BLACK GIRL HOLDING GRACE: Cash Money For A Night Of Love Under The Seduction Of The Glass Rose Pipe

By Meika Tucker

Juanita Jackson had a weekly cash quota, and she didn't care where it came from. A different man every night from the neighborhood bars was alright with her as long as she had cash in her hand, liquor to drink, and her drug of choice. That was all that mattered. Her two daughters, teenage son, and a baby at home were simply burdens she had no time or patience for. But in the end, who will be there for her when she flat lines?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Jan 27, 2023
• ISBN: 9781365400070

Book preview

BLACK GIRL

HOLDING GRACE

Fiction Novel

MEIKA TUCKER

Meika Books

ISBN 978-1-387-89949-4

Ebook 978-1-365-40007-0

Copyright©2022 By Meika Tucker 

All rights reserved.  No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical.  Including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a book of fiction.  Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner.  Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead or actual events is purely coincidental.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by E. M. T. Are models and such images are being used for illustration purposes only. 

Meika Tucker

Thank you

I thank my Heavenly Holy and Divine Father, the highest of the highest, of the high.  The creator of all things, and the giver and taker of life.  I gratefully and humbly offer my whole self, to the glory of Almighty Living God in thankfulness for all the blessings I’ve been given in this lifetime.

There is nothing that I do, alone.  There is a wind under my arms called the Holy Spirit guiding my fingers along the keys as I type whatever comes to mind, for whoever it reaches.  To delight, enjoy, enlighten and inspire to reach for one’s dream by the tips of our toes and lifted by the angels of heaven to fulfill all those hopes and dreams within.

Thank you!

Meika Tucker 

CASH Money For A Night Of Love

Under The Seduction Of The Glass Rose Pipe

CHAPTER ONE

Ronda woke up to a smelly, sagging diaper butt in her face.  Mama had laid her baby brother Benjamin down on her pallet bed again last night.  She hated when Juanita had man company at night, especially on a school night.  Ronda was in her last year of highschool and she hardly ever attended her classes since Juanita gave birth to Benjamin.  It wasn't her fault.  If it wasn’t for babysitting her little sister and brothers, it was lack of sleep from Juanita’s bed slamming up against the wall and rocking of the bed all night.

She stood up from the flat pillows and blankets on the floor, and lifted her baby brother in the air and into her arms.  He was constantly whiny because of his over soaked diaper and rash.  She carried him into the bathroom and put him in the bathroom sink.  Snatching off the diaper that was so full of urine that it had gel clumps inside of it and falling apart.  She rolled it up and tossed it into a trash can with no garbage bag, and ran luke-warm water over the lower-half of his body.  She washed him with liquid hand soap from the dollar store, and tiny pieces of soap from behind the sick and from the tub’s soap dish.  Juanita had spent all of the household money on watermelon flavored Gin and weed.  Ronda knew that they were going to have to pull a few rabbits out the hat, and figure something out as to how, and where they were going to get soap,toilet paper,and diapers for the next week.   

She loved her mother but when she felt detached, or angry she always called her by her first name, Juanita.  She hated that her mother was so irresponsible.  Juanita often had sex with the neighborhood guys to buy all the things she somehow felt the rest of them didn’t need like soap, toothpaste, deodorant, diapers and ointment just to name a few.  Juanita always had new wigs, makeup, nice outfits, heels, perfume, and all the toiletries she wanted or needed.  Juanita often told Ronda that she was old enough to pay for her own shit. Ronda was still a virgin at seventeen years old and she was proud of that.  Sometimes, she wondered if it was because she was not so attractive to the boys in her school and neighborhood, or if it was simply the fact that she looked poor and sometimes dirty and even musty at times.

She found a bigger piece of soap stuck to the shower rack and washed her baby brother with it.  She dried him off with some toilet paper that she had taken out of a public restroom days before.  Ronda tried not to use too much of the toilet paper from the large roll, or let the small piece of soap fall in the running water.  She wanted the liquid hand soap to last the whole week for them all.  She had used the last diaper on Benjamin last night. He had that diaper on for at least twelve hours.  She rubbed vaseline on her brother and picked up a t-shirt and wrapped it around the baby for a cloth diaper, and she took off from school another day.

Ronda had become accustomed to a lot of missed days of class, but every chance she had she studied her books on her own. Often when she did make it back to school, she was usually ahead of the class and had already quizzed herself on the upcoming chapter.  She would either flip through her notebooks and turn in a finished book report, or she would just rewrite the book report for the fresh look effect.

