Persephone's Passage: Walking My Father into the Underworld - The Spiritual Journey of an End-of-Life Doula

By MelissaBaker

This book embraces the inevitability of death and dying, through the feminine archetype in Her sacred form of Goddess of the Underworld. It's the story of a daughter who finds greater purpose, profound healing, and deep peace through the study of the emerging path of an end-of-life doula, as she serves her father through his final years of life.

Readers will find in this sacred space a safe place for their own exploration. Consider this an opportunity for reciprocity. As the author shares her experiences with death, consider your own. Allow for the possibility of healing old wounds through forgiveness, of self and others. Making friends with Death and preparing yourself and your loved ones for the inevitable delivers a sense of peace and comfort that makes room for living more fully.

If you are facing eldercare as you provide the love that heals for a parent or loved one, receive this offering of lessons learned from one who mindfully walked this path before you. Meditations and Sacred Ceremony for grounding and for connecting with loved ones beyond the veil may offer the self-care you need to fortify your own journey towards Becoming Persephone. May it be a blessing for you and yours.

• Language: English
• Publisher: MelissaBaker
• Release date: Apr 17, 2022
• ISBN: 9781005363383

MelissaBaker

Melissa Baker is a Pagan mystic, skeptical believer, mindful explorer, tribe mother, art lover, devoted daughter, sister, and friend. She is a Priestess of Persephone and Artemis, divine torchbearers who show the way. She reflects the beauty she sees in others, and sees all beings as sacred.Melissa lives in Winter Park, Florida where she cares for her mother and two cats. She finds her bliss through composing and facilitating sacred ceremonies for beloved community, and writes an essay style blog which you are invited to follow at beethelight.blog. The first of her recorded meditations, Release the Warrior Within can be found on multiple platforms.

Book preview

ENDORSEMENTS

There are as many paths to practice as there are the people who are serving as an end-of-life doula, and Melissa gives us a glimpse into hers. How beautiful and poignant, she speaks of how she accompanies people she loves and cares for through their death and beyond. The modalities Melissa uses and shares, her ways of caring, and her obvious passion will open your heart and mind.

Deanna Cochran, Founder, CareDoula® School of

Accompanying the Dying

Author of Accompanying the Dying: Practical, Heart-Centered Wisdom for End-of-Life Doulas, and Health Care Advocates

"Persephone’s Passage provides readers with an in-depth glimpse into

one woman's deeply personal journey toward one of the most complicated and empathetic professions of all time—a death doula. Melissa shares the intimate details of finding her way while facing the death of someone close to her—her own father."

Karen Hawkins, Author

In a world too often reluctant to speak of death, this book is a gift. Melissa shares with beauty and grace her own journey with death, and that sharing offers each of us a hand to hold as we walk our own inevitable journeys, losing those we love. This book was especially timely for me, just a couple of weeks before I'll travel to spend time with a friend who is preparing for his own death. Thank you, Melissa. 

Heather Plett, Author of

The Art of Holding Space: A Practice of Love, Liberation, and Leadership Co-founder of the Centre for Holding Space

Persephone’s Passage

Walking My Father into the Underworld

The Spiritual Journey of an End-of-Life Doula

Melissa Baker

Persephone’s Passage:

Walking My Father into the Underworld

The Spiritual Journey of an End-of-Life Doula

Copyright © 2022 by Melissa Baker

Smashwords Edition

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

ISBN: 978-1-7356932-8-6

ISBN: 1-7356932-8-6

Library of Congress Control Number: 2022903021

Cover Design by Thuan Nguyen, HouseOfThuan.com

Sacred Life Publishers™

SacredLife.com

About the Cover Art

This is a portion of an original painting by my SoulTribe Brother, H.B. Gardner. He once saw this image in a Felliniesque dream. Persephone crosses the River Styx on a barge, leaving her mother, Demeter to grieve. Hekate offers her torch to illuminate Her journey, and behind the Goddess of the Crossroads, Hermes, and Hades anticipate her arrival.

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Dedicated to the beautiful, sacred souls of Lynn Thames, Bill Baker, and Brian Fawkes, beloved beings who inspired this journey and moved on without us, in that order. And to each of my fur-babies, who taught me about surrender, mercy, and deep grief,

preparing me for my father’s end-of-life journey.

Their memories are a blessing.

