You Can't Save Me

By Simona Ciarlo

A controversial, disturbingly dark story of depression, abuse, and human trafficking. Harper, who is domestically abused by her boyfriend, Patrick, runs to a vigilante she heard of named Chalk. After Chalk sends her to safety at his friend Kori's, Harper forms a soul-to-soul relationship with her. As Chalk tries to find Patrick, he's informed one of his men went rogue on the mission and feels the sting of betrayal. The pursuit leads Chalk's team into danger with an evil man from Chalk's past.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Apr 1, 2021
• ISBN: 9781640820319

Book preview

1

Two o’clock in the morning, Kori was depressed again. Damn, will this ever end? I can’t seem to rise above it. She sat stiffly on the couch, gun in hand. Maybe this time I’ll be able to go through with it.

She thought back to when she turned eighteen, trying pills for the first time. She shared a small apartment with her roommate, Ashlyn. It was similar to a night like this, quiet, dark, and storming like the world would be thrown off its axis. The thunder shook the building, and the rain hit hard against the windows. She fell in a dark place as she choked down some pills, believed to have been one of Ashlyn’s boyfriends’; the bottle read Xanax.

Watching some television, waiting to fall asleep for the very last time, she stretched out on the couch.

An hour later, Ashlyn came home from partying. She saw the open prescription bottle and Kori on the futon.

Nineteen-year-old Ashlyn ran to her bedroom and called 911. Please hurry, you don’t understand…She has bad lows and has tried to kill herself before.

When the police and paramedics arrived, an officer banged on the door. The hinges rattled and the door shook from the officer’s fist.

Kori pulled herself out of her slumber, staggered to the door, yelling, Okay…hold on!

She barely opened the door when they wrestled her to the ground.

Did you take any pills tonight? one officer asked.

She thought, How did they know?

Seeing Ashlyn’s coat hanging over the armchair, she screamed, Ashlyn! Get out here!

Ashlyn never came out of her room; she had her lights off and hid under the covers, pretending to be asleep. She wanted to help her friend, but she wasn’t sober and didn’t want to get in trouble.

The police saw the bottle that read Xanax and threatened to arrest her for attempted suicide. We’re taking you to the hospital to have your stomach pumped. After that…you’ll be taken to lockup. It’s against the law to try and take your life. You’re looking at some jail time.

Kori didn’t say a thing after her rights were read.

A female officer stayed pinned to her side from the apartment, to the car, and at the hospital.

As fate would have it once again, the tox screen came back showing the pills were merely aspirin.

Kori calmly said, I had a bad headache?

The police didn’t arrest her but used scare tactics to warn her they could still take her in for consuming such a large dose of pills.

Kori questioned the female officer about the law. "So if I’m depressed and try to kill myself, you can arrest me…which in turn would cause me to either end up in jail or some psych ward or have to pay a hefty fine…wouldn’t the law realize that would only add to my depression? Make me more suicidal?"

You would get the help you need. If you’re as depressed as your friend says…you need help.

She handed Kori a card to a good therapist.

Kori tore it up.

Five years later, she struggled with the desire to live. She had been laid off work for almost two months and could no longer afford rent. She rented a storage unit, which was half the cost of rent, and stayed off and on with the few friends she had known.

The holidays, between Thanksgiving and Christmas, only added to her depression, and she began living in the storage unit. She knew how uncomfortable it would be to hang around her friends during holidays meant for family. She didn’t want them to feel obligated to ask her to join them for meals or have them feel the guilt to buy her a gift.

When her depression overcame her, she pulled down the large storage door and started her car.

Within five minutes, an older man came to pick up some Christmas decorations from his storage unit next to hers. He heard a car running and saw exhaust fumes escaping from underneath the door into the cold air.

He lifted up the storage door, ran to the driver’s side, pulled Kori out, and dragged her from the storage unit so she could take in some fresh air.

She wasn’t quite unconscious yet, so Kori was quite aware the man may call the police, so she said, I got cold…started my car. I didn’t think about what could’ve happened. Thank you…for…saving me.

Do you need a place to stay?

No, I was just going through my things and…no, I have somewhere to go, she lied.

Through the years, mostly she could talk herself out of an attempt by something as simple as hearing a kitten cry outside or the smell of cookies baking from the downstairs apartment. Although she tried to convince herself that life is life, it has its ups and downs, still the powerful feeling of despair weighed down strongly on her shoulders, stretching her soul thin, and breaking the little hope that remained into a million pieces that nothing she could see, touch, hear, or taste was worth another heartbeat.

Now that time had come again.

Kori woke suddenly from a sound sleep, dreaming about her mother who had successfully taken her life when Kori was thirteen. The digital clock displayed 2:00 a.m. No way she would fall back to sleep now.

