The Philosophy of Mind Travel

By Psychotic Logician

Hello, my name is Psychotic Logician, and I am mentally ill. I get high and write philosophy. I get drunk and do crazy things. I am an anarchist, innocent, and above all else, a superhero. In this book, I take you on a tour of my mind through my awesome adventures. Have fun.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Psychotic Logician
• Release date: Mar 25, 2022
• ISBN: 9781957378367

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THE PHILOSOPHY OF

MIND

TRAVEL

PSYCHOTIC

LOGICIAN

The Philosophy of Mind Travel

Copyright © 2022 by Psychotic Logician

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

ISBN

978-1-957378-38-1 (Hardcover)

978-1-957378-37-4 (Paperback)

978-1-957378-36-7 (eBook)

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Existence (A Very Short Introduction)

Prolegomena To Any Future Complete Deduction Of Existence

On Reference Use In Language

Section 1 An Introduction To Mind Travel

Section 2 The Psychosis Of Mind Travel

Section 3 Adventures In Mind Travel

Section 4 Jobs In Mind Travel

Section 5 Dreams Of Mind Travel

Section 6 The Degeneracy Of Mind Travel

Section 7 Abstract Mind Travel

Section 8 The Rationality Of Mind Travel

Index Tools For Mind Travel Or (The Operation Of Mind Travel)

Movie Script Idea (Also, A Lesson In Abstract Reworks And Combinations)

The Grain Silo Story

The Purple Bishop Idea

(This Is The Observer Speaking…) Inserts Throughout Book

Philosophical Roast Or (Heuristics Of Mind Travel)

EXISTENCE (A VERY SHORT INTRODUCTION)

Do absolutely anything you want, just as long at you don’t infringe upon the rights of anyone else, as outlined by each mind.

Thus, we have the necessary and sufficient conditions for absolute freedom (a one rule utopia):

Deontological Anarchism

FADE IN.

PROLEGOMENA TO ANY FUTURE COMPLETE DEDUCTION OF EXISTENCE

1.There exists two relations that exist in all of existence:

(i)The internal relation (subjectivity)

(ii)The external relation (objectivity)

2.There exists two realities that exist in all of existence:

(i)The mental reality (immaterial existence)

(ii)The physical reality (material existence)

3.There exists three points of reference that exist in all of existence:

(1)A thesis point of reference

(2)An antithesis point of reference

(3)A synthesis point of reference

4.There exists two points of reference that exist in subjectivity, the mental reality, and the thesis and antithesis points of reference:

(A) The conscious mind

(B) The subconscious mind

5.There exists three points of reference that exist in objectivity, the physical reality, and the synthesis point of reference:

(a) Complete conscious mind

(b) Complete subconscious mind

(c) Complete unifying awareness mind

6.There exists two observable points of reference through which the thesis, antithesis, and synthesis refer to one another:

(x) The absolute observable reference

(y) The relative observable reference

7.There exists two forms of knowledge:

(X) A priori knowledge

(Y) A posteriori knowledge

8.There exists four forms of organizing all of existence that relate to one another:

(α) Parts

(µ) Whole

(β) Part in parts

(Ω) Whole in whole

9.The complete dual opposites in existence, that refer to every opposite in existence:

-Infinite

-Finite

-Finite Infinite and Infinite Finite

-Infinite Infinite and Finite Finite

10.The two complete logical relations that exist which refer to everything in existence:

① The complete logical existential reference (ꓯx)

② The incomplete logical existential reference (ꓱx)

11.There exists five dimensions that make up all of existence:

First Dimension: Relative observation of time

Second Dimension: Relative observation of space

Third Dimension: Absolute observation of space

Fourth Dimension: Absolute observation of time

Fifth Dimension: Absolute observation of time and space

12.The causal relationship between the four dimensions of time and space are:

#1: Observation of time preceding space (the past)

#2: Observation of space preceding time (the future)

#3: Observation of space and time not preceding each other

(the present)

13.The observation of time correspond to one another through two forms of relative and absolute temporal relations:

(→) Relative time (the arrow or direction of time through which the past precedes the present, and the present precedes the future)

(↔) Absolute time (no direction of time, since the past, present, and future are unified and no arrow exists)

14.The observation of space correspond to one another through two forms of relative and absolute spatial relations:

(↔) Simultaneous causal spatial relation (spatial state A, and spatial state B are causally connected through an absolute moment)

(→) Non-simultaneous causal spatial relation (spatial state A, and spatial state B are causally connected through a relative moment)

15.There exists three absolute moments in existence, and one relative moment in existence:

Relative moment: space and time measured through relative observers in a differentiated form.

Absolute moment #1: space and time measured through a singular or absolute point in which an observer measures time through a first causal moment. (the beginning of the universe) (scientifically seen through the big bang)

Absolute moment #2: space and time measured through a singular or absolute point in which an observer measures time through a final causal moment. (the end of the universe) (scientifically seen through the big crunch)

Absolute moment #3: space and time measured through a singular or absolute point in which all observers measure time and space at the same causal moment, existing between Absolute moment #1, and Absolute moment #2 through all relative moments. (the fate of the universe) (scientifically seen through the absolute point of reference (absolute rest))

16.There exists two forms of possible spatial and temporal connectivity through the relative and absolute observations:

Connectivity #1: a wormhole connecting two observable points within any universe. Space and time form an arrow: the wormhole connects two spatial existences, through a temporal existence (it takes relative space and time, since it takes time to connect space within a universe (takes time to go through wormhole))

Connectivity #2: a splice point connecting two observable points within all of existence. Since splice points connect all universes in existence, they are not observable through the space and time of any given universe, because they exist outside the causal laws of any given universe.