This book is for those with the courage to sit down with Death and when fear and sorrow rise, offer Her welcome while holding space for the task of transformation that lies ahead.

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CONTENTS

About the Cover Art

Dedication

Preface

Introduction

Becoming Persephone—

Birth of an End-Of-Life Doula

Discovering the Path

The Homework

My Experience with Death and Dying

Patterns of Awareness

Going Deep

The End of My Days

Palliative Care and Hospice

The Umbrella Principle

Serving Before the Final Phase

Encouraging Hospice

The Journey

Sacred Ceremony

The Once and Future Son

Mountain Music

The Journey Inward

The Enlightened Heart

Your Light Required

More than Grateful

Make a Wish

Into the Fire

Careholder

Acorn Becomes the Oak

Walking the Labyrinth –

A Path to Healing, A Metaphor for Life

The Long and Winding Road

Calling All Souls

Ode to Sanctuary

Take My Hand

The Joy and the Sorrow

What is Your Joy?

Mindfully Human

Check Your Treasure

An Early Harvest

Witness to Waning

The Weight of Grief

Caregiver Respite

Fruition Unfolding

First Harvest – Lammastide Rite

Witness to Grace

Holding On and Letting Go

The Love of a Good Cat

Eldercare Blessings

Waves of Sorrow and Bliss

Centering Our Souls at Samhain

Time for Mending

The Empty Calendar

More Eldercare Blessings

Deep Grief and the Ailing Oak

Respite to Remembrance

The Burden of Light

The After Life – Life After Dad

Full Circle - Journey’s End

Seeking Signs at Samhain

Messages from Beyond the Veil

Safe Passage

Blessings For Your Journey

Meditations and Sacred Ceremony for the

Grounded Caregiver and EOL Doula

Journey Into Sacred Space

Grounding Expansion and Protection/Chakra Alignment

Meditation on Liminal Space – Clearing and Clarifying

Persephone’s Passage – Ritual to Enter the Underworld to

Meet with Our Lost Loves

Meditation Into the Underworld

Farewell Ritual Upon My Departure

Eldercare and End-of-Life Resources

Acknowledgments and Gratitude

About the Author

Back Cover

The End

PREFACE

I once asked myself why I write and discovered that as much as I wish for my words to offer light and healing, I write for myself. I’ve determined that what I call a Swiss cheese memory allows me to live in the now. Accessing memories for me is a challenge, so when I read what I’ve written, it gives me the access I crave. Seriously, I have Googled things I’ve written to be sure they are mine.

The reason I’ve published these words is to give birth to something of myself that will remain when I am gone. It is a memorial to my father, and a tribute to the same care I intend to offer my mother, as I walk with her into the underworld (may it be a long, long journey).

Though I have loved and cherished many children and goddess babies, I have no children of my own. As I offer Persephone’s Passage to the light, I do so with reverence for its perfection. When I think of what ideal parenting might look like, it is to keep it safe, feed it well, and provide a firm and balanced foundation from which it may launch itself into the world. Once it is out in the world, my only expectation is that it exists in authentic truth and joy. I will not judge it by its number of pages, by its popularity and how many people call it friend, or by its income. I will not weigh it down with expectations of any kind. I will simply be grateful that I was blessed to have this creation of pure love move through me. I love it without condition.

May those who find it feel the depth of the love that resides within, and know that they, too, are cherished, valued, and sacred.

Namaste. Blessed be. Amen. So mote it be. Aho. It is done.

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INTRODUCTION

In 2018, as I stepped out of my past life to create my future, crossroads merged. I was introduced to the emerging career path of an end-of-life doula, and my father’s health began to decline.

This path of discovery, to determine what a post corporate life might hold for me, revealed itself to have been a greater gift than I could have imagined. Studying death and dying shifted my perspective and understanding of this natural part of life. It taught me how to find peace with the fact that we are all going to die, and that it is nothing to fear. Most significantly, it prepared me for the monumental loss of my father.

As I began my study, I dedicated this part of my life’s journey to the archetype of Persephone. I chose Her because of her role as Goddess of the Underworld, yet she continues to reveal to me the depth and beauty of her mantle.

Persephone guides and supports sacred souls through their transition into the underworld, as they have departed the realm of the living. There, she is Queen. Yet, she is also the sacred daughter whose return delivers the coming of Spring. I feel blessed to be both of those things—daughter and guide.

