In and Out of Time: The Healing Light Series, #2

By Regina Bogle

The passage of time – impersonal, unrelenting, and insistent upon its trajectory from past into present on to future. Our day-to-day awareness is immersed in this notion of time…but what of surprises? What of eternity? What if we have access to a consciousness that extends beyond time and space? What if that consciousness brings healing?

 

In and Out of Time continues the story of Peter Holmes, a financial consultant, and Brittany Thomas, an intern completing her master's degree in social work. In Chiron's Light they labored together to provide an innovative recommendation to St. Raphael's Hospital's board of directors. After that month-long process, supported by contributions from hospice coordinator Tara Lakelyn and internist Alex Haskins, Peter proposed a complementary healing program to address the inner-city health center's impending financial crisis and its community's longer-term needs.

 

In this sequel to Chiron's Light, Peter and Brittany's relationship deepens while Peter also strives to make his proposed complementary healing program a reality. Together with Tara and Alex, they face the numerous challenges – personal, social, legal, and financial – that arise when a new paradigm struggles to stake its claim amidst an entrenched vision of illness and healing. Mark Roland, a newly hired surgeon at St. Raphael's, stirs additional conflicts that seriously test the character, courage, and commitment of those who must engage with him. Old wounds surface; their healing depends upon a new understanding of time.

 

Tackling these difficulties jeopardizes Peter and Brittany's personal relationship as well as the future of the complementary healing program. Only by plummeting the depths of their hearts and souls can they find the answers they seek. Will they discover what they need to know in time? Will they run out of time? Will they need to shift their consciousness in and out of time?

 

With humor, poignancy, and attention to the soulful aspects of what it means to be human, In and Out of Time welcomes the reader to reflect on the nature of conflict, the value of peace, and the factors that might bridge a meaningful path between them. It challenges our notion of linear time with derailing surprises in the context of eternity, all the while inviting a greater awareness of love and our power to choose.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Regina Bogle
• Release date: Sep 22, 2022
• ISBN: 9781943190362

Book preview

PART ONE

1

The day dawned crisp and clear. A brilliant sun rose steadily above the ocean’s horizon, releasing an array of sparkling jewels to bob on the waters surrounding her small, coastal village. Blossoms of snowdrops dotted the rugged landscape of crags and caves, announcing the coming of spring. Glenna awoke in the cave that sheltered her family to find her mother already at work by the fire. Her father had risen earlier to join the men who fished for their morning meal. Her two younger sisters still slept at her side. She dutifully prepared to rise and help her mother.

Suddenly, she noticed an achy feeling low in her belly. With even greater surprise, she discovered that where she had lain revealed streaks of blood. The warm stickiness between her thighs helped her make sense of her experience. Having reached her fourteenth year, Glenna had heard stories about a girl’s first blood. She guessed this must be it.

Glenna gingerly approached her mother to share her wondering. Her mamaidh nodded with a knowing look and a smile of pride for her oldest daughter. You are a woman now, Glenna. We will have a ceremony for you at the coming full moon in two days’ time. The other women will celebrate with us. Your cousin Fiona is now also of age. We will celebrate you both together.

Her mother taught her how to use leather and fur-lined strips to catch her monthly bleeding. She also invited Glenna to rest before breakfast. They would talk afterward about what she might come to expect as her power time cycled with the light and dark of the moon. Glenna looked forward to learning more and to sharing her news with Fiona.

After breakfast, Mamaidh explained, If you are fortunate, Glenna, you will be able to recognize the coming of your power flow by observing the rhythms of the moon’s light. For now, it is especially important to pay attention to your dreams. Visions during this time often guide our tribe to honor a young woman’s particular gifts and her potential contributions to our community. When the women come together, please share what may be revealed to you. This is our custom during each full moon. We will welcome you and Fiona into our circle during our ceremony the night after next.

