Hot Rabbi

By Aviva Blakeman

For fifteen years, Shoshana Goldman has avoided her childhood synagogue. Her successful custom-furniture store keeps her busy enough, and the synagogue brings bad memories not peace. It will take nothing short of a minor miracle to change her mind.

Intrigued by her friends’ convictions that the new “hot Rabbi” is that minor miracle, Shoshana agrees to attend a service. It’s only one service, right? But meeting the new Rabbi changes everything.

David Freedman is settling into his new town and his new job easily. As a single dad and a Rabbi, his priorities are his daughter and his congregation. He doesn’t have time for romance, especially with the sexy pink-haired Shoshana whose tendency to say whatever she’s thinking is a breath of fresh air.

But his attraction to Shoshana is a distraction he doesn’t want to give up. He knows a romance with a congregant is a bad idea. So it’s a very good thing Shoshana isn’t a member.

As David and Shoshana grow closer, Shoshana’s troubled past threatens to destroy their happiness. Will David be the miracle she needs to live fully in the present?

Content warning: discussions of grief over loss of a parent

• Language: English
• Publisher: Bryant Street Publishing
• Release date: Feb 14, 2023
• ISBN: 9781094456263

Aviva Blakeman

Aviva Blakeman lives in North Carolina surrounded by books, yarn, and too many writing implements. She has been filling pages with words ever since she received her first Lisa Frank composition book (thankfully lost to history). She lives with an aging cat, who is even now demanding attention. You can visit her on twitter, which she hasn’t quite figured out. She also has a website where you can sign up for her newsletter.

Book preview

One

You should come with us to Beth Elohim, Sho. Shoshana Goldman rolled her eyes at her car’s dash as the voicemail played through her speakers. It was rare that her friends asked her to go to services, because they knew she was going to say no. 

It still happened once every few months, though. It was a tradition. They asked, she came up with a new reason why she couldn’t, they pretended to believe her. 

She supposed she didn’t really need a reason outside of I have no desire to sit through Rabbi Lefkowich wheezing his way through the Friday prayer service but that felt too obvious. Leah was still talking on the voicemail message, though. 

"There’s a new rabbi. Abigail says all the women are calling him Rabbi Sexy-Pants." 

Shoshana laughed out loud and parked the car so she could listen to the message again. It didn’t get less funny the second time through. She ignored the cars passing her--downtown was only about five blocks, she probably should have pulled into an actual parking space and not the shoulder of the road. 

Oh well, people would deal. Her car was small, it was a Wednesday morning, and this wasn’t exactly rush hour traffic. They could go around. She pressed a few buttons on the dash’s computer screen, returning the call. 

I swear to God, Shoshana, her friend said as soon as she picked up the phone, the old ladies call him rabbi sexy-pants. I didn’t believe it either, so I asked Evelyn. It’s totally true. 

There is no way all the bubbes are calling this guy that, Shoshana said, unable to even say it with a straight face. Come on, Leah. You have to do better than that. 

May God strike me dead. Abi asked me to make something for the oneg this Friday night, it’s supposed to be a kind of unofficial welcome or something, Leah said seriously. Shoshana could hear conversation and the sounds of clinking dishware in the background; her friend must be at work. Leah ran the only coffee shop in town that was worth a damn.

Just because you’re making something doesn’t mean you have to go to services. Are you catering too? Shoshana could count on her hand the number of times she’d darkened the doors of Beth Elohim since she graduated college. She wondered if they’d ever bothered to replace the ratty shag carpet in the balcony. The teenagers were the only ones whoever used it anyway. And the choir, during the holidays. 

Oh. Shit no, Abigail knows better than to ask for that. But I can make a few trays of chocolate babka and bring some coffee beans. Leah said something else, but it was muffled and there was a pinging sound that Shoshana knew would be the antique cash register. She must be talking to a customer. Shoshana signaled to pull back onto the street. She may as well keep driving if they were going to continue to talk about this. After a few moments Leah spoke again. Listen, I’m not saying it's better to hear the word of God from a hot rabbi, but I figure it makes things a little more interesting, right?

You are a terrible human being, Shoshana said, laughing. I didn’t even know they were looking for a new guy. What happened to Sidney Lefkowich? 