17.A complete unification of all differing relations that exist (as shown above), completely deduces all of existence, since every form of reality has been demonstrated as through its correspondence to everything:

Formation of reality: completely deduced existence (existing form)

Non-formation of reality: nothing deduced existence (nonexistence form)

18.Existence and nonexistence unify every relation shown above, through the following logical form, that unifies all existing forms, but does not refer to nonexistent forms, since nothing cannot exist outside existence (outside of a universe, there is the possibility that other universes exist (thus, something that is nonexistent in a given universe (like other universes within universes) can only be referred to through a unified form of reality; however, outside of all of existence, there is not nothing, since anything outside of all of existence, is existence in some form. Hence, even nothing is something (even nonexistence is existence).

19.The completed form of knowledge through which a complete deduction of existence can be seen through the logical resolution of Russell’s Paradox:

Let R be the set of all sets that are not members of themselves. If R is not a member of itself, then its definition entails that it is a member of itself; if it is a member of itself, then it is not a member of itself, since it is the set of all sets that are not members of themselves.

The paradox: R ∈ R ↔ R ∉ R

Set of all universes: ꓯx

Set of a given universe: ꓱx

Let ꓯx be the set of all universes that are not members of ꓱx. If ꓱx is not a member of ꓯx, then this means that it is not a member of ꓱx (itself). If ꓱx is a member of itself, then this means that it is a member of ꓯx.

(ῳ) ꓱx ∈ ꓱx → ꓱx ∈ ꓯx

(ῼ) ꓱx ∉ ꓯx → ꓱx ∉ ꓱx

∎ (ꓱx ∈ ꓱx → ꓱx ∈ ꓯx) ↔ (ꓱx ∉ ꓯx → ꓱx ∉ ꓱx)

Equivalent semantical syntax:

∎ ῳ ↔ ῼ

Thus, the two are logically equivalent to one another, since they can be deduced from each other. Thus, they do not contradict each other.

Reason for contradiction: The paradox does not differentiate between the set of all sets, and the set of all sets that are not members of themselves. Both are denoted by R, and hence, contradict each other, since they should be differentiated from each other by a different logical sign.

Semantical logic referring to all of existence:

(Part ∈ Part → Part ∈ Whole) ↔ (Part ∉ Whole → Part ∉ Part)

If a part of existence exists within itself, then the part of existence exists in the whole of existence. This means that, if a part of existence does not exist in the whole of existence, then part of existence does not exist in itself.

Therefore, Russell’s Paradox ceases to exist. And hence, everything in existence is referred to without contradicting itself.

What is written in this prolegomena is a basic guide through which everything in existence can be deduced from. Through this, anyone can know reality in its completed form. Whomever succeeds in this task, unifies everything in existence, knows everything, and is made an absolute being. Such a feat is the ultimate achievement of human reason.

May others come and do it better.

-Ludwig Wittgenstein

ON REFERENCE USE IN LANGUAGE

There are 5 points of reference through which a conscious observer can speak through in existence.

Subconsciously, the observer is not speaking since the speaker is not referring to any point of reference inside itself and outside itself.

1.Internal Subjective Reference

The speaking observer: I am speaking to myself.

2.External Subjective Reference

The speaking observer: I am speaking to you.

3.Internal Objective Reference

The speaking observer: I am speaking to him.

4.External Objective Reference

The speaking observer: He is speaking to himself.

5.External Objective Subjective Reference

The speaking observer: He is speaking to me.

Thus, every reference point through which a conscious observer can speak through has been identified:

(i)Myself

(ii)You

(iii)Him

(iv)Himself

(v)Me

Therefore, if all five reference points have been identified and spoken through by the observer, then the observer is consciously self-aware of everything inside itself, and outside itself.

Thereof, subconsciousness vanishes, and transcends to a self-aware conscious observer. The differentiation of all internal, external, subjective, and objective points of reference in existence are unified by Me and hence, I am consciously self-aware of Myself.

Author’s Note: During the course of the book you may sometimes see a small number right beside a part of what I wrote (located on the right side of the book, for example⁹⁹). The number beside what is written denotes a break in the flow of what is written, in order for me to comment further upon what I wrote. These numbers relate to the index of the book, where you will find the number shown in the book, corresponding to its number in the index, which are further remarks that I wish to make the reader aware of, without breaking the overall flow of what is written in the book. I leave it up to the reader whether they decide to ignore the small numbers until a time which better suits the way they want to read about through the book, or whether they want to read the inserts in the index whenever they become situated within what is written. The inserts always start with, "(THIS IS THE OBSERVER SPEAKING:…)" and are my simple way of showing the reader any further comments that I wish to convey about what is being discussed in the book. These comments range from a philosophical/logical analysis of what is being discussed in the book, to other points of view that I have relating to the matter that it is referring to.

Viewer discretion advised.

To whom it may concern.

Into every tidy scheme for arranging the pattern of human life, it is necessary to inject a certain dose of anarchism.

