Deirdre of the Sorrows

By Cherime MacFarlane

She has no choice. Drunk and insane who will he hurt next?

Number 1 on Listopia's Best Traumatized Heroine

Deirdre, deserted by her stepbrother finds herself stuck with a stepfather who is becoming crazier with each drink, and he drinks a lot. Left with no choice, Deirdre takes matters into her hands to protect not only Sylvie and herself but her child by the monster. Daniel had to go after graduation. His alcoholic father wouldn't allow another grown male in the house. All Daniel could do was join up. Home, he finds his father vanished without a trace.
Notice: may contain triggers regarding abuse.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Cherime MacFarlane
• Release date: Sep 29, 2022
• ISBN: 9798215902998

Cherime MacFarlane

Meet Award-Winning, Best-Selling Author Cherime MacFarlane. A prolific multi-genre author, she has a broad range of interests that reflect her been there-done that life. Romance, Historical Fiction, Fantasy, Paranormal, all sorts of characters and plots evolve from a vivid imagination. As a reporter for the Copper Valley Views, Cherime MacFarlane received a letter of commendation from the Copper River Native Association for fair and balanced reporting. She was part of the Amazon Best Selling in Anthologies and Holidays, and Fantasy Anthologies and Short Stories. The Other Side of Dusk was a finalist in the McGrath house award of 2017.

Book preview

Prologue

Deirdre

No excuses, I did it. I couldn’t let him do any more damage; Sylvie and I were enough. Rach wouldn’t get added to the list of females he ruined. The bastard had started on Sylvie when I became unavailable 'cause the clinic said my pregnancy was difficult.

It was pretty stupid on my part to think he would find someone else—an adult—to screw when he had fresh meat right at home, so it's my fault he hurt Sylvie. I knew I had to fix it.

Everything got put on hold until Rach’s birth, but I had a plan. Killing RT would be easy the way I figured it out. We had enough firewood and meat put by to get us through to spring. By then, I would be in better shape and could take care of us.

As soon as it got cold, like minus fifteen below zero, the bastard was toast. He would go out to check his trap line and not come back.

It worked slick as snot. The snowmachine belt I cut part of the way through let go halfway to the trapping cabin. RT froze to death trying to walk to safety.

I reported his failure to come home to the troopers...but sent them in the wrong direction.

Come spring, it took two full days for me to bury the fucker and the machine. I sure was gonna miss that snowmachine, but not RT.

Anyway, we made it just fine for four years, then Daniel had to come back and ruin everything. And worst of all, Daniel came home looking just like the old bastard—his father.

Chapter One

Deirdre

I stood in line at the post office waiting to mail a package. I don't even remember what it contained now, but whatever I'd bought online had to go back. The damn thing didn't work, so I intended to send it back for a refund. Why I had Sylvie place the order was a damn good question.

A hand fell on my shoulder and I spun around to smack whoever thought it was okay to get physical. Everybody knows you don't touch me. I've got a hair trigger and I'm not afraid to set it off.

But when I looked up, if Daniel had gone gray, I would've had a heart attack. The only thing that kept me from losing it was Daniel’s age; clearly it couldn't be RT. The realization that it wasn't the old man didn't stop me from getting the shakes though. I knew who stood in front of me, but I sure as hell did not look forward to the explanation I had to give Daniel.

Hey, Dee! I sure didn’t expect to find anybody in town. But I spotted the truck driving by on the way down to the homestead, and here you are.

I had to get Daniel out of the post office before somebody opened their mouth and said something. The package could wait for another day. I grabbed him by the jacket and worked on maneuvering him out the door.

Get in the goddamn truck, Daniel! Don't say a friggin' word! Just get in there.

I almost pushed him down the stairs. He stared at me like I was some nutcase. Damned if that wasn't close to being right, but we couldn’t have this conversation in the middle of the post office where everybody and his brother would make comments. No damn way! As it was, the Bush Telegraph would spread the news all over the Copper Basin by tomorrow morning that Daniel Janeway had made it back home.

I ran around to the driver's side of the truck, jerked open the door, and jumped in. Daniel got into the old GMC and shut the door behind him. I had the shakes so bad it felt like standing outside at thirty below zero with no jacket.

