The Wandering Washtub

By Briar Rose Middleditch

Nancy Nutmeg, the heroine, is a poor Irish washerwoman with a wooden leg, who works hard to support herself and her grand-pappy, Old Nugget Nutmeg, a retired pirate who spends most of his time up a pine tree. Nugget has a pair of magic spectacles, the Specs o' Gold, which he won from a leprechaun, which show the wearer any gold. But there is no gold to prove it.
His old pirate shipmates drop in for a visit, on their way to the goldfields of New Zealand. Nugget shows them the specs. The greedy Captain Long John Knickers, realising they are magic, decides he wants them for himself. Nugget runs off with the pirates but drops the magic specs on the path down the cliff, where Nancy finds them.
Nancy has a tantrum and smashes the furniture. Then she has an idea, and converts her washtub into a boat, and sails away. She soon runs out of oil and trades for some with Corky Screw, a miner and inventor, who has a submarine shark, the Cutty Shark. Nancy tricks him, and he becomes her enemy. A lucky charm saves her life.
She makes friends with the Great White Whale who is also travelling to New Zealand. But Corky Screw harpoons the whale, off the coast of Nothern Australia. Nancy saves his life and nurses him. She gathers food and has a battle with crocodiles. Eventually she arrives in New Zealand and sails down the West Coast where she makes a camp.
A thieving kea latches on to her, and eggs she gathered in Australia hatch into crocodiles who call her 'mummy'. She finds and buries the skeletons of a miner and his horse and finds a diary with a map of the road. She finds a giant moa egg and captures the mother moa. She converts her washtub into a wagon using the wheels of the miner's wagon and sets off to the road. Trying to read the map in the miner's diary with the Specs o' Gold she discovers rainbows, leading to gold nuggets.
She is captured by the Laughing Dog people but makes friends with the leader, Princess Puha. They both knew the Great White Whale. Nancy carries on to Golden Gully where she learns that Nugget has been trapped in an avalanche on Mount Devilshorn. She climbs the mountain and rescues him. They are both rescued by the Flying Hat Circus who travel by hot air balloon. Nancy spies a huge rainbow coming from an island in the lake, using the magic specs.
Nancy returns the Specs o' Gold to Nugget, but he and his mate Hoppy get gold fever. Corky Screw has traveled upriver to Golden Gully where he captures Nugget and Hoppy, taking them to his island lair.
Nancy follows in the circus balloon and sets a booby trap for Corky. She rescues Nugget and Hoppy from a sinking raft and the Laughing Dog people from a burning canoe, and they all celebrate at a wedding feast. Nancy is persuaded to take over the Salty Dog and to set sail chasing Cap'n Long John, who has escaped jail and has converted his fellow prisoners to the Cutthroat Convict Crew and escaped in a stolen ship, the Slippery Mermaid, which is where the story continues in the sequel 'The Voyage of the Salty Dog'.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Jul 17, 2022
• ISBN: 9781667840987

Book preview

Chapter 1: The Old Wooden Washtub.

Nancy Nutmeg had wild red hair and wild brown eyes. She wore a battered old straw hat with a feather in the brim and layers of frilly skirts and petticoats. Nancy lived in Ireland in a poor shack near the edge of the cliff that looked out to sea. It was poor stony ground, where trees did not like to grow. Nancy dragged seaweed up the steep path from the beach to the top of the cliff to make the soil better for growing turnips, potatoes, carrots, and onions. She used the stones from the earth to build stone walls and kept a few pigs and chickens.

Nancy did other people’s washing. She needed to make enough money to feed herself and her grandpappy, Old Nugget Nutmeg, who was very ill.

Nugget swore the doctor had told him the only cure for African Swampfever was to drink pure moonshine, a kind of home made whiskey.

Nancy did her washing in an old wooden washtub, made from a large wooden barrel, cut in half. She heated up the water in copper kettles on the fire and stirred the washing with her wooden leg.

She rinsed it, and then she pegged it out on a rope line to dry. There were no such things as washing machines in those times. And as for clothes driers—there was only the wind and the sun. But they did an even better job, except when it was raining—it rained most of the time in that part of Ireland

Nancy Nutmeg had a wooden leg because of an argument she had with a crocodile long ago in Africa. On her other leg, she wore a boot made of crocodile skin. You might be able to guess who won the argument. Let me give you a hint—it was not the crocodile.

Nancy and Nugget lived in the Nutmeg family shack, beside which grew a lone pine tree. The lone pine grew at the edge of the cliff and was twisted by the sea wind. While Nancy worked hard all day long, washing, cooking, and gardening, Nugget spent most of his day perched on a branch of the Lone Pine, staring out to sea through his spyglass.

