Honey in My Tea

By Tondeleya Allen

Erin Goodchild loves babies- everyone's babies. Erin has known since she was a little girl that she was born to be a mother. Life as a photographer and doting aunt assures that her life is full of children. Though, after thirteen years of marriage without a child of her own, she's teetering on the brink of insanity and brushing up against the point-of-no-return. Wanting just one little baby seems like such a simple desire, right?

Well, toss in medical issues, heartbreaks bigger than the ocean, and a husband who refuses to "cooperate" and you're in for an interesting roller coaster ride. Throw in Erin's wild, over-the-top family and friends, for a Southern journey that will leave you speechless, laughing, or smiling way down deep inside.

Desperate to make her dream of motherhood come true, there's no telling how far Erin will go. Can faith, patience, and love sustain her? Will she survive when the love she has for someone else collides with the love she has for herself?

Big-hearted and honest, Honey in My Tea explores different phases and colors of love, relationship, and family. Honey in My Tea shows us how confidence, bravery, and a new direction can help us learn who we really are and reveal inner strength we weren't certain we had.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tondeleya Allen
• Release date: Mar 23, 2022
• ISBN: 9798201254872

Tondeleya Allen

Quick note from Author: "I'm God's girl. The characters, events, and thoughts in my writing are not always squeaky clean because real, imperfect people, although striving, never are. I strive to tell honest stories about authentic people in the most genuine way possible. And despite messy bumps along the way, I love happy, uplifting endings." Recovering chocoholic, eternal optimist, and home-schooling mother of three beautiful daughters and one handsome son, Tondeleya Allen loves to inspire and motivate people, especially women, to be their best, to believe in themselves, and to live the dreams God has placed in their hearts, regardless of their current situation. She believes that marriages can be like a piece of heaven on earth, when we center them around Christ. She believes that women were made to manifest God's love in every area of their lives, making everything around them more beautiful. She believes that positive, affirming words are like liquid gold. When we use the power of our words, we can transform our lives and create a more beautiful world. She enjoys crafting stories, reading, baking, cooking, gardening, saving money, upcycling, making jewelry, sewing, anything creative, and spending time with her family.

Book preview

Always first in my heart,

my heavenly Father,

thank you for being patient with me,

comforting my soul,

giving me confidence and courage, and

directing my steps.

For the amazing, awe-inspiring people who make everyday-living a memorable adventure: 

Aristotle, Alex, Taylor, Madison, and Jonah!

You are my happy place!

Author’s Note:

Thank you for your support!  Your purchase helps me simultaneously dream big and be an adult, put sandwiches and chocolate chip cookies in the bellies around my kitchen table, and prevents us from living in a minivan down by the river – not that there’s a problem with that lifestyle when it’s by choice. I love simple living and the minimalist way of life.

Thank you for joining me on this journey.  As an entrepreneur and mother of four, I know how busy life can be.  I know how many choices are out there vying for your time and money. So, I appreciate your taking the time to consider this work.

I love meeting new people. I’ve met some of the best people on the internet. So, let’s stay connected.

QueenoftheMinivan.com

Email Me ([e-mail])

Again, thank you for your support!

Many blessings and love to you!

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously.  Any similarity to actual people or events is purely coincidental.  Any mentioned brand names, places, and trademarks remain the property of their respective owners, bear no association with the author or publisher, and are used for fictional purposes only.

Chapter One I have faith when I don't have anything else.

Chapter Two Getting kinda big for your britches here.

Chapter Three Hey girl, I need some panties.

Chapter Four Turkeys and flies.

Chapter Five At least she married a Black man this time.

Chapter Six You know I ain't fallin' for no fried ice cream, right?

Chapter Seven Ooh! He has really messed up your breasts.

Chapter Eight Pressure either makes diamonds or bursts pipes.

Chapter Nine Fool, I guess your heart done stopped beatin'.

Chapter Ten Quick is seldom good. Can't shortcut things in life.

Chapter Eleven Girl, it's me and you, 'til the wheels fall off.

Chapter Twelve If you love someone, what's so hard about sayin' it?

Chapter Thirteen Oh boy, have I got a lot to sing about today.

Bonus: Open Letter to a Nostalgic Cheating Husband

Bonus: What You Deserve

Bonus: A Queen’s Portion

Chapter One

There had never been a spring like this in Georgia.  Although natural beauty abounded, the weather was brutal.  Placid moods were about to change.  For Erin Goodchild, this season, like the beginning and end of a surreal dream, one never really forgets, would have a profound effect on her life.  It would change her, catapulting her into the skin and soul of the woman she always wanted to be and yearned to fully know.

Summer hadn’t even arrived yet, but this oven-hot heat made it difficult to breathe, too bothersome to move, a chore to stay conscious.  Erin's eyes were heavy with humid air. Her twitching nose felt so dry that she feared it might bleed, as it commonly had done on days as this feverish one.