What the hell's going on, Dee? I thought at least you would be glad to see me. Then he asked the question I dreaded. Where the hell's the old man?

The damn old man bit the big one four years ago. Didn't the friggin’ troopers find you?

What the hell do you mean? He's dead? The old man's dead?

I wrapped both arms around me as I tried to still the trembling, but I wasn't doing too good. I thought for sure the troopers would’ve found Daniel and notified him. Damn! Damn! Damn! Now I had to tell him...and had to lie.

Four winters ago, he went out to check the trap line and never came back. The troopers looked for him, but they never found anything.

Daniel scrubbed his hands through his blonde hair. He huffed out a sigh.

How come you didn't go after him? You know where to search. Why didn't you go find him?

That's when I got pissed. Who the hell did he think he was? Where the hell had he disappeared to for five years?

It's a little hard to go looking for somebody in the cold and take an infant along, you know? When it’s an infant, one that’s still nursing, it’s real difficult.

Christ, Dee! You're married?

Naw, you idiot! I'm not fuckin’ married! Just 'cause you have a kid doesn't mean you're married.

So, who's the father? Who knocked you up?

I lost it. Any hopes I had of keeping my temper in check vanished. Didn't he know when he left it would happen? Was he so stupid he didn't get the message that his father was nothing but a lowlife?

Your old man! Who the hell else could it have been? Before you left, your old man was putting the make on me. Where the hell were you? Didn't you notice anything, Daniel?

He turned pale and sucked in a deep breath. When he put a hand out in my direction, I slapped it aside.

Don't touch me! Don't ever lay a hand on me. I don't want to be touched by another man as long as I live, you get me? Cause, swear to God, if you so much as put a finger on me again, I'm gonna hurt you.

Scrubbing his hands through his hair again, Daniel looked over at me. There were tears in his eyes. How the hell could he cry for that bastard? He should cry for me and Sylvie and Rach.

Oh, Sylvie! Now we're going to have to go through the whole thing with Sylvie. I didn't need Daniel! Why couldn't he go back to wherever he came from and leave us the hell alone?

What are you driving?

Motorcycle parked over there. He pointed to a decrepit looking bike parked over at the edge of the post office lot.

Fun! We'll never be able to get that piece of junk down to the house.

I didn't plan on trying to ride it down to the house. I thought we could use the loading ramp down at the woodlot, stick it in the back of the truck, and haul it down there.

No way, Mr. Smart Stuff! But I've got a big storage shed down at the woodlot. We'll stuff it in there. Get your ass on the bike and get down to the lot. I'll meet you there.

I started the truck and gunned the engine. Daniel got the message and hopped out of the cab in a hurry. I hit the throttle a little too hard and sprayed gravel all over everybody else's vehicle when I backed out. O'Reilly, the postmaster, would spout off a few choice words at me the next time I had to go to his place. Not that I gave a shit right then. Later I might, but not now.

How would I explain this to Sylvie? Then again, I wouldn't have a chance. Since he would need to ride in with me, she would see him first thing and she still wasn't quite all together. I had Rach to keep me on somewhat of an even keel, but I was all Sylvie had. Not the best deal going, but I was better than nothing.

I heard noises in the truck and realized I was moaning. I would have to take the bull by the horns and re-educate Daniel. He must understand Sylvie needed me and things weren’t the same. I didn’t know what he thought he was coming home to.

The same question hit me again; where the fuck had the man gone for five fuckin’ years? What the hell had Daniel been doing? Why hadn't the troopers been able to find him? I would get answers. Then again, I didn't want answers. All I wanted was for Daniel to crawl back on that motorcycle and get the hell out.

He had no business coming back here and stirring up a bunch of shit. He didn't need to know what happened to his old man. I didn't need to explain it. Even Sylvie didn't know. Sylvie understood the bastard went off and never came back, and she had a little peace for a change. That was enough for us.

I got it into my head that I had to show Daniel just how much we didn't need him. I for sure didn't want him. For four years, I'd been cutting firewood and selling it. In the summer, I sold alfalfa to a couple of places in Palmer. It wasn't easy and I worked my ass off. Two native kids helped out when it got to be time to cut and bale the alfalfa. Ike Evans helped with the wood.

