Ruptures

By Ellise Ramos

a collection of poetry about a Filipino-Canadian woman's struggle with mental illness and survival from addiction 

RUPTURES is a collection of poetry about survival, loss, trauma and addiction. After being diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and PTSD in 2015, Ellise has lived her life in a constant brink of chaos and euphori

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ellise Ramos
• Release date: Apr 18, 2022
• ISBN: 9781778174117

Ellise Ramos

Ellise Ramos is a writer from Toronto who lives with her immortal cat, Sharptooth, is drowning in books, and would inject caffeine in her veins if she could. Living with Bipolar Disorder I, PTSD and ADHD, she is an advocate for mental health awareness and documents her struggles in her blog, bipolarandmotherhood.ca. She has been published in various literary magazines, such as The Malahat Review. You can see a list of her publications in her site, elliseramos.com.When the pandemic happened, Ellise decided to get married, have a son and change her name to Harmony van der Schyff. Oh, and to start her own business collecting and restoring vintage jewelry. You can see her latest obsession over at auctionhuntersdesigns.ca but give it a few more years (or months) and for sure she would have moved on to something else. Like maybe another name. Or cat. WHO KNOWS.When she's not obsessing over a new hobby, she is facilitating writing workshops for the Writers Collective of Canada, googling everything, inhaling science fiction and true crime documentaries, and going on wikipedia binges.

Book preview

RUPTURES

Edition II (sort of)

a collection of poetry about a Filipino-Canadian woman’s struggle with mental illness and survival from addiction By: Ellise Ramos

1

elliseramos.com

Copyright © 2020 Ellise Ramos

All rights reserved.

2

This is for Eric,

my love,

my partner,

my rock and defense

against the insanity

of my mind

& world.

& for my son, Johannes,

who is my everything.

3

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

At ten, I read Heidi and The Secret Garden surreptitiously, underneath my blanket so that the adults wouldn’t catch on to what I was devouring. I was never motivated by my mother to read books. She thought it was a waste of time. This didn’t stop me though; eventually I started stealing from the library and then, when that stopped becoming enough, I stole from my mother to buy books. I remember her looking at me, with tears in her eyes, asking, Tell me - tell me how you got these books? Why do you hate me so much?

But I didn’t hate her. I loved her. But the love I discovered through Wuthering Heights and The Sound and the Fury was not the same love I had for her. My love was in exploration, constant change, conflict and creation. I continued reading and writing, and living in my fantasy until at some point, I realized that the monsters and creatures I created in my mind couldn’t protect me from the monsters that would haunt me for the rest of my life.

You will find them- tendrils of descriptions softly caressed through the lines of my poetry. My trauma is always there. In the background. They exist deviously within each word I birth. They are a part of me and all the choices I’ve made.

My poetry is insanity - it is addiction - it is escape - it is trauma - it is a desperate woman’s attempt to claw, 4

carve and sear her mark in a world that has continuously denied and forgotten her. I hope my writing, as junkie, as contemporary, and as disjointed as it is, come off - still somehow, relatable, understandable, and may you feel the empathy and love I try so hard to put in everything I make.

I love you. The misunderstood, the confused, the lost and the lonely. We are artists through and through, and this world is wonderful because of you.

Thank you,

Ellise

elliseramos.com

5

PREFACE

I wasn’t expecting to make two editions of my book.

That was not my intention. But after a long and harrowing battle with the previous publisher in which I lost access to my account because I had duplicated and reset the password far too many times, I decided to completely start all over again (story of my life, I suppose).

Which is fine, because the previous book cover sucked.

The print in the cover of this book is a print that my friend from University, Linda, graciously gave me. I