Feeling the thunder shake her bed, she had an overwhelming urge to cry herself dry. A deep, dark heaviness engulfed her, and she wanted to scream from the pain, a feeling of drowning without water. She found it hard to breathe. She wanted the pain to stop. She wanted everything to stop!

She walked out into the front room, opened the coat closet, and pulled down a lockbox; inside lay a gun. She opened the cylinder to make sure every bullet was in place, closed it, and sat holding it, hoping the depression would subside like so many times before.

She sat on her old brown couch with a thin burgundy blanket thrown over it to cover the rips and stains. She glanced at the clock above the small television—almost three in the morning.

The storm still wild outside, as well as inside her core. She felt the tears stream down her face, and she nodded her head. This is it! She finally had the nerve. She inhaled a deep breath, trying to calm the static in her head, used both hands to lift the gun, and placed the muzzle inside her mouth. She closed her eyes tightly as her finger pulled down on the trigger.

BAM! BAM! BAM!

Kori jumped from the sound of the door, surprised the gun didn’t fire from her being startled.

She let out a long sigh and threw the revolver on the couch. "Damn it," she whispered.

She stood up.

BAM! BAM! BAM!

I’m coming! Jeez!

She looked through the peephole and saw a woman with wet hair wiping the drops from her face.

Kori figured she was drunk and pounding on the wrong door.

Go away!

Let me in!

Go…away! Kori screamed.

Let me in, please?

I don’t know you…NO!

Please let me in…Chalk sent me.

Kori knew it was an emergency if Chalk sent this woman to her apartment.

She rolled her eyes, shook her head, blurting Damn it! a little louder.

She unlatched the chain and unlocked the door. She barely had it open when the woman swooped past her.

HEY! What’s the big deal?

Just then, a neighbor opened the door to his apartment, stuck his head out, and looked around, "Did she say Chalk?"

Kori shook her head. Chuck, my brother. Chuck, she said Chuck.

Kori shut the door, turning to the strange woman in her apartment. You’ve gotta watch it around here. You can’t just go screaming Chalk…you don’t—

I need to stay here for the night. Please.

Kori’s shoulders slumped. Why couldn’t you stay with Chalk?

He’s already helping someone else…I’m sorry to barge in on you. I just wanted to be safe inside. I’m soaked to the skin.

Kori looked down to the floor, watching the drops of rainwater drip off the woman’s hair and clothes.

Fine…but only tonight. You have to leave in the morning.

The woman looked around the dark apartment, practically barren, only seeing a couch, a TV, an oblong table between the two, and a chair that sat near the door.

Are you moving out? she asked, taking off her coat.

Kori looked confused as she grabbed a towel from the hall closet. "Moving? What makes you ask that?"

You said I have to leave in the morning, and you hardly have anything here, so…

Not everyone can afford luxuries like pictures for the walls, Kori said, catching on, and threw the towel at the woman.

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—

"Who are you…and why are you here? What the hell, Chalk?"

My name is Harper. Chalk’s a great guy.

"Oh, I know Chalk very well. He is great, but he has never sent me one of his rescues before."

That’s mean!

Sorry…you just caught me on a bad night. So what’s up? Why are you banging on my door at quarter after three in the morning? I have neighbors, you know?

I…I’m hiding from my boyfriend.

"Hiding from your boyfriend? Is it some kind of sex game?"

Harper slipped off the scarf around her neck, revealing bruises, actual nearly perfect handprints.

Kori’s mouth dropped. "He…he did that to you?"

Yes, Harper said, embarrassed.

"And you call him your boyfriend? I would change my vocabulary to ex."

May I please stay here…longer than just a night? Until I can get things straightened out.

Kori let out another long sigh.

Please? Harper begged.

Fine…fine, I’ll get you a pillow and a blanket…You can sleep on the couch.

Harper sat down and felt something hard against her hip. She scooted up, reached her hand behind her, and pulled out a gun.

Oh my god…you have a gun?

Kori turned around from the hall closet and nearly lost her footing from Harper’s words.

As she placed the blanket and pillow beside Harper, she calmly said, Look…I’m sorry, I wasn’t expecting company.

So was I interrupting something? Harper asked as she handed the gun to Kori. Suddenly, her eyes became wide and withdrew the gun back toward her. Oh my god…I…interrupt…y-you were going to kill yourself.

Kori, having her hand out, calmly ordered, Give me the gun.

NO! Harper said.

Give me the gun.

No. I don’t want to give you the gun, Harper said, pleading.

It’s not like I’m going to blow my head off in front of you! Just give me the damn gun so I can put it away!

Harper reluctantly handed Kori the weapon. She watched Kori place the gun in the lockbox and set it on the shelf in the coat closet.

I don’t think that’s safe enough, Harper said.

