A Memoir Rediscovered: Uncovering the Man Who Lived What He Believed

By Cindy Little DMin MDiv

A Christian who has not suffered is like a child without training. Such Christians cannot receive or understand the fulness of God’s blessing. They know the Lord only as an acquaintance rather than as an intimate heavenly Father. Romans 8:17 says, “Now, if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings, we do so we may share in His glory.” This is the goal of the Christian: to so identify with Jesus Christ that is all others see.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Nov 20, 2022
• ISBN: 9781664282933

Cindy Little DMin MDiv

Anyone who has an interest in knowing God or how God is undeniably present during times of suffering and loss, will benefit from reading this book. He or she will come to understand that faith makes a difference while suffering. This book is an account of a real-life person who demonstrated that a person can live a victorious faith despite hardship and trial. Suffering and faith are intricately connected. The author states that no one is exempt from suffering including followers of Jesus. She gained her many insights not only from witnessing and experiencing the loss of her husband but also because she embraced her own faith during that time as well. Adding to her insights is her life-long commitment to becoming all God has purposed for her life. She has dedicated and incorporated all of life circumstances in order to better understand human suffering as it intersects faith while living in a broken world. Her devotion to education, experiences as a single mother and as a nurse and prayer minister have made this possible.

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A Memoir

REDISCOVERED

UNCOVERING THE MAN

WHO LIVED WHAT HE BELIEVED

Cindy Little, DMin, MDiv

Copyright © 2022 Cindy Little, DMin, MDiv.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by

any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying,

recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system

without the written permission of the author except in the case of

brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author

and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of

the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of

people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.westbowpress.com

844-714-3454

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or

links contained in this book may have changed since publication and

may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those

of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher,

and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are

models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Scripture quotations taken from the (NASB®) New American Standard

Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1971, 1977, 1995, 2020 by The Lockman

Foundation. Used by permission. All rights reserved. www.lockman.org

ISBN: 978-1-6642-8294-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6642-8295-7 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-6642-8293-3 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2022920457

WestBow Press rev. date: 11/18/2022

CONTENTS

In Memory

Acknowledgments

Endorsements

Preface

Introduction

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Conclusion

Prayer is not monologue, but dialogue; God’s voice is its most essential part. Listening to God’s voice is the secret of the assurance that He will listen to mine.

—Andrew Murray¹

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¹  Andrew Murray, With Christ in the School of Prayer, eBook (Overland Park, KS: Digireads.com Publishing, February 8, 2019),ISBN: 1420961063.

To the glory of God and to the readers, especially

my sons, Lucas, Bryce, and Jared.

To the next generation of Little readers—Mason John, Elias

Vaughn, Cameron Robert, Abram John, Jameson John, Everly

Rose, Adeline Nicole and Edwin Matthias—as well as to

the generation of readers that will follow from their lives.

Finally, to Chaplain (Colonel, Retired) Bob Jenkins; Carol

Jenkins; Chaplain (Colonel, Retired) Alan Buckner and his

wife, Lou; and other military chaplains and friends who prayed

and were my backbone, holding me up so I could stand.

May each of you be strengthened to know God better.

May the love of God draw you close to Him. And, in

turn, may you know and experience Him more fully.

May the Holy Spirit infuse truth found in

God’s Holy Word that is life-giving.

May you experience grace by faith, leading

to the reality and joy of salvation.

And lastly, may the words found in this memoir

reach into each heart, giving hope and purpose for

life simply because of how much you are loved.

IN MEMORY

This memoir is a living memory of a loving husband, father,

brother, chaplain, and friend. Without John, many lives would

have never come to know and live for Jesus. Like golden

strands of thread in a fine piece of material masterfully

created, his thoughts were meant to be shared, read, and

contemplated. Heaven gained one of its own, yet those who

knew and loved John gained something as well. We were

blessed to partake in his life because he lived what he believed

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I am indebted to many individuals who have encouraged me to write this memoir. I am grateful for their insights and gentle pushes as I have endeavored to make this memoir all it can be. In particular, I’m grateful to Melissa Jenkins-Fernandez, Alan Buckner, Hanna Alway, and my weekly intercessors—you know who you are.

A friend said to me, Through your willingness to revisit John’s journal in order to uncover his journey, including yours, many will be blessed, and lives will be touched and changed. That is my prayer.

