Marriage and

By Nicolas Andre Ellen and Venessa Ellen

This book explains the basic principles of developing a relationship with God, as well as marriage, family, and friendships.The authors provide scriptural principles and references to guide individuals toward developing solid, God-honoring connections with others.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Expository Counseling Training Center
• Release date: Jun 1, 2022
• ISBN: 9781952902031

Nicolas Andre Ellen

DR. NICOLAS ELLEN is the senior pastor of Community of Faith Bible Church in Houston, TX; and senior professor of Biblical Counseling at the College of Biblical Studies, Houston. Dr. Ellen has also developed a biblical counseling center: Expository Counseling Training Center, LLC.He received a BA in Business Administration from the University of Houston; MA in Christian Education from Dallas Theological Seminary, Dallas, TX; MA in Biblical Counseling from The Masters University, Santa Clarita, CA; Doctorate of Ministry with a concentration in Biblical Counseling from Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, Louisville, KY; and PhD in Biblical Counseling from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, Fort Worth, TX.Dr. Ellen is a certified Biblical Counselor and a Fellow with the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC). He travels nationwide with the organization, teaching biblical counseling principles. Dr. Ellen and his wife, Dr. Venessa Ellen, have two children and four grandchildren.

Book preview

Introduction

In a world of broken hearts and broken lives, we have to wonder: Is there a way of escape? When we watch television, within thirty minutes we see break up and make up, and then magically all is well. Yet in our lives within thirty minutes we experience break down, fall out, and break up. Why are our relationships in real life so different from what we see on TV?

Television relationships are based on the premises of the flesh, the world, and the devil. Life is all about self and being fulfilled through the life of another. TV relationships give each of us the impression that I should live in search of the perfect person who will love me and be loyal to me for the rest of my life. This assumes that relationships were meant to satisfy me and that people are just waiting to live their lives revolved around me.

So we pursue our marriage, family, and other relationships in hopes that we can have what we see on television. This leaves us broken, disheartened, and distrusting of our spouses, family members, and others. We become mad, sad, and unwilling to relate beyond a shallow connection with our spouses, family members, and others, fearful that we will be hurt again.

What if God’s agenda for relationships is different from ours? Have you ever considered God’s design for our marriage, family, and other relationships?

Certainly, while we live in a fallen world, all relationships can be hard. This struggle might cause us to lack motivation to learn and live in them as God has ordained. But nothing is too hard for our God to do for us! He has given us His presence, power, and precepts to empower us to learn and live out our calling in our marriage, family, and other relationships. We offer these concepts for your consideration as you trust the Holy Spirit to guide and lead you into all your relationships for His glory, the edification of others, and your good.

1

The Purpose of Life

I. The Purpose of Life (Why do I exist?): You were created to bring glory to God in all aspects of life (Isa. 43:7, Rom. 11:36, Col. 1:15-17, 1 Cor. 10:31, 2 Cor. 5:9, 15, Matt. 5:14-16).

To glorify God is to demonstrate the greatness of His character by functioning according to His design and will in all aspects of life.

II. The Objective of Life (What are the overarching goals I need to accomplish to fulfill my purpose?): You are to focus on pleasing God through seeking (2 Cor. 5:9, 15):

A. To know God intimately—Socialization with God (John 17:3).

B. To become like Jesus Christ to maturity in all aspects of life—Sanctification in Jesus Christ (2 Cor. 3:18, Eph. 4:11-16).

C. To be useful to God—Service for God (Eph. 2:10, Rom. 7:4, 1 Pet. 4:10-11).

III. The Process of Life (What steps do I need to take to accomplish my goals to fulfill my purpose?): You must hear what to obey, then obey what you hear from God’s Word in all aspects of life (Jas. 1:22-25, Prov. 3:5-7).

A. Learn the truth of God (2 Tim. 3:16, 2:15; Ps. 1:1-3, 119:104-105).

B. Live the truth of God you have learned (Jas. 1:19-22, Ps. 119:101-102).

C. Love others through the truth of God you have learned and are living (John 13:34-35, 1 Cor. 13:4-8, Eph. 4:16-17).

IV. The Structure of Life (How do I work this out in the context of my life?): You must organize your life around these particular roles and responsibilities:

A. You work this out in your role of Disciple —You are to be a follower of Christ in all aspects of your life. In essence you are to follow God’s commands in all aspects of your life (Matt. 28:18-20, John 8:31-36).

B. You work this out in your role of Ambassador —As one who no longer belongs to this world but to the Kingdom of God, you are to be an instrument in the hand of God so that through your presenting the gospel of Jesus Christ, God may perhaps deliver sinners from their sin into a new and right relationship with God that will last for eternity (2 Cor. 5:11-21; 1 Cor. 3:5-9).

C. You work this out in your role of Builder —As one who now is a citizen of God’s Kingdom and a part of His Church, you are to spend your life helping other Christians grow to maturity in their character and faith in Jesus Christ (Eph. 4:11-16, Col. 1:28-29).

Key Point: All of this is to be accomplished as a single person, married person, widow, family member, church member, citizen, foreigner, co-worker; as one in authority, as one under authority, or even as one equal in authority to someone (1 Cor. 10:31, John 14:21, Col. 1:28-29).

Being a Sincere Follower of Jesus Christ

I. What does it mean to be sincere in following Jesus Christ?

A. In order to be a sincere follower of Jesus Christ, we must submit to the reign of God by placing our faith in the person and work of God the Son, Jesus Christ, to save us from the penalty of sin, the power of sin, and soon the presence of sin into a new life with God under His headship.

B. When we do this, God will deliver us from the authority of the devil and our flesh.

C. We will then be under the headship of God, Who will infuse new life in us and put God the Holy Spirit in us to help us live the new way under God’s headship.

D. Through the help of God the Holy Spirit and the infused new life within, we will be empowered to know God intimately, to become like God practically in our character, and to be useful to God in service as we wait on His return to take us to be with Him in our new place in heaven.

E. Your development in being a sincere follower of Christ entails several important steps.

II. Step 1: Justification and Regeneration

A. Your position has changed from sinner to saint, being justified in Christ.

B. Your condition has changed, being made alive from within, making you a new creature in Christ with a desire for God and the power to obey God.

C. This is the result of putting your faith in the person and work of Jesus Christ to save you from the penalty of sin, the power of sin, and soon the presence of sin into a new relationship with God under His headship that starts at the point of your sincere profession of faith.

But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared, He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by His grace we would be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.

—Titus 3:4-7

III. Step 2: Transformation

A. We must increasingly integrate our lives into the Kingdom agenda of God at every point of our lives (Willard, 2009, 103-104).

B. We must live our lives in interactive dependence upon God and interactive submission to His Kingdom rule (Willard, 2009, 94).