The Power of Positive Thought: A Comedic Romance

By David Shelton

The date is set, the church has been booked and invites have gone out to family and friends. All the bride needs now is a groom! When single woman Alice Albright announces her wedding leaving herself just three months to find a groom, everyone thinks she's nuts. But as family, friends, and the LA-based motivational guru who inspired her, get caught up in the wedding preparations, Alice is not the only one whose mentality is questioned. Will the Law of Attraction kick in so Alice can walk down the aisle and have "the one" waiting for her at the end of it simply because thinking it makes it so? Or is she about to discover that even a glass-half-full person can have a bad day?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Cartoon Cactus
• Release date: Mar 13, 2022
• ISBN: 9798215140949

Book preview

1

If it hadn’t been for the herd of cows following the loved-up young couple, menacingly, it would have been the perfect romantic evening. The sun had started to set, and Alice and Miles were heading back to the pub where they were staying during their long-awaited hiking weekend.

‘I’m sure they’re bulls,’ said Miles.

Alice squeezed his hand a little tighter as they walked.

‘I don’t think they are,’ she said, unsure.

‘Ladyboys then,’ said Miles. ‘Of the aggressive variety. Teenage Mutant Ninja Ladyboy Cows.

Alice smiled. ‘They know we’re townies,’ she said. ‘They’ve come to take the piss, that’s what cows do. Just act cool and talk about something else.’

Miles looked round. The cows were catching up.

‘Right,’ he said. ‘How many kids do you want?

Alice did a double take and grinned, she was starting to enjoy this conversation - cows aside.

‘Three,’ she said, with a giggle.

‘Names?’

‘I’d like a boy called Arnold.’

Miles lost his footing for a moment and looked at Alice with slightly disgusted surprise.

‘Arnold?’

‘I like Arnold,’ said Alice, a little offended.

‘Sounds like a weird old man,’ said Miles.

‘Babies look like weird old men. It’ll suit him. How about you?’ she said, with a smile.

‘I’d like a daughter called Morag.’

Alice winced. She couldn’t help it. Miles looked at her aghast.

‘What’s wrong with Morag?’ he demanded.

‘Nothing,’ said Alice and they walked on a bit further. ‘Except it’s a fusion of ‘moron’ and ‘hag.’’

The field gate was now only meters away. Alice and Miles looked at each other and for a second, their thoughts were unified. They both lost their cool and made a run for it. Alice opened the gate, while Miles turned to the cows and shouted at them to get back! Once through, Alice swung the gate closed and she and Miles fell into each other’s arms with relief. Miles put two fingers up at the cows now that they couldn’t get him.

‘Miles,’ said Alice.

‘Huh?’

‘I think Morag may be on the way.’

Miles looked puzzled.

‘Or Arnold... Or both, if I’m having twins,’ she added.

‘Wait, what?’ said Miles, suddenly horrified.

‘I’m late’ said Alice, sheepishly.

Miles stared at Alice; his eyes full of fear as every emotion; every eventuality tumbled around in his head like wet washing in a dryer.

‘Oh God!’ he said. ‘I mean that’s great! Shit!’

This wasn’t the reaction Alice had been hoping for and she couldn’t hide her disappointment.

‘Miles?’

‘Sorry,’ said Miles. ‘Let me get my head around this. Christ. Gosh. Wow. That’s amazing. Oh bollocks’

‘I thought you’d be happy.’

‘I am!’

He began to pace while he thought things through.

‘Oh fuck. Sorry,’ he said. ‘Hooray!’

Eventually, after what seemed like an age to Alice, Miles smiled.

‘We should get married,’ he said.

‘Oh Miles!’ said Alice, dreamily.

‘It’s what you want, right?’

Alice nodded. ‘Very much so,’ she said.

Then they kissed.

2

Looking out through her white wedding veil reminded Alice somehow, of looking out through an aeroplane window high above the clouds. Everything beyond the transparent, gossamer-thin wall looked white and dreamy. ‘This is the happiest day of my life,’ she said, turning to her father, Harry who was riding beside her in the wedding car. He placed his hand on her barely noticeable baby bump.

‘Happiest day of all our lives!’ he said, proudly. Then he winked and smiled. Alice loved the way his neatly cropped white hair shifted back and forth on his head, whenever he grinned. Indeed, one of Harry Albright’s party tricks was making his scalp move backwards and forwards by smiling and then not smiling. Smiling and then not smiling. As a child, Alice was mesmerized and she and her sister, Philippa would spend hours trying to work out if it was actually his hair that moved, or his ears.

---

In the church, Reverend Hopewood, a slightly creaky, gentle giant of a man, stepped forward, his saucer-like eyes twinkling in the candlelight as he surveyed the room.

‘Dearly beloved,’ he said firmly. ‘We are all gathered here in the sight of God, and in the presence of these witnesses, to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony.’

Alice and Miles were stood before him, side by side. Miles was chewing his lip.

‘First,’ continued Hopewood — he hated this part of the ceremony — ‘I am required to ask anyone present who knows a reason why these two may not lawfully marry to declare it now.’

Alice’s mother, Doris was standing next to her husband. She was having a hot flush. Philippa, the Maid of honour, licked her dry lips.