Revisiting John’s journal and reading and parsing through his feelings, as well as mine, was not as easy of a journey as you might imagine. I have relived many of the events surrounding John’s and my journey with cancer over and over again. In light of this challenge, God remained faithful. His sustenance helped the end result come to fruition.

Besides my own prayer life, occasionally, I have felt the need to ask for clear direction from the Lord. In doing so, I’ve turned to my trusted intercessors. Because we prayed, my muddled thoughts surrounding certain events were reordered. Prayer made a significant difference.

Private thoughts will now become public opinion. As a result, it is my prayer that anyone who reads the memoir will be convicted to know the Lord.

It is also my prayer that John’s testimony and my comments will reveal that, while we sought the Lord in almost every detail, the greater challenge was to be a living testimony amid all the suffering. Our challenge was to have faith with the end result of changing lives for eternity. Without faith, it is impossible to please Him. For he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him (Hebrews 11:6).²

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²  Charles Caldwell Ryrie, The Ryrie Study Bible: The New American Standard Translation (The Moody Press Institute of Chicago, 1976). Unless otherwise noted, all scripture used is credited to this translation.

ENDORSEMENTS

It is my honor to endorse this wonderful work by Dr. Cindy Little. I had the distinct pleasure to know her husband, John, as he served as a chaplain in the 10th Mountain Division, Light. John was a man of faith who lived what he believed. The reflections found in the memoir depict a man and his family who walked the valley of the shadow of death but whose fears were overcome by the presence of the living God who never left their side, then and now. I certainly hope that, as you read through these pages, your life will be blessed as mine has been.

—Chaplain (Colonel-Retired) Alan Buckner

I know some of Cindy’s life story, and she has been through fire and come out with the sweet fragrance of the Spirit of God. I am excited that she finally found the time to write God’s story of her life.

—Hanna Alway, Director, America Pray Now

I became well acquainted with Cindy at a monthly prayer gathering we attended. I’ve come to know Cindy as a devoted follower of Jesus Christ, whose knowledge and experiences, combined with her heart of compassion to serve others, especially those needing healing of the soul, has made her an effective and powerful minister of the Grace of God. I trust Cindy’s work will bring God glory.

—Dave LaRock, Virginia House of Delegate, 33rd District.

Cindy is a woman of wisdom and passion for our Lord. She has endured many battles in life and demonstrates complete devotion to her family. This book is just one piece of her life where she exemplifies her faith as she follows in the steps of Jesus Christ.

—Rev. Kristen Higgins, M.Div., BCC

PREFACE

Years ago, life took one great big hairpin like turn. It went in a direction no one could have ever anticipated. Initially, it was quite devastating. During spring 1995, unusual grumblings of ongoing backaches manifested in John’s body. It was most pronounced after he’d endured miles of rucksack marches with the 10th Mountain Division, Light. While this was not particularly uncommon, what was unusual was that the backaches never left. A general malaise persisted as well.

By June 1995, after a long-awaited physical exam, a Ft. Drum physician discovered a large mass in John’s abdominal cavity. The news of a mass scared both of us. Initially, we were told it was stomach cancer. We were frightened by the proposed diagnosis, yet more so, by the short life expectancy of a mere three months. However, stomach cancer was soon ruled out by other Ft. Drum physicians. We became more hopeful.

John was then sent for further examination at Walter Reed Medical Center. There, the diagnosis was changed to lymphoma. Even though this was not 100 percent certain, regardless, we were grateful and believed it bought us more time. Nevertheless, it still felt like a punch in the gut, as we knew we were dealing with some form of life-threatening cancer.

The final diagnosis of seminoma would not be identified until a lymph gland was aspirated and the tissue examined by the physicians. The procedure occurred directly at John’s bedside. We were given the diagnosis within minutes, and from this point forward, life would never be the same. We would never return to what we had believed was, by our standards, a normal and happy life.

Months of treatments and the eventual death of my husband, Chaplain (Major) John D. Little on March 10, 1996, forever altered my life and that of my three sons. This memoir is based, in part, on the journal of my husband while he was ill.

Writing from John’s journal brought to my mind the gracious and timeless efforts of Oswald Chamber’s wife, Biddy Chambers. Just as I have written this book from John’s journal, Biddy Chambers also wrote a book from her husband’s journal. Without her efforts, the world would not have the well created works of My Utmost for His Highest. Oswald’s insights and Biddy’s contributions have helped millions.