Nancy hated seeing him all the way up there in the branches of that old tree, but even though he wasn’t helping with the chores, at least she knew where he was.

‘Ship ahoy!’ Nugget shrieked, one fine afternoon. ‘It’s me old shipmates, Nancy! They’ve come back for me!’

‘Oh, stop that racket! You sound worse than the rooster! How many times do I have to tell you? GET DOWN FROM THERE!!!’

Nugget tried to slide down the tree, but he slipped. His beard was tangled in a branch. He dangled in the air with his feet pedalling. He was yelling pirate curses at the top of his lungs.

Nancy gave a wicked grin. She had an idea that might stop him from climbing the lone pine in the future.

She quickly tied a noose (which is a loop with a sliding knot) in her spare washing line, which she tossed over the branch to enable her to climb up and set him free.

‘Not me whiskers, Nancy!’ he roared. But it was too late. Whipping out her trusty fish knife from her apron pocket, Nancy cut his beard free.

Nugget slid the rest of the way down the tree, where he landed on the ground with a THWUMP. He was furious, but if the truth be told, the old pirate was lucky he had not fallen over the edge of the cliff into the wild surf below.

‘It was time you had a haircut,’ said Nancy, picking him up and dumping him in her washtub, which was full of cold soapy water.

‘….and a bath!’ she added. Picking up her scrubbing brush, she scrubbed the back of his neck and behind his ears with the hard, spiky bristles.

Nugget sulked for the rest of the day, tugging at his sawn-off beard, and glaring at Nancy. Nugget Nutmeg’s whiskers are still in the Lonely Pine to this very day. They were woven into a nest by a pair of magpies.

Nancy Nutmeg’s wooden leg was handy for other things, not just for stirring washing. She could use it for stirring stew, digging potatoes, or swatting flies.

She sometimes used it for a fishing pole, tying her fishing line to the end and fishing from the edge of the cliff near Nutmeg Shack.

Nancy enjoyed washing. She was good at it. For years now, Nancy had made her own soap out of seaweed using a secret recipe. No-one folded the sheets as neatly as Nancy Nutmeg. She could get rid of stains and darn holes so that you would never notice where the hole had been. But despite her talent as a washerwoman, Nancy longed for adventure.

Under the Lone Pine, she often stood at the edge of the cliff, gazing out to sea. She dreamed she was a pirate queen, with a ship of her own, and a trusty pirate crew, who would sail with her to the end of the world in search of gold and jewels.

Nancy Nutmeg loved to dream while the sun sank below the horizon. Sunset is a good time for dreaming.

Chapter 2: The Gold Button

One evening after Nancy had gone to bed, Old Nugget Nutmeg fell asleep by the fire while drinking his evening mug of moonshine. He was woken by a tiny sound, like a spoon moving on a table. The sound was so slight, he thought it was a mouse.

He opened one eye and slowly reached for the poker. Whack! He knocked it out. But it was not a mouse. It was a tiny man, all dressed in green, with curly shoes, a little green bowler hat and curly twirly yellow whiskers. He was trying to steal some of Old Nugget’s moonshine. He even had his own little cup.

He lay as still as if he was dead. But Nugget could tell he was breathing because he started snoring gently.

Nugget found an empty jar with an air hole in the lid and popped the wee chap in. He put the lid on extra tight, and then he watched, and he waited.

As you can imagine, Nugget was very excited!

He had always hoped to see a leprechaun, and catching one was even better!

Nugget knew all about leprechauns, learning all their tricks from bedtime stories Old Granny Nutmeg had told him when he was a child.

At last, the leprechaun woke up. The little man was furious at finding himself trapped inside a jar.

‘Hoy! Let me out, you great galumph!’ he shouted.

‘What is it worth to let you go free?’asked Nugget.

‘Anything! A chest full of gold!’

‘Oh, yes. I’ve heard of that one. It will look like gold, but there will be nothing but dry yellow leaves in that chest in the morning. No thanks,’ replied Nugget.

‘I could show you a tall standing stone that marks the place where there is a chest full of treasure buried,’ said the leprechaun.

‘I’ve heard of that one too: you will show me the stone, but-- when I get here tomorrow with my shovel there will be two identical stones. And every time I look away to dig another hole, another stone will appear. No, thank you very much. I won’t play riddle guessing games either.

‘How about Eternal Life? Your days are clearly numbered.’ The leprechaun was getting angry now. He knew when he was beaten.

‘And find meself turned into a stone? Nope. You must think I’ve got S-T-U-P-I-D written on my forehead in gold letters.’

‘What do you want then?’ snarled the leprechaun.

Old Nugget had spent hours talking about this very thing with his pirate shipmates while at sea. He had his answer ready.