We got to the woodlot a whole lot faster than I would've liked. I didn't want to take Daniel into the house, but I didn't see what choice I had. The road was way too rough for a motorcycle. I wondered why the hell he hadn't bought a beater. A four-wheel-drive something would have made a lot more sense in this country.

The shakes had stopped by the time I pulled up next to the shed in the woodlot. I felt real proud of that shed. I got my hands on a load of old railroad ties and put it together like a log cabin with help from Ike and several of his kin. You can lock this puppy up tight. Unless you have a D9, you won’t get inside.

I kept the chainsaws and all the tools for the firewood business in there. The tractor, the disc harrow, and the stuff for seeding the field sat in the old pole barn over by the house. The driveway from the woodlot to the house was one nasty son of a bitch. I've poured enough gravel on it to cover a parking lot, and it's still rough.

The half-mile from the road to the woodlot was good. The other half-mile from the woodlot to the house was shit city. It’s a lot better in the winter when ice filled the holes, and I could plow the thing smooth.

Daniel didn't say a word when he climbed into the truck after we locked his motorcycle in the shed. Seated on the passenger side, Daniel hung on the door frame, while I negotiated the driveway. When we got close to the house, I could see Sylvie peering out from the front window. Sylvie and I had to put on a good show. The man had to understand just how different everything was now.

Rach came bombing out the front door. Her blonde braids bounced as she dashed around to the driver’s side of the truck.

Momma! My sweetie hopped from one foot to the other as she waited for me to get out.

Rachel Lee! Hi, doll. Were you good for Mama Sylvie? I picked her up and tossed her into the air a couple of times before hugging her tight.

Daniel turned and stared through the open driver door at my Rach. I could see the expression on his face. He could see the old man in Rachel without having to look too close. The old man might've been a bastard, but he was a good-looking fucker even at sixty. It was one reason he burned through three women. Daniel's mom, Sylvie's mom, and my mom, Nora.

But I thanked God I wasn't RT's kid. My mom brought me with her when she came up here answering RT's ad for a woman. The dumbest damn thing she ever did. Mom survived only a month and a half before catching something, pneumonia we thought, and dying on me.

I heard RT brought Sylvie's mom, Dolores, home from a lodge outside of Glennallen after Lana left him. Dolores was already pregnant with Sylvie when she walked in the door as Mrs. Janeway. It seemed RT had himself a side piece all along.

Dolores came from some place in South America, according to Daniel. Rural Alaska chewed her up and spit her out, as it had my mom and his mom, and he ended up raising Sylvie. A convoluted, hellish mess, I doubted anyone would understand what the old bastard had pulled off.

Stay in the truck! Don't get out until I tell you it's okay.

It's my damn house, Dee! Remember, he was my old man. That means if he's dead, the place is mine too.

Ya think? Sylvie doesn't need to be scared witless. You look like him, too much like him. When he got done with me, he started on her, so do what I tell you unless you want to make another trip up the road to the clinic 'cause she freaks out.

After taking a deep shuddering breath, Daniel nodded his head. Alright. Let me know when it's okay.

Sylvie didn't come outside. She saw the figure in the passenger seat and waited inside for me to tell her what the hell was going on. Nowhere near as bad as she had been that first year, we got her weaned off all the antidepressants and other crap. But she was still scared of men. None of this would be easy, and I resented being stuck in this position.

Get on inside, baby girl, I told Rach.

She bounced on in, banging the screen door behind her. I walked inside and wrapped both arms around Sylvie. I laid a big one on her, tongue in mouth and the whole thing. It's something I don't usually do when we have company. I maneuvered her close to the window. Daniel wouldn't need to work to see what we did inside. I knew he could see through the window. I counted on it.

I reached up under her shirt to fondle her left breast. At the same time, I sucked on her tongue, then her lower lip. I worked as quickly as possible to get her hot and bothered. It wasn't hard; Sylvie gets worked up easy.

After releasing her breast, I eased my hand down between her legs and rubbed her. With a little noise in the back of her throat, she pressed closer and reached out to grab my ass. I figured that ought to do it for Daniel.