Having received her mother’s reassurance that her achy feeling was normal and would pass, Glenna opted to find Fiona and ask her more about her own experience. Glenna and Fiona were the daughters of sisters. Being the same age, they had grown up together as cousins, but they treasured their deeper bond. They each had younger sisters, but they especially appreciated having an agemate and friend with whom to share the challenges and joys of communal life.

One of their mutual interests involved their growing awareness of the boys in their village. It seemed to happen overnight that the men welcomed lads who had once been their playmates to partake in the hunts and adventures. Glenna and Fiona also blushed with pleasure when the young men seemed attracted to their blossoming beauty. Following their initiation into the circle of women, they each understood that plans for their mating would soon be discussed.

Glenna had not given this particular aspect of her future much thought – until now. Shy by nature, she preferred to spend time alone on the rocks, or better, with Fiona, simply watching the sun and the moon, even the clouds and the gulls, travel across the sky. During these quieter moments, Glenna sometimes had intuitions that later came to pass. She also had dreams in the night that she could not understand. They scared her sometimes but not often. She usually shared her nighttime visions with Fiona the next day, but her cousin could offer little to help her make sense of them. Glenna looked forward to sharing one of her dreams with the women, hoping that someone would grasp its meaning. She very much needed to know that someone understood.

Glenna did in fact have a vision that night. This one felt particularly powerful; it had even awakened her from sleep. Unfortunately, once again, she did not understand it. It filled her with a sense of urgency nonetheless. Fiona consoled her with her optimistic expectation that their elders would have wisdom to share.

When the time for their initiation ceremony approached, the women gathered around the fire they had built on a strand of beach recently exposed by the receding tide. Twinkling stars glimmered overhead and the full moon diffused its mysterious glow, sparkling on the waters below. After Glenna and Fiona were welcomed into the women’s circle, they were each invited to share a dream.

Fiona began with an apology, wishing she could remember more of her vision than seeing a gull fly to its nest, where its four little ones chirped loudly for their food. One of the little ones, seemingly the largest, left the nest before the others. Fiona couldn’t remember what happened to it.

Fiona had shared this dream with Glenna that morning. Glenna suggested that Fiona would mate and have four children. The oldest might leave or be more independent somehow. When the seer of their tribe offered a similar interpretation, Fiona looked to Glenna with amazement. Noticing this, the women invited Fiona to explain. She readily stated that Glenna had predicted the same future for her when she shared her dream earlier that morning. The women nodded knowingly, then asked Glenna if she dreamt as well.

Speaking to this group of elders challenged Glenna’s shyness and caused her to feel very unsettled. If she hadn’t had so much curiosity about her dream, she might readily have passed up this opportunity for guidance regarding its message. Instead, she forced herself to muster her courage. She then related her vision to the women of her village as they all sat together under the moon’s gracious radiance, comforted by the fire’s warmth.

Glenna began, "I am on a beach in the bright sunlight. A dark circle comes from the eastern horizon and rises into the sky. It moves in front of the sun, darkening all the land. A glimmer of light appears around it, but the dark circle doesn’t want the light. It moves quickly away and holds onto its darkness, even as the sun’s light returns to the land and the sky.

"Then another, equally mysterious circle rises, also from the eastern horizon. This time, it also moves in front of the sun, but a glow of light radiates beyond its blackened borders in all directions. That light embraces the darkness of the circle like a spiraling snake, making it shimmer and grow brighter.

The second circle, now glowing with light, moves away from the sun and eventually overtakes the first circle that still holds onto its darkness in the bright sky. The shimmering orb offers light to the dark one, but the dark orb refuses it for a very long time. Eventually, though, the two circles merge. The sun catches up with them in the sky, and the three orbs set together below the western horizon.

As Glenna finished telling her dream, she bowed her head and blushed. She didn’t understand her vision, and she feared that the women might not be able to help her appreciate its meaning. Even worse, the seer might detect that something was horribly wrong. The silence that permeated the circle upon her conclusion did nothing to alleviate her fears.

