Art of Appreciative Communication: 101 Exercises to inspire Trainers based on Nonviolent Communication

By Birgit Schulze and Irmtraud Kauschat

The Art of Appreciative Communication - 101 Excercises to inspire your Workshops and Groups.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Books on Demand
• Release date: Jun 13, 2022
• ISBN: 9783756269112

Birgit Schulze

Birgit Schulze works as a trainer for Nonviolent Communication, business mediator, author, coach and change manager. Her focus is on fluent communication within business life. She facilitates NVC in online training, workshops and seminars. As business mediator, Birgit supports her customers in finding solutions that consider the needs of all. She is also an active member of the Network Nonviolent Communication Darmstadt-South Hessia e.V.

Book preview

Table of Contents

The acronyms behind the exercises relate to the number of participants for the exercises I = individual, P= pair, SM= small group, PL= plenum

Endorsement

Kathleen Macferran

Frank Gaschler

Introduction

Acknowledgements

The Authors

Our Intention

The Structure of the Book

Your Feedback is important to us

The Exercises and Methods

Introduction to Nonviolent Communication

1. Marshall Rosenberg, founder of Nonviolent Communication

2. The Term Nonviolent Communication

3. Consciousness and Method

4. Three Ways to use Nonviolent Communication

5. History of the Jackal (Wolf) and the Giraffe

Exercises

1 Exercises to get acquainted

E 001 Feeling and / or Needs in alphabetical Order (PL)

E 002 Four Questions (P + PL)

E 003 The Space right next to me is free (PL)

E 004 What connects us (SG + PL)

E 005 Who am I? (SG + PL)

E 006 Ball of Wool (SG + PL)

E 007 What does this have to do with me? (I / P / PL)

OE My Exercise

2 Exercises on Observation

E 008 I have seen it! (PL)

E 009 Non-judgmental Description (PL)

E 010 Dictation of a Picture (SG / PL)

E 011 Observation and Interpretation (PL)

E 012 Elephant Exercise (PL)

OE My Exercise

3 Exercises on Feelings

E 013 Weather Forecast (PL)

E 014 Feelings Vocabulary (I / PL)

E 015 Talking Hands (P / PL)

E 016 What do I need? What did I do? (I)

E 017 Needs behind I am feeling bad (PL)

E 018 Where does my Anger come from? (I + PL)

E 019 Feelings-Pantomime (PL)

E 020 Guessing Feelings (P / PL)

E 021 Talking Pictures (I / P)

OE My Exercise

4 Exercises on Needs

E 022 How do I meet my Needs? (PL)

E 023 Needs Pantomime (SG + PL)

E 024 200 Strategies (PL)

E 025 My Hobby = My Strategy (P + PL)

E 026 Disliked Action (SG + PL)

E 027 Needs Barometer (I)

E 028 Needs Ball / Feelings Ball (PL)

E 029 Needs Oracle (I / PL)

E 030 My Need for… (PL)

E 031 But I listen to myself! (P)

E 032 The big Prize (PL)

OE My Exercise

5 Exercises for Formulating a Request

E 033 Not like this! (SG)

E 034 Formulate your Request (SG)

E 035 Requests or Demands (SG / PL)

OE My Exercise

6 Exercises on Self-Empathy

E 036 Self-Empathy Dance (I / P / SG / PL)

E 037 Presence (SG)

E 038 Change of Strategies in different Phases of Life (P + PL)

E 039 Visions (I)

E 040 Emergency Call (P)

E 041 Recurring inner Conflict (always me) (I / P)

E 042 Recurring Conflict with other People (always the Other) (P)

E 043 My Fear and me (SG)

E 044 Contact with the Past (P)

E 045 Say Yes to your No (I / P)

E 046 A No is a Yes to other Needs/Strategies (P)

E 047 What does Punishment do to a Child? (P)

E 048 Novel, Film or Television Character (I / PL)

E 049 Needs Check (I / PL)

E 050 Creative Writing with NVC (PL)

E 051 My inner Team (I / P / PL)

OE My Exercise

7 Exercises on Deepening Your Empathic Capacity

E 052 13-Step-Dance (I / P / PL)

E 053 Feelings (P)

E 054 Empathic Listening (P)

E 055 Empathy Café (SG / PL)

E 056 Empathy Circle (SG)

E 057 Coffee Talk (Empathy in Small Talk) (PL)

E 058 Emotional Lyrics (PL)

E 059 Interrupting Nonviolently (P)

E 060 Listening with the 4 Ears of NVC (P / PL)

E 061 Beloved Enemy (I + PL)

E 062 Silent Empathy (P)

E 063 Reading Faces (PL)

E 064 Challenging Sentences (P / PL)

E 065 My Trigger Sentences (P)

E 066 Silent Agreement in Groups (I / PL)

E 067 Conflict Description with Needs (P)

E 068 The Merry-Go-Round of Empathy (PL)

E 069 The four Tools (P)

OE My Exercise

8 Exercises on Self-Love

E 070 What makes me happy? (I / P)

E 071 What do I like about myself? (radical Self-Acceptance) (I / P / SG)

E 072 I love my Problem Zones (I)