Benjamin was hungry and constantly crying, she looked into the kitchen cabinets and all she found was some cans of vegetables and some pancake mix and a bag of rice that her mom had picked up from the food pantry.  They didn’t have any oil or butter to cook the pancakes, so she decided to boil him some rice and cut open a can of corn. 

Ronda sat down at the kitchen table with her brother, hey, don’t cry lil man, I got some rice and corn cooking for you.  Hey Ben, shush baby, don’t cry.  Shhhhhh Ronda rocked Ben in her arms, wiping his nose with his shirt. She carried him to the stove and stirred in the pot.  She added more water to the pot, and put it back on the stove turning up the fire slightly.. 

Ronda walks the kitchen floor barefoot, with her brother on her hip.  It was 10:30 am in the morning and she still hadn't seen Juanita.  She was still locked up in the room with some guy from last night.  Ronda heard the rice bubbling and quickly grabbed the handle and pulled it off the fire.  She rinsed out Ben’s baby bowl, and filled it with rice then sprinkled it with salt and mixed in the corn.  Sitting Ben on the table, she sat in front of him and spooned the rice into his mouth.  Ben was only ten months old and couldn’t walk yet.  He was always trying to pull up on everything trying to stand, and was an extremely fast crawler.

She shared the bowl of rice and corn with him as she thought of where she could go to get some food and supplies for all of them.  Her little sister carlota, and little brother Jimmy`Dale had gone to school.  They made sure that they got up and out every morning no matter the weather, sick or not just so that they could eat breakfast and lunch everyday.  She never really had to worry about Carlota and Jimmy`Dale.  They were thirteen and fourteen years old and as long as they had at least two meals a day even though they could be hungry they were still alright.  She worried about Ben a lot.  Juanita hardly spent any time with him at all, and most of the time she didn’t even feed him.  When she did it was a bag of chips, a honeybun, pieces of her hamburger and fries.  Ronda hated when her mother gave her baby brother a hamburger. One day she had to turn him upside down and slap his back because he swallowed a piece of meat from a hamburger and choked on it.

Ben pushed away from her and crawled across the table; setting the bowl of rice down she picked up her baby brother and carried him into the living room.  She turned on the television and turned to cartoons so that he would be still and watch the television while she cleaned the house.  Ronda swept the floor with an old straw broom that was losing its straw as she swept, causing her to keep turning around and picking up the straw sticks behind her. 

Ronda heard the bedroom door open and her mother and a new guy walked out half dressed into the living room.  Juanita grinned at Ronda as she sat down and grabbed a lighter from the table and put a blunt in her mouth and lit it This is my friend Daquan She looked up at her friend; Daquan, this is my oldest daughter Ronda`lee, and that’s my baby Benjamin.. his daddy dead. Daquan nodded at Ronda standing before her in his underwear;  Sup!  Ronda stared at him for a moment wondering why her mother had a half naked man in their house in front of her daughter, but didn’t respond.  She continued to sweep the floor picking up little straw sticks here and there.

Juanita looked at her baby boy; what do you have wrapped around my baby girl? Ronda rolled her eyes at her mother; My good shirt! … I told you yesterday that he needed diapers, but you bought that weed you smoking instead… Juanita looked up at Daquan who was still standing in his underwear. I need some money for some diapers. Daquan looked down at her, how much are those? I really didn’t bring that much with me. Juanita puffed on her blunt with a nonchalant look on her face;  Well, how much do you have? Daquan seeing that whatever he had in his pocket Juanita wanted it surrendered over to her, she claimed whatever was in  his pocket. He turned and walked back to the bedroom and returned with twenty five dollars. This is all I have on me today. Juanita reached up and took the money from his hands and handed him the blunt.  She stuffed the money between her breasts bouncing her crossed leg over her knee and didn’t say anything else as Ronda stared at her.  Ronda picked up her other brother Jimmy`dale’s shoes and lined them up by the front door, and swept the doormat dust into the dustpan and carried it to the trash can in the kitchen.  She left Benjamin in his walker with Juanita, and her friend.  Ronda ran water in the kitchen sink and squeezed out the last of the dishsoap and washed a few dishes and the rice pot, then put them in the dish rack.  She was about to go to her room when Juanita called her, Ronda! Come get this boy, he in here shitting in that shirt you got on him! Ronda ran into the living room and grabbed Ben and rushed him to the bathroom slipping the shirt down his legs.  She held him over the toilet to finish but he had already dropped most of his load in the shirt. 