Glenna finally raised her head and looked first to Fiona, who gazed upon her with affirmation and pride for her courage. This emboldened Glenna to direct her attention toward the seer. The woman’s facial expression lay in the shadows cast by the flickering flames of their central fire. Glenna unconsciously held her breath and waited.

Their wise woman finally spoke. Glenna, that was a very powerful dream. Have you had other dreams like this?

Timidly, Glenna responded, Yes, I have, but I never understand them.

Her elder consoled her, That is understandable for your young age. If you like, I will teach you how to interpret your dreams. You have a gift, and we must honor it. Our people will need your visionary skill.

Glenna looked at this wise one in shock and wonder. Glenna’s mother was no less surprised, but she remained silent. Fiona smiled broadly. Glenna took all this into her heart and reminded herself to breathe.

The elder seer continued, I am not certain what your dream means in its fullness, but it seems clear to me that you are to mate with Alasdair, the future ruler of our people. He bears the spiral mark on his shoulder. Your dream suggests that you have a relationship with the spiral. I will teach you how to understand your dreams, and, perhaps together, you and I will understand this one better in time.

Now directing her words to the group as a whole, the seer asked, Does anyone have any other thoughts about Glenna’s dream or her mating?

No one said a word. They were all still enthralled by the vivid imagery of Glenna’s vision, wondering what it could mean. That she might mate with Alasdair surprised no one, however, except perhaps Glenna herself. She knew him well enough, and even found him attractive, if she dared to admit it. It’s just that she had never considered him, or anyone, as a future mate. With some small measure of relief, she realized that her tribe would allow Glenna and Alasdair time to explore their feelings for each other. Still, it felt very unnerving.

That her village might consider her as a future seer felt like a great, if intimidating, honor. Equally astonishing to her, the women agreed that Glenna’s capacity for leadership had shone through time and again, despite her quiet ways. Even in the shadows, the women exuded a greater, palpable confidence that their people would continue to receive the needed guidance to safeguard their future. The whole experience felt deeply satisfying to every woman present.

When their initiation ritual had come to completion, the women celebrated with hugs all around. Glenna and her mamaidh embraced with a new consciousness of possibility. Their lives would change dramatically – and all because of a dream!

2

A cool, gentle breeze brushed her cheek as she peered out into the darkness. The sounds of slow, deep breathing that suggest a peaceful slumber came to her from behind as her mate and their young son cuddled together for shared warmth. Glenna had awoken once again from a disturbing dream. She had had several lately, which the elder women in her tribe attributed to the child growing in her belly. This hadn’t happened with her first child, though. Her inner tension mounted with each dream’s foreboding message.

The darkness began to lessen as a dull light crept into the night sky. The morning sun would soon make its appearance over the water. The tides were shifting. She could hear the ocean’s steady rumble crashing onto the rocks as she gazed into the distance, waiting for the first full glimmer of light.

Her tribal family sheltered themselves in the many caves along the rocky shore. Long ago, her people made their dwellings in the caves above sea level so that when the tides rolled in, they would stay safe and dry. The ocean’s surge filled the caves below twice each day, cycling with the light of the moon. The people came together for meals and rituals on the flat lands below when the waters ebbed. The daily and monthly rhythm of the water’s comings and goings defined their way of life.

Many years had passed since her first blood and the ceremonial recognition of her role as seer for her village. During that time, she and Alasdair discovered that they truly enjoyed each other’s company and actually wanted to mate. When Alasdair came of age to lead their people, he and Glenna wed her role as seer to his as ruler, along with their personal desires and the community’s need for them to bear children. As they made their nuptial promises, they simultaneously bound their lives to each other and to their village.

In their community, when the leader died or could no longer serve in that role any longer, the sign of rulership, a spiral birthmark somewhere on the body, would designate to whom the transfer of power would pass. Alasdair – a tall, strong, dark-haired man with a long, flowing beard – had inherited his authority from his father; his father’s claim as leader had come through his mother. Each of them exhibited the sign of the spiral at birth; Alasdair bore his on his shoulder. Their firstborn, Drust, almost four years old, had the mark as well, on his lower leg. This designated him as their next leader. Glenna instinctively shuddered at the thought.