But it wasn’t quite enough for me. I spun her around and pushed her up against the wall. A bit rough turns Sylvie on really quick. I shoved my knee in between her legs and let her rock on my kneecap. It didn’t take long for her to lay her head on my shoulder with a sigh. We were both breathing heavy when I pulled back.

Honey, I hate to tell you this, which is why I wanted to love you up a little first before I gave you the news. I wanted you relaxed before the shit hit the fan. Fucking Daniel is back.

Sylvie's dark skin turned pale as she threw her arms around my neck. With a moan, she pushed up against me, and I rubbed her back with both hands.

I can’t keep him out and have to let him in the house. I don't want to; I don't want any miserable lousy man in this house, but we don't have a choice. He is RT's kid, just like you are. I gave her another squeeze. Why don't you go over by the loft stairs? That way you can dive upstairs if he makes you too nervous. Ok?

She tilted her head back, and Sylvie's big dark eyes filled with tears as Daniel's had in the truck. No wonderful, sweet homecoming, it was a pain in the fucking ass.

Chapter Two

Daniel

For some reason, I took the old road and cruised through Copper Center instead of taking the new road which cut through above the town. Guess I wanted to check out how much the old town had changed in five years. The answer being not much. When I came up to the post office parking lot, I spotted Dad's old GMC. The thing looked like an escapee from a junkyard or that old cube game with the multicolored sides.

I stuck my arm out to signal for a left turn and pulled the motorcycle over to the right-hand edge of the gravel. Walking through the door, I grinned as I thought about giving the old man a ration of shit.

I recognized the girl at the end of the line. A few inches taller, but not carrying one spare inch more of weight on that slim frame, my step-sister Deirdre had her back to me. Dee was the only family member I saw. Looking around, I wondered where Dad might be. He rarely let anyone else drive the beater.

I shouldn't have been so ready to get jollied along by the old prick, but five years did kinda take the rough edges off. The day after graduation from school, I packed my shit and pulled out 'cause I got sick and tired of being his slave. If he felt like tying one on, I got to take up the slack. And RT was just as ready to get rid of me. That last year of high school, I was as tall as the old man. Sooner or later, we were gonna have it out.

RT Janeway—the bastard had balls that clanked. The crap he got away with was unbelievable. Mom tried to make it in Anchorage, but it didn't work out. Once the grandparents died, everything went south. When we made our way back to the homestead, Dolores had already come and gone, leaving me with a half-sister, Sylvie.

Nora, Dee's mom, had taken her place and lived in the house. Mr. Wonderful put together a small cabin for Mom and me 'cause he wouldn't let his only son go without a roof over his head. I think it amused him to have two women handy.

But poor Nora didn't last too long. I assumed she got frostbite in her lungs on one of Dad's enforced treks out to the trapping cabin.

I never told Dee about my thoughts on it. It sure wouldn't have helped matters for her to know RT caused her mom's death by being an idiot. He should never have forced Nora to go along with him on a trap line run during her first winter in Alaska.

Figuring I would surprise her, I slipped up behind Dee and placed a hand on her shoulder. The girl almost took the top of my head clean off. It turned out to be worse than messing with a momma bear with cubs.

Then she screamed at me to get into the truck and keep my mouth shut. All right, already! There was just something about the look on her face, half shock and half horror; that kept my lips zipped. Something damn strange was going on and I needed to find out what. I understood she didn't want to alert the Bush Telegraph, so I went without argument.

After she laid the bombshell on me about the old man being dead for several years, she dropped the kid thing on me. On the ride down to the place, I didn't dare open the bike up. I might've wrapped the damn thing around something.

He fucked Dee and he fucked Sylvie? I had a hard time taking it all in. He always seemed to prefer women, but if he got Dee pregnant, she was close to or eighteen when it happened.

Sylvie was another matter altogether. My half-sister wouldn't have been over sixteen years old when RT got Dee pregnant.

If anything was going on before I left, how the hell could I have known what he was doing? The man kept me outside working all the time.

When I got inside, all I had time for was grabbing a bite and falling into bed. I made it through school by the skin of my teeth. A great memory had helped as did paying attention in class. I had no other options.

Why hadn’t the bastard wound up in jail? How the hell did he pull off getting away with abusing his step-daughter and his daughter? None of it made any sense. I needed to hear the