Darlene's Redneck Recipes: The Humor and Homestyle Cookbook

By Patricia Preston

It's all about humor and homestyle cooking Darlene-style!

 

Over 200 simple country recipes presented by Darlene Higginbottom (50's movie star wannabe and comic character from "Laid to Rest").

Although Darlene's no expert in the kitchen and hates cooking, she'll be sharing down-home recipes from all the womenfolk in her family and townspeople. She'll also provide a hilarious commentary on Southern cooking and traditions, such as why the cornbread skillet is sacred, picking poke sallet, and frying everything.

From cornbread to homemade pies, it's all about comfort food that Southern mommas have cooked for generations. Full of butter, fat, and everything that's bad for you but tastes so good that Darlene promises you'll be swooning and asking for seconds. Yummy! 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Patricia Preston
• Release date: Dec 28, 2022
• ISBN: 9798215740996

Book preview

MEET DARLENE

From Clayburn, Mississippi, fictional character Darlene Higginbottom is just a small-time gal, working at the Crystal Cinema in 1957 and dreaming of becoming a movie star like her idol, Marilyn Monroe.

Some of the more unenlightened townspeople consider outspoken, enterprising Darlene to be a bad girl because she’s bleached her hair and she’s been known to entertain a man occasionally for money. But Darlene sticks by her motto that a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do to make her dream come true.

Back in the 40s, Darlene was helping her momma in the kitchen by the time she was five. She was shucking corn, plucking feathers, stringing beans and all the while, the legacy of real fine and fattening Southern food was being handed down to her by her momma, her grannies, and her aunties.

Darlene is here to share some of her favorite Southern recipes along with her opinions and stories of Southern cooking at its best…or maybe its worst…

COOKING SOUTHERN-STYLE

by Darlene Higginbottom

aka Darlene Durand.

(That’s gonna be my movie star name.)

First off, I don’t know how I got stuck in a book about cooking. I could’ve done a much better job telling you how to become a movie star or even how to get a man since I don’t have no trouble doing either, honey.

But, nooo, I’ve gotta talk about cooking and food down here in the South. Finally, I was told I’d be narrating the book and adding things called anecdotes, and that would make me special.

So I studied on that for a moment and said, All righty, I’ll do it.

This here cookbook contains a passel of yummy recipes that are super simple, and you’ll probably have all the ingredients you need on hand. Ain’t none of them complicated or fancy.

I don’t know about you, but I ain’t got no time for being Betty Crocker. Not with me on my way to fame and fortune and all that.

We only have a couple of fundamentals when it comes to cooking.

First off, we don’t measure nothing down here.

If you were to ask Granny Higginbottom how she made something, she’d say, Well, some of that and a little of this. She never used measuring cups. It was like all the women magically knew how much it took to make a dish. I found out as I grew up that when you spend most of your day in the kitchen, you learn how to cook without measuring stuff.

That being said, all the recipes in this book do have measurements included for your convenience. The measurements are only guides. They ain’t written in stone.

For example, what I do is taste stuff when I’m making a dish, so I start out with only a little bit of sugar or salt or spice because maybe the recipe might be too salty or too sweet for my liking. Also, I usually cut back on onions because I don’t like them that much. Make the dish your own by adding things you like and cutting back on the ingredients you don’t like until you’re happy with how the food tastes.

You might even come up with a new recipe of your own. After all, that’s how all recipes came to be. Somebody fooling around in the kitchen (with food), and next thing you know, they’ve created a new dish!

The second fundamental of Southern cooking is that we don’t use no artificial ingredients when it comes to cooking.

For example, I use real butter and real sugar. For example, we use real butter and real sugar. Granny Higginbottom never used any of that store-bought margarine or fake sugar. She would’ve considered that a disgrace to the human race.

What you’ll find in our kitchens and Hoosier cabinets are simple, basic ingredients that we use in nearly everything we cook. Here’s the basics you’re gonna need:

Flour (all-purpose and self-rising)

Cornmeal

Cane Sugar and Brown Sugar

Butter (keep two pounds on hand)

Shortening or Lard, Vegetable oil, Cooking spray,

Sweet Milk, Buttermilk

Eggs

Cheese

Salt and Pepper

Vanilla

Onion

Cream of mushroom soup

Cream of chicken soup

Most of the recipes in this cookbook will use some of these ingredients along with additional meats, vegetables, or fruits, so be sure to have them on hand for daily cooking.

That’s it with the fundamentals as far as I’m concerned.

This is just a plain cookbook with recipes just like you’d find written on a card in your momma’s recipe box. There ain’t no calorie count listed. We don’t keep up that around here. If you’re worried about calories, you ain’t gonna enjoy your food. We like our food and we enjoy it.

I figure most of these recipes will feed 4-6 people, depending on how much they eat. When we start mixing up a dish, we know from looking about how many servings it’ll be, and we just add to it if need be. If it’s too much, then we’ll have leftovers the next day.

I will confess that I’m not an expert on cooking. You know, it just ain’t my dream to spend my best years in front of a stove. The bright lights of Hollywood are calling to me, but that’s another story and this here story is all about cooking.

FAVORITE BEVERAGES

OUR MOST POPULAR BEVERAGE

SWEET ICED TEA

Tea is available everywhere in the South. It’s always served over ice, in a tall glass, with or without lemon. I’ve never been to a diner that didn’t have iced tea on the menu, and it comes sweet, or you can order unsweetened tea.

Some folks do drink it without sugar, but not many. That just ain’t the Southern way.

It has always been a daily ritual at my momma’s house to make a gallon of sweet tea. It’s always served over ice, and there ain’t nothing like sitting in the swing sipping sweet tea.

I’ve heard it said that iced sweet tea is the South’s table wine. I reckon that must be true because growing up, I never saw no wine on the dinner table.

Ain’t nobody in the Bible Belt gonna have wine or any other liquor on the dinner table for everybody to know about, especially the preacher.

But I’m not saying they didn’t drink. They just kept it hidden. Granny Higginbottom called her whiskey medicine, and it was stored in a cabinet over the icebox. Granny was inclined to need a dose of her medicine fairly often.

And, unfortunately, when you got sick, Granny would get out her bottle of medicine and mix up a dose for you. That’s when I’d start running. There’s nothing worse than a big spoonful of whiskey and honey shoved down your throat. I would be gagging and coughing for an hour.

I will confess after a dose of that medicine, I managed to be instantly cured of whatever was wrong with me.

SOUTHERN SWEET TEA

For a quart of sweet tea

1 heaping Tbsp loose-leaf black tea

or a family-size tea bag.

(Note: the more tea you use, the stronger the tea.)

1/3 to ½ cup of sugar

a pinch of baking soda.

Bring 4 cups of water to a boil in a saucepan. Remove from heat. Add loose-leaf tea and a pinch of baking soda. This is exactly how Granny Higginbottom made tea. The pinch of baking soda will give the tea a smooth taste and it won’t get cloudy in the fridge.

Let tea steep for about 5 minutes. Using a strainer to catch the leaves, pour tea into a pitcher. Add sugar and stir until sugar is melted. You can taste tea to see if you want to add more sugar. Top off with two cups of ice. You’ll have yourself some fine tea!

If you’re using tea bags, you can put them in an empty quart pitcher, along with the sugar. If your pitcher is glass, make sure it is room temperature when you pour boiling water over tea bags. Add baking soda, and let steep. Stir well and serve over ice in a tall glass.

You can also add a slice of lemon to your tea if you want.

BRIDAL SHOWER PUNCH

Just remember, honey, you can marry more money