As I now write, my father has been gone six months. Had he been a man too proud or too stubborn to allow his daughter to become his caregiver, I would have missed the greatest opportunity of my life. I am certain, at times, that he felt he was a burden to me. But I hope that he knew how his acts of surrender gave me the opportunity to learn and grow in service to his good care, and even more essential . . . he showed me the importance of allowing oneself to surrender and receive.

These pages started as homework and became my lifework. They captured enormous spiritual growth, emotional healing, and endless gratitude. My writing throughout this journey allowed friends and loved ones to follow along and, in some cases, to find their own peace and comfort with the mystery of what comes next.

You will find throughout this book that I spell magick with a k. To me, magic means illusion while magick encompasses a moment made sacred. Magick is found in recognizing and following synchronicities that lead you into a joyful new beginning, or the way the wind blows through you and brings you to tears. Magick is found in moments of perfection when we are mindfully present with nature and those we love.

Since part of my book has been taken from numerous blog writings of mine, you will come across some repeats in the stories.

Thank you for walking this path with me. Whether you are on your own journey toward becoming Persephone or moving mindfully toward Persephone’s Passage, I bid thee hail and welcome.

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Becoming Persephone

Birth of an End-of-Life Doula – March 2018

I was introduced to the myth of Demeter and Persephone in 1992 during a class on Wicca, which is an earth-based, goddess centered religion. The myth isn’t pretty. Like many ancient tales poisoned by patriarchy, the power of women is stripped away by rape and captivity. The story explains the coming of the winter season, when Demeter goes into mourning at the loss of her daughter, Persephone, as she is carried into the underworld by her captor. But somewhere down the path of my education, I heard a retelling of the story.

It is one of compassion and intention. It is about a woman who engages her strengths, finding purpose and meaning. It sits better with my soul. It goes something like this:

One day, like many other days, Persephone is in the field collecting flowers to make a circlet for her mother’s crown. She comes across several souls who are wandering, lost . . . unable to find the doorway to the underworld. At this moment, kindness and compassion moves through her and Persephone chooses to become the torchbearer for these souls who are seeking—and she creates the ritual to welcome them into this sacred space. Her mother still grieves for her absence, as every mother does when her daughter sets off into the world to find her purpose, but she always rejoices in her return—with the bountiful blossoming of spring.

Like Persephone, the end of 2017 found me walking through a familiar field reviewing a probable future of more of the same, when I looked up to consider a deeper, more fulfilling purpose. My sixteen-year corporate career ended with the arrival of new management. My assessment of this nudge from the Universe was that being fiercely loyal kept me somewhere I no longer found fulfillment or joy. Over several months of introspection, I found that I could no longer plan to return to the work I had done for the first half of my life. The corporate world, though it had provided abundance and security, could never provide meaningful purpose that would utilize my natural strengths and core values of empathy, caring, kindness, and compassion. And so, I set out to determine where my authentic self could be of service to others, while filling my soul with purpose and peace.

A series of synchronicities that a sabbatical from the working world allowed set this new direction forward. I wrote a (yet to be published) book that was dedicated to the influence of another feminine archetype through a twenty-five-year spiritual journey, and when a conversation with a friend posed the question, Which goddess will this book be about? I suddenly realized that I was embarking on a new path . . . the sacred journey of Becoming Persephone.

I feel that Dr. Jean Shinoda Bolen’s expertise and many writings about the archetypal feminine thoroughly explain the many ways that these goddesses manifest in our lives. So, this book does not seek to explain the symbolism beyond how She is materializing in my own journey of discovery of self, as I learn and yearn to make a difference in the lives of those who no longer feel the freedom of living without awareness of a deadline. This is the story of following what feels like unmistakable Universal guidance toward becoming an end-of-life doula. I don’t know where this adventure will lead, but I am willing and eager to follow. I am open to the mystery and magick to be planted by each juicy, garnet seed from the sacred pomegranate of initiation. I am grateful for the time I’ve been given to explore and to grow beyond the former limitations of my own mind. I am ready to be led so that, one day, I may lead others. I am opening my heart and extending my soul to become a vessel for Her compassion and care. Blessed be.

