Summary of Sharon Strand Ellison's Taking the War Out of Our Words

By IRB Media

Please note: This is a companion version & not the original book. Book Preview:

#1 The motto To be open is to be vulnerable, and to be vulnerable is to be weak underlies all the defensive maneuvers we use in war. We use this same rule of war when talking to each other, thinking that being guarded and closed is our best protection.

#2 We can become defensive when we feel a need to protect ourselves from being hurt or controlled. We protect our ego, our self-image, when we talk to others, rather than protecting our body.

#3 When we react defensively, treating even a loved one as an adversary, we stop seeing the complexity of the other person’s motivations. We see the other person’s reaction only in terms of how it is directed at us, as if they were an enemy approaching in battle.

#4 When we are defensive with each other, we create emotional walls that prevent us from understanding that most people, like us, just want to live their lives.

• Language: English
• Publisher: IRB Media
• Release date: Jun 2, 2022
• ISBN: 9798822527232

IRB Media

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Insights on Sharon Strand Ellison's Taking the War Out of Our Words

Contents

Insights from Chapter 1

Insights from Chapter 2

Insights from Chapter 1

#1

The motto To be open is to be vulnerable, and to be vulnerable is to be weak underlies all the defensive maneuvers we use in war. We use this same rule of war when talking to each other, thinking that being guarded and closed is our best protection.

#2

We can become defensive when we feel a need to protect ourselves from being hurt or controlled. We protect our ego, our self-image, when we talk to others, rather than protecting our body.

#3

When we react defensively, treating even a loved one as an adversary, we stop seeing the complexity of the other person’s motivations. We see the other person’s reaction only in terms of how it is directed at us, as if they were an enemy approaching in battle.

#4

When we are defensive with each other, we create emotional walls that prevent us from understanding that most people, like us, just want to live their lives.

#5

We often hide information from others because we are afraid they will reject us or control us if they know it. We are also afraid of being inadequate or having a perceived weak point in our character that might make others disrespect us.

#6

When we are defensive, we assume that we must build emotional barriers and hide many of our thoughts and feelings to protect ourselves in our interactions. However, most people respond that their confidence goes down when they are defensive.

#7

Security is about being free from apprehension, and it is typically achieved through confidence and freedom from fear. It is in keeping with the ideal of healthy, safe, and well-adjusted children, who play without fear and are delighted with themselves and others.

#8

When we are defensive, we create a different reality than when we are not. We create hidden agendas, poor self-esteem, and incompetence. We build relationships rife with conflict and devoid of intimacy and respect.

#9

When we are defensive, not only do we build emotional barriers, but we also create a reality that revolves around a power struggle. We use our words, tone of voice, and body language as weapons of war to gain control over someone else.

#10

We become simultaneously bound to and alienated from the other person during a power struggle. We become so compulsively locked into our conflict that we spend a lot of energy thinking about the other person, complaining to others, and planning for the next battle.

#11

When our focus is on winning rather than on what we are learning and how we are strengthening our own character, we lose integrity.

#12

Power struggles are often intense, and we can fear losing something tangible or intangible. These fears are not necessarily unrealistic, because we can lose a lot in a power struggle.

#13

We often fear conflict and power struggle, and we may try to avoid them at all costs. However, if we want to resolve our differences with others, we must confront them head on.

#14

Power