It’s a fireproof lockbox…it’s safe.

I mean…you should take out the bullets, put the bullets somewhere else. What if someone finds it…opens it?

"Then, I guess you wouldn’t have to worry anymore about me killing myself," Kori said.

That’s not funny! Suicide is serious.

"Listen to you…‘Suicide is serious,’ Kori mocked. You don’t know the first thing about what it’s like to hold a gun to your head, what goes through your mind just when you’re about to pull the trigger—"

STOP! Here I’m fighting for my life, and you’re trying to end yours!

Kori’s head fell forward, feeling the need to apologize but feeling there was nothing to apologize for. Look…sometimes…just sometimes, I have bad days, okay?

A brief moment of silence passed between the two.

Finally, Kori tried to break the awkwardness. How long are you going to be staying here anyway?

I don’t know…you said I had to leave in the morning…but if I could just stay here for a while?

Kori cranked her neck in disapproval. It doesn’t make sense to me…did you live with the guy?

Yeah…yeah, we lived together.

"Well, you eventually have to go back there and get your stuff, right? You got clothes, things you need? He probably knows where you work…it’s like…he’s gonna end up following you…and I don’t want him coming here. Especially if Chalk is trying to protect you."

That’s why I need to stay here. I’ll hide out…I’m not even going to leave, if that’s okay.

Look…I don’t need this guy showing up here. I don’t like danger lurking around.

Seems to me…you’re a danger to yourself, Harper said, folding her arms.

Kori paced the floor and exhaled slowly. You don’t understand…

Try me, Harper said coldly.

I suffer from depression. Okay. I don’t know if you even know what that is, but there’s days when it’s really bad. I have good days, and I have bad days…then, I have nights like this…I don’t know…it feels like I can’t…I don’t want to make it to another day.

Then, why can’t you think of the good days?

Kori shook her head and chuckled. It’s not that easy.

Sure it is…just think of something that makes you happy, and it will pull you—

Ugh…no…it doesn’t work like that. Uhh…how do I explain this to you? Kori threaded her fingers through her hair, turned to Harper, and looked right in her eyes. You ever look through a window? A clean, crystal-clear window? It’s like you could put your hand right through it…it’s that clean! Where everything outside is vibrant, crisp, colorful…a breathtaking scenery that makes you believe in God. You can feel the warmth from the rays of the sun, watch the leaves move effortlessly on the trees, and catch the different-colored feathers on birds as they fly across the sky. Can you see it?

Harper nodded, lost in the image, and smiling at Kori.

Now, imagine that same window pelted with nicks and chipped, clouded over with dirt, grime, and streaks of thick mud dried into the cracks, and blocking the sight of the outside. Not even a beam from the sun can pierce through the filth…It’s dark and cold, and it feels like you’re in a tomb. You try to open the window, but it won’t budge…You try to break the glass, but it won’t break no matter how hard you try! You can no longer see the beauty, you feel trapped, and even if you try to remember what it looks like on the other side of that window, it…it leaves you…lost…because you can’t see it anymore. Kori started to walk to her bedroom then turned around. That’s depression. Good night.

Harper sat spellbound for about five minutes, taking in what Kori said.

Meanwhile, Kori stood in the bathroom, brushing her teeth. She looked into the mirror and saw Harper’s reflection in the doorway.

What? You need to use the restroom?

Harper shook her head. I think I need to stay here for you.

Kori spit out the toothpaste in the sink. "No, no, I don’t need your help. I won’t be like this every day. You just happened to come…today."

Maybe it was meant—

Don’t go throwing fate into this…

You’re lonely…

No, I’m not lonely…look…it’s been a rough night for the both of us. Let’s just go to bed and deal with this later. I’m tired. I need to sleep, and you…you need to get that neck checked.

Harper, totally forgetting about her own wounds, put her hands on her throat. I’ll be all right. Thanks for letting me stay the night.

Harper went to the couch, covered up, and even though she tried to close her eyes to sleep, she couldn’t help but look at the coat closet, which held the loaded gun.

2

Harper woke up around noon. She looked around the dull apartment and noticed Kori was gone. She walked over to one of the two windows in the front room. Once she pulled back the heavy brown curtain, the sun poured sadness into the room, now that she could see it in the light of day. She turned on the television to at least give it some life. The apartment wasn’t broken or moldy; it wasn’t dirty, just needed things to make it homier. The walls were off-white with just a few hairline cracks, but no paint was chipped or stained. The brown carpet was thin and worn, as she walked into the kitchen. She opened the fridge and saw only the basics: milk, butter, eggs, and cheese. Bread sat on the counter, next to the toaster, beside the fridge. In the cupboards were only a saucepan and a skillet, a few glasses, three bowls, three plates, and a large Tupperware bowl. The silverware drawer contained a couple of