Of Love and Abuse: A Women's Fiction Story: Tainted Love Saga, #4

By Kayla Lowe

Sarah finds herself entangled in the delicate threads of marriage, questioning the impulsive choices that led her to this uncertain crossroad. Faced with financial pressures, she and Bruce hurriedly exchanged vows, a decision driven more by circumstance than by the readiness of her heart. Now, as the weight of matrimony settles upon her shoulders, Sarah wonders if she's made a commitment she wasn't fully prepared for.

 

While their engagement held the promise of a shared future, the reality of married life with Bruce proves to be a tumultuous journey. As the days unfold, Bruce's actions take a disconcerting turn, revealing an unsettling obsession that Sarah hadn't anticipated. Was this the man she believed herself to be marrying, or has the veil of familiarity lifted to expose a stranger with a darker, more unpredictable side?

 

In book 4 of the Tainted Love Saga, Sarah's emotional landscape becomes a battleground of conflicting emotions. Delve into the complexities of marriage, self-discovery, and the struggle to define one's identity within the confines of a union that was meant to bring solace, not turmoil. Can Sarah navigate the treacherous waters of matrimony, or is she faced with the daunting realization that the man she thought she knew is, in fact, a stranger harboring secrets of his own?

 

As Sarah grapples with the uncertainty of her choices, book 4 of the Tainted Love Saga invites readers to explore the transformative power of love, the fragility of trust, and the resilience it takes to confront the shadows that lurk within the heart of a relationship. Will Sarah find the strength to unravel the mysteries of her marriage, or will she succumb to the veil of uncertainty that shrouds her newfound life? Join her on this gripping journey, where the line between dreams and reality blurs, and the quest for self-discovery takes center stage.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Kayla Lowe
• Release date: Apr 28, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201465018

Kayla Lowe

Award-winning author Kayla Lowe writes women's fiction that explores complex themes with sensitivity and depth. Kayla's books delve into the intricacies of relationships, self-discovery, and resilience. From cozy love stories interspersed with a bit of faith to heartwarming tales of friendship and suspenseful novels of empowerment and heartbreak, her books illustrate the struggles specific to women. When she's not churning out her next novel, you can find her with her feet in the sand and a book in her hand or curled up on the couch with her dogs.  Go to www.authorkaylalowe.com for a free book!

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

Bruce and I sat outside in Ron’s garage drinking sangria while Ron and Ken congratulated us on our nuptials. It was still a bit chilly out, but we were all wearing jackets. Bruce, Ron, and Ken all puffed on their cigarettes. I was the only non-smoker of the bunch.

Bruce and I had gotten married on paper even though we hadn’t officially had a ceremony or said any vows yet. We’d gone ahead and did it so I could be declared independent for financial aid purposes. It would make it easier for me to go back to college without having my financial aid results dependent on my parents’ income. I still thought the government’s financial aid system was messed up in assuming parents were responsible for their children’s education, but whatever.

I studied my husband where he stood beside Ron and Ken. He took a long drag on his cigarette, the tip of the cigarette burning bright red as he did so, his cheeks hollowed in the inhalation process. HIs hair was brushed straight back from his forehead as always, showing off his receding hairline that was reminiscent of a vampire or something.

As he blew the smoke from his mouth, his eyes caught mine, and he gave me a wink before turning his attention back to Ron who was still gushing about how happy he was for us.

I took another sip of my sangria, thinking back on our wedding night just a few days ago.

We’d not had a traditional wedding, but then again, nothing about our relationship had been traditional so far. We’d met online and then bucked all conventions by moving in with each other. Bruce was thirty-four years older than me, which had nearly given my mom and dad strokes when they’d found out.

Despite the unconventional nature of our marriage, we’d had a good wedding night—at first. Bruce had been loving and attentive and romantic until I’d gotten too tipsy and spilled my glass of Mad Dog and wine cooler mixture on the couch. He’d unnecessarily blown up about the possible stain to the old couch, and then when I’d smarted off to him, he’d scared the daylights out of me by throwing a knife repeatedly into the wall.