The sun’s rise continued to brighten the sky even though it could not yet be seen. She longed for a vision of hope. She would speak with her cousin who was also with child. Over the years, Glenna had learned that putting words to her experiences and sharing them with someone – the elder seer while she lived and, more recently, Fiona – helped her make sense of her dreams.

The light broke through the darkness now as a line of sunlight streaked the distant horizon. The linear ray would soon transform into an orb of fire and rise steadily in the sky. The stars would disappear and not return again until the heavens had been crossed by the sun god’s travel. Blessed by that presence, her people would gather what food they could, honor their deities, and prepare for the coming cold.

With the sun’s arousal, her mate and their child also began to stir. Not moments later, their young one jumped to his feet and startled both his parents with his loud cry for food. Unlike other children, he had a difficult time tolerating any personal discomfort. His equivalent lack of concern for the hurts he imposed on others sparked Glenna’s increasingly great dismay.

Alasdair would often console her by describing their son’s fierceness as the sign of a great warrior. Drust would need this kind of strength to keep their people safe, he said. Glenna had serious misgivings, however. Her deep, maternal intuition told her that the child she carried in her womb would offset her first son’s aggressiveness and provide stability for their people. When her dreams suggested that this second birth was in jeopardy, her fright intensified all the more. Alasdair dismissed her worry. This did little to calm her fears.

Her people began each morning by joining together with praise to the sun god, gratitude to the earth goddess, and prayers for a successful hunt later that day. They then prepared and shared their meager morning meal of fish from the sea and berries from the nearby bog. Her cousin Fiona would come later to join her for weaving while the men went hunting deeper inland for wild boar. Drust would be totally in her care this day – an experience she had come to dread.

Other children cuddled with their mothers, played beside their agemates, enjoyed the ephemeral images made by the clouds and the growth of the green all around them. Not Drust. He had a need to poke and provoke, to stir conflict wherever he could. He made sticks into swords, and shells into rocks for the throwing. Hurting others seemed to give him pleasure.

Despite Drust’s young age and small stature, Alasdair often had to overpower him to contain his disruptive activities. In Alasdair’s absence, she felt unable to control her own son, especially now that her belly was round and his brother was almost due. Unfortunately, Drust was too young to accompany the men on the hunt. She resolved to do her best.

Fiona came as the morning sun crept upward in the sky. The men gathered their weapons and left together with rallying shouts, promising meat and feasting for all upon their return. The children gathered to play at the foot of a low-lying cave. Its entrance extended along a flat, sandy path nestled between rocky enclosures, all of which completely disappeared with an incoming tide. At this point in the day, it offered a contained place to explore and to imagine a world of one’s own.

Glenna sat with Fiona on an upper rock where they could watch all the children at once while still having a chance to talk privately. A cool breeze from the ocean set their familial reddish-brown hair to dancing. They brushed the stray strands away from their faces as they spoke.

Fiona sensed her cousin’s distress immediately. She asked, Glenna, did you have another dream?

Glenna nodded ruefully before she replied, Yes. It frightened me even more than the others. In this dream, I was a doe giving birth, but my fawn came forth swimming in a sea of blood. I died. My fawn may have died as well. I couldn’t tell. I saw antlers, though. I know fawns don’t have antlers, but it tells me that this child is a boy. I am scared for him – and myself.

Fiona mirrored Glenna’s distress on her own face as she helplessly asked, Have you told Alasdair about your dream?

Glenna desperately replied, No, not yet. He doesn’t seem to want to hear any more about my fears for this child. I think he is happy with Drust, despite our son’s worrisome behavior. Alasdair is also preoccupied with preparations for the coming winter. I am really frightened, Fiona. I need your help!