‘The vows you are about to take…’

Miles cleared his throat.

‘Er…'

Alice looked up.

‘Do you wish to say something, Miles?’ asked Rev Hopewood.

‘I er... I know a reason,’ said Miles.

‘A reason?’

‘Why we shouldn’t get married.’

There was a collective gasp from the congregation. Doris hooked a finger into the neck of her blouse, desperate to waft in some cool air.

Alice turned to face her intended. ‘Miles?’

‘Sorry Alice, but I’m not ready.’

‘Not ready?’ Alice looked misty-eyed.

‘I thought I was,’ said Miles, ‘but — ’

Doris fainted. Thankfully, Harry was able to catch her in time and sit her down gently.

Miles looked over, concerned. ‘Maybe I should just leave,’ he said. And with that he turned on his heel and walked back down the aisle from whence he came. He had almost reached the huge oak doors at the entrance to the church, when Alice — still in total shock — managed to find her voice again.

‘Miles.’

He stopped walking and turned to face her. She looked small and vulnerable.

‘Alice?’

‘Why didn’t you say something sooner?

Miles hesitated for a moment as the congregation stood in silence. When he spoke, his voice was low and shaky.

‘I didn’t want to ruin your big day.’

With that said, he disappeared through the huge oak doors and they closed after him with a very final, heavy clunk.

Alice burst into tears.

3

Alice was seated next to the window reading a paperback copy of The Power of Positive Thought by Jonathan Planet, when the ‘fasten seat belts’ sign lit up with a ‘ping.’

‘Ladies and gentlemen,’ said the Captain, over the sound system. ‘We are now beginning our descent into London Heathrow Airport.’

Alice closed the book and looked at a diamond ring on her finger. She smiled to herself, then slipped it off and put it into a small case, before sliding it into her bag. As she fastened her seat belt across her trim — and totally not pregnant — waist, she looked out of the window happy to be returning home. Where had the last nine months gone to?

In the arrivals hall she soon spotted Philippa waiting for her with the biggest smile ever.

‘Look at you!’ said Philippa.

‘Hello gorgeous,’ said Alice as they hugged.

‘How was your flight?’ said Philippa. ‘You must be knackered. Not that you look knackered, you look brilliant!’

Alice stood back and looked at Philippa admiringly.

‘So do you!’ she said.

‘Don’t be ridiculous, I’ve put on two pounds. Mum can’t wait to see you.’

Then they had one more hug for good luck and headed out.

---

In the car park, they loaded Alice’s suitcases into the back of Philippa’s Peugeot.

‘Will you miss California?’ said Philippa.

‘I’ll miss the sun,’ said Alice. ‘And the people. Everyone is so positive. It was like, totally what I needed.

‘Philippa stopped loading suitcases for a moment and gave Alice a hard stare.

‘Totally what you needed?’ she said. ‘And was it so like, you know, cool?’

‘Sorry,’ said Alice. ‘Six months in LA and I sound like a valley girl.’

---

Once on the road, Alice turned on the media system and the car’s onboard computer decided it might be nice to show Alice a recent playlist: Pink Floyd, Radiohead, Twenty One Pilots — all magnificent bands but known for taking their audience to some pretty dark places.

Alice frowned. ‘So, has he done the deed?’

Philippa looked over at Alice and returned the frown with one of her own.

‘Your little escapade didn’t exactly endear Theo to the concept of wedded bliss,’ said Philippa.

‘But you’ve been together for what is it, seven years?’

‘Eight.’

‘Red light!’ screamed Alice.

Philippa almost broke her neck twisting her head back round to look at the road. Then it was her turn to scream as she slammed on the brakes… but too late! The Peugeot overshot the red traffic light and came to a holt in the middle of the busy box junction. The driver of a transit van which was now heading straight at them, managed to yank the wheel at the last minute and swerve the van round the back of the Peugeot, missing it by inches.

When the lights eventually changed to green (after what seemed like forever) Philippa limped the car over the junction and parked up half on, half off a grass verge. Both women were very badly shaken up.

‘Keep driving like that,’ said Alice, ‘and Theo may never even get a chance to pop the question.’

‘Alice, he’s really not that into weddings. He’s not ready. We’re not ready.’

This was like a kick in the guts for Alice. She wondered if those three words would haunt her forever?

I’m not ready.

‘Sorry Alice,’ said Philippa realising what she’d said. ‘I didn’t mean to — ’

‘Don’t worry,’ said Alice. ‘I’m much better now.’

Philippa smiled weakly, then put the car back into drive and gently pulled out into the traffic.

‘For a long time,’ said Alice. ‘I couldn’t even say… the M word.’

‘Marriage?’

‘Miscarriage.’

They drove on in silence for the rest of the journey, each lost in their own thoughts. Still feeling rattled, Philippa followed the Highway Code to the letter all of the way home — like her life depended on it — which, let’s be honest, isn’t that far from the truth.

4

The Albright residence was a large mock Tudor house on the outskirts of London. People in the neighbourhood knew the house because it usually had a beautiful old e-type Jaguar parked on the driveway. It really was a thing