Apparently he gave the board his intention to retire six months ago. They’ve been auditioning new rabbis since Tu B’shvat. You’d know this if you read the newsletters. 

Did you know? Shoshanah’s disinterest in the goings-on at the local shul was well documented, but she was a little surprised Leah seemed to be behind on digesting new information. 

I knew they were auditioning people, but I kinda thought it was going to be a support thing and Sidney would hang around for a few years. But he’s fucking off to Arizona, something about scratching the dirt with his grandkids. 

I guess that makes sense, she said mildly. She couldn’t think what else there was to do in Arizona. 

Sho, you have to come, though, Leah said, something close to an actual whine in her voice. 

Shoshana flicked her bangs out of her eyes with one finger and adjusted her sunglasses. This was the Leah she was used to. Fun, but wheedling if she didn’t get her way. She smirked at herself in the rear-view mirror before she said, Remind me why I have to? 

Because I refuse to lose another bet to my sister. If you don’t show up, I owe Abi twenty bucks. 

You bet--

"No, Abi bet, Leah said. Shoshana could practically hear her stamping her foot. I just shook on it. Come on, it’ll be fun. You can scandalize the bubbe brigade and Abigail can introduce you to the preschool kids who aren’t awful." 

Leah-- 

Rabbi. Sexy. Pants. 

Ugh, okay fine. But you don’t get to ask me to do anything else for a month, Shoshana said, knowing it was useless to keep trying to fight it. Leah made some noises that could have been an agreement. They could also have been harrumphs of sarcasm, but Shoshana wasn’t done yet. You’re buying me dinner after, and I get to keep the twenty bucks. 

The shriek of a child’s laughter ripped through the quiet calm of the sanctuary and David smiled down at the Torah, losing his place for a moment. He glanced from the scroll in front of him on the lectern to the photocopied page from the Tanakh. There it was, that was the starting place for tonight’s portion. He pulled a small, bright orange triangular post-it pad from his pocket and made a note with his pen. 

Tateh! the little girl's voice ripped through the sanctuary again and he looked up in time to see a small, tow-headed child plow through the doors, her wispy curls flying in all directions. She was headed to the bimah at a dead run, short legs pumping hard. He glanced behind her, there was a barrel-shaped woman hot on her heels. He bit back a grin and stepped away from the lectern, walking to the edge of the short stage of the bimah to scoop the child up before she could take flight. 

Who’s done with preschool already, today? Did Miss Kathy say you could run screaming through the shul like a hooligan? he said, allowing the little girl to wrap her arms around his neck. He caught the eye of the stern looking woman and smiled to show it was alright. Her expression didn’t change. David tried not to laugh.

Tah-tee! the little girl said, her laughter making her gasp. David blew a raspberry against the side of her neck and she squealed with delight. Her hands flailed and one of her little fists narrowly missed his jaw. 

I tried to tell her you were very busy, Kathy said, her arms folded over her ample chest. David resisted the urge to shrug. He hadn’t really developed the knack for explaining to people that his daughter didn’t see his job as anything special. Sure, she understood that on Shabbat, daddy--he rather liked she preferred the Yiddish tateh--led services, and lots of people wanted him to help with things, but to her the Torah was just a thing in his office. The child was only four, for God’s sake. 

Dani is a big help with this part, David said to Kathy, then looked at his daughter, lifting the triangular post-it pad. Aren’t you? 

Can I stick the paper? Dani said, legs kicking in excitement. David caught one of her flailing limbs and nodded conspiratorially. 

Right where I point, remember? David said, turning back to the lectern, It’s important to get it just right. 

Cause if I miss then somebody’s going to say the wrong words, Dani said, her chubby fingers clutching the post-it like it was something much more important. 

Exactly, David said. He looked at Kathy. The lady had been the congregation secretary since the flood, or at least since the nineties. She had a very specific way of doing things and she was willing to do what David asked her to, but she made sure he knew that in the end her way was probably going to be more efficient. Would you like to help, Kathy? Dani will share, won’t you, Dani? 

You have to stick the paper just right, though, Dani said to Kathy. Her brow furrowed in a way that made David think she was mimicking his most serious face. You can do good at that, right? 