Fiona rallied her courage and responded with steadfast loyalty, What can I do, Glenna?

Glenna shared her previously unspoken thoughts: I am worried about Drust’s ability to lead our people when he comes of age. I know he is still young and that he needs time to grow wise, but his tendencies toward violence frighten me. I sense that this child within me will be needed to steady my older son’s wild anger. If my dreams are correct, she said as she patted her belly, I must work to give this little one safe passage into this world, even if it means that I cannot take care of him myself.

At this, Fiona gasped as she comprehended what might be asked of her and why it might be needed. A tear rolled down her cheek.

Glenna continued, The simple thing I can ask you, Fiona, is this: Will you nurse my child if I am unable to do it? Will you look after him as his mother?

Fiona tearfully held her dear cousin’s hand while murmuring, Of course.

Glenna then specifically asked, Will you help me ensure his safe birthing?

Fiona looked puzzled. She wondered aloud, What are you thinking, Glenna?

Glenna explained, I have seen into the future. You may not be able to save me in time so that I can give birth to my son. But in a time yet to come, there may be one who is able. I need to find a way to guide such a person. You are the only one I can ask to help me with this, Fiona. Will you pass on to your children and their children, down your lineage, that someday someone may need to travel back in time to aid my son’s birth?

Fiona simply stared at Glenna, not knowing how to respond. Moments passed before she could muster enough presence of mind to ask, How will one of my children or their descendants know to come to your aid? What will be the sign? What can I possibly tell them?

As they both pondered these important questions that felt impossible to answer, a wail echoed from the rock faces within the cave and along its path. A young child lay crying, his face bloodied, while Drust stood over him, wielding a large stick. In horror, Glenna and Fiona made their way toward the boys as fast as their pregnant bodies would allow. Glenna grabbed the stick from her son. Fiona bent to the screaming child to offer what comfort she could. The other children stood back, obviously afraid of Drust. He seemed to smile. Glenna’s blood ran cold within her.

Glenna secluded Drust to a corner at the rock’s edge while the hurt child’s mother took her wee one to the ocean for cleansing and calm. Fiona gathered the other children together and ushered them toward the cave, away from Drust, after sharing an understanding glance with Glenna. Fiona hoped her cousin’s fears were misplaced, but in that moment, given what she had just witnessed, she appreciated Glenna’s concerns. They would need to formulate a plan.

Meanwhile, Glenna stood over her son and said nothing for a time. Neither did he. During these moments, the resolve within her grew stronger just as the child in her womb grew restless. This unborn soul would restore the balance of power, she now knew for certain.

Whatever might happen to her, this child had to be born!

3

As the sun’s passage rounded the sky over and over again, Glenna’s baby rounded her belly, making it progressively more difficult for her to traverse the rocky pathways to and from her cave. She and Fiona often confined themselves to gathering berries in the bog rather than risk the rocky climbs and descents as their gaits became less stable. The other women took over the roles of minding the children as well as mending and washing the clothes.

Drust was steadily gaining a reputation for strength and trouble- making. The other mothers seemed equally wary of supervising his behavior in Alasdair’s absence. Glenna’s second child would be coming soon; she knew this from her past experience with Drust. This new little one’s kicks caught her attention frequently now and strengthened her resolve. She prayed to the earth goddess for his safe passage. She also wanted and needed Alasdair to listen.

During their berry picking, Glenna and Fiona often confided their dreams and concerns for their babes soon to be born. They both realized that Glenna would likely deliver first. Her frightening dreams had abated for a time, which helped them both relax. Glenna especially appreciated the respite. It had been difficult to manage her pregnancy, care for Alasdair and Drust, and meet the daily needs of her people when she had so little sleep. As she finally surrendered to her nightly slumbers with greater ease, another dream came to her, waking her this time with a vision of possibility, even if also with fright.

This time Alasdair also awoke, aware that Glenna seemed upset and afraid. He placed his arm around her and asked, Glenna, did you have another dream?