‘I would like a pair of spectacles—you know, eyeglasses, just like an ordinary pair of reading glasses. When I put them on, I will see a rainbow anywhere there is gold. That way, I won’t have to dig for it,’ said Nugget.

The leprechaun frowned and stamped his foot. There was a puff of green smoke, and a flash and the leprechaun vanished. In his place, there was a pair of spectacles with round lenses and golden frames.

Old Nugget reached into the jar with trembling fingers and took out the Specs o’ Gold. He put them on…

But there were no rainbows anywhere to be seen. Nugget failed to realise that there were no rainbows because there was no gold anywhere in that poor part of Ireland.

Old Nugget showed the Specs o’ Gold to Nancy, but she thought it was all just a dream. She thought he must have found the specs somewhere and imagined the rest of the story. Old Nugget put the Specs o’ Gold behind a loose stone in the fireplace and soon forgot about them.

* * *

One day the maid from the castle up the hill arrived with a basket of washing. ‘Those are gold plated buttons on that velvet jacket. Lord Pimpleroy said to polish them with your special wood ash paste,’ said Dizzy, dumping the basket down. She collected the basket of folded washing and paid Nancy a penny.

Nugget heard them talking and had an idea. While Nancy was out at the washing line, he sneaked the scissors from her sewing box and snipped off a gold button. He took the Specs o’ Gold out from behind the loose stone and carried them out his spot under the Lonely Pine to test them. Sure enough, a rainbow, like a pointed arrow, shone up from the gold button!!!

‘Ya-diddly-doo!’ crowed Nugget, and he turned a cartwheel of joy!

But that was a mistake!

In his excitement, Nugget accidentally knocked the gold button off the edge of the cliff!

Unfortunately, when the missing button was discovered, poor Nancy got the blame. Not long after Nugget’s great discovery, Dizzy arrived with a letter from Lord Pimpleroy. The notice stated, in no uncertain terms, that Nancy’s services would no longer be required.

‘You’re lucky he didn’t report you to the law,’ said Dizzy. ‘I always said you weren’t to be trusted. In the old days, they would have lopped off your thieving hands. Too soft, he is, Lord Pimpleroy.’

Nancy was furious and went around cursing, kicking the furniture with her wooden leg. She was convinced Dizzy had taken the button herself to get Nancy into trouble.

Nugget said nothing. He could no longer prove that the specs really worked, so he hid them behind the loose stone again.

And so, life went on, day by day, at Nutmeg Shack.

Whenever Nancy saw Dizzy riding past the castle waggon, she angrily walloped the furniture with her wooden leg—people were gossiping about her. They thought she was a thief! And they depended on the money from the castle laundry. Lord Pimpleroy always paid in coin, while other people often traded jars of jam or legs of ham.

Now they were poorer than ever!

Chapter 3: Pirate Stew

One day Nancy was busy in the kitchen chopping carrots and onions to make a rabbit stew. The rabbits were a present from one of her best customers, Farmer O’Grady. She had managed to get a terrible gravy stain out of his best wedding shirt.

She heard Old Nugget shouting with excitement. She wiped her hands on her apron and went outside to see what all the fuss was about.

Old Nugget Nutmeg was sitting on a branch halfway up the Lonely Pine, peering out to sea through his brass spyglass.

‘Ship ahoy! It’s me old shipmates, Nancy! They’ve come back for me!’

He slid down the tree and began turning cartwheels with

happiness.

‘Blithering bootlaces, Old One! I’ll tie you to that tree until you grow a new brain,’ growled Nancy.

But she couldn’t help looking out to sea.

There was a dark shape on the horizon. It was indeed the Salty

Dog.

It was an old and battered black ship with two masts and grey sails. It had a figurehead shaped like a large, grinning dog. The Jolly Roger was fluttering at the top of the mast.

‘Well, I’ll be a monkey’s aunty!’ muttered Nancy. ‘I never thought I’d see that lot again after they dumped Old Nugget off for me to look after when he got sick. I wonder what they want.’

The pirates lowered a skiff into the water, and before long, were rowing themselves to shore.Nancy peered at them through the spyglass. There were five pirates all piled inside, jostling for more legroom—squabbling with one another, like naughty children on a road trip. The biggest one, round as a Christmas pudding, was weighing down the boat in the back.

‘That’s Rumbling Tum! ‘thought Nancy. ‘I’d better go and hide the leg of bacon. I hope those pirates aren’t going to stay too long.’