I’ll do my very best, Kathy said, something that could have been amusement flickering on her face. David got it, his kid was diabolical when it came to goodwill.  He reached into his pocket, handing another colored post-it pack to Kathy. He used different colors for morning and evening services. She took it, looking to Dani as though for further direction, and stepped back so that he could reference the printed page. He appreciated her forethought. 

Okay, Dani, it’s going to go right there, he said, using the silver yad with its finger-shaped tip to hover above a section of calligraphy. His daughter peeled a post-it from the pad very slowly. Her little tongue was peeking out of the side of her mouth and he bit his lip to keep from laughing. David glanced sideways at Kathy and the older woman’s attention was similarly on the girl. Her own face was a mirror of Dani’s serious concentration. 

The little girl used both hands to align the post-it and then place it on the vellum. She looked up at Kathy and said importantly, You have to do it this way, cause we can’t touch the Torah with our hands. 

Oh, I see, Kathy said, as though this were entirely new information for her. I’ll be very careful. 

David was grateful for this congregation, he realized. He had been worried when he made the decision to leave Maryland. But they had accepted him with open arms, joyfully, even. So much so that his worries about Dani’s transitioning to a much smaller support network seemed entirely unfounded.

Two

What do you think, Deev, too much? Shoshana walked out of the closet, tying the wrap dress closed. Her large, gray cat yawned. She laughed because she hadn’t really expected anything less. Well I can’t just go in the leggings I wore to work. They have the holes, you know? 

D’varim, Deev to his friends, began to methodically lick his own butt. 

You could at least pretend to care, dude, Shoshana said as she eyed herself critically in the mirror. It was so rare that she wore anything dressier than dark-wash jeans. She knew she looked good, but she wondered if she looked too good. It was one thing to go to services with Leah and Abigail, sure that wasn’t a thing she did… well at all really, but it was quite another to show up wearing something that looked like she was going to go on a date later. 

Would she wear this dress on a date? She cocked her head and turned to the side, her hands on her hips. Well, maybe if she adjusted the wrap bit so the neckline was lower. She wondered if she should be wearing Spanx. It was eighty-five degrees outside, she was already skipping the pantyhose. She probably should commit to foundation garments. 

Deev made a sound in his throat that was somewhere between a growl and a chirp. Shoshana sighed. 

"It’s the bubbes, okay? If I were just going out for drinks this would be fine." 

The cat blinked at her, long and slow. D’varim had a long, old-man face. It made him look otherworldly. It was probably also why she was so willing to talk to him. She’d never talked to her pets before. He lifted one of his massive paws, inspected his toe beans, and then placed it back down on the bed so his front paws were crossed. The cat could have been posing for his headshot for Psychology Today: Feline Edition. 

Don’t look at me like that, I’m not being paranoid, she said over her shoulder, fingers plucking at the long lariat necklace that dangled down her throat. 

Deev made a sound that was definitely a chirp. 

And I’m not covering my hair, this was said more defiantly that she meant to. She was overdue for a touchup, so the pink in her hair was more faded than she would have liked, but her hair was decidedly pink. More a brownish mauve at the roots, fading to a pastel at the ends, shades of magenta and peony and pepto mixed in for flair—it was her favorite of all the colors her hair had been over the years. 

But she knew the bubbes. They’d either love it or they’d decide she was an abomination. 

She considered a scarf for a brief moment. Plenty of women more observant than she was, chose to cover their hair for services. It wouldn’t be completely out of the ordinary if she decided to do that. Never mind that she would be doing it because she was a coward who didn’t want to deal with commentary on her hair choices.  

Of course, Abigail would know immediately why she was doing it and would never let her live it down. 

Deev jumped down from the bed, winding his big, floofy body around her leg. She reached down to give his head a good scritch. He was a judgmental, twenty-pound monster, but she loved him. Her phone buzzed on the vanity, reminding her of the time, and she straightened. No, she wouldn’t cover her hair. She was just going to Friday night Shabbat services, there was no need to second guess her entire life. 

This rabbi better be sex on a stick, she told the cat. Anything less than that would be a letdown after the amount of preparation this was taking.