– Bertrand Russell

SECTION 1

An Introduction to Mind Travel

I am climbing a fence that is roughly seven to eight feet high. Aaron is above me and is trying to help me up. Abe is not far behind, but he, being a much better climber than me, reaches the top first. I get to the top and I look up at the sky. I wonder if other people have done this before. It’s not that hard of a thing to do. I decide that this would be a good place to take a girl to hang out. I think I will call up Colleen and ask her if she wants to chill sometime, and climb up onto the roof of the planetarium. She smokes cigarettes and I don’t, but I will definitely buy a pack and pretend to smoke if that gets me the chance to take her out.

I throw down another huge swig of shitty/generic vodka as I look around the room. Benjamin is there and Charlie is somewhere else. A see a guy eyeing me from a distance, but decide that if he asks who I am, I will just say I came here with Scott. We leave the party and are in an open field. There is about two feet of snow on the ground and I see Benjamin and Charlie walking about ten yards in front of me. We get to a place on campus where there is construction and a huge crane. We try and climb up the crane but then decide it’s too difficult to do in our near blacked out stupor. We hear a noise and bolt. The only way out of the construction area is to climb up a fence. Charlie jumps on the fence, and it immediately collapses, ending with him lying on his back with the fence on top of him. Benjamin and I laugh and walk over the fence to get the hell out of there.

I am at Blake’s frat party, the same fraternity that I attended rush at a few months ago. They seemed to like me at the rush party and so I was given an invitation to come back to their formal dress party. I don’t know what formal dress attire means so I just show up to the party wearing kakis and a button down collard shirt, untucked. When I enter the house I immediately become aware of what formal dress attire means. Since I was the only one in the house who wasn’t wearing the proper attire, I had to make a way in which I could stand out. We smoke cigars in the backyard as people get called into their interviews. I heard from a source that the proper/expert way of smoking cigar is to ash it as least as possible. My ash is around two and a half inches long when it perks the interest of a fraternity brother. That’s the way you smoke a cigar! I am happy that he noticed. I think back to the day when the different fraternities around campus pick the people who they want to be in their frat. I get to the building and find that I have an envelope with my name written on it, with the name of the fraternities that have chosen me to be with them. I look in the envelope and find that it is empty. What does it mean if there is nothing inside? I ask the person at the desk. Oh…damn… Does that mean nobody chose me to be in their frat? Yeah, pretty much. I look over to Abe and say, Fuck yeah! and give him a high five.

I look over at the place where the DJ is playing music with the DJ pads. I want to try it out. Hey could I scratch that record for a minute or two? No Why not? Come on man I just want to try it out. No kid, fuck off! I am too drunk to know what that means so I reach over the table and try to scratch the DJ pads from the opposite side of the table. I said fuck off! The kid pushes me in the chest and I fly backwards and my whole body hits a wall. I am temporarily stunned, and have the air knocked out of me. I look at the kid who pushed me and the expression on his face is something like, damn, I didn’t think his body would fall that far back. I see three women dancing on a table. I notice that if I dance on the table I will be the only man who does this which would make me unique. I start dancing on the table and get my shirt halfway off when I see Blake leave the room. I have not talked to him in a while so I decide to see what he is up to. As I leave the room, I make sure to go back over to the DJ who pushed me, and tell him what I really think. I extend my hands over the table and place them on the scratch pads and yell, FUCK YOU! to him. You crazy fuck! he responds as I run out the door.

Aaron bets me that I won’t run around the center Field naked and I decide that I will prove him wrong. I take off my clothes and do two laps around the field, pumping my fist in the air and happy that I have proven him wrong and that I can cross streaking out on my bucket list. I contemplate going streaking with a bunch of other college kids along Pearl Street. It is Halloween and the streaker’s wear pumpkins over their heads. I heard stories that there are a few unfortunate one’s each year that get arrested by the cops and are charged as sexual offenders. This dissuades me from doing it, but I still watch them go by. I am with Abe and we see that there is a woman standing five feet from us also watching the streaker’s. Abe begins to laugh and he taps me on the shoulder to show me what is so funny. The woman watching the naked people run by, unknown to her, has her left breast hanging out of her shirt. Another man sees this and starts laughing with us. We give each other high fives.

We are walking along Pearl Street and a guy wearing a strap on dildo approaches us. He talks to us about something and makes a point to tell us that he does not have an STD. I then grab the dildo and he is confused, and walks away. Why the fuck did you touch that? I don’t know. He said he didn’t have an STD. We walk up to a tarot card reader. I ask Aaron to give me five dollars so the guy will read my fortune. The man describes exactly what I am going through and doing with my life and this makes me happy and content.¹

I decide that I want to dress nicely for a party that Emma and her roommates are throwing. I know that if I do this my roommates will ask me what I am getting all dressed up for, so I make up a story about going over to a judges house to get my medical marijuana card certified. They buy this for some reason. I pregame with a handle of Brunette’s Vodka and go to the party. I see Mia and I go up and talk to her. Olivia and Tom tell me that I should kiss her. I decide that I will ask her instead of just doing it/forcing her to do it. Feeling confident because of the bad ass attire I have on, I say to Mia, can I kiss you? She says no and I am thankful that I asked.²

