Dear Durga: A Mom's Guide to Activate Courage and Emerge Victorious

By Shanita Liu

Fear of failing at motherhood. Fear of doing things differently. Fear of feeling unfulfilled—forever.

Author Shanita Liu was consumed by these fears. Decades of people-pleasing, perfectionism, and cultural conditioning left her burned out. Desperate, Shanita sought a coach who invited her to tune into her heart.

That’s when Durga, a remarkable warrior goddess, appeared. Durga told Shanita that she wasn’t alone and she could activate her own courage to triumph over fears.

This encounter acted as the catalyst for “Dear Durga,” which became the opening line to hundreds of handwritten diary entries where Shanita communed with the goddess.

As a result of Durga’s support, Shanita went from being a scared mom-to-be to birthing three children, building a business, disrupting ancestral patterns of self-sacrifice, and embracing her authentic self.

Mixing memoir and self-help, Dear Durga is your go-to guidebook to overcoming the obstacles holding you back from tasting sweet victory not only in motherhood, but also in life.

Through Shanita’s keep-it-real wit and warmth, she’ll walk you through the four phases of her Courage Kit® framework that will help you:

• Activate courage—your limitless energy within.
• Align with your needs—the ones you neglect.
• Alleviate stressors—the ones that deplete you.
• Act with conviction towards your dreams—the ones you procrastinate or put off entirely.

BONUS: Durga gives you exclusive access to a toolkit that will help you defeat daily discouragements.

Whether you’re an expecting mom, an existing mom, or a mom to your community, Shanita’s uplifting story of navigating the trials of parenthood, unemployment, entrepreneurship, and intergenerational traumas, will inspire you to forge your own fulfilling path.

If you’re ready to show your children, and the world, what it looks like to emerge victorious, grab your copy of Dear Durga today.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Jan 25, 2023
• ISBN: 9798765236284

Shanita Liu

Shanita Liu, MPA, CPC is a mom of three warriors, TEDx speaker, award-winning writer, veteran spouse, salsa dancer, and Fulbright Scholar. She created Coach Shanita, Inc. so that she could use her skills as a transformational coach, reiki master, and medium to help people activate courage and live victorious lives. Learn more about Shanita’s work at CoachShanita.com or connect with @coachshanita on social

Book preview

Copyright © 2022 Shanita Liu.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by

any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying,

recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system

without the written permission of the author except in the case of

brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Balboa Press

A Division of Hay House

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.balboapress.com

844-682-1282

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or

links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may

no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those

of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher,

and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use

of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical

problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The

intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help

you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use

any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional

right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

COURAGE KIT® is a registered trademark of Coach Shanita, Inc.

To protect the privacy of others, certain names and details have been changed.

To book an event or learn more about the author, visit www.coachshanita.com

Cover illustration © 2022 by Seema Shakti

Author photography by Katia Fratticci

ISBN: 979-8-7652-3627-7 (sc)

ISBN: 979-8-7652-3626-0 (hc)

ISBN: 979-8-7652-3628-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2022923645

Balboa Press rev. date: 01/25/2023

CONTENTS

Foreword

Introduction

Part 1: ACTIVATE

Chapter 1: Show Time: Demonstrating Courage

Chapter 2: Play Time: Activating Courage

Part 2: ALIGN

Chapter 3: Story Time: Truth-Telling with Courage

Chapter 4: Circle Time: Sitting with Courage

Part 3: ALLEVIATE

Chapter 5: Bath Time: Cleansing for Courage

Chapter 6: Nap Time: Resting with Courage

Part 4: ACT

Chapter 7: School Time: Testing Out Courage

Chapter 8: Party Time: Celebrating Courage

Epilogue

Bibliography + Discography

Acknowledgments

About The Author

For my little Shani,

you were victorious from the very start.