He’d temporarily gone insane, and I’d found myself wondering if I’d married a stranger. After he’d cleaned up my mess, though, he had gone back to his usual self, as if none of it had never happened. It had been bizarre, and I’d confronted him about it the next morning when I knew he was sober.

Of course, he’d blamed his bout on the Mad Dog and wine cooler mixture, just like he had the time he’d accused me of being a whore and wanting my boss, Don. We’d been drinking a mixture of Mad Dog and wine coolers that night too. Bruce had apologized the morning after that first outburst, telling me he’d best stay away from that drink combo since sometimes it could make him kind of crazy. If it truly was that alcohol combination that made him turn so mean, I didn’t know why he’d selected it for his drink of choice on our wedding night. The last half of the night had been ruined because of that.

I looked down at my bare finger. I still didn’t have a wedding ring. I told myself I didn’t care about stuff like that, though, especially when Bruce was back to his normal self and almost in tears over his treatment of me on our wedding night. His eyes had been glistening with remorse and shame when he’d apologized to me the morning after our wedding night. He hated that he had acted crazy the night before and promised me that he would never drink that deadly concoction again. That was a promise I intended to hold him to since it had supposedly made him act crazy twice. Funny. It didn’t do that to him the first time we’d drank it together, though, and it didn’t do it to me either.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t consider whether I’d messed up marrying him after he’d acted so psycho on our wedding night. His cruel demeanor and cold eyes hadn’t looked like the man I’d fallen in love with. But the next day, he was back to his old self and the man I knew and loved, and he’d been that way ever since. Yes, he wasn’t perfect, but I still loved him.

Have you told your parents yet? Ken asked.

Bruce glanced at Ken with a frown. I just looked down at my glass of sangria before taking a bigger gulp. Trust Ken to bring up the negative. I think Bruce was right. Bruce had told me that Ken was always trying to start stuff because he was so jealous of Bruce for getting a younger girl like me—something that he, Ken, could never do.

No, she hasn’t yet, man, Bruce answered for me.

They didn’t even know we were engaged, I chimed in with a giggle, the sangria finally going to my head and making the whole situation seem more ludicrous than ever before. It wasn’t that I really found the situation funny. You know how sometimes you realized a situation was so hopeless and was going to be so bad that you just laughed sarcastically for lack of anything else to do? Yeah, that’s what it was.

Man, from what you guys have told me about them, they’re going to be pissed y’all didn’t tell them, Ken shook his head.

Don’t worry about that, Ron chimed in. They’ll come around. Didn’t they already start accepting B more when they came down? When my parents had drove down to visit me last autumn, they’d been making attempts to be more civil to Bruce. They’d even started asking about him on the phone when they called.

I just nodded while Bruce snorted. I know they still hate me. Always will, man.

I shot him a look. It wasn’t fair for him to demean them like that. At least they’d been trying. That’s more than I’d ever thought they’d do.

Bruce just shrugged at me. You just wait, angel. They’re going to lose their crap when you tell them you married me. They might have been pretending to be more cordial to me, but that was just so they could stay in contact with you in hopes you’d leave me one day.

I didn’t reply, not wanting to get into it in front of Bruce’s friends. He always believed the worst of them. But to be fair that went both ways. They always thought the worst of him too.

So when you gonna tell them? Ken chimed in again, taking another swig of his beer. I’d sure like to be a fly on that wall, he chuckled.

I frowned at him. Not only was his idiom stupid since I’d be telling them over the phone and not in person, but his obvious amusement at what was a very difficult situation for me pissed me off, frankly.

You know what, Ken— I began, ready to finally put him in his place for all his smart aleck remarks he’d made since I’d known him, but Bruce, apparently knowing me well enough to be able to tell I’d had enough, intervened.

She doesn’t know yet, man. She’ll tell them when she tells them. What business is it of yours?

Ken’s eyes were still trained on me. They were twinkling with mischief. He knew he’d pushed my buttons. I took another sip of sangria, still fuming at his arrogance and instigation.