This rabbi is sex on a stick, Shoshana murmured behind her prayer book. 

I told you, Leah said, her tone equally sotto voce, Didn’t I tell you? 

"I told you, Abigail said from Shoshana’s other side, Aren’t you glad you came?" 

Remind me to thank you with wine and song later. There has to be at least twenty families here, Shoshana said. They were in the last pew, the one closest to the door, but the sanctuary was pretty full for a regular Friday night.

If you look that good in a tallis, they will come, Leah said, then snickered. A little boy in the pew directly in front of them turned around and glared, lifting his finger to his lips for quiet. 

Shoshana’s jaw dropped open. 

The child gave her a nasty look that clearly said he thought she was terrible. Apparently, setting a bad example was still roundly frowned upon. The little shit’s mother’s hand ghosted over his head absently. 

They were in the middle of the Amidah. Everybody was making noise. Well, chanting, anyway. 

Shoshana refused to be shamed by a child. She shook her head, forcing a laugh from somewhere. This time the kid’s mom turned her head. Shoshana waved. The woman rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to the bimah. Not that Shoshana could blame her. 

"He even sings. What the fuck, Abi?"

 As a general rule, rabbis weren’t known for their ability to carry a tune. Sure, they could chant (it was part of the job description) but most of the time, the more melodic parts of the service would be done by a music director or a cantor. This guy, though, this fucking guy was a double threat.

Shh, don’t say ‘fuck’ during prayers, it’s distracting, Abigail murmured, amusement making her voice crack. Her tone said this was the most fun she’d had all week. 

Or at least say it in Hebrew, Leah joked. This time the little boy jerked his mom’s cardigan. The woman glared over her shoulder at Leah. Leah raised her shoulders to show she was a helpless victim in it all herself. She’d always been good at deflecting blame when her twin got them into trouble. 

What is the Hebrew for fuck? Shoshana wondered, then ducked behind her prayer book when she realized she was being scrutinized.

Sex-on-a-stick was adjusting his tallit, eyes watching her with something that could have been amusement or intrigue or both. She resisted the urge to dive down to the floor. She could claim she dropped her keys or something. 

The man’s eyes said he was very aware that she’d been less than engaged for the better part of the service. From somewhere inside herself, she felt the defiance rear up. It was a familiar feeling and she welcomed it, glad she wasn’t so caught up by his good looks that she was a sheep in the field. She felt her eyebrow arch in something that could have been a silent yes, and? It wasn’t her fault she’d tripped her way through L’cha Dodi. 

And it was definitely not her fault that his voice was doing things to her. 

It should be illegal for a man’s voice to be that sexy when he was praying, she decided. He sounded like he should be growling out a soulful, rock ballad. Something with a scratchy electric guitar and a strong rhythm section. He had a voice that made her think of good bourbon. The kind that burned all the way down. 

She swallowed hard and tried not to stare at the way his hands gripped the podium. Of course he’d have gorgeous hands. Gorgeous hands to go with a gorgeous-- 

She almost fell back into the pew when they finished the chant. Abi elbowed her side. Her friend’s face was triumphant. Shoshana shook her head, laughing silently. She shrugged, nodding as if to say yeah, okay you win. 

The guy was worth the trip. 

David Freedman had never flubbed a service so hard in his life. 

Not even his bar mitzvah. 

At least for his bar mitzvah he’d been able to claim inexperience and puberty. 

He tried to focus. For the love of God, he printed his sermons in a double-spaced, size twenty-four font specifically so he wouldn’t have to struggle to focus. He wished he’d worn his glasses instead of the contacts.

Then, immediately, he was glad he hadn’t. He looked dorky in his glasses, always had. He shuffled the papers in front of him in a show of rhetorical concentration, but really, he needed a reason to stop staring. 

Who was that woman sitting next to Abi Meyer? 

It was difficult not to stare. It was impossible not to be captivated by that wide mouth. Her smile held secrets. As though she were working very hard not to giggle with Abi and Leah. He wanted to know what could make a woman smile like that. 

David scanned the rest of the congregation, telling himself it would be less obvious he was definitely watching her if he was also watching everyone else. The entire congregation was watching him with varying degrees of expectation. It was something that happened on a weekly basis and he was used to it, so as he continued through the prayers, his eyes flicked back to the enigma on the back pew. Her eyes were… not expectant. That surprised him. 