E 073 Acknowledging what I have done already today (I)

E 074 Giving thanks to my Body and my Organs for their Existence (I)

E 075 Radical Self-Love 1 (I)

E 076 Radical Self-Love 2 (I / SG)

OE My Exercise

9 Exercises on the Inner Attitude

E 077 Not having a Choice (SG)

E 078 Preparing for a difficult Conversation (P)

E 079 Shadow-Work (I)

E 080 Being okay or being Human (P)

E 081 Reaching my Goal (I + PL)

OE My Exercise

10 Exercise for Mindful Speech

E 082 Taking Responsibility for have to and should (PL)

E 083 Transformation of Pseudo-Feelings (P)

E 084 Transforming You-Messages (P)

OE My Exercise

11 Exercises for Appreciation

E 085 Giving and receiving Appreciation (PL)

E 086 Appreciation that I wish to receive for something (P)

E 087 Appreciation of a Person with whom you lost Contact (I / P)

E 088 Appreciation of a Person you don’t know personally (I / P)

E 089 Appreciation that I always wished to receive from a certain Person (P)

E 090 Self-Appreciation (I / P)

E 091 When someone doesn’t accept appreciation (P)

E 092 Well done! (P / PL)

OE My Exercise

12 Exercises for Reconciliation

E 093 You can hear me (I / P)

E 094 Role Play about a Conflict in a Group with a Person (PL)

E 095 Integrating Outsiders (PL)

E 096 Appreciation instead of Correction or Punishment / Make Love, not War (PL)

E 097 Pair-Reconciliation (P)

E 098 Ho´ Opono Pono (SG)

OE My Exercise

13 Exercises About Money

E 099 Money is a Strategy, not a Need (I / PL)

E 100 Me and my Money (PL)

E 101 Give and Take (SG)

OE My Exercise

Key Differentiations

K 01 Observation / Perception vs. Thoughts / Judgments

K 02 Feelings vs. Feelings Mixed with Thoughts / Pseudo-Feelings

K 03 Triggers for Feelings vs. Causes for Feelings

K 04 Need vs. Strategy

K 05 Need vs. Request

K 06 Request vs. Demand

K 07 Request vs. Wish

K 08 Living NVC Consciousness vs. Using NVC Formally

K 09 NVC-Honesty (Self-Expression) vs. Common Expression of Honesty

K 10 NVC Consciousness vs. Consciousness of Right and Wrong

K 11 Evaluation vs. Moral Judgment

K 12 Empathy vs. Sympathy

K 13 Empathy vs. Approval

K 14 Love as a Need vs. Love as a Feeling

K 15 Self-Empathy vs. Acting Out, Suppressing or Wallowing in Feelings

K 16 Power With vs. Power Over (According to Miki and Inbal Kashtan, Bay NVC, USA)

K 17 Protective Use of Force vs. Retributive Use of Force

K 18 Appreciation vs. Approval, Praise, Compliments

K 19 Feedback vs. Praise, Blame, Criticism

K 20 Choice (Self-Empowerment) vs. Submission / Rebellion

K 21 Self-Discipline vs. Obedience

K 22 Natural vs. Habitual

K 23 Interdependence vs. Dependence/Independence

K 24 Connected with Life vs. Life-Alienated

K 25 Shift of Perspective vs. Compromise

K 26 Persistence vs. Demand

K 27 Respect for Authority vs. Fear of Authority

K 28 Vulnerability / Strength vs. Weakness

K 29 Idiomatic vs. Classical (Formal) Four Steps of NVC

K 30 Empathic Guessing / Sensing vs. Intellectual Guessing/Knowing

Bibliography

Endorsement

Kathleen Macferran

"Irmtraud and Birgit have given us many creative ideas when working with groups to explore the world of Nonviolent Communication (NVC). The exercises offer ways to open the conversation about what matters most to us, what key principles can be found in NVC, and how we want to live moving forward from this moment in time. This is a valuable resource."

Kathleen Macferran

Author of together with Jared Finkelstein: Choice: A Field Guide for Navigating the Polarization of Our World and Living interdependently.

Frank Gaschler

I still remember very well: there was this NVC training some time ago in Berlin, or was it in Aachen? Well, it doesn’t matter. In any case, we were doing this one exercise. It was about empathy. Not just like that, no, it was somehow special. I think we were all seated in a circle and everyone was writing something down on a sheet of paper. What had the question been again? When were you annoyed? or: When did you annoy your partner? or: What makes you feel annoyed at all? Well, it was this kind of tone. Anyway, I remember I was very touched though and something in our relationship really changed. I think I will try it tonight with my practice group. They will be thrilled. Now I am just left to choose the colour of the sheets of paper...

If we come down to it, the structure of exercises based on Nonviolent Communication is quite simple. In the end, it`s all about feelings and needs - mine or yours - met or unmet - celebrated or mourned. Additionally, according to the setting of a task, we add observations and requests, a no and how to deal with it. Out of these ingredients however, countless exercises come into existence, which are pointing at so many realms of humans being together such as communication in conflict situations, core belief work, self-empathy, working on trauma, expressing appreciation, joy and so on.

As a