Hysterical Palestine: The Official Joke Book of The Israeli-Palestinian Conflict

By Paul E. Stein

Author Paul E. Stein is half Jewish and half Palestinian - he's his own worst enemy!  And he is proud to present the first of its kind anywhere: an entire joke book dedicated to mocking the Palestinians and their lost cause!

 

Paul has spent the past year stealing, adapting and inventing over 160 jokes about the Palestinians (plus a few about the Jews too). Covering every topic related to the conflict - terrorism, the BDS movement, settlements, the peace process, and more - HYSTERICAL PALESTINE leaves no stone unturned, or unthrown. 

 

Here are samples of the jokes you'll find within: 

 

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How many Palestinians does it take to change a light bulb? None. They prefer to live in the dark and blame the Jews.
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I went on a dating site and met a Palestinian woman. She was sexy, smart, open-minded. I tossed all caution to the wind and drove to Ramallah to meet her. Of course it turned out to be a 60-year-old male Hamas commander using me for money and information. The sex was disappointing too.
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The apocalypse. Judgment day. The entire human race perishes. All the peoples of the world arrive at the gates of heaven: The Germans, the British, the Japanese...every nation is sent to their eternal reward or their eternal punishment based on how they treated the Jews. When it's the Palestinian's turn, Archangel Gabriel goes through his list and says, "Hmm, Palestinians? Sorry, it seems you're not a real nation. You're not on our list." Gabriel goes to see God and asks: What are we supposed to do with them? God says: "Bring out some tents, set up a refugee camp and we'll figure something out eventually..."
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Palestinian construction workers are building homes for a new Jewish settlement in the West Bank. Abdul is working harder than anyone else, grunting and sweating under a huge load of bricks that he carries up and down the ladder all day long. On the walk back to his village, Abdul's fellow workers chastise him for his enthusiasm: "It's bad enough we have to build homes for those accursed Jews - but must you also work so hard?" Abdul winks and says, "I fooled those Zionists. It was the same load of bricks all day!"

• Language: English
• Publisher: Paul E. Stein
• Release date: Jul 3, 2022
• ISBN: 9798201235734

Book preview

Introduction

W

elcome to HYSTERICAL PALESTINE, the world's first joke book dedicated exclusively to making fun of the Palestinians and their questionable cause.

In the pages that follow we will laugh at their corrupt politicians and scoff at their national myths, ridicule their retrograde religion, belittle their BDS cult, taunt their terrorists and laugh (did I use laugh already?) at their eternal war against Israel. We will respond to their hatred with a hearty Ha Ha Ha!

But before we get to the fun stuff, please endure this serious foreword by Palestinian human rights activist Gofaq Yousef:

Shame on you, reader!

How dare you laugh at the Palestinians!

They're the world's foremost victims! They can do no wrong! There's nothing funny about them! Every day is Nakba day! You must shed a tear and observe a minute of silence whenever a Palestinian crosses your path!

How dare you laugh at the Palestinians!

Don't you know that they're suffering a genocide?! That's right, a genocide! Israel is exterminating them. We know it's true because every generation there's twice as many Palestinians making this claim!

How dare you laugh at the poor Palestinians!

They're a people who have no voice! They are being silenced! That's what they tell us in millions of social media accounts, in the mainstream media, on university campuses, at the UN, at massive rallies in cities all around the world! Their silence is deafening!

How dare you laugh at the poor Palestinians!

Their land is occupied by those same vile Jews, er, Zionists, who control the whole world. The Zionists are the evil force behind all the bad stuff everywhere. Every time a baby cries, a Zionist devil earns his horns! Burn this book, immediately!

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You still here?

Good for you.

Gofaq Yousef can go fuck himself.

Here are the jokes...

CHAPTER 1

Terrorism

L

et's start with what Palestinians are most famous for, and most loved for...their number one contribution to humanity: Terrorism.

Some of these terrorism jokes may seem dated. Suicide bombings have become a rare occurrence since Israel's construction of the security barrier. And Palestinians no longer hijack airplanes, preferring nowadays to hijack academia and international institutions. But rest assured, the terror continues unabated: the next rocket attack, car-ramming, stabbing or shooting is just around the corner. Which is why I always carry pepper spray when I turn a corner. It's also why so many Palestinian fighters refer to themselves as seasoned veterans - because of all that pepper!

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Two Palestinian terrorists were making letter bombs. After they had finished, one said: Do you think I put enough explosives in this envelope?

I don't know, said the other. Open it and see.

But it will explode.

Don't be stupid! It's not addressed to you!

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Two Palestinian terrorists, Majid and Ahmed, were driving through the streets of Jerusalem. A very nervous Majid turned to his partner.

Majid: Ahmed, what if the bomb in the backseat blows up before we get to the Jew's bus stop?

Ahmed (smiling): Don't worry. I've got a spare bomb in the trunk.

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What's the difference between Fred Flintstone and a Palestinian?

Fred shouts YABA DABA DOO. The Palestinian shouts STAB A STAB A JEW!

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What did the proud Palestinian mother say when she learned her nine-year-old daughter had just committed a suicide bombing?

Kids blow up so fast nowadays!

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I'm not saying that Palestinians use child soldiers, but...

The sign above their maternity ward says Live ammunition.

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I'm not saying that Palestinians use child soldiers, but...

A 20-year old Hamas terrorist accidentally blew himself up while manufacturing a bomb. In his obituary, they thanked him for 17 years of service.

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What is the most popular kids show in Palestine? Dora the Exploder!

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Why did Leila Khaled blow up the airplane?

The lavatory said occupied.

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Why did the Palestinian cross the road?

To blow up on the other side.

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TRUE: Gazan parents named their newborn son Knife of Jerusalem during the Intifada of Knives in 2015 (a wave of stabbing attacks in Jerusalem).

On his 1st birthday, the parents, whose names are Napkin of Nablus and Plate of Palestine, were asked if they're planning to have more children.

Reviews for Hysterical Palestine

[afuntime1008 · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

I went on a book site and met a shitty author. they weren't sexy, smart, or open-minded. I tossed all caution to the wind and read the book. Of course, it turned out to be blatant propaganda. The jokes were disappointing too.