Olivia and Tom still think I should have just kissed her for some reason. I smoke cigarettes and weed out on the deck. Aaron recently has gotten into a bad habit of breaking my cigarettes whenever I take one out to smoke because they are apparently bad for you, so I say, Don’t fucking break this cigarette you mother fucker! He doesn’t break it and that makes me happy for the both of us. I get back inside and I see Emma. She has a crush on me. I take out my phone for some reason and as she approaches me, she puts her hand on the cell phone and it breaks in half. God fucking dammit I think to myself. I decide to tell Mia’s friends that I like her, but that they have to promise not to tell her. They all agree not to tell her, but end up telling her the next time they see her. Fucking women.³

I see a laundry shoot that goes from the kitchen all the way up to the top floor, which only happens to be about three feet away from each other. I think it would be a good idea if I went through the laundry shoot, starting at the top, and getting through the end of it at the kitchen. There is a glass window that turns sideways that enable me to get through it. I get stuck for a few minutes, but Tom helps me get through it by pulling on my feet. I go back to my dorm with my brother who has decided to pay me a visit and sleep on my dorm room floor. Three hours previous to this he was at a party and a girl wanted to fuck him. He tried to make a move but then the girl’s brother came out and said that if he touched her he would fuck him up. It was then at that point, drunk out of his mind that he decided to drive to my college and visit me. I see Tristin in my dorm hall and I challenge him to a fight. We set it up so that we only do body shots, and we have two judges who will watch the fight and see who wins. He immediately charges after me and has his arms around my waist. I am confused as to why he doesn’t throw any punches and so I start punching him in his rib cage. I don’t land any hard blows because I want it to be a fair fight and with him not hitting me in any way I think that it would be to one-sided if I punched as hard as I could. The judges of the fight say that the fight was a draw.

I sink another cup in a game of beer pong, and Brad and I give each other high fives. We have sunk seven out of ten of our opponent’s cups without them even having a turn yet. Our goal: to go ten cups and not even allow our opponents the chance to have a turn. We fail to reach our goal but are still happy to win. Sitting on the couch is Miranda, who Brad likes. When we are black out drunk, we break into his apartment complex’s swimming pool and go for a swim. I get back and see Miranda sitting on the carpet, with a shirt on, but no bottom. No pants, no underwear, nothing. I laugh at this, but I am not sure what Brad thinks.⁴

As a I walk around campus at twelve at night, smoking cigarettes and buzzing from some alcohol shots, I decide that I will break into Folsom Field. I easily climb the gate and I walk out onto the bleachers. I sit in the stands chain smoking, and I walk around the whole stadium, keeping watch to see that I go unnoticed. I do go unnoticed and feel a sense of satisfaction that I broke the rules and got away with it.

I walk up to a girl smoking by a door with a friend and ask, Is this Scott’s house? I don’t know. Just go in and have fun she responds. I approach the situation the same as I approached the last 16 times I have done this. Get in, consume as much alcohol as possible without being noticed, and get out. I am getting to now be a pro at this, but when a guy asks me who the hell I am, I respond, Is this Scott’s house? he tells me he doesn’t know anyone named Scott. You need to leave immediately he says and I comply.⁵

Aaron walks up to a tree in the Quad and sees a raccoon that has just climbed up to the top. He decides that he will climb up the tree and try and get close to the raccoon, close enough perhaps, so that he can blow smoke rings around its head. He gets to the middle of the tree and the raccoon starts hissing at him. I laugh and tell him to keep getting closer to it, but he thinks it will just piss it off more and attack him so he climbs back down.

Having just consumed six shots in ten minutes, I tell Charlie and Benjamin that I want to go somewhere else. I piss some crazy bitch off and she tells me I need to leave her house immediately. Before I close the door behind me, I see that the door is covered with a brown blanket, and I will be damned if some crazy bitch thinks that she can just kick me out of her house and not remember me in some way. I rip the blanket off the door and start running down the sidewalk with Charlie and Benjamin running after me. We get to a part of campus that has a long staircase leading up to a pole that extends about three feet from the building. I want to show my stolen prize to the world so I tie the blanket to the end of the pole and let it drape down. At least two to three weeks after that, the blanket is still there. The only thing sweeter than this would be if the girl saw it and said to herself, that looks a lot like the brown blanket that went missing from my door.⁶

I talk to a friend, Calvin on Facebook and he tells me a funny story: my ex-girlfriend got caught having sex with someone who she teaches tennis to. I think this is funny and so I decide to call her up. No, I didn’t do that! Why would he make that up? Because he is a guy. Guy’s lie. I tell her that I don’t care, I that I just think it is really funny. Once I hang up on her, I contemplate stealing a chair from a fraternity house that we were in and bringing it back to my dorm room as a prize. I don’t do it, but I tell my friends that I did.

I self-reflect about all the lies that I told to people to get them to think more highly of me. I tell the story of when I shit in my dorm hall to some people at a party and they interrupt me, saying, Tucker Max! That’s Tucker Max! to which I respond, I’m not Tucker Max! I’m Psychotic Fucking Logician! I should have changed the part where Tucker’s feet kick shit up onto the walls with a more original version like, I ran through my dorm hall to get to the bathroom, but I trip and hit the wall, and I lose control of all my bodily functions, causing me to shit on the wall and puke violently on the floor.