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DISCOVERING THE PATH

I believe that the Universe delivers guidance for our individual journeys, and that we need only pay attention to the messages to find our way. Whether it was the Universe listening, or the creepy Facebook Messenger algorithm, a teacher was delivered. I don’t recall if I said it aloud, or if I typed it into a message to my friend, as I was trying to determine a new path to follow, realizing I no longer found joy in doing what I had done for the last quarter century, but . . . one day as I scrolled through my Facebook newsfeed, I came across a post by Deanna Cochran, who was offering training and certification for End-of-Life Doula through her organization, CareDoula® School of Accompanying the Dying. When I left the working world, I polled friends about what they felt I might do well for a career change. A few people suggested life coach and while I don’t disagree that I have a natural mentoring ability (Developer is among my Top 5 Strengths via StrengthsFinder), I just wasn’t sure how to help people find themselves when I was trying to find myself. But through a powerful conversation with a friend who courageously shared with me his prognosis with metastatic prostate cancer, I found what felt like a possible purpose shining through. I’ll start at the beginning, though, because I feel that there were multiple messengers that led me to this path.

When I left my longtime career in June of 2017, I was immediately offered a position in a company that was moving its headquarters to my town. The office was nine minutes from home, and though I wasn’t sure it was what I wanted, it felt as though it was a gift placed in my lap, so I decided to go with it. The people I met there were lovely, but the atmosphere and leadership were toxic and I chose to leave after a few months. In learning to love myself (an epic journey over decades), I no longer felt compelled to remain in unhealthy relationships. It felt impossible to stay. So, when I asked my inner guidance system why it took me there . . . what I understood was that it was about meeting certain people, as much as it was about informing me that being an assistant to stressed-out, entitled executives was no longer the path for me. We must all learn to walk away when love is not present. I was blessed to support three great leaders into retirement. It was time for me, too, to retire.

Right before I left that job and entered sabbatical, I received a message through Caring Bridge, that a dear friend had been hospitalized for what we thought was acute leukemia (later diagnosed as myelodysplastic syndrome). She didn’t want to be alone, and her wife had to continue to work and run their business, so she engaged a visitation schedule in four-hour increments. I remember feeling so frustrated to have been in a new job that would not allow me to instantly be by Lynn’s side. So, I took the first evening shift available and I arrived to find my sweet and radiant friend lying in a darkened room, appearing small and depleted. She and I didn’t speak at all during this visit; we had been informed that she preferred silence and rest at that point in time, and I spent my allotted time assisting her out of bed and to the bathroom and back into bed, and then sitting quietly at her feet, sending healing Reiki energy, while commanding her comfort until another devoted friend arrived for the next shift.

It was within the next week or two that I gleefully jumped ship from the toxic workplace and immediately reached out to Lynn’s wife to inform her that I was now free to be present whenever I was needed. Despite transfusions, Lynn’s blood count was not responding to treatment and she found comfort in having company in the hospital. So, I signed up for the next available morning shift and arrived at 10 a.m. To my delight, I found Lynn sitting up in bed talking to her friend and colleague. She glowed with recognition and introduced us, This is Melissa . . . my dear friend of twenty-five years. When her colleague concluded her shift and passed the torch to me, I sat down for the important work of reconnecting.

If you asked me about my favorite place to be and my most fulfilling pastime, this would be it . . . sitting down in a comfortable space to deeply connect and share with loved ones the important details of our lives, with laughter and tears and absolute rapt attention. On this spectacular day, which will forever be one of my favorites, I was blessed to have eleven and a half hours doing just that with my beloved Lynn. I would quit that job a hundred times over for that blessing. I think, now, about how no one else had signed up for visitation that day, and how I felt completely free to just stay . . . and that I did just that. If someone else had arrived after four hours, I would have suffered such an unknown loss.

I joyfully recall the light that surrounded her as we talked and talked. Her white and red blood cells were both at zero, and yet, during our time together, she rested only fifteen or twenty minutes. I don’t know what delivered that energy for her, but I was so grateful to bear witness. We went right back to the beginning of our friendship—when we first met. It was a women’s workshop at the Unitarian Church in Jacksonville that provided a momentous place in our shared history. Mom and I went together, and there we met up with our dear friends from our own church community, Ellen and Sharon. Their friend Marna also attended this event, and it was orchestrated for her to meet Lynn. When Lynn and Marna later found themselves free from committed relationships, they found a healthy and happy future in each other. Both were already on the healing path; Lynn, a mental health counselor, and Marna, a massage therapist with an interest in Native American spirituality, and together they grew into healers through Chinese Medicine with a continued passion for teaching and bringing improved health to others.

