It