My friends want me to come to a coffee shop tonight for open mike night. When it is my turn to go on I tell them a story about how I went to a nude beach in France when I was twelve with my cousin and grandparents. Everyone laughs and thinks it is the funniest story they have ever heard. I am pleased, considering that I came up with it in about ten minutes. The next week I get nervous because I don’t have a funny story to tell to people, so I just tell my friends that I won’t go up. Emma goes up and tells everyone that I have a funny story to tell. Dammit. I tell the story about when I ran my face into a doorknob, giving me a black eye. I laugh, but nobody else does. Depressed, I never go back to the coffee shop again.⁷

I decide that I need to get my confidence up and develop more of an I don’t give a fuck attitude about how I see the world. I tell Aaron that I will go into the sauna in the men’s bathroom in the rec center, completely naked and sit in it for a while. He thinks this is funny and decides to join me. I get into the sauna, and nobody says anything. Before this, I had seen lots of people, mostly older men, go into the sauna wearing nothing, so I figure this is not that unusual. Aaron comes in a minute later, causing one guy to say, Jesus guys, what’s up with not wearing any clothes? I leave before I start to sweat and have a sweat print of my ass on the sauna benches.

Josh from high school comes to visit me and Aaron and he tells me that he has perfected, The Secret. I ask him if it is anything like the I don’t give a fuck attitude and he responds, Yeah, it’s a lot like that. We get some acid from a drug dealer who I have named in my phone as, Dave Acid. We each take a hit and it doesn’t kick in ever for me, and it takes few hours for Josh. We follow Aaron into a friend’s dorm hall, and Aaron, right after finishing a candy bar, throws the wrapper into the air and says, I don’t give a fuck! to which Josh responds, Yeah…that’s not the secret. I think this is funny. Aaron’s friend has just gotten accepted into a fraternity. The same fraternity that I got rejected from. All three of us give him shit about being in a fraternity and how gay it is, and he just sits there, saying nothing. I feel bad, saying I didn’t mean it but this gives him no encouragement.⁸

I see a rubber string strapped around my arm and a guy holding a needle, injecting something into it. I wake up from my temporary black out state to remember that I had taken shrooms mixed with chocolate that Aaron gave me for my birthday. He claims that I really did do heroin and that the guy hooked me up with some because it was my birthday. I intricately describe how it took place, and one of the guys who gave me the heroin told me to listen to a CD that he had called a, visualized haircut, which gave you the sensation of getting your haircut, without actually doing it. The CD begins and I agree with everything that the person tells me. A loud laughing sound then becomes apparent to me and I see the entire room go up in flames. I see Aaron’s head on fire, and when it goes out, his hair and head look like coals that still have red flames on it. When my perception returns to normal, I see that everyone in the room is laughing. Aaron asks me, what did that Devil guy say to you? because apparently that is what the visualized haircut made me think.⁹

As I walk towards Donnie’s house to chill, I begin to question my existence. So, I say, Devil if you are real and it turns out that Christianity is correct, then I give you permission to take control of my body in exchange for everything that I have ever wanted. I immediately begin to feel shitty about what I just did, but just shrugged it off. I have paranoia about this, and I came to believe three things that were made on top of the deal I made with the Devil. If it were ever the case that I, ever injected heroin, did DMT, or married Mia then he could have control of my body in exchange for me living 10,000 trillion years doing whatever I wanted. In my state of believing that I had just injected heroin, I believed that the deal was now up. I became docile and accepted my fate, believing that when I went to sleep that night, I would have a dream that felt to me like 10,000 trillion years, and then when I wake up I would be controlled or maybe be in hell. I wake up and find that nothing has happened. I am neither happy nor sad. I take an Adderall and study for my history test which I get an A- on. This makes me happy. I text Aaron and he tells me that I was just hallucinating that I took the heroin. This makes me angry. Reminiscing about the earlier part of the night after eating the chocolate shrooms, I am sitting under a tree with Aaron and someone else smoking pot out of a bong. There are four or five people covered in blue painting and wearing piercings and jewelry that sit alongside us. Aaron and the other person don’t see them, but I do.

I stare off into Brad’s room as he and Rick sit in the other room watching TV. A hand reaches forward towards me extending its entire arm. I see a person wearing blue painting all over him with jewelry, further extending his arm towards me as to say, Take my hand. I am filled with anxiety over the situation so I talk to Brad and Rick and tell them that I could go far away into a different universe right now if I wanted to. What should I do? Do whatever you want. That is so sick. I go back into the room but the arm holding the blue guy in its hand was gone. LSD is a crazy drug I think to myself as I further try and induce a trip. Maybe the guy was a Mayan person who was trying to guide me into a trip, or maybe I was just an acid head hallucinating his balls off.¹⁰

My roommate wakes me up and I am sitting in a chair looking up at the ceiling. A moment earlier I was in another realm with unicorns and other crazy mystical objects around me enveloping my perception like a merry go round. I am a little upset that he woke me up from such a peaceful state but, I decide it’s all good and take another hit from his vaporizer, trying to bring about another psychedelic state while the Robotussin is still in my system.¹¹