The other two pirates rowing the boat ashore were Salty Gubbins and Hop-along Creaky-Spring. Salty Gubbins was a whiskery old sea Dog who loved playing the hornpipe, and Hop-along Creaky-Spring was said to be Nugget’s best mate from back in the olden days. They called him ‘Hoppy’ because he had a false leg made from an old coach spring, and he was known for bouncing very high when he danced his pirate jigs.

‘He’s the only one I’d trust,’ thought Nancy. ‘The rest of ’em are scallywags!’

The pirate captain, Captain Long John Knickers, not helping with the rowing, sat in the front seat.

‘I wouldn’t trust that one, not ever!’ scowled Nancy, ‘Slippery as butter, that one.’

Long John Knickers was very handsome and very good at getting the other pirates to do what he wanted. He was lazy too and expected them to do all the hard work (such as rowing).

Sitting in the very front was Little Jimmy Teeth, the cabin boy. He was called Jimmy Teeth because… well… he didn’t have any teeth. (I won’t tell you why. It is not a happy tale) but he did what he was told, and he knew when to keep his mouth shut.

‘Wish I was rich!’ thought Nancy.

‘I would buy him some new false teeth.’

She was still studying the pirates through the spyglass.

I can’t see old Ratty Stew, thought Nancy. I wonder where he is?

* * *

As the skiff neared the beach, Nancy went inside to put some more potatoes and pumpkin in the stew. She made some loaves of potato bread to go with the stew.

Old Nugget was dancing a wild pirate dance at the top of the cliff.

‘I knew they would come back for me! I knew they needed me! They couldn’t get along without me on board.’

The pirates pulled the skiff up the stony beach and climbed out. They made their way up the steep track to Nutmeg Shack. The captain was first in line.

‘Young Nancy!’ he said, bowing and kissing her woollen mitten. His nose wrinkled slightly. She had been chopping onions.

‘Looking just as lovely as ever. How are you keeping, sweetheart?’

Nancy scowled. ‘I’m wondering what you think you are up to. I won’t have you getting the Old One all excited. He’s not up to it. He needs his rest.’

Old Nugget was doing flips as he danced his pirate dance with his old mate Hoppy, who had his dancing boot on and was bouncing high in the air. Because he had a coach spring for a false leg, the dancing boot also had a spring for a heel, so he could bounce high on both feet when dancing. Salty Gubbins struck up a merry tune on his hornpipe.

‘Don’t be like that now! We were sailing down the coast, so we thought we should drop in to see how our old shipmate was doing. He’s a lucky chap to have you to look after him. Nothing like a woman’s healing touch when you’re feeling poorly.’

‘Wouldn’t have been right to sail by without visiting him,’ agreed Rumbling Tum, sniffing the rabbit stew and smell of baking bread.

He plonked a sack down on the doorstep.

‘We brought you a leg of bacon from the ship’s supplies and a keg of pirate rum.’

‘And how is Old Nugget doing?’ the captain asked. ‘He looks as fit as a fiddle.’

‘He’s never been right since that fever. Sometimes he still gets the shakes and the trots and thinks he’s riding the Great Pink Elephant. He’s not fit to go back to sea, so don’t encourage him.’

The pirates made themselves comfortable around the fireside on boxes and barrels.

Nancy served up rabbit stew, sliced ham and fresh bread. The pirates were enjoying themselves, and Nancy began to relax.

She enjoyed hearing about all their adventures. She secretly longed for adventures herself.

‘Do you remember that cannibal stew we almost ate in Africa? They invited us for dinner—but then we discovered that we were on the menu! That was a narrow escape, wasn’t it, lads?’

‘Ooo arrr,’ the pirates growled in agreement.

‘That was the tastiest stew I have had since I left my dear old mum,’ said Salty Gubbins, wiping his whiskers with his sleeve.

‘My Nancy’s an excellent cook! I don’t know how she does it. Nancy, my dear, my precious jewel, you’ll give me the key to the moonshine cupboard, won’t you?’

‘I will get the keg myself if you promise not to peek.’

Nancy poured mugs of moonshine for the pirates, who had also brought black rum, another terribly strong pirate drink. They were all in the mood for a party.

‘So, tell me, where is our old shipmate, Ratty Stew?’ asked

Nugget.

‘He got lucky! He went off on his own to the goldfields of New Zealand and found gold! Golden boulders, as big as your fist! The riverbeds are full of it. So, he bought a castle in Spain and now he’s living like a lord. Dancing girls. Silk pyjamas. He’s even got a monkey on a chain.’

‘Well, I never! Ratty Stew in silk pyjamas!’ said Nugget. ‘So, where are you sailing to next, lads?’

‘We’re going to New Zealand ourselves to try our luck finding gold. And if we don’t find any gold ourselves, we will become highwaymen and steal gold from the lucky ones.’

‘And where exactly