FOREWORD

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When I first met Shanita in L.A for my Live Big event, I was blown away by her big energy. Like a force, she came ready to build her business knowledge and network–and her magnetic Queens-bred go-get ’em personality and warmth made it easy for everyone to gravitate her way.

Then the pandemic happened, forcing us to pivot. I asked her to join my team so that we could live stream Live Big to a global audience. Shanita not only served love and encouragement to everyone in that Zoom room throughout the weekend, but she made them laugh so hard that their bellies hurt, all while seven months pregnant with her third baby!

One of the most victorious mama bears I know, I’ve witnessed Shanita coach hundreds of students and business professionals across my platforms over the years, helping them harness their courageous energy and take action steps towards fulfilling their dreams. She’s done it so well because she’s had to do it for herself. She’s shown people how to call in their courage in creative ways, from speaking her truth from the TED stage to channeling her wisdom into workshops, card decks, and virtual communities. She even served as a source of support for me when I transitioned from one baby to two–one of the biggest transformations of my life!

Mothering is hard, wherever you are in the journey. Mix in cultural pressures (the South Asian diaspora is loaded with them!), it can be daunting. What I love about Dear Durga is that Shanita gets it. She’s right there with you—holding a safe space to be seen, heard, and feel all the feels that accompany the demands of womanhood and motherhood. She beautifully blends spirituality and reality in her anecdotes about tag teaming with badass goddess Durga to overcome burnout, raise her children, heal wounds from intergenerational traumas, build her business, shoot for her audacious dreams, and learn to unapologetically love on herself.

Shanita’s Courage Kit® framework is absolutely brilliant. She walks you through how to activate courage, get comfort, and celebrate all of your juicy wins. Whatever hardships you’re going through, the goodies and guidance from Shanita’s kit will help you conquer your recurring fears so that you can triumph over and over again like a BOSS.

Shanita’s book will show you that victory is possible because she and her dear Durga demonstrate it with grit and grace. The inspiring journey that this dynamic duo takes, chock full of wit and 90s throwbacks, serves as a paradigm shift for modern moms and women; we no longer have to uphold antiquated patriarchal notions that devalue our contributions to society. Instead, Shanita invites us to fully embrace all dimensions of who we are so we can forge fulfilling paths for ourselves, for our children, and for future generations.

I am certain that with Shanita’s guidance, you are surely on the most expansive journey yet. Welcome to your next chapter.

Dr. Neeta Bhushan

Host of The Brave Table podcast

Founder of Global Grit Institute, Co-Founder of Dharma Coaching Institute

INTRODUCTION

Welcome to Your Victorious Life

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Activating My Own Courage

I sat on the ledge of the bathtub in anticipation. I stared at the little oval window in the middle of the white stick. After what felt like an eternity, I saw a thin blue line emerge. Oh my gosh, I thought.

I gently set down my pregnancy test onto the sink counter. My dream came true. I would get to fulfill one of my life purposes—to be someone’s mama. I would get the chance to hold a sweet, tiny baby in my arms—my baby.

What was supposed to be one the happiest moments of my life, however, quickly turned sour. I suddenly felt dry mouth as if I had hiked for days in the desert. My heartbeat sped up while my stomach did somersaults. I felt faint.

My mind began to race. I thought about so many things—the lease of my one-bedroom ending; the offer on the house that wasn’t yet bank-approved; my swift job resignation after months of sobbing on the subway; the overdraft message I received when I forgot to transfer money from my rainy-day savings; the fatigue I felt in my bones from constant neglect.

I was scared. Scared as hell. How was I going to support a baby feeling wiped out without employment and no guarantee of having a roof over my head?

Just a few months prior to conceiving, I had enrolled myself in a life coaching certification program. I originally sought coaching skills as a professional development tool to better serve the students I worked with. However, as I clung to my remaining sanity, I thought, "What the heck, I need coaching for myself. My worn-down spirit had already expressed, Get help…or somethin’ worse will happen."