Perhaps the alcohol made me bolder because when he laughed outright and commented, I think I got her feathers up, I leapt from my chair and tossed my remaining drink in his face.

Ken was stunned for a moment—I’d surprised myself actually—but Bruce and Ron were roaring with laughter.

What the crap, man! Ken stood from his own chair trying to wipe the wine from his face.

Oops, I commented dryly before refilling my glass with more of the dark amber-colored wine. I knew it had been a typically cliche female move, getting mad and throwing a drink in a guy’s face, but I had acted instinctively and spontaneously, not really thinking it through. Now that I’d made my move, though, I was sure as hell going to stand by it. Ken deserved it. He was always poking at me when he wasn’t leering lasciviously at me. I was tired of his crap.

Hey, Ken, you kind of asked for it man, baiting her like that, Ron pointed out.

Yeah, but I didn’t know the bitch was going to get so bent out of shape about it, Ken spat, pissed.

Bruce sat his glass down and grabbed Ken’s collar so fast he was like a superhuman blur. What did you call my wife?

Whoa, B, Ron came up next to where Bruce had Ken held up and laid a hand on his arm.

Ken didn’t say anything. He just glared hatefully at Bruce. While I’d been brave a moment before when I’d finally stood up to Ken, I felt guilty for the turn it had taken with all the guys. This was my fault. If I’d just let Ken’s comments pass as usual, this wouldn’t be happening right now.

B, Ron said again, more firmly this time.

Bruce finally released Ken with a push. Ken stumbled back while Bruce killed the last of his drink, grabbed his cigarette from the ashtray, and came over to gently take my arm. Come on, babygirl. Let’s get out of here before I clean this bastard‘s clock. Bruce apologized to Ron, Sorry, Ron.

Aw, come on, B. You guys don’t have to go.

Don’t come back, Ken called out as we were walking down the driveway.

Shut up, Ken, I heard Ron tell his brother. At least it seemed like Ron wasn’t mad at Bruce and me and was on our side.

Bruce cursed about Ken the whole way home, talking about how he was well overdue for an ass beating. It's been too long since I've knocked his ass out, Bruce commented as we made our way down the sidewalk back to our apartment. He's getting belligerent. Ken's that kind of person, you know? Bruce glanced down at me. "He has to have an ass whooping every so often to put him back in his place. It's always been that way. Every few years, I have to beat him down, and then poor Ron will have to play mediator because, I mean, Ken is his brother, but deep down Ron knows what a piece of crap his brother is."

I just nodded, agreeing with Bruce, even though I didn't really know. I could imagine that what Bruce said was true. I'd gotten bad vibes from Ken the moment I met him. I'd never really liked him, and I don't really think Bruce liked him too much either. We all just had to put up with him because he was Ron's brother. Ron was Bruce's best friend, and I'd never had a problem with Ron. Ron was overall a good guy, in my opinion. Out of the kindness of his heart, he let his deadbeat brother live with him. Bruce said Ken sponged off Ron's disability check. Although Ken got a tiny one of his own every month, it was nothing like Ron got. Of course, if anyone had ever warranted being on disability it was Ron. Half of one of his arms and several fingers of his remaining hand had been severed off in an accident he'd had at a meat packaging plant. I admired the way Ron managed, despite everything.

We'd barely gotten back to our apartment when Bruce's phone started chirping. What Bruce had said about Ron playing mediator was already proving true. Bruce put Ron on speakerphone. Ron apologized to both Bruce and me for his brother's behavior. You know how he gets sometimes, Bruce, Ron stated.

Look, I know he's your brother, Ron, but I won't have that piece of crap talking about Sarah that way. You know he deserved what he got. He's been goading her, trying to get a rise out of her from the day he met her. Well, today he got one, Bruce chuckled and glanced at me with a glimmer of pride.

I'm sorry, though, Ron, I interjected. I didn't mean to cause a bunch of trouble between you guys.

Don't apologize! Bruce and Ron both insisted simultaneously. Ron went on, Like B said, Sarah, Ken can be an asshole sometimes. I reckon it's about time you stood up to him. Ron took a moment to chuckle himself. Man, he didn't see that coming. I can still see the shock on his face when you tossed your drink at him.