I am facing a man in a black leather jacket, and he is holding my medical marijuana papers in his hand. I’ve seen this paperwork before. What… Not just this medical paperwork but this exact copy, same name, same doctor, same everything. I don’t know what to say but what I think is, you are either a fucking moron or really shitty at your job. I am not sure if the punishment is more severe or not if you call police officers profane names or flip them off, but I better not risk it. My ninth-grade doubles tennis partner comes walking in the door, which turned out to be the exact same CU security officer that busted me twenty minutes earlier. I contemplate asking him how he was able to get a respectable job after being charged with criminal charges in high school for sporting pictures of guns on his Myspace page, but I think the answer would just make me have less respect for the way the justice system operates in society. Although I could see in my tennis partner’s eyes after he told me to take out the pot he had found in my desk drawer, that he was shocked and felt a relatively decent amount of sympathy for me when he realized who I was. If only he remembered me twenty seconds ago, this whole situation would have been a lot less fucked up.¹²

I dial my phone for Max, who I hadn’t seen since last semester. He gives me directions to his house, and I try to coherently tell him that I will be there soon. I make some friends along the walk to his house, who I ensure will have a fun time at a sick party if they follow me. A group of five, six or seven people follow me to Max’s door. Yo Max, what’s up bro! I got some people with me who wanna party with us. It would be a lie to say that Max was not used to this type of behavior from me, seeing that I spent nine months as his roommate when we were freshman. Sorry, there’s no party, you can’t come in. This disappointed the people who I had led to his house, but I was happy because I was about to smoke weed with the master himself. We smoke out of his bong and I get the spins. I run over to his kitchen sink and begin to puke inside of it. Psychotic Logician! Goddammit! I wake up the next morning on his couch, with one of his bitchy roommates yelling in my ear that I am a fucking asshole. I call Max an hour later, asking if I was with him last night, and that I had not known where I had woken up to justify why I had lost my shit earlier in the night.¹³

Me, Victoria, and Donald are inside a building’s stairwell with a window looking over the Quad. There are thousands of people crowded within it and the time is nearing four o’clock. We wonder why suddenly there is a new wave of people coming into the quad in such large groups, but do not wonder why they are people there in the first place. A professor walks by us as Donald says, Is there a concert going on? to which the professor stops and gives us a look like we are the dumbest people she has come across in a while. It’s 4/20 she says and walks away. We laugh because she didn’t know what we were really referring to. We make our way down to the center of the quad and meet up with Audrey. I remember the last time I saw her when we tried to smoke weed out of her pipe, but she broke it as she was loading it. I just broke my pipe. I can’t do this. Me and four of my friends looked at each other with a kind of, that fucking sucks for all of us look and showed our way out of her house. I am on drug tests at the time and so I must settle for smoking, spice instead. I hear that spice is what the football players and other athletes who get drug tested smoke, and so I thought that it must be better than not smoking anything. I empty one of my cigarettes of the tobacco and load the spice in it. The time hit’s 4:20pm and I see everyone in the crowd hit their pipes and pieces at the same time, making the whole area very silent for about four to five seconds. People begin to cheer, and a huge cloud of smoke rises slowly above the entire quad. I smoke my spice cigarette joint and feel envious of the people that were smoking real weed. In about ten to fifteen minutes people begin to make their way out of the quad and disperse around the campus and other parts of it. I see a cop wearing sunglasses standing with his back against a stone wall that leads to The Hill. Everyone is so calm. Makes you wonder why they even need cops. Victoria said to which I agreed.¹⁵

I become very irritated when I see a cop put his lights on behind me. What the fuck could this be about? My car is wrecked to shit on the outside. It doesn’t have any side mirrors, the back passenger side light is cracked, my driver’s side door is crunched in, and there is a piece of metal sticking out like a wing from the side of the passenger door. I role down my window as far as my crunched door will allow me to as the officer approaches my car. I need to see your license please he said, we got a complaint from someone yesterday that you were urinating in public, and we are going to write you a court subpoena. Oh. I sat there contemplating my thoughts about how the fuck I am going to explain this to my parents, and just dreaded the utter bullshit that I would have to go through in getting caught up in the legal process again. The officer returned a few minutes later and said, I don’t have the proper paperwork to give you a court order so you should consider yourself lucky. Next time don’t urinate in public. Ok, will do. Grateful that I lucked out with this situation, I now had the Adderall euphoria to look forward to. Note to self: next time don’t drunk drive to your Adderall dealers house and piss in the parking lot and then return the next day to the exact same spot to get some more. Central City cops are obviously very bored, seeing as that they had the parking lot staked out the entire day, waiting for when I came back.¹⁵

Go for it Aaron said to Abe as he is about to perform a stunt. I see him standing on a ledge at the top of some stairs of a university building. About three to four feet away is a small deck with iron bars attached to it. Abe is a master at doing stunts and this should be cake for him. He jumps from the stairs to the deck and makes it. Halfway done, he still needs to jump from the deck back to the stairs because it is about a ten-to-twelve-foot drop from the deck to the ground. You got this I say as he tries to turn himself around to face the stairs from which he came. I see him jump back and make it without incident. Let’s find some more places to fuck around on, this is way too easy.

I am disappointed that the show is censored. If it wasn’t, this would be one of my first times seeing a girl naked on a screen in front of me. Eddie’s parents are asleep upstairs, and it is our Friday or Saturday night ritual to watch Howard Stern on the E! Channel. I have a blanket over me as Eddie and I begin to masturbate to the show. No Kleenex needed, I have not yet developed to the point that anything comes out once I finish.