She was watching him in a way that made him wonder what she was thinking. He found himself wishing he could tell from this distance what color her eyes were. From his position on the bimah, he could only see the dark eye makeup, the high cheekbones, the hair that looked like some kind of rare collection of flowers. 

He’d have to come up with a reason to talk to her at the oneg, that’s all there was for it. He was the rabbi, he should introduce himself to new congregants, right? 

Right. That was his job. 

Also his job: stepping away from the podium so that the president of the board could make the weekly announcements. David smiled at the guy in a way that he hoped was apologetic and not like he was a lascivious kid caught staring at the teacher’s ass. He took his seat behind the lectern and looked back out at the congregation. Sitting on the bimah meant he had the best seat in the house to people-watch. 

Everyone was watching him, rapt. He hoped it was because he’d made a decent point or two in the sermon and not because he’d been telegraphing his inner monologue. He was fairly certain if that was the case the board president wouldn’t have allowed him to keep talking for so long. At least he hoped not.  

His eye caught Dani. The little girl was sitting on the front row with Kathy next to her and Dani’s beloved stuffed tiger between them. Dani bounced on the seat and grinned at him. David felt his own lips tugging into a grin. His kid was adorable. 

Somehow he was getting up again, shaking the president’s hand and going back to the podium to say the benediction. He wasn’t sure how it happened, but there was a closing song in there, too. He was pretty sure he even managed to carry the tune. Then everyone was collecting their belongings. There was the usual rush of people either to the bimah or to the exits. Dani’s little voice carried through the crowd as she wound her way between legs to get to him, excitedly telling Kathy that she was going to eat all the rugelach at the oneg. 

David was going to let her.

But first, he was going to figure out a way to introduce himself to that woman.

Three

Oh I’m going to say hi to Rebecca, be right back, Abigail said, placing her paper coffee cup on a low table. Shoshana resisted the urge to collapse to the floor and grab onto her leg to keep her where she was. It was a silly, childish impulse, she knew, but it was an honest one. 

A part of her knew that all of her impulses tonight had been overly dramatic. She decided she would worry about that later. She wasn’t going to give herself shit for being a drama queen, she was having emotions. Drama happened when you had emotions, that was just science. 

Leah was in the kitchen. No matter what she said about Abi knowing better than to ask her to cater, she was swept up in the activity almost as soon as they walked in. Something about the volunteers for this week not knowing how to make the commercial coffee machine work. Leah’s abandonment wasn’t intended to be malicious, and neither was Abi’s desire to talk to coworkers. Shoshana knew that. She still felt like they’d left her to flop around like a fish on the dock. 

She knew she must look a little ridiculous, standing awkwardly in the corner because she didn’t feel comfortable enough to start a conversation with anyone. And she didn’t know what to do with her hands, so she was stuck in a state of hands-to-hips, crossed-arms, hands-to-sides, hands-to-hair, and back again.

She felt acrid perspiration start to form under her arms. 

Trying to talk oneself out of social anxiety was an exercise in futility, wasn’t it? Sure, she could go up to any one of the older people, even if they didn’t remember her specifically they would remember her father. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Fear of being judged held her captive against the exposed brick wall.

She swallowed, annoyed with herself for not being able to snap out of it. This was exactly what she meant when she called herself a drama queen, this exact shit right here. She was being ridiculous. 

She shifted from one foot to the other, wondering if it would be totally unacceptable for her to barge into the kitchen. Leah might be a little surprised she remembered where the kitchen was, but she probably wouldn’t mind her hiding out. 

That’s it, she was going to hide out with Leah. The decision made, Shoshana stepped away from the safety of the wall and turned toward the double doors that led to the kitchen. There was a long table in her way. She was so intent on her destination, she almost walked right into it. The trestle table was piled with trays of desserts, fresh fruit, and finger foods. This was definitely more elaborate than the onegs she remembered from her childhood. 

Usually it was a few trays of donuts or something.

It was a welcome for the new rabbi, she remembered, and, well, it definitely said welcome. 

It also screamed eat me, her mind whispered and