Haven't You Always Wanted A Monkey?: Random Tangent, #10

By Chris Hollywood

It's always nice to receive gifts. Not from your Grandmother, of course, unless there's money in it. Thanks Grandma. Why is it that she just can't buy you a decent present? Anyway, sometimes those gifts require a lot of responsibility, like those terribly complicated LEGO sets, or a pet.

 

Returning to Earth, Mongrels Stevens finds some surprises waiting for him: his mon, a pet monkey, and Elvis. Although he's only an Elvis impersonator, he's so good at his job that one out of every ten thousand fans can't tell the difference – and all those fans live in Dunttstown. Getting caught up in a small mob, Mongrel catches the eye of a repugnant woman, who thrusts her advances at him and won't take no for an answer. He does his best to handle all this while taking care of his new charge, but it seems like Dunttstown is no place for a monkey.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Chris Hollywood
• Release date: Nov 14, 2022
• ISBN: 9798215557488

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Table of Contents

Haven't You Always Wanted A Monkey? (Random Tangent, #10)

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Haven’t You Always Wanted A Monkey?

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A Random Tangent Story

Series 1

Episode 10

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Chris Hollywood

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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are the products of the author’s deranged imagination, are used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental, or purposely constructed by the author to confuse, mock, or scare readers.

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Copyright © 2022 by Chris Hollywood

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Cover Design by Chris Hollywood

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All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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www.chriseffect.com

Mongrel Stevens woke up on a sunny beach on Mon Isle with sand in his drawers and bird shit in his hair.

‘What is Mon Isle’ you ask? Mon Isle is the home of the strange and exotic mons. It is a small island located to the severe left of the middle of the Inadequate Sea, which is approximately twenty minutes from reality. But don’t bother going to look for it; one can only manage get there by not trying to. In light of this fact, some of you might argue: why don’t people who have never even heard of the place suddenly find themselves on Mon Isle, since they surely wouldn’t be trying to get there. It should therefore be said that no one should argue with a narrator. Ever.

Elvis Presley was standing over Mongrel, wearing a white jumpsuit that was covered in rhinestones, black sunglasses, and a cape. The cape was two toned: red and chrome, and it flapped maddeningly in the breeze. He was lucky that no bulls happened to be around. Much like bulls, mons are also attracted to the colour red, but only out of context.

How’re you doin’ son? Elvis asked Mongrel in that infamous Elvis drawl that is often imitated, but never duplicated. Did you sleep well? Would you like a coconut? He held out a coconut with a straw sticking out of it.

Mongrel sat up and rubbed his head, then realized it didn’t hurt. He was so used to his head always hurting that it was second nature to just start rubbing. Where’d Shabby-Mon go? he asked. Most people might think imposing such a question on Elvis would not be such a good idea, because Elvis asked the questions around here, not you. Mongrel, however, didn’t know any better.

He ran off over there. He pointed to Shabby-Mon, standing amidst a huge crowd of other mons. Elvis then pulled a monkey into Mongrel’s view. Oh, and he wanted you to have this. His name is Berthys. He was orphaned by his momma at the zoo, and was later kicked out because he didn’t play nice with the other monkeys.

Mongrel looked at Berthys for a second, then moved her aside to look at the other mons. Mongrel wasn’t sure what