She barely had the strength to twirl her natural hair around her finger, but if it were not for that single act, she had no chance of winning the struggle against oblivion.

With full valentine lips that always seemed puckered for a kiss, Erin wasn’t a glamour girl, but she possessed a tall, slender body, strong hips, and graceful limbs.  According to her gynecologist, she was within two pounds of her ideal weight.  Further defining her unique brand of beauty, was her willingness to explore the depths of any problem to aid those she loved.  However, she was still searching for the necessary balance to manifest her own desires, without stepping on anyone's toes or ruffling too many feathers.

Primping and fussing too much over her appearance had never been Erin’s style.  Light foundation and lip gloss, always in natural tones, seemed like more than enough fanfare. She rarely arched her eyebrows and wouldn’t dream of wearing false lashes.  Her eyes were far too sensitive for that.

She was always getting some crumb, dust, pollen, or an eyelash in her eye. When she did, she’d tense up and panic like she’d been shot. Her husband had purchased many eyewash solutions from the drug store that seldom did what they claimed they would. Sometimes the irritation would last for days. Then, a bear-of-a-headache would show up.

Her husband had beautiful, naturally-chiseled arches she believed he must have had since birth.  So, a handful of times, he had taken a razor and arched Erin’s eyebrows, but it just seemed like too much work to Erin. Besides, her eyebrows had always been naturally thin.  Having them arched didn’t seem to make much difference. 

She even winced a little every time she walked by Natural Identity inside Kroger, where a lady wearing a robot-smile would hand her a business flyer with their specials. Just what is she trying to say giving this to me? Buy nine services, get the tenth free. $4.99 for eye brows and $9.99 for an herbal facial.  Waxing of any kind was out of the question. Their henna tattoos that started at $6.99 were the one indulgence Erin had seriously contemplated splurging on for herself.

Too hot to sleep, too muggy to stay alert, covered only with a sunset lavender cotton sheet, she lay there on her bed, with her fingers in her hair, her mind half here and half somewhere else.

Through her black and cherry framed glasses, her eyes lazily caught her drowsy reflection in a mirror no bigger than her face, which was as round as an apple.  The mirror stood on her dresser, surrounded by cut periwinkle hydrangeas floating in little vases filled with cool water.

Even with the windows open wide, her only reward was the combined scent of fresh-cut grass, magnolia, and rosemary from her windowsill, that floated in on a waft of breezeless air. Trapped in an impenetrable cocoon of heat, Erin huffed and puffed, angry that it was so hot.

Determined to stay awake, Erin figured it would help if she thought of something important, engaged a memory, or made a plan, but all her mind could grab hold of for the moment was, it’s been two days since I shaved under my arms.  Then, following the natural course of her body, she looked at the reflection of her breasts in the mirror: how they beautifully, naturally gravitated toward the bed.

Flowers and plants busied the corners of the room.  In the palest purples and creamiest shades of white, Erin’s bedroom was her haven.  Super-purty and too ladyfied, her sister said. Beautiful dried rose garlands festooned her antique lace curtains.  Venetian glass perfume bottles lined her mirrored vanity table and plump, silken pillows cozied her bed.  As a young girl, she had dreamed many times of having such a lovely space as her own.

Erin believed that life was about movement, but this spot of consuming rest was intoxicating, even though she felt obligated to escape and abandon it.  It was as if this horrid heat was pumping into her heart, binding itself with her cells, waking her spirit, calling upon it to scream out, take charge, and live.  Once unable to step out of the shadows, Erin was now inspired and driven solely by her sweetest desire.

Baby, they'll be here tomorrow to fix the air, her husband Matt announced, as he entered the room. 

She heard him but said nothing.

Matt walked over to her, touched her back and said, before leaving the room again, "Beautiful, the bath water is running."

Ruggedly handsome, Matt had a smile that made Erin tingle to the core. For goodness sakes, she still got shivers just watching him walk back to the car after paying for gas. Tall, strong, and full of experience, he could easily be anyone's leading man.  He possessed the type of chivalry and southern charm that obliged him to open doors and lift heavy boxes for other women whenever they were out in public. This pleased Erin, further endearing her to him.

Erin sat up, undid the sheet that she had wrapped around her, freeing her body and further exposing her limbs to the cumbersome heat.  She put on her silk robe and dragged herself to the bathroom.

After placing her robe on a hook on the back of the door, Erin slowly slid into the sudsy, aloe-scented water her husband had drawn for her.

Instantly refreshed, she called to him, Are you coming, Matt?

Yeah, boo.  Give me a minute, he called out from the other room.