Feeling frustrated; she cleaned him up again, and carried her naked brother into the living room back to Juanita, He needs some diapers momma! You gone give me the money or what? He gone pee and doo doo all over the house. He is a baby! What’s taking you so long?  Juanita gave her a sarcastic laugh; Ha! And you gone be a cleaning ass bitch too! Ronda looked at her mother angrily, momma, this ain’t my baby…it’s yours.  Daquan, feeling sorry for Ronda and the baby, interjected; Look, I’ll put on some clothes and drive you to the store." He looked at Juanita, waiting for her to give back the money but she just sat there puffing on the blunt bouncing her leg with the money between her breasts.

Daquan chuckled Aye, you trip for real.  It's alright tho, keep that change.  I’ll stop at the bank. But I gotta go after that. You too much.  Juanita rolled her eyes at Daquan and Ronda as he turned and headed back to the room to get dressed.  Ronda sat Ben in Juanita’s lap, you take your baby, so I can go to the store. Juanita looked at Ben, He aint got shit on! Come put something on his ass before you leave bitch!  Ronda pulled one of her shirts from the dirty clothes and carried it back to her baby brother and wrapped it around his butt and pinned it with diaper pins and set him on the sofa beside Juanita. 

Daquan walked past Juanita and headed for the door.  Juanita watched him as he pulled open the front door, Daquan, what you got an attitude for?  Daquan looked over his shoulder as Ronda stepped up behind him. Man, you wildin, you don’t treat no baby like that, and you talk to your daughter like she's beneath you.. Naw Man, I’m doing this favor for that baby and your daughter. He walked out the door.  Ronda looked back at her mother as she walked out behind Daquan and closed the front door.

Ronda followed him to the curb where he stepped into the street and walked around to the driver’s door of a shiny black Dodge Charger GT.  She heard the locks pop, and she pulled the door handle and scooted into the carseat.  She looked around and thought; this car is cleaner than our house! She was almost afraid to touch anything for fear of getting fingerprints on the interior.  Daquan started the car, it sounded like a race car not that it was loud but it had a low rumble.  He didn’t ask her any questions, or even speak… but she saw him look at her from her head to her shoes but he never made a comment. 

Daquan pulled into the bank parking lot, then around to the ATM and rolled down his window.  He pulled out a card and slid it into the machine, hit the keys and the money slid out.  He returned the card to his wallet and handed her three twenty dollar bills. Get your brother some diapers and get yourself whatever you need.  What your momma is doing to you and your brother ain’t cool.  She better be careful, protective services gone be showing up at yall's door. Ronda stared at the money Thank you so much!  We need soap, diapers and food. I better go to the dollar store. Thank you so much!  Daquan smiled, Here, take another twenty and get you some shoes from the family dollar over there.  Ronda looked down at her dirty tennis shoes and felt embarrassed, but she smiled and thanked him again, and carefully opened the door and got out. 

Daquan looked around and up into the sky, Hey, I’ll wait for you, it's about to rain. Ronda grinned and ran toward the store and darted inside the family dollar doors.  She grabbed the generic brand of diapers and a 8 pack of bath soap, a large bottle of dish soap, a 12 pack of toilet paper and a pair of black canvas shoes and a large container of quick oatmeal and headed for the register.  She carried her bags to Daquan’s car, and put them in the trunk and then ran across the street to the dollar store.  She grabbed a buggy and rolled down the food aisle.  Ronda put several cans of beef stew in the buggy with 4 boxes of mashed potatoes, 4 cans of chili and two six packs of ramen noodles all in the buggy.  She rolled around to the next aisle and put a few cans of fruit cocktail in the buggy and several cans of evaporated milk and two boxes of margarine then headed for the register for cashout. 

She pushed her buggy out the door with her bags.  Daquan stepped out of the car and popped the trunk, he helped her with the bags and they both got in the car together.  Ronda smiled; I really appreciate what you’ve done for me and my brothers and sister. Thank you so,so,much.  Daquan looked at her and smiled How old are you? Ronda stopped smiling I’m seventeen, but I’m very responsible!  He smiled again Yes I see, when is your birthday?  Ronda smiled again September 17th, I’ll be eighteen years old!  He drove down the main street what do you plan on doing after you graduate? Ronda looked disappointed; I want to go to college, but I don’t have the money to go and I don’t think I’ll be able to get a grant. Daquan turned the corner of her street and rolled slowly up the street, Why not? Have you looked into pell grants yet?  Ronda looked straight ahead, No, I haven't. I don't really know anything about that kind of stuff.  I miss a lot of days of school taking care of my baby brother, but I pass all of my tests.  I just have a truancy problem and that prevents me from getting a scholarship from my school.  He pulled up in front of the house and put the car in park but he never turned off the engine.  Well, what do you want to be? What do you want to study in college? Ronda smiled once again, I want to be a doctor.  I've always wanted to be the first doctor in my family.  All my uncles and aunts do other stuff or nothing at all, but I want to be a doctor.  Daquan smiled and nodded his head in agreement, Well, you make sure you talk to your counselor and tell her that.  He unlocked the car doors and the trunk, then stepped out of the car with it still running.  He and Ronda walked to the back of the car and she lifted the trunk and reached inside to pull out a heavy bag.  Juanita ran down the porch steps, Nigga, you tryna fuck my daughter? Didn’t I give you enough pussy! Ronda dropped the bag and ran into the house embarrassed and crying.  Daquan frowned; Now why you do that to your daughter?  She’s a sweet kid.  You fucked in the head man.. He reached in and picked up a bag of groceries and shoved it in her arms, and set the other two bags on the ground beside her feet and slammed the trunk closed.  He looked at her and shook his head, then turned and walked back to his car door and slid inside, and drove off.