Life had gotten in the way, and we hadn’t seen much of each other over the last several years, though we wouldn’t miss an opportunity when presented. I remember gathering at their home in 2009, where we manifested a dream that I’d had a year or two before. When our friend, Sharon, was going through treatment for cervical cancer, the prayer or—better, the belief—that I sent into the Universe was that Sharon would get through this difficult time, and we sisters would once again gather around the fire circle, raising our voices in song while she played dulcimer and Lynn played guitar. That night I cried tears of joy. This was just one of the stories I shared with Lynn on that magickal day we shared. I reminded her of how nearly twenty-five years ago, as we discussed in a group studying Harville Hendrix’s Getting the Love You Want, it was she who alerted me to the understanding of my childhood memories of being bullied. She pointed out that because my brother was seven years older than me, and our relationship was not combative, I never learned to defend myself, which made me an easy target.

What a gift it is to be able to speak of our most cherished moments with one another and to realize that we have made a difference in each other’s lives. Our conversation continued through discussion of celebration and achievement, heartbreak, and disappointment, and as each hospital caregiver entered the room I witnessed pure grace. For each and every nurse, technician, and doctor, Lynn sat up and smiled as she looked them in the eyes and thanked them for caring for her. She spoke of how grateful she was that she had been made so sick, for she never would have had this experience where she could witness how brilliantly Western medicine could be married to Eastern medicine. There was nothing in Chinese medicine that could cure leukemia and repair a diminished blood count, but there were things that could ease the difficult side effects of chemotherapy. She saw, in this terrible burden, that most of us would be grateful to never experience an incredible gift.

After the nurse bathed her, I helped her into the chair where she would consume a few spoons of homemade soup a friend had delivered, and I brushed her hair with her trademark side part as she spoke of her dreams of using this to build something great. She was convinced that with my departure from the working world, that I would help her put her thoughts together for a white paper submission, for a TED Talk presentation and, eventually, to build the organization that would bridge these two worlds of medicine in the United States and abroad.

I was about to head off for two weeks in the mountains with dear friends, and we agreed that she, too, would take the next two weeks off . . . and when I returned, she would be well-rested and ready to get to work. She was scheduled to go home the next day. One last time, I helped her into the bathroom and back into bed. As I tucked her in with grace and ease, and she asked me to help with her skincare regimen. I told her, as I smoothed her beautiful face with toner, about how the devotees who tended the temple of the Goddesses of ancient Greece were called the Melissae. As I gently applied the moisturizing oil to her precious cheeks and over her brilliant third eye chakra, I told her that it was my great honor to be of service to one of my own personal goddesses.

She mentioned the fall leaves that I would encounter on my journey, and I stopped to share with her something I had written during an exercise I’d done to connect with my creativity guide. I had drawn the Death card from a tarot deck and allowed my words to flow, without judgment. I read it to her, and she looked at me with awe. She insisted that I write a book and that she would look forward to reading it. And that is where our magickal day ended . . . with affirmation, with hope, and with anticipation.

I texted her from the road:

Me: Happy going home day! So grateful for yesterday. Love you mucho!

Lynn: Thank you for both yesterday and the promise of our future journey together. I love you. Make it a wondrous trip.

Her homecoming was delayed due to blood count, and a couple of days later, she texted me:

Lynn: Good news. I am being discharged today! I get my two weeks of rest, too!

Me: Yay! Woohoo! Get good rest. Love you!

Lynn: You, too. Love you.

Lynn was home for a day when things went south, and she had to return to the hospital. I texted her with my love, hating that I was so far away:

Me: I’m sitting with you in spirit, beloved. This is a temporary set-back. Knowing that good care will get you back home soon. Love you.

Lynn: Thank you.

The next day, I sent another love note, with no reply:

Me: Love you, sweet friend. Just letting you know I’m still here. Xo

Two days later, I sent another love note, with no reply:

Me: Thinking of you, beloved. Sending healing light to every cell of your body.

And at some point, in the next few days I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed and saw a post in which Lynn was tagged. She was gone.

We will never know if Lynn truly believed she was going