When he entered the bathroom, he looked at Erin quickly, noticing she had her long leg out of the water in the air, her toes resting on the cold-water nozzle. Her pecan-colored face was aglow with the candles Matt had lit and placed around the tub.  Soon, he would be joining her in the soothing water, a virtual Godsend given the unbearable Georgia heat they were enduring with an out-of-commission AC unit. Three long tortuous days in Georgia with no AC was just no way to live.

Matt handed Erin a cup of tea, sat there in front of her, and closed his eyes as she began to wash his wavy hair, massaging in the organic shampoo and scratching a little at his scalp.

"Phew!"

"I know. My scalp's so dry.  I hate it. No matter what I use, I always need more moisture," he said before taking another sip of his orange soda.

Oh no.  It's fine.  It’s not that, she said, touching his smooth, bearded face.

"What's wrong with my baby?"

I just don't feel good today.

What?  Is it your head? Stomach?

No.  Probably just this heat.  It's like the Mojave Desert in here. Got my head all foggy. I just don’t understand why I’m so hot. 

As a Georgia peach, Erin had learned the art of surviving unbearable heat, all without going psycho. Growing up, her family didn’t have the luxury of central air.  Plenty of box fans and one window unit in the living room were tasked with the job of keeping everyone cool. Now, though, Erin just couldn’t stand this monstrous heat, that was settling in like some foreign invasion.

Poor baby, Matt consoled, as he caressed and sponged off Erin's legs.

Erin felt her life was only a few degrees south of perfect.  A few degrees off, however, has left many explorers lost, confused, and scared they might fall off the face of the earth.

Matt's law firm, started just a little over two years ago, was doing well.  Erin's photography had even won some national awards.  Most of her customers became repeat customers and referred her to their family and friends. She was loving her home studio, added upon Matt's thoughtful insistence.  Erin had her hands and datebook full of newborn sessions.  She booked about ten weddings a year. They lived in the house of her dreams, a five-bedroom, three-and-a-half bath, with just enough room for her family to visit, as often as she could stand. Only there was one thing.

Matt was her dearest friend. She could barely contemplate a life without him. They had been through pretty much everything together, had grown up together.  She had seen him through two life-threatening cases of strep throat. She had emptied his bedpan when no nurse was readily available. 

Matt had all her history and she prided herself on knowing his.  Either of them could tell a story and never have to explain the way a person often had to with a stranger.  He had been there for just about every monumental moment in her life.  She knew all his hang-ups and he knew hers like the back of his hand.  There was no family drama that either of them was unaware.  More than half her life, she had spent loving this one man.

Talk to Miles today?

Relaxed now, it took Matt a few seconds to respond.  Yeah, I spoke to him for a few minutes.

He doin’ okay?

Yeah.  He's just ready for the last day of school.

When does he get out?

Next Friday.

"I know he’ll be thrilled. It’s been a long school-year. Let him know I got his room all ready. The pantry’s stocked with all his favorites. Erin finished washing Matt’s hair.  Put your head back, boo."  Matt closed his eyes as she poured a cup of water over his hair to rinse it.

You think I should have my breasts lifted?  Make ‘em perky?

"No, baby.  I like your breasts."

"Do you?  You don’t pay as much attention to them.  When we were teenagers you loved them."

"We weren’t doin’ other stuff then.  Erin, now I can pay attention to all of you. He smiled, grabbing the side of her thigh, then continued, I wouldn’t change your breasts at all."

Not even bigger? she insisted, with her arms wrapped around him, hoping he would share what most women truly believed most men desired.

He took her hand and kissed it.  "Girl, no.  I like ‘em natural.  I’m a real man.  I like a real woman." Then he turned and gave her right breast a little caress.

Pleased with his comment and the caress, Erin kissed Matt on the neck, biting him a little with her lips.  Then looking down into his face, she asked, Do you love me?

Matt took another long sip of his soda, Yeah baby, I love you.  I know I haven’t always shown it-

"Matt, I want a baby."

I know. Erin, just give it some time.

"I have.  The doctor says that an insemination might be a good idea. You know with my cycles and ovulation being so all over the place. I’m not dropping as many eggs as I should."

"Insemination?" he said, a frown marking his handsome brow.

Two months ago, I told you that I was going to see the doctor to discuss our options.

"I didn’t think you were serious."

"Matt, I want a baby more than anything. Nothing’s more serious to me."

He sat up quickly.  "Damn, Erin, why can’t you ever just be patient?"

"I have been.  It’s been almost thirteen years."

There you go again puttin’ a timetable on everything.

Erin listened with a hopeful heart.  This conversation was not new, but she always had fresh expectations and hopes that Matt would one day understand and then fully agree with her heart’s desire. 