I am not comparing the content of this memoir or the comments I have added to that of Oswald or Biddy Chamber. Nonetheless, what is important is the hours dedicated to the task of writing so the insights from John’s life of faith can be shared with others.

I believe generations yet to come will be indebted to the uncovering of truth found in his journal. The truth that will be discovered is this: Purpose and meaning can be discovered while suffering, and life can be lived well in light of knowing Christ and His suffering.

Suffering varies widely in experience and human condition. Suffering is also unequivocally unavoidable, as it affects the very young to the old.

Because suffering varies in experience, understanding, and purpose, feelings associated with suffering vary as well. In light of this truth, Christian’s often have different perspectives on suffering than nonbelievers.

For the believer, suffering often results in the revelation of grace and, frequently, newfound purpose. The first thing God does is to get us grounded in a strong reality of truth. He does this until our cares for ourselves individually have been brought into submission to His way for the purpose of His redemption.³

Nonbelievers, however, aren’t quite as fortunate. The underlying issue of having no personal relationship with God is that it brings with it limited help from the Creator. Blame, despair, and distress are typically front and center. Turning from God is turning to self-pity. Self-pity is equal to that of having the very breath taken from your life. Most [individuals] collapse at the first grip of pain. We sit down at the door of God’s purpose and enter a slow death through self-pity.⁴

God still rescues, regardless of how far or how long you may have run from Him. He is relentless and long-suffering for a relationship with His creation. He comes with "the grip of the pierced hand of His son, as if to say, enter into fellowship with Me, arise and shine. If God can accomplish His purposes in the world through a broken heart, then why not thank Him for breaking yours?"⁵

I am of the opinion that there are many reasons God allows suffering. He is not some awful ogre Who delights in revealing His dominating and oversized power. Rather, He has other purposes in mind. After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace who called you to His eternal glory in Christ will, Himself perfect, strengthen and establish you.⁶

In the original language of 1 Peter 5:10, the word perfection implies something needing restoration. The Gospel writer Mark compares perfection to that of a fishing net needing reparation. Luke, another Gospel writer, references it to learning. He equates it to a student being taught by a teacher for an intended purpose (Mark 1:19; Luke 6: 39–42).

Therefore, the one who suffers is perfected, strengthened, and established, making him or her able to endure hardship enabled from grace. The suffering saint is, thus, empowered to be salt and light even when circumstances are unbearable.

Another purpose is for the revelation of God’s grace in the life of the one who is actually suffering. However, it is not for them alone. It is for others as well. It is extended and intended for the one who supports or observes the sufferer too.

Grace is revolutionary. The grace of God covers every need and is available to every person who follows Him. My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness. Therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.⁷

However, and rather paradoxically, the more a person understands and embraces grace, the more grace enables and helps a person to suffer in true perspective. In other words, grace adds to life when the world often tells you that suffering is pointless and meaningless.

Suffering reveals both limitations and strength and quickly puts life in perspective. Suffering brings to light the true character of a person and purports an opportunity where grace can come alive. Primarily, grace invites an active interaction with God. Without grace, suffering will most likely be found to be worthless.

Because of the profound impact God’s grace can have on a person’s life, a person can actually suffer well. Grace allows new things to be discovered or possibly even rediscovered. Grace strengthens personal growth. It empowers a redefining of life, and frequently, a reevaluation of relationships occurs as well. In all actuality, because of suffering, grace becomes a gift.

As noted, I have come to believe that suffering is actually a gift. C. S. Lewis also believed suffering was a gift. I suggest to you that it is because God loves us that He gives us the gift of suffering. You see, we are like blocks of stone out of which the Sculptor carves the forms of men. The blows of His chisel, which hurts us so much, are what makes us perfect.⁸

Typically, human nature is such that most want to avoid the whirlwind of suffering at almost any cost. I have found that a level of courage is necessary to face it head-on.

An understanding of suffering provides fresh revelation, even new purpose for living. It allows a person to rise above once supplanted old reasoning and doubts about oneself, God and, possibly others too. Laying down the fight between our humanistic dogmas and erroneous beliefs about suffering, suffering then opens the door to better understand grace and God’s sovereignty, omniscience, and omnipotence over our lives.

Finally, recognizing and honoring the