Bruce laughed, and Ron started laughing harder. When their laughter finally died down, Ron continued. Yeah, though, you guys are still welcome up here any time. This is my damn house—not Ken's. If he doesn't like it, he can go upstairs when ya'll are here. Ron had pretty much given the upstairs portion of the house to Ken to be his domain. There was a sunroof up there where I'd often caught Ken peaking down at Bruce and me in the pool. Just give him a few days to lick his wounds, Ron said. It's his pride that's injured more than anything. He'll be alright, though. Always is after a few days, you know, B?

Bruce grunted before getting off the phone with Ron.

I walked over to the sink to run a glass of water. Bruce regarded me silently the whole time until I finally asked him, What?

He just grinned. I'm so proud of you for standing up for yourself, angel. I keep replaying your eyes flashing fire as you splashed Ken in the face. Your curly hair wild around your shoulders. You looked like a little lioness. He laughed before his eyes darkened as he appraised me again. It was pretty sexy. He came over to where I stood and began to twirl one of my reddish blonde curls around his finger.

I took another sip of my water before laying it behind us on the counter. It was a terrible waste of sangria, though, I noted.

Bruce threw back his head and laughed loudly.

That it was, babygirl. That it was.

While I guessed Bruce and Ron were right that it was good I'd finally stood up to Ken and that he deserved what he got, I knew that the reason he'd made me so angry was because he'd been right. I'm sure my parents were going to be pissed that I'd essentially gotten married in secret and wasn't going to tell them until after the fact. And Ken asking me when I was going to tell them just brought to the forefront of my mind what I'd been trying to avoid.

I knew I couldn't put off telling them forever and that the longer I put it off, the worse they would regard the offense. Each day that went by without me telling them was just one more day that their daughter had been married and they hadn't known about it, and I knew that would bother them.

However, I had another dilemma. My dad's birthday was coming up soon. I hadn't really thought about it the other day when Bruce and I had gotten married. We'd just seen it as taking care of business. We hadn't consciously picked a date. How was I supposed to tell my dad so close to his birthday that I'd gotten married and not told him? I didn't want to ruin his birthday, and I knew my marriage to a man they'd never in a million years approve of would cast a shadow over his special day. It was like Bruce had said. Yeah, they'd been trying to be nicer to him, but I knew that they still hoped that one day I'd grow up and become wiser and leave him. I mean, I knew that. But I also hoped that while being more civil to Bruce, they'd all start getting along with each other better and realize that I was going to stay with Bruce and that they'd eventually come to accept it and start treating him like part of the family. Maybe that was wishful thinking, but that was my hope.

They hadn't even had time to get used to the idea of marriage by knowing we were engaged. Looking back on it all, I wondered if I hadn't made a mistake in not telling them of our engagement. But, then again, I'd never even had an engagement ring, and our initial engagement was supposed to be indefinite. It was supposed to be for a few years until I was a bit older and ready to be married, until we were more in a position to have some sort of wedding ceremony. Bruce had wanted us to go on a cruise ship and get married by the captain. He'd wanted me to wear a pretty dress and have a ring and all that, but our hand had been forced to an earlier marriage if I wanted to get the financial aid I needed to go back to college.

I wasn't even sure what degree I wanted yet, but I felt the need to try to finish college. I guess it was because it had always been drilled into my head that that's what smart students did. They went to college and got a degree. I'd always been pretty much a straight-A student in school, and it was always assumed I would get a scholarship and go on to college to make something of myself. Which I did get a scholarship, but I'd lost it goofing off with my best friend and college roomie, Addison, and spending so much time on the computer talking to Bruce.

Once I'd broached the subject of going back to school to Bruce and had gotten his overwhelming support, I'd begun the process of applying for financial aid. That's when I'd found out that I'd need to be classified as independent in order to be able to afford to go, and the only way I could possibly do that at my age and circumstance was to get married. Bruce had latched onto the idea, stating that we were engaged anyway. Why not go ahead and tie the knot? I'd hesitated, but in the end, I couldn't deny the logic of it.