During their thirteen-year marriage, this conversation, like a script that characters struggle to get just right or a scene from your favorite 1980s-movie, had been read hundreds of times.  Like déjà vu, both players instinctively knew their parts.  They both seemed to go into automatic-mode whenever this issue reared its ugly head. It had become a sad, futile cycle.

Don’t you-

Interrupting and flashing his incredulous eyes, Erin, you said what you had to say.  Now, let me finish.

"Fine.  Go ahead."

Abraham’s wife, Sarah, was eighty, ninety years old when she had a baby.  That could be you.

"Boy, please," she said with laughter in her voice.

"See.  You don’t have any faith, Erin."

"I do.  Oh, I have faith.  When it makes no sense, I have faith.  I have faith when I don’t have anything else.  I pray for a healthy child of my own every day. Don’t you think about us having a daughter?  Little hands to kiss, little toes to bite."

"Yes.  When God decides to give us one. Not before."

Erin believed that if Matt only knew how deep her love and dedication for him was, he would willingly traverse mountains to make her happy.

"Sometimes, Erin, I wonder. Do you even care about me being happy?"

"You know I do.  I’ve been trying to show you.  And it’s sad that it’s not clear to you.  You know every time I think we’re past all this crap, doing fine, you pull something else."

"Erin, just because I don’t talk about every little thing I’m feeling every day like you, doesn’t mean I’m over anything. We never fixed the problem."

Hurt and dumbfounded, Erin cringed hearing those words.  Despite every hug, kiss, laugh, and good time, there beneath the surface lurked variant degrees of blame, pain, and resentment, just waiting to bubble up to the surface.

"All this living and loving, day in and day out. I thought things were better between us. If you weren’t here to work through our problems, what have we been doing?  You should’ve just left if you felt I was keeping you hostage.  Don’t stay if you wanna be somewhere with somebody else."

"There you go.  I never wanted to be somewhere else with anybody else.  I just wanted to step back, move slower."

Okay, I get that. Erin took a moment, then continued, "But we didn’t and this is where we are. I know you still blame me for us marrying too young, but if you were unhappy, you should’ve just left."

"Wait a minute.  From the beginning, I told you I just wanted to have the whole thing annulled and marry a little later, but you refused.  You talked to your mama and y’all decided that it just didn’t make any sense.  Erin, you brought a lot of this on yourself."

"Why did you even ask me to marry you?  If you really wanted out, wanted to walk away, you would’ve done it. When have I ever been able to stop you from doin’ whatever the hell you wanted to do? I couldn’t have stopped you. Hell, Sparta’s 300 couldn’t have stopped you."

"Erin, that woulda been easy, if I didn’t love you.  You know, you always talk about me just walkin’ away.  Why didn’t you just try harder and do better? Take responsibility for your actions, your decisions.  Dammit.  It’s always the Erin Show. There’s no middle ground with you.  I’m tired of having this same damn conversation.  It’s either your way straight up and down or it’s nothing."

"And I’m not tired? How many times am I gonna have to talk to you about this?  You’re my husband and I have to beg you to have a baby with me.  What’s wrong with this picture?  Matthew, all I’m asking you to do is go see the doctor with me.  Be open-minded for a change.  Up to now, I’ve been doing it all, the treatments, hormones, visits by myself. You weren’t even supportive when I lost our babies."

"Oh, I see what this about now.  You won’t be happy until you break me down. You want me to see those doctors, go in a cup, so you can have a baby."

"And how difficult would that be?  It’s not like a baby, our baby, is not a good reason to.  Why are you so stubborn?"

"For centuries, women have been doing this the natural way.  I’m not the one who’s stubborn. Erin, you just need to be patient," Matt said, raising his voice and sliding away from her, sloshing through the water.

Anger and pain gathered in Erin’s throat, "How patient do you suggest I be?  Miles will be ten soon.  Ten, Matt. Hell, if I wait on you, he’ll be gettin’ engaged before I have a child."

"Damn, Erin, can’t you let a dead horse die- a dead dog lay? he asked, fumbling for the correct cliché.  You know what I mean."

"I just cannot believe this.  You have a child.  So, you’re fine.  Just F- Erin, huh?  Any woman can sleep with some guy she meets in the streets, doesn’t even know his damn name, can’t decide if she wants to have it or get rid of it.  I’ve wanted a baby forever. Not only do I have to fight nature, fight my body, fight time.  I have to fight you, too.  It’s okay for you to have a child with some club girl, who would’ve gave it up to any dude, but your wife, that’s out of the question?"

Now sitting opposite Erin, Matt explained, trying to calm Erin, "You know I was young.  I made a mistake, Erin."

"I just hate loving you.  I swear you make me sick. And I’m tired of listening to the same old excuses."

"I made a mistake and no matter how sorry I am, it’s not gonna change anything. Either you can deal with that or you can’t. I know from the pedestal you sit on, it