Glenna replied, Yes, as she wiped the sweat from her face.

She looked into his eyes, trying to convey her fear and that he must listen to her. Her intense gaze sparked a feeling of dread in his heart, worse to him than staring down a wild boar. He had no weapon to fight this sense of foreboding. Instead, he held her close and suggested they go back to sleep. He did so quickly. Glenna did not.

The next day, Glenna shared her dream with Fiona as they carefully tread through the boggy undergrowth not far from their respective caves. Emotionally, the dream still gripped her with both awe and fear. Fiona sensed this, so without a second thought, they stood still together and faced each other as Glenna shared her night’s vision.

"A pregnant doe is grazing in a field with her young buck not far away. She falls to the ground to give birth. There is trouble. She bleeds and bleeds, growing weaker as the minutes pass. It seems that she will die.

"In the next part of the dream, a young woman steps onto the beach and walks toward the approaching sunrise. An orange glow fills the sky, and she glides with outstretched arms as if calling forth the light. The horizon comes alive with a bright fire in the shape of the spiral on Alasdair’s shoulder. She calls the fiery figure to her. It settles on her palms as she turns on her heels and retreats.

The woman comes to the doe in the field. She places the spiraling fire on the doe’s belly, and a buck is born with the spiral birthmark on his forehead. The doe sees her newborn marked with succession. She lays back, satisfied, and takes her last breath.

Fiona stared at Glenna in shocked silence. Glenna’s fear increased in response to the look on her cousin’s face. In the telling of her dream, however, the reality of her situation fully settled into her consciousness. She utterly understood that she would die. Her fawn would survive if the woman brought the spiral light. Whatever her dream meant, she needed Fiona and Alasdair to understand. That woman had to come!

Glenna finally broke the silence, saying, Fiona, your line of daughters must honor the symbol. I am not certain if she calls the spiral or the spiral calls her. If the spiral holds the power, then she only needs to respond, to know to respond. Can you pass this on to your daughters?

Fiona, still in shock, mumbled, I’ll do my best with my own children and grandchildren, but how far into the future does this have to go? And if someone does come back in time, how will they find you?

Glenna paused in deep unknowing that bordered on despair. What could she say?

Glenna finally responded, Fiona, I don’t know. I only know that this dream offers hope. Somewhere, someone knows. I have to trust that. Please do your part?

Fiona solemnly promised to do so, even while quaking deep within. Fiona and Glenna were like sisters. They had known each other all their lives. Fiona did not want to lose Glenna, not ever.

They continued to pick their berries in silence before treading the overgrown path back to their caves. As they made the turn past some higher-rising rocks, Glenna clutched her belly in response to a sharp pain. Fiona gasped as she saw blood dripping to the ground beneath her beloved cousin. She helped Glenna lie down, then she ran for help.

As Glenna lay alone at the foot of the rocks, she worked hard to fight her mounting panic. Suddenly, she remembered her dream of long ago, her dream of two orbs: the first, a dark orb, crossed the day sky, blocking out the sun for a time, refusing its radiance; the second followed and, though dark initially, became a spiral-encircled orb of light. The second would eventually overtake the first and merge with it. Then later, together, they would merge with the sun.

As she lay there, knowing her life would soon end, Glenna once again reflected on this vision which had captured her attention in youth and set her life on the path of seer. This time, however, she felt like she finally understood it. How amazing that the Giver of Second Sight had revealed these possible happenings to her at the dawning of her womanhood. Her first child would likely dwell in darkness; her second, if he lived, might find the light. Maybe someone would come to assist with his birth, as shown to her in her morning’s dream. What might later unfold between her sons, she could not know, but both visions seemed to suggest the possibility of healing. She chose to hold on to that hope. She could only do her part, right here, right now. She begged the goddess for help.

Fiona also prayed as she held her own pregnant belly with one hand, while using the other to steady herself on the rocks. Having run as fast as she could, she found Alasdair sharpening his hunting tools with the other men in the tribe. She grabbed onto his arm, crying, and pulled him to come with her. She could barely speak, except to utter, It’s Glenna!!