I look out the window and see lights shining onto something. It looks like the pyramids in Egypt, and for a second, I think they are. I find out later that this is Red Rocks Amphitheater. Donnie, Brad, and I arrive at what looks like an open space, roughly the size of a football field. Donnie is driving and we start doing donuts in what is actually a gravel parking lot. The pipe gets passed to me and I take a hit. I am higher than I have ever been before in my life. We drive along a one lane road surrounded by brightly lit buildings on both sides of us. Twenty minutes later we drive by the same place again. This reminds me of a French neighborhood that I had seen before when I went to France when I was 12. We arrive back at Brad’s house three hours and one hundred miles later.¹⁶

I am semi freaking out. I have never driven high, and I am not exactly sure how to get back to my house from where I am. Rick draws me a map on a paper towel and I figure this is good enough. Blitzed out of my mind, I begin the journey. I will later tell Rick that once I left his house it felt like only a second has passed from the time I left his house, to the time I got home. As cool as this sounds, it is not true. I am sitting at a green light. I regain my awareness of the present moment and begin to drive. I am extremely paranoid that I will get pulled over, but I was assured by the other people at the party that if you don’t have any weed on you, the cops can’t do anything. Making my way up the canyon I try my hardest to stay focused. I reach my house, unscathed with the attitude that I will never drive high again.¹⁷

I never thought watching Barney would be so entertaining. I am high as a kite and having a very fun time. The next thing on the agenda for the night: watch a bunch of Disney movies, baked out of my mind. Life is good.¹⁸

Fuck that guy! I want to go back and kick his ass, but the bartender might call the police. Twenty seconds ago she was pushing me out the door, one of only a few frames I have of the night, due to my black out drunkenness. I just bought shots for the whole table and I see a cute girl playing an arcade game in the corner of the restaurant. I buy her a shot of Jagger and she drinks it, even though she might be under 21. The stories I tell the group of people I am with revolve around me being in a mental institution and the crazy shit I saw. That is, this experience of being in a mental institution, that never actually took place. Could we have three more shots of Wild Turkey? I ask one of the bartenders. She agrees, but before she pours the shots the other bartender cuts us off. You already have a huge bill, and you are very drunk. I try and persuade her, but she doesn’t budge. She hands me the bill: $120. I have $135 in my pocket, thanks to the big night I had yesterday waiting tables. As I pay the bill a man sitting at the bar begins to get pissed off at me. I am confused. What exactly did I just do or say that is pissing this guy off? I watch him get out of his seat and approach me with the intention of kicking my ass. I later learn that he is the boyfriend of a girl who I used to work with at this same bar. Questioning him about it a few years later, the man still remembers who I am and that he wanted to fight me. Edwin and Carl look on and laugh as they examine the situation I am in. A random guy trying to pick a fight with me, the bartender yelling at me to get the hell out of here, and me, attempting to control the situation by asking exactly what the fuck I did to piss this guy off. He said that you were being disrespectful to the bartender Edwin tells me. What the fuck? I think to myself. I gave them all the money I had. $120 for the bill and the other $15 I had for a tip. I wanted to leave more but I am poor at the current moment. Carl attempts to calm me down, saying it’s not a big deal and to forget about it. I walk with Edwin and Carl back to Edwin’s house with my main intention: get blitzed out of my skull and forget all about this situation. I do just that.¹⁹

Not feeling much, I ask my brother what exactly alcohol is supposed to do to you. I have just had four shots of whiskey, diluted in grape soda, and don’t exactly know what to expect from this substance. Dwayne begins puking in the sink. My brother and I laugh at this. Two of my brother’s other friends have just left, right after indulging in a few drinks and a couple of bowls of weed. I don’t really feel anything I say. You are standing on a chair right now, you are drunk he responds. I see he has a point. The first time you drink is a lot like the first time you smoke bud. You don’t recognize the high at first, but when people start telling you all the irregularities of your sober self, then it kicks into your head that the substance is having somewhat of an effect on you. It is important that we don’t fuck around too much. My brother and I are housesitting for a couple of my parent’s friends and if they find out that we are drinking and smoking pot in their house, they will be a little more than pissed. A few hours earlier I am sitting in what is essentially an interrogation. I sit facing five other people who begin questioning me about my entire stint in the Boy Scouts. I try my best to answer their questions, 95% of my answers being bullshit. Do you have any personal hero’s one interrogator asks. I think for a moment, I had been warned that this question would be asked and instead of going with my honest answer, mainly being, No, I instead answer with, The soldiers in the military. They like this answer and I pass the test. At 15, I am now officially an Eagle Scout, and I am about to house sit with my brother and drink for the first time in my life.