Juanita reached down and grabbed the handle of one of the grocery bags and lifted it, and carried it up the steps and into the house.  Ronda, get yo ass out there and get that damn bag!  Ronda wiped the tears from her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt, and hurried outside to pick up the other grocery bag and carried it inside and straight to the kitchen. Juanita had left the baby on the sofa alone and went into her room leaving both bags on the sofa table to fall over if touched by the baby.

Ronda set the bags on the kitchen table, locked the door and reached into one of the bags and pulled out the diapers and quickly unpinned the shirt she used as a cloth diaper and replaced it with a real one.  She kissed her baby brother, and placed him inside his walker then carried the other two bags to the kitchen also.  She put a few things in the cabinets but not everything.  She knew Juanita would eat up whatever was there and leave nothing for the baby, so she only put things in the cabinet she knew Juanita wouldn’t want.

Ronda carried the rest of the groceries to her bedroom and hid them in her secret place that she had made by removing a few floorboards and putting things under the floor and putting the boards back in place and scooting her bed pallet over it.  She took the dish detergent to the kitchen and put a bar of soap in the bathroom with a fresh roll of toilet paper on the roller.  She had also bought her a pack of long sleeve T-shirts and a $5 set of washcloths for Ben.  She returned to the living room to find Ben alone, and asleep in his walker.  She picked him up, carried him to her room and laid him down on her pallet for a nap.  Ronda cleaned her bedroom then grabbed her Algebra book and notebook then sat down on her pallet to study.  She spent the entire day in her room studying, she didn’t put her books down until Carlota and Jimmy`dale came home from school.  She always checked on them and made sure they were okay because Juanita never did.

Carlota smiled, We going on a trip tomorrow, it's free but I need mama’s signature to go. She looked down, then back at Ronda, You think she’ll sign it? Ronda looked at her sister, she knew their mother would probably just brush her off and not even give her the time of day to read the permission slip much less sign it. Let me see it.  Carlota handed it to her and Ronda read it carefully.  You want to go to the science center, huh? Carlota smiled, Yeah everybody’s going!  Ronda pulled the pen from her hair and signed their mother’s name, folded it and handed it back to her.  Put that away, don’t even let her know about a trip she’ll say no just to say it. Carlota hugged Ronda, Thanks! Oh, you do know that you’re kinda musty right? She laughed and headed back to the living room where Jimmy`dale was watching TV.

Ronda lifted her arm and sniffed she was smelling kinda bad, but she hadn’t really been concerned about washing herself; she was saving the soap for her brothers and sister.  But now that she had bought an eight pack of soap they had enough to bathe properly now. She continued to study until her stomach started growling.  She got up and went into the kitchen and put a pot on the stove full of water.  She heard Benjamin making noises so she went back to get him and put him back inside his walker.  She waited around till her water came to a boil and poured it into two bowls and sprinkled mashed potato flakes and evaporated milk into one with a spoon full of margarine. She carried the other bowl into her bedroom and opened a pack of ramen noodles and dropped it into the bowl and covered it with a book then returned to the kitchen. 

Ronda stirred the mashed potatoes tasting it to make sure it had enough flavor then carried it to Ben who was sucking madly on his whole fist. Ben, come here little man, time to eat! Ben looked at Ronda kicking his feet trying to pull himself across the floor to get to whatever she had in the bowl.  Jimmy`dale stared at her and the bowl of mashed potatoes but he didn’t ask for any.  Ronda dipped the spoon into the potatoes and Ben opened his mouth wide long before the spoon reached his lips.  When the spoon slipped inside his mouth Ronda watched his eyes get big and his body wiggled with excitement at the taste of the potatoes and margarine.  He pulled himself closer forcing Ronda to spread her legs wide so that he could get closer to the bowl while still in the walker.  Ronda fed her baby brother as she looked over at Jimmy`dale watching intently. Go fix you and Carlota some oatmeal, ain’t no sugar but it's some evaporated milk and margarine in there.  Jimmy`dale jumped up and hurried into the kitchen, and Ronda could hear him running water then she heard the crackling of the pot on the fire.

