Summary of Michael J. Bader's Arousal

By IRB Media

Please note: This is a companion version & not the original book.

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#1 The quest for psychological safety is at the center of our psychological lives. It is the concept that helps us understand the meaning behind our sexual fantasies and arousal. The unconscious mind is constantly working to help us pursue our goals in the safest way possible.

#2 We must maintain a secure attachment to our parents to ensure that we survive psychologically. We do this by reading our family environments and adapting to them, and by changing ourselves to meet our parents’ needs.

#3 We adapt to reality, and we adapt to it as if it were also morality. We begin to believe that any wish for special caretaking and love is forbidden, off-limits, as if it meant asking for too much. We not only have to accept neglect, but we must make it seem as if the fault lies with us, not with our parents.

#4 Pathogenic beliefs are difficult to change, and they often take the form of simple ideas that are difficult to disprove, such as: If I’m critical, my therapist will get angry. If I’m dependent, my parents will feel drained. If I’m independent, my parents will feel left out.

• Language: English
• Publisher: IRB Media
• Release date: Mar 23, 2022
• ISBN: 9781669367185

IRB Media

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Insights on Michael J. Bader's Arousal

Contents

Insights from Chapter 1

Insights from Chapter 2

Insights from Chapter 3

Insights from Chapter 4

Insights from Chapter 5

Insights from Chapter 6

Insights from Chapter 7

Insights from Chapter 1

#1

The quest for psychological safety is at the center of our psychological lives. It is the concept that helps us understand the meaning behind our sexual fantasies and arousal. The unconscious mind is constantly working to help us pursue our goals in the safest way possible.

#2

We must maintain a secure attachment to our parents to ensure that we survive psychologically. We do this by reading our family environments and adapting to them, and by changing ourselves to meet our parents’ needs.

#3

We adapt to reality, and we adapt to it as if it were also morality. We begin to believe that any wish for special caretaking and love is forbidden, off-limits, as if it meant asking for too much. We not only have to accept neglect, but we must make it seem as if the fault lies with us, not with our parents.

#4

Pathogenic beliefs are difficult to change, and they often take the form of simple ideas that are difficult to disprove, such as: If I’m critical, my therapist will get angry. If I’m dependent, my parents will feel drained. If I’m independent, my parents will feel left out.

#5

While pathogenic beliefs originally targeted aspects of our psychological life other than sex, the desire for sexual pleasure is present in some form in childhood. Because sexual excitement is fraught with taboos in our culture, it is no surprise that it presents a particular challenge for a human mind in which psychological safety is a primary concern.

#6

Guilt and worry are two of the primary emotions that accompany pathogenic beliefs, and they are instrumental in causing sexual inhibitions. They are also prime causes of psychological suffering and self-defeating behavior.

#7

The manifestations of survivor and separation guilt are often subtle. People constantly snatch defeat from the jaws of victory out of unconscious guilt toward their families. They cannot enjoy a separate, happier life because they imagine that they will feel lonely and disconnected from their families.

#8

Children often misunderstand their parents’ motives and intentions. They cannot always accurately