30 Day Journey to Surviving the Loss

By Ali'ce Haskins

30 Day Journey to Surviving the Loss seeks to invite you into the candid reality of accounts of a Mother who died with her child, yet she was forced to live through a journey of spiraling through self-destruction, self-induced homelessness, and loss of self-worth while suffering in silence with anxiety, depression, PTSD, and thoughts of suicide. In the end~ the best part of any journey is recognize the self-healing at the end of it. If you have ever lost anyone, this book will pick you up on the side of the road as we journey together through the grief process of survival after the loss. I encourage you to travel with me in healing and restoration.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Oct 21, 2019
• ISBN: 9781645159742

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30 Day Journey to Surviving the Loss

Ali’ce J. Haskins

Copyright © 2019 by Ali’ce J. Haskins

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

The Beginning of My End

Processing Words of Echo

Processing the Disbelief

Physically Present, Mentally Gone

A Letter to My Son

Processing the Grief

This 30 day journey allows me to be transparent and candid about my struggle with hopes of help others who may have also suffered a loss; whether it was the loss of a child, a parent, a sibling, a spouse or a love one, you will find yourself present during this journey with me.

My loss came early in life. It came at a time when I was most vulnerable—entering adolescence. It is a time when time is precious and of essence. But most of all it was my time of need.

I dedicate this journal to the people who are no longer physically present in my life: my mother Barbara, my first love; Varian Sr. my best friend Tam Marie; goddaughter; Natasia and my first heartbeat, my firstborn and only son, Varian Jr.

When I reflect back on how each loss broke me in more ways than one, I can attribute my recovery and strength on each struggle, a necessary process to build me into the woman I am today!

I wasn’t given a choice in any situation; however, I was left to rebuild after the loss.

For many years I would tell people that I’m not strong enough to make it through, and it wasn’t until I woke up the next day, I realized I was stronger than I thought I was. I am still here!

When I share with people I trusted to know the most vulnerable place of my life where all the holes are still closing, they would say, Write it down. Tell your story. Share your story with others. Someone needs to know that they too can survive after a loss. I still saw nothing so special about my loss until I lost my firstborn child, Varian Maurice Alexander Jr. Reality hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew, if I didn’t fight for my life, I would die!

My biggest struggle between life and death was within the first thirty days. I was suicidal, depressed, suffering from anxiety, afraid to be alone and sleep alone, hearing voices, on medication, in therapy, and running for my life with no destination. I was convinced my career was over because my mental health situation was uncontrolled for months.

In my effort to save someone else’s life, I decided to open up about what my days were afterward. After all, I told God, if my story saves one life, I would be prepared for the end because in my eyes He was using me for such a time as this.

Taking this journey today is necessary, and I’m able to do so in reflection of my healing today. I am allowed me