She continued to feed the mashed potatoes to Ben and was quite surprised when she found herself scraping the bowl.  And when he saw that he had eaten it all, he turned his walker around and stopped in front of the television watching the cartoons as if hypnotized. Ronda walked into the kitchen and stood beside the stove with Jimmy`dale, How much did you put in there? Jimmy`dale showed her the measuring cup. Ronda knew she should have done it herself that is too much Jimmy`dale, you’re going to have to add more water to it or it's going to be too thick and burn.  She grabbed the handle of the pot and added more water to thin it out a bit, then added salt.  There, stir it until it's soft, don't let it burn.  Put a little milk and water in it and some margarine.  She thought about Ben’s bottle and reached into the cabinet and grabbed another can of evaporated milk and poured the whole thing into a pitcher and filled the can with water and poured it into the pitcher also and stirred the milk well then filled a baby bottle for Ben.  She put the rest in the refrigerator, Hey, don’t drink Ben’s milk okay? Momma never buys milk.  I hope he don’t have no deficiency or nothing… She barely feeds him." Ronda walked into the living room and handed Ben his bottle.  He rushed to grab it and shoved it in his mouth and leaned back as his eyes began to grow heavy. 

Ronda lifted him from the walker and was on her way to her room when Juanita opened her door dressed up in a tight red dress and stilettos with a face full of makeup and smelling like perfume. Hey, yall go to bed.  I’ll be back later tonight.  But y’all make sure yall take y’all asses to school in the morning.  Juanita slipped her arms into a jacket and headed for the door. Momma, I need to go to school! Tomorrow’s wednesday… I have tests coming Friday! Juanita opened the door, yeah okay, too bad you can’t take Ben with ya Ronda gasped, What? Ma, Ben your baby! He's my little brother! Juanita slammed the door while Ronda was still talking.  Carlota and Jimmy`dale were silent as Jimmy`dale spooned oatmeal into their bowls. 

Ronda, feeling frustrated, picked up the remote and pressed the time on the television. It was just after 7pm she knew Juanita was heading to the club to find another man.  She knew that Daquan wasn’t coming back especially after accusing him outside of trying to get with her under-aged daughter.  A tear rolled out of the corner of Ronda’s eye, and she carried Ben back to her room. He was half asleep in her arms drinking his bottle of milk now and then.

She laid him on her pallet and wiped her face with her sleeve.  She knew Juanita wouldn’t be back until after 2am in the morning if she was lucky.  She needed to be in class on Wednesdays because that’s when the teachers prepared them for Friday's test.  She sat down and removed the book from over her noodle bowl, stirred the cold swelled noodles.  She sprinkled the seasoning over the noodles and ate as she gathered her books together and continued to study throughout the evening.  She then closed her books and gathered her clothes together just in case she was able to go to school in the morning after 9pm.

Ronda didn’t have much of anything, and that included clothes.  She needed everything including panties and bras.  She had on a pair of Juanita’s old menstruation big-mama panties with a hole in them.  She tried to sew the hole up, but everytime she washed them the hole would loosen and get bigger.  Her breasts were small, but she still needed a bra.  Sometimes her nipples would suddenly get hard in class and poke her t-shirt out of the blue and the boys would laugh and call her raisin tits Ronda.

She told Juanita that she needed a bra several times, but she always told her she didn’t have big enough breasts for a bra which was just her way of saying no.  She wasn’t flat chested, just small.  She stepped out of her underwear and carried them and a pair of leggings to the bathroom and washed them with the bar of bath soap and squeezed them out then carried them back to her room.  She hung them on a hanger from the brass light fixture on the ceiling.  She went back to the bathroom and turned on the shower and stepped inside.  She lathered up her body and when she rinsed and looked down at the water running down her body she felt ashamed at the brown dirty water that ran off of her into the tub.  She lathered twice making sure to keep the soap out of the water and scrubbed her body and rinsed again to see cloudy water instead of blackish brown muddy looking water as before.

She washed her face and held her hair under the water, parted it with her fingers massaging her scalp with the bar of soap and rinsed again.  Her hair alone was just as dirty as her body had been.  She turned off the water