I didn’t know what a life coach was until I spoke with different women who became coaches themselves. They told me that coaching others offered transformation across all facets of their lives. Transformation? Not sure what that meant, but it sounded like a promising one-way ticket out of my full-time gig.

Since I didn’t have anything to lose, I attended an introductory session for a nine-month life coaching certification program. I learned a lot about the coaching curriculum, but by the end of it, I still didn’t know how coaching could help me. So, I volunteered to try a follow-up demo coaching session with a master coach from the program.

On a late autumn evening after everyone else in my office went home, I sank into the black swivel chair of my cubicle. I clutched my phone with sweaty palms. I eyeballed the clock five times before my phone rang. I didn’t know what to expect. Then it rang. Hello?

Hi, is this Shanita? I immediately felt at ease. My coach, a warm and soft-spoken woman, was on the other side of the line. Without any instructions, her energy gave me a gentle invitation to dismantle all of the armor I’d been wearing. She checked in with me to see if I was OK and assured me to go with the flow. She asked me to take a few deep breaths. So, I did.

After revealing the particulars of my burnout and desire to leave my demanding job, my coach directed, Tune into your body. Close your eyes. Breathe. Get present with what’s inside of your chest.

My chest? That’s where my weary heart rested. A heart that was battered and bruised by a grueling routine filled with productivity traps. A heart that felt defeated by superiors and loved ones who gaslighted me to believe that I wasn’t giving enough—that I wasn’t enough.

Tuning into my chest felt very different from my muddled meditations, where I’d struggle to not think about my growing to-do lists. Instead of finding points of focus in my head, I let myself wander in my heart. After taking a few deep breaths, my coach said, Tune into your body. I noticed something happening in my heart. That’s when she appeared.

It was a woman, majestic and magnificent. She had kind brown eyes with a loving smile, rocked ruby red lipstick, wore a white mala over a fuchsia sequenced sari, and adorned a gold-jeweled crown with matching necklaces and bangles. She also sat barefooted on a tiger and held weapons in each hand, all eight of them.

Who was she? It was Durga Maa, one of the fiercest mother goddesses in Hinduism; she represents unbeatable bravery, prevailing protection, and victory over evil. I remembered that I had seen this picture of Durga Maa before—a decade before to be exact. Her image came from a postcard I picked up when I was a confused college student studying abroad in India.

As I sat with Durga, who I also affectionately refer to as Maa, I felt her radiating love and light. I could sense that she had an important message to share. When I listened, I heard her say, I am here with you. The courage, power, strength you need is inside of you, with me. I got your back. You are more than enough, and you are not alone.

Whoa. I was blown away. Crouched in my chair, I began to weep. Someone had my back? I was enough? Hold up, I was more than enough? And I wasn’t alone? Wow. I cried with relief and gratitude.

Durga’s brief, but mighty, message gave me a sense of companionship that I had longed for. Her presence also awakened something inside of me that I forgot I had—courage.

Why I’m Writing This Book

I believe that everyone deserves to live a courageous life unhindered by fear, especially mothers who selflessly serve their children, families, and communities. Moms are pure magic, so why is it still so hard for mamas to fulfill their needs without internal and external forms of guilt, shame, and criticism?

I believe that mamas don’t have to let fears get in the way of pursuing their personal and professional dreams. I believe equipping mamas, who already have so much on their plates, with easy-to-use transformational tools to activate courageous mindsets and behaviors, can disrupt and dismantle the demoralizing patterns inherited from previous generations. I believe that when mamas across the globe are empowered together, it supports us all in creating and sustaining healthier communities.