Seeing the alarm on Fiona’s face, he ran with her and found Glenna still clutching her pregnant belly, bleeding steadily, and looking very pale and scared. Alasdair caressed her cheek and wiped away her tears, working hard to stifle his own panic.

Glenna feebly reached for his wrist and with notable effort cried, Alasdair, you must go to the cave where the sea rushes in and carve your spiral mark into the cave wall. Go now! Hurry! Please listen to me and do this!

Alasdair could make no sense of what she asked of him. Fiona had some idea of it and tried to explain that the mark would bring help. Alasdair looked even more confused. Fiona could give no further elaboration than this. Only Glenna’s desperate pleas, coupled with Alasdair’s horror at feeling helpless, galvanized him into action. He caressed his beloved mate’s face once more before promising to make the carving. He left her in the care of Fiona. Glenna’s struggling eased somewhat in response. This brought him little comfort.

Glenna’s blood continued to flow. She grew weaker and more ashen as the minutes passed.

Fiona wiped her cousin’s brow and tried to make her more comfortable. She desperately prayed to the earth goddess, Please, help the woman come!

PART TWO

4

Five hours into their flight, Peter gazed out the window to behold hints of the rising sun. Its rays had just begun to suggest its eventual appearance over the horizon. With less than two hours travel time remaining, they would soon land in Glasgow.

Brittany slept in the seat next to his. Before their departure, she had tied her beautiful, long, brown hair so that it draped down her back; now it lay askew over her shoulder. Peter appreciated her beauty even in slumber. He marveled that anyone could sleep on a plane, but he also recognized that his own large frame would make the experience much more difficult. They had upgraded their seats to accommodate his six-foot-two-inch muscular build, but it made little difference in the end. He still couldn’t sleep. He decided to give up trying and to let his thoughts and feelings settle. Perhaps they would guide him to a place of much needed wisdom.

Peter began by honoring his current circumstance. How had he managed to find himself on this sojourn to Iona and Mull? He had never considered that he might visit the British Isles, let alone two islands off the coast of Scotland that would certainly require more buses, boats, and patience to negotiate. It was Brittany’s idea. She said something about feeling an inner call to visit these sites. She identified a guide who would take them to hidden places, whatever that meant. He loved her and couldn’t in good conscience let her go alone. She would have, of course, being Brittany. He had to accompany her, of course, being Peter.

He reflected on how they met almost three years ago when he took a professional leap and agreed to a consulting venture at St. Raphael’s Hospital, where Brittany worked as an intern for her master’s degree in administrative social work. She had been assigned to assist him as he plotted the numbers and made recommendations for how to save St. Raphael’s from impending financial catastrophe. He smiled as he remembered her enthusiasm, her depth, and her courage. He fell in love with her then. He was still in love with her now.

The years in between had their conflicts, however. Tensions between them had flared. Numerous challenges beset each of them, and one in particular had threatened to tear them apart. He realized that he loved her too much to let that happen. When she told him she wanted to make this journey, Peter knew he had to say yes.

Still, he had no idea what to expect. His body felt tense. He strongly suspected that his physical discomfort had less to do with the confining seat beneath him and more to do with his recent struggles. He had to admit that he had not yet fully discerned how to best address the many controversies that had arisen in the course of his efforts to establish a complementary healing program. Those disputes affected Brittany and included her, not to mention the people involved in both wanting and not wanting the program to succeed. With antagonism and discord facing him from almost every direction, he needed to pause, reflect on his intentions and goals, evaluate his methods to date, and determine if he missed something along the way. Whatever the cause, he knew that he needed a new inspiration now. He could only make the space for its arrival, and trust.

Fortunately, he was no stranger to taking this kind of internal inventory. While most passengers dozed or gazed with eyes fixed to a movie screen, he stroked his beard for grounding and decided he might as well begin….

5

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