Straight Talk for Partners: Is Common Ground Possible?: Essential Guide for Partners of adults who seem set on their own track (or who could be on the Autism Spectrum)

By Carol Grigg

Based on more than twenty years of support work and counselling with partners of adults with Asperger's Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder), this book goes beyond the call to understand and accept the differences present when one partner is on the Autism Spectrum, and to actually confront some aspects of these relationships that remain unacceptable and typically resistant to personal appeal or professional guidance.

Partner stories continue to expose an all pervasive sense of powerlessness experienced in these situations, the subtle slide away from basic social benchmarks, and a crippling absence of effective relationship tools and strategies for managing daily challenges or creating positive change.

This book presents some internationally accepted principles to re-create benchmarks for partners to use to assess the state of their relationship, their own emotional well-being and their partner's level of participation in forging and sustaining whatever common ground is possible, taking into account however the inherent limited capacities of those who may be on the Autism Spectrum.

It is believed that the principles presented in this book could equally be useful in any complicated and difficult relationship characterized by a lack of mutuality and reciprocity.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Feb 25, 2022
• ISBN: 9781471756504

Book preview

Straight Talk for Partners: Is Common Ground Possible?

Essential Guide for Partners

of adults who seem set on their own track

(or who could be on the Autism Spectrum)

Carol Grigg OAM

Copyright

Straight Talk for Partners: Is common Ground Possible?

Essential Guide for Partners of Adults

who seem set on their own track

(or who could be on the Autism Spectrum)

eBook, First Edition

Copyright © 2022 Carol Grigg OAM

All rights reserved

ISBN 978-1-4717-5650-4

http://www.lulu.com

Preface

"This book … could be equally useful and effective for any complicated and difficult relationship characterized by a lack of mutuality and reciprocity."

When this book was begun in 2015, the target audience was intended to be spouses and partners of adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder (Asperger’s Syndrome) as this was the Author’s field of experience, personally and professionally.

The project was then shelved for a number of reasons, mainly due to the Author lacking confidence in putting her own simple ideas out there when she felt it was only a matter of time before there would be other better approaches discovered to help support these complicated and difficult relationships.

However, when picking up the project again some six years later, the Author has realized two fairly significant things.  One is that there have still been no simple or effective approaches discovered for improving these relationships; and two, there are a whole range of other disorders and conditions also now in focus for the havoc they wreak on relationships.

The title of the book has been adjusted to state … for partners of adults who seem set on their own track, or who could be on the Autism Spectrum in order to broaden the audience.

The content of the book has remained directed to partners of adults on the Spectrum, but the Author is confident that the material could be equally useful and effective for any complicated and difficult relationship characterized by a lack of mutuality and reciprocity.

The Author always strongly recommends that readers seek professional help for managing a complex or volatile relationship.  The book is intended as a supportive guide only, to be applied with safety in mind at all times, and preferably with a therapist’s supervision.

The Author acknowledges the trust placed in her by the thousands of partners who’ve sought help through the support group ASPIA over the last twenty years, and through personal counselling. It is your stories, and my own, that have highlighted the existence of these left-field relationships - the sense of powerlessness we experience every day, the insidious slide away from basic social benchmarks, and the crippling absence of effective relationship tools and strategies for managing daily challenges or creating positive change.

Thank you to my five adult children who’ve continuously moved forward with me towards emotional health and well-being.  You are worth everything.

Thank you to Professor Tony Attwood, Dr Michelle Garnett, Clinical Psychologist Jeroen Decates, Psychologist Eleanor Gittins, Clinical Psychologist Steve Den Kaat, Dr Nola Norris and Psychologist Natalie Black for the quality education you have provided regularly through ASPIA over the years.

Thank you to Gerry for your technical and moral support on this project, and for being such a willing participant in meaningful relationship reciprocity with me.

Carol

Foreword

After meeting Carol and eventually developing a relationship with this committed and capable woman, I became curious and interested in her passion for improving the relationships of the thousands of people she’d come into contact with through ASPIA, the support group she co-founded.

The more I read of published and unpublished material she has created I could see that it would also resonate with normal couples struggling with relationships where a partner has become fixed on a set track and has lost sight of the basic principles of respect and love for their partner.

Carol has used some internationally recognized principles in this book to create benchmarks for readers to use to explore and assess the state of their own relationships. Then Carol builds on these principles with suggestions of strategies for carefully addressing areas of difficulty whilst seeking to minimize the risk of further escalation of conflict, all with the aim of helping partners and couples start a healing process in the relationship.

This book acts as a great starting point for partners and couples who wish to improve their relationships, and sets a foundation for seeking professional help.

Gerry Dalton

Introduction

For nearly forty years I have been writing about relationships affected by Asperger’s Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder), not realising for the first seventeen years I was actually describing something that already had a name.  Once I knew it was Asperger’s Syndrome (ASD) and that I wasn’t imagining what I’d