How was I going to explain all that to my parents, though?

By the time I got around to calling my parents, it was Dad’s birthday. After our day of drinking at Ron’s, we’d spent the next two days taking care of business, so I hadn’t been able to find the time to call.

One day we went up to the bank and set it up so that Bruce’s VA check would be directed deposited into my bank account. That way, he wouldn’t have to wait for his check to arrive in the mail anymore. It would simply hit my account on the first at midnight. I offered to add Bruce’s name to my account, but for some reason he insisted we not do that. Instead, he just had me get him a debit card with his name on it, but I was the primary account holder. I was humbled at his show of trust even though I didn’t understand why he didn’t want his name on the account.

Another day we walked up to the Department of Veterans Affairs to take them a copy of our marriage license and fill out the paperwork necessary for Bruce to start getting extra income for being married to me. While the lady who filled out the paperwork for us raised her eyebrows after finding out we were married, she didn’t say anything and simply set about doing her job.

We decided I wouldn’t change my last name. That would be a lot of hassle, and Bruce said it didn’t matter if I did that now anyway. I could always take his name later on after we had an actual wedding ceremony aboard a ship. While it felt weird to me because every woman I’d ever known had taken her husband’s surname upon getting married, I didn’t push the issue. I wasn’t really ready to give up my family’s last name anyway. My grandma used to love to recall a memory of when I was a little girl and defiantly stated that I would never change my last name. Of course, I was so little at the time I didn’t recall the time she was talking about, but apparently she and granddaddy had been explaining to me how when girls grew up and got married they took their husband’s last name. I’d been distressed to the point of tears and had vowed I always wanted to have my daddy’s last name so my name would always be the same as theirs. I guess I’d be keeping to my childhood vow by not taking Bruce’s surname.

Besides, Bruce was right. It would be so much hassle to get a new Social Security card, a new driver's license, and everything else. I’d have to revise my financial aid application. If I didn’t change my surname, all I would have to do is update my marital status to married.

Speaking of financial aid...

Bruce had talked me into taking out more than I needed to cover my tuition. My parents had always cautioned me to only take out the bare minimum I needed to cover my expenses if I ever had to take out anything, so I'd argued with Bruce at first, telling him that I wasn't going to do that. But he'd kept on and told me that everyone did it and that by taking out more, it was like an easy way for me to get a loan so we could go ahead and buy a car and be able to move over to the beach sooner. That logic had given me pause. According to Bruce, I was too young and didn't have any credit, so it would be difficult for me to get any kind of financing for a vehicle. He said it'd be better if we had cash to deal with anyway because then we'd own the vehicle outright, and I wouldn't have to worry about paying the loan back for a while. When he put it that way, it was hard for me to argue with. Plus, he latched onto the idea and kept on and on about it, and I had already learned by then that when Bruce really latched onto something, it was going to happen. I didn't want to keep arguing with him. He'd eventually beat me down like he always did. He was a lot older than me, so he knew what he was talking about, right? That's what he assured me anyway. I admitted I didn't know much about stuff like that yet, so I decided to trust my husband's direction.

I tried not to drop everything on Mom and Dad at once, but when I called them and wished Dad a happy birthday, the next thing they asked me was how Bruce and I were doing. There was no possible way I could answer that question truthfully without telling them what we'd done, so I just said it in a falsely upbeat voice that sounded ridiculous even to myself. We're great! We…um…we got married!

There was silence on the other end of the phone. I could imagine their stunned faces and went on nervously in order to fill the void and attempt to explain, It was a spur of the moment kind of thing. That wasn't exactly true, yet it was. We'd been engaged, but we hadn't been planning on getting married when we did.

When Dad finally spoke, his voice was sardonic. Well, happy birthday to me, then. He gave a humorless chuckle. My son-in-law's older than I am.

I winced at his tone before dropping my head in my free hand that wasn't holding the phone up to my ear. I knew