The Ballad of Heartman & Songstress

By JL Civi

A little woman lives in your brain. She wants to meet the man in your heart.

Jessica met Benji at a grocery store. Kenny met Jessica in Jamaica. Songstress met Heartman in Jessica's body. Their stories intertwine in extreme ways throughout this 25K word sweet fairy tale for fans of Innerspace, Herman's Head, or the music of Benji Hughes.

THE BALLAD OF HEARTMAN & SONGSTRESS is a lightly remixed version of Side B from the full-length novel L EXTREME and serves as a standalone novella.

• Language: English
• Publisher: JL Civi
• Release date: Apr 17, 2022
• ISBN: 9781005427313

JL Civi

Music aficionado and author of the rock and roll time travel novel Timely Persuasion.

Book preview

THE BALLAD OF

HEARTMAN & SONGSTRESS

the remixed B-Side of L Extreme

an original story

by JL Civi

inspired by the lyrics & music

of Benji Hughes

Oh definitely. There is a theme there. I don't want to say anything about it. Maybe it's love. There is something that the whole thing's all about.

-Benji Hughes,

Artist Direct Interview

October 2008

THE BALLAD OF

HEARTMAN & SONGSTRESS

the remixed B-Side of L Extreme

⇝ ♡ & 脑 ⇜

DO YOU THINK THEY WOULD TELL YOU?

THE LITTLE MAN IN Jessica’s heart began his preparations in silence. He picked up an arrow, but reconsidered. Today called for something smaller. It was time to use the tiny darts. Why? It didn’t matter. Heartman worked on intuition. He just knew.

At that exact moment, the little woman in Jessica’s brain sang Pretty Maids All In A Row in her quiet, soothing voice. The harmonies were harmonious. She was Cyranoniously Cyranesque.

What was the impetus for her lyrical outburst of musical Tourette’s? The song was one of her favorites. She already liked this Benji character. He reminded her of the other one, but only a smidgen. This time was different. Special. Could Benji make Jessica happy? Yes. Yes he could. When Jessica was happy, the Songstress was glad. She yearned for that same type of happiness herself.

Maybe today she’d go meet with the man in the heart. She’d always wanted to. Benji could keep Jessica company for now. Heartman would make a great companion. He’d be a better partner than those guys who ran the feet. Singing and dancing seemed like a natural pairing, but something was lacking. She was so over those commitment-fearing fools, but they wouldn’t leave her alone. And there were so many of them! Love songs were more powerful. Why hadn’t she contemplated this before now? She was too busy singing Jessica’s favorite songs to have a thought of her own.

Traveling from the brain to the heart was a short trip. Songstress took the express vein train. The need to take a train at all was a little odd, but distances scaled in funny ways here. Not funny ha ha, just funny strange. But no stranger than a little woman and a bunch of tiny dudes living in someone’s body to help them sing and run and fall in love.

Benji’s arrival in Jessica’s life gave Songstress the luxury of a much needed day off. Even the little woman who lives in your brain deserved a break sometimes. Life could play out with a natural soundtrack for a little while. It could march to the beat of the heart. She could too.

Heartman’s door was open. And then it was closed. And then it was open. It had a certain rhythm to it. Songstress entered the open valve without knocking. It felt a little presumptuous that he’d welcome her, but she cast her doubts aside. Heartman was on his stomach in a sniper’s pose, crossbow out with three tiny darts lined up at the ready. Today he meant business. She watched him shoot the darts into Jessica’s bloodstream, then began her song.

It was the first time she’d performed live for anyone else. She supposed she was still performing for Jessica since she was still inside her. This was a song for Jessica, but also for herself. Her separate self. And for Heartman, who she hoped would soon be hers. A heartsong for a new heartthrob.

Heartman grooved out to the mesmerizing melody and smiled. He had heard rumors of an alluring Songstress sourcing sounds from the top floor, but this performance was his first proof that they were true. You couldn’t trust anything those foot guys ever said without verifying it for yourself. They were a tribe of exaggerators, always running their mouths while running the feet.

Heartman turned to the Songstress and bowed, awed to be in the company of an angel. She beckoned him with a wave of her hand and sang her plan. At the beginning he only listened, but by the time the second chorus came around he nodded in agreement. His nods were in perfect time to the beat of Jessica’s heart. Their heart. Heartman had so many questions he wanted to ask her, but there would be time for that later. Songstress insisted they act now, before the feet ruined everything.

She helped Heartman carry his quiver of darts down the torso, past the groin and into the legs. They found the men in the left foot first, running at top speed on their treadmills. Sprinting backwards, trying with all of their might to keep Jessica from falling in love with Benji.

Soprano soul seductively surged from Songstress, stealing concentration from the runners. Heartman shot a dart. Jessica felt a tingling sensation of pins and needles. Her foot was asleep—or so she thought. She shook it, tapping her heel on the ground to regain feeling. Just enough movement to serve as the diversion Heartman needed. He managed to subdue the entire quintet with just one dart. Using dual sirens as distractions made things easy. Almost too easy.

The ones in the right foot would be more amiable foes. They always were. The foes in the toes. They practiced self-defense, and that made them dangerous. But this was a ball they couldn’t kick.

Upon dropping into the other shoe, Heartman and Songstress found those soldiers were already asleep. It was as if the left foot ambush had somehow equally impacted the right. Heartman fired a dart at the big toe anyways, just to be safe.

Did this amount to sub-molecular sabotage? It depended on your point of view. Songstress considered the feet saboteurs of love, making things cold or awkward with their dragging and stepping on toes. They never learned to dance, and that wouldn’t stand right now. Jessica needed to get back on the floor for another chance at love, and Songstress wasn’t letting any body parts get in Heartman’s way. Not after what happened with the other one.

Happy to both have an ally and eliminate competitors, Heartman was all in. The body didn’t run off a traditional hierarchical structure, but it was safe to say a resident of the brain was looked up to as de facto head honcho. They had access to the control center and the monitoring systems, so the odds of being discovered from the inside were low. And very few outsiders had microscopes powerful enough to detect the little people.

Pleased with the way they executed her plan, Songstress took Heartman by the hand and sought the elevator out of the legs.

WHERE DO OLD LOVERS GO?

CUMIN

Garlic power

Onion powder

Celery salt

Paprika

Chili powder

Cayenne

Salt

Allspice

Cloves

Mace

Benji dropped the jar of cloves into his basket and crossed it off the list. The list was on the back of an envelope the City used to send him a parking ticket. He couldn’t remember if he paid the ticket or threw it away, but the envelope made for a good shopping list. Especially the side without writing on it. Or that cellophane window the inside peeks at you through. Only formal letters had that. Or junk mail. Formal letters from informal people.

The typo next to garlic made Benji laugh. They should all be called powers instead of powders. Wizard chefs mixing magical blends. Sorcerers distilling mystical powers in white castles. But they didn’t make hamburgers. Who decided hamburgers were best inside a bun? Only the powers knew for sure.

Garlic power! Onion power! Chili power!

Baking power!