Now, here’s the REAL reason why I’m writing this book. I spent three decades of my life feeling scared—scared of letting others down (close family, extended family, real friends, fake friends, teachers, colleagues, bossy bosses), scared of pissing off anyone with power (boundaries wasn’t a buzzword back in the day), scared of not following the rules (like any rules, ranging from the simple ones in boardgame instruction booklets to the multilayered ones dictated from antiquated patriarchies), scared of feeling my feels (a big NO-NO in colonized cultures), scared of expressing my opinions (because it was too cheeky to have any), scared of not getting the right answers (imagine my test-taking anxiety?!), scared of asking for help (way too much shame in that), scared of taking risks (the backlash was brutal), scared of taking care of myself (#selfcare wasn’t trending), and scared to be me—all of me.

Like fingers full of paper cuts, I felt fears’ stings on my mental, emotional, and spiritual health. Not to mention, I was so physically wounded by the constant pressures of fears that I became a habitual breath-holder.

Despite years of fears cramping my style, I kept going, until I couldn’t. My spirit had had enough—it knew that my unsustainable lifestyle was a recipe for motherhood disaster. Even if I wanted to keep going, I couldn’t (I seriously tried fighting tooth and nail). The universe rerouted me to life coaching, which then led me to Durga Maa—a metaphor for keeping courage, and myself, alive.

Since that transformational evening, I’ve had heart-to-heart talks with Maa, both in silence and out-loud (when no one was watching, of course). I also wrote to her on the regular.

Dear Durga served as the opening line to hundreds of my handwritten diary entries where Maa offered solace when fears tried to steer the wheel of my life. Thousands of journal pages illustrate my two-way communications with courage.

Like any relationship, I had to talk/write/vent things out, express my needs, cry, and ask for help during my first pregnancy and thereafter. Durga held space for my tears, responded with keep-it-real advice, and steadily guided me towards my next steps, especially when those steps made me want to run in the opposite direction. Bonding with my courage in this unconventional way helped it not only grow, but flourish.

Before I go on, let me pause here to shout from my rooftop: Mothering takes an extraordinary amount of courage! Mothers birth babies. Period. Day in and day out, moms selflessly serve little and big humans who demand reliable protection, affection, and nourishment on all levels. Moms require ongoing heroism to burp babies, wipe wet toddler butts, blow boogers out of nasty-kid-noses, and tackle teen-drama. And while there are many mamas out there childrearing AND building business empires, breaking world records, and getting elected to public offices to squash tyrannical BS, there are still millions of multi-passionate, multi-talented moms who straight up abandon or delay their pursuits.

Why? Because of fear: fear of their family suffering if they follow their dreams; fear of failing at motherhood; fear of doing things differently from the way their mamas and mama’s mamas did it; fear of taking the precious time they have left after a long day to pour into themselves.

And I get it. I had those fears too. Piles of it. My fears manifested into mom guilt, judgment, shame, and self-criticism. They damaged my spirit. They were the bane of my existence.

In spite of my inner turmoil, activating my courage everyday (sometimes every half hour) led me to start slaying my stuck points. It empowered me to carve out much-needed mental and physical spaces to overcome obstacles plaguing my mind and heart. By leveraging my inner resource aka courage, I could implement self-care techniques to breathe and just be—practices I desperately needed to survive and thrive as a new mom.

And want to know what else came out of my venture? My spirituality expanded—it became richer and fuller. I did too. I was already a spiritual person before that demo coaching session, but once I committed to actually listening to my courageous insight, I experienced breathtaking energies working to support my greatest good. Those energies led me to pick up healing modalities like reiki, working with angels, oracles, ancestors, crystals, Shamanic drum medicine—techniques that gave me respite as a mom figuring out all the things.

Building a close relationship with Durga, who happens to be the ultimate symbol of courage for so many across the globe, took me on a wild tiger ride: leaving my city-based life and job to build Coach Shanita, Inc. from my suburban home near the bay; freeing me from the 9-5 and overtime grind so that I could become the mom I always wanted to be for my three children; hooking me up with guides across realms who’d soon join my winning team (kind of like spiritual Avengers); steering me to write about the very thing I struggled to demonstrate for years—good ol’ courage.

This book captures the findings that came from leveraging my courage.