another week, the guys are so mortified of what they’re doing that they bury her. After another week, they’re so ashamed of what they’re doing that the guys dig her up again. Oh, and if you’re a mature adult over the age of eighteen and you don’t like risqué jokes, then I advise you to remove yourself from the theater.

And point two, a lot of the content of this play is pure speculation. You have to take the text with many grains of salt. Keep in mind that the author may be an idiot.

Finally, point three, the jokes in this epic are begged, borrowed, and stolen. Thus, the jokes are old. The management guarantees that this show has not injured or harmed these jokes in anyway. They have gone so far as to plant a member of the Joke Police in the audience so as to insure the safety and well-being of these chestnuts. This person is an expert at caring for and defending jokes since he’s a clown in his daytime job. All these jokes are old and defenseless and homeless. I can hear some of the audience members giggling already. Just remember… someday you, too, may be an old joke. So now that the preliminaries are out of the way, lean back and enjoy the show.

Clown can stand up, take a bow, toot his bicycle horn, orange wig, red nose, etc. Costume can be as elaborate as money demands or is available.

Zombies at the end can be costumed in torn clothes and dark circles around eyes.

Multiworlds

The spotlight comes up on an MC dressed in bright tights and a carnival barker’s straw hat. Razzle-dazzle is the impression. The MCs perform in front of the closed curtains. When the play begins, the curtain opens—revealing a scrim, platforms, and simple furniture. This is theater of the imagination.

Act One

MC 1. Welcome, folks, to this tunneling science-fiction omnibus from various alternative universes. Some of these universes could be considered parallel, but others are just plain wacky.

MC 2, another MC enters. Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to this traveling science fiction presentation from various alternate universes. Some of these universes…

MC 3, another MC enters—a woman this time. Welcome, all you nice people, to this science fiction show from various…

MC 1 and 2, in unison. Hey! Hey! Hey! I’m supposed to introduce this extravaganza, little lady.

MC 3. Sit on it, guys! I’m the master of ceremonies of this literary masterpiece since we’re talking about my alternate universe. Besides, I’m a lot sexier than you two slobs.

MC 1. Just like a female! Always trying to monopolize a situation with her good looks. That’s one thing that doesn’t change in the multiverse.

MC 2. You two can fight all you want. But I’m the master of ceremonies.

MC 3. You’re a master all right but not of ceremonies.

MC 1. Is that some kind of sexual innuendo, baby? If I throw a stick, will you leave?

MC 3. Better save your breath, stupid. You’ll need it for your blow-up doll!

MC 2. Both of you have the greatest amount of untapped potential of anyone I’ve ever met.

MC 1. It’s great to finally have a conversation with two people who don’t feel the need to show off their intelligence all the time.

MC 2. Wow! Look at you; anyone else hurt in the accident?

MC 1. Talking of accidents, I’m sure this first sketch came from your universe. It’s about a husband and his wife traveling in a Freudian planetary system. Freud, as everyone knows, was the father of psychoanalysis.

MC 3. That’s because it didn’t have a mother.

MC 2. Excuse me. I just want to remind the audience that nothing can travel faster than the speed of light in a vacuum.

MC 1. Except for one of your farts. Or to put it more delicately, bottom burp.

Table of Contents

The Freudian TripJohn…Marsha…attendant

The MonsterProfessor…Bench Man…Elmer Fudge

The Zombies