What makes no sense to me is why the fuck these goddamn professors don’t know what the fuck I am talking about. To me it is so blatantly obvious but to them and the rest of the world it comes across as obscure. Stephen Hawking called Immanuel Kant’s, Critique of Pure Reason, obscure, but that doesn’t change the fact that it is still a work of genius. A few days earlier I had just turned in a revolutionary paper that I believe has answered a major problem of philosophy. I never use the word, prove in the paper, but instead write that the problem has been, demonstrably shown to be true. My professor isn’t convinced and so approaches the rest of the class about it. I never understood what compels teachers to single out a student and make an example of them to the rest of the class. Yes, they do not mention the students name to the class, and instead say, this student wrote…, but when the student who actually wrote what the professor is talking about to the rest of the class realizes that the professor is talking about him, this makes him the only person in the class who completely understands what the professor is actually talking about. The rest of the students in the class may have a laugh at the expense of the anonymous person being referred to by the teacher, and the teacher thinks this is ok, just as long as the person remains anonymous. So, this student believes that he can prove it. And after showing this student’s work to other professors who agree with me that this paper is just, typical undergraduate work, what advice would you give to this person who believes he has proved something? I know who the professor is referring to, but nobody else does which apparently justifies the singling out of someone to prove a point to the other people in the class. Caught up in my own thoughts, I don’t listen to the advice that the other students give. It is the last week of the semester and I believe I have come up with a brilliant response to the professor’s willingness to, not only use me as an example to prove a point to the class (apparently the professor thinking me not proving a point in my paper, provided a way in which he could prove a point to the class), but also show that I really did prove something in my paper. My final paper is on the topic, how do you resolve a disagreement between people and get them to agree on what is true? A few days earlier, we had a class discussion on the topic, and I decided to share my view with the class. I think, ultimately, if both people are truly convinced that something is true, even if they disagree, then they are both right, I propose to the class. Immediately another student raises his hand and says, It is absolutely not true that two people can both be right when they hold contradictory viewpoints. The professor laughs at this, obviously agreeing with him. I now had my opportunity to state exactly what I thought about the subject. A few days after the due date, I am still working on the essay, trying to perfect what I want to say. Obviously waiting in anticipation to read how I could possibly justify such an irrational position, the professor email’s me asking for me to turn in the paper. I title the paper, Proof that Psychotic Logician has no idea what he is talking about, the joke being, if I did indeed prove my point in the paper, then I proved something, and if I didn’t, then I still proved something. He never responds.²⁰

I ponder at the comments left by the professor on my Minority Report and Free Will paper, which, again, I feel like I have solved a major problem in philosophy. What grabs my attention is not the comments that he wrote, but rather that it says, A on the paper, lightly scribbled out, and replaced with, B. I later talk to him about this, and he looks just as confused as I am, but says nothing. I wonder about the first time I have elicited this type of reaction from my college professors. I am sitting in a lecture in my Philosophy of Science class, when the professor, to his credit, instead of using me as an example to show how ridiculous a thing someone could actually write to try and pass off as truth, asks the class, How many of you believe that science will ever provide certainty of truth? I wish to remain anonymous, so I sit there, never raising my hand, observing the reactions of the rest of the class. Nobody raises their hand. I don’t think science will ever provide certainty. I don’t think anyone in this class does…well actually one person did the professor says. I like this because instead of attempting to disprove my proof like the other professor did, he merely was pointing out a view that someone possessed that very well could be as reasonable as the opposite of it. His comment on my final paper of the semester was, I don’t think we can change the world. I like this because it shows that he possesses a viewpoint like I do, and that if it indeed is the case that we can change the world, then my viewpoint, rather than something to be scoffed at, is something that is quite insightful.²¹

Providing insight is something that I made my intention to do in the philosophy classes that I took in college. It was either hit or miss. If you could splice together Plato’s intellect, and Wittgenstein’s logical deduction ability, the result would be my philosophical abstraction. In my proper mind state, I could tap into the sixth sense ability to perceive the immaterial. My goal: to provide a complete theory of how it is possible to gain absolute irrefutable knowledge. I am sitting in class and the professor claims that there is no way to know for sure that you are not a brain in a vat, or in the matrix, or something of that sort. I am not convinced. The paper is supposed to be five pages, single spaced, defending one of four epistemological positions, those being, skepticism, foundationalism, coherentism, or infinitism. Apparently only one of these four is correct. The flaw: if it is true that only one of these four can be true, then doesn’t that itself entail that, A) skepticism is the only one that can be completely refuted, because the fact that someone is skeptical about something, itself show that they possess knowledge of something, and B) the other three have to all be completely contradictory to each other, because if they were in some way able to be reconciled, then that would provide a framework where all four of these viewpoints can be shown to be unified together, and produce knowledge. I ponder how interesting of a solution this might be. However, in order to do this, I must first show that each one of these viewpoints, by themselves, is wrong, and therefore only correct when viewed in relation to one another. I begin to get a glimpse of how this is possible: a theory of knowledge which has an infinite number of justifications that all cohere together and has a foundation. Skepticism fits into this theory through the understanding that even if you doubt something to the point that you cannot doubt it anymore, you are obeying the theory because the reasoning behind your doubt stems from this theory’s basic framework. I like this. I write a 16-page, single spaced essay in which I examine this abstract subject and turn it in a week late. I am irritated and impatient because the professor takes so long to respond. Two to three weeks later, I receive an email back from him in which he says, I stopped reading this halfway through… Goddammit. I had finished the essay with, therefore, you can know for certain that you are not a brain in a vat. Even though he skipped half the essay, he did write his comments at the end of the essay, and so, I think, must have looked at this part. If he did see it, he obviously didn’t care.²²

I catch a break with an essay I write in my Major Social Theories course. I put forth an argument showing that Plato’s theory of justice stems from its accordance with the Form of the Good, and even include a brief symbolic logic deduction, showing why this is the case. I think it is funny that the professor didn’t understand the symbolic logic part, but I am even more pleased that she liked what I wrote so much. She responds with, This is every bit of what I expect from one of my students to write. A+ An A+, of course, not being an actual grade that colleges use, but I was happy to see that she went out of her way to tell me how much she liked it.²³

I am now in a shitty state. I have run out of Adderall and my