Velda the Awesomest Viking and the Ginormous Frost Giants

By David MacPhail and Richard Morgan

Oi, you snivelling pig-dogs! Are you ready for a Viking adventure?

Velda is a small girl with a big axe, and she knows how to use it. Alongside her misfit crew, she's living her best Viking life, sailing the seas in her very own longship and teaching anyone who thinks she's 'just a little girl' a lesson.

But when a raid on the vault of the treasure-obsessed Count Stollenberg goes wrong, Velda is forced into a deal to bring him the legendary Frost Hammer. The only teensy tiny issue is that it belongs to the Frost Giants, who are anything but teensy tiny. Velda and her crew must trek across snow and ice to break into the giants' mountain home, but it seems the Frost Giants are happier to see them than they expected. A bit too happy, in fact...

Join Velda on her mission as she schemes her way out of scrapes and battles enormous enemies, all while proving she's the awesomest Viking around.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Kelpies
• Release date: Mar 24, 2022
• ISBN: 9781782507956

David MacPhail

David MacPhail left home at eighteen to travel the world and have adventures. After working as a chicken wrangler, a ghost-tour guide and a waiter on a tropical island, he now has the sensible job of writing about yetis, Vikings and ghostly detectives. At home in Perthshire, Scotland, he exists on a diet of cream buns and zombie movies. David is also the author of Yeti on the Loose and the Thorfinn the Nicest Viking series.

Book preview

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To my sisters, Sarah and Katie, with GINORMOUS apologies for all the times I played ‘Earthquakes’ with your dolls’ houses – D.M.

For Doug the Dog, fearless chaser of his own tail – R.M.

Contents

Title Page

Dedication

Map

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

About the Authors

Copyright

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Chapter 1

The Vikings were a funny lot.

They believed the Earth was flat. They believed that if you died with a sword in your hand you’d be carried off to Viking heaven, known as Valhalla. And that if you stuffed a small radish up your nose far enough you could tickle your brain and good ideas would fall out.

They also believed that it was bad luck – boat-sinkingly bad luck – to have girls on board their longships. So bad that deadly krakens would rise up out of the sea and drag them down to their watery DOOM!

Yes, that bad.

So, you can imagine the horror when a whole boatload of female Vikings – with only a couple of males thrown in – sailed into the Danish trading port of Elsinore.

As the longship approached the pier, some men on the harbourside pointed out the ship’s ragged sail with disgust. Most Viking sails bore an image of a wolf or a dragon, or a man playing keepy-uppy with his enemy’s head. But – SHOCK HORROR! – this one had a multi-coloured patch that looked rather like a rainbow. A RAINBOW, 7INDEED! Rainbows were about the least Vikingy thing in the world since the invention of cutlery.

Terrible! spat one old red-faced man, resting on his stick and grinding his gums.

An outrage! agreed a second, shaking his fist as the new arrivals disembarked. They’ll bring a curse down on us!

PEEE-OOOOOOOOO-EEE!

A loud noise rudely interrupted their complaining. It 8sounded like someone slowly deflating a balloon. For a second, they almost thought it sounded like a…

They turned to see an ancient woman with crinkly brown skin and greying dark hair. She was grinning, wearing furs and carrying a long, curved bow. She was also accompanied by a horrible cabbagey stench.

Ex-CUSE me! one of the men croaked. Did you just…?

Fart? Yes, replied the woman. Now which way is the castle?

The old men pointed up the hill. My thanks, she replied, before thumping the two of them on the head with her bow. They crumpled to the ground, unconscious.

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A short while later, in the castle’s keep high above the harbour, Elsinore’s ruler, Count Stollenberg, was happily humming as he counted his money.

He paused briefly to admire his smooth, pale reflection in the mounds of shiny silver coins, then ran a hand through his glossy hair.

Suddenly, there was an almighty CRASH!

Stollenberg lost count, which annoyed him, but also secretly gave him a lovely warm feeling inside, because he’d have to start again, and ohhh, how he loved to count his money! Wasn’t it marvellous to be a handsome count 9who counted handsomely?!

He turned to see that his door had been smashed to smithereens. A tiny girl strode into the room. Curly red hair poked out from under an oversized helmet. Her rosy, wind-chapped face broke into a smile, and she twirled a massive axe.

Wotcha! she said brightly. Count Snottyberk, I presume?

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Chapter 2

"The name’s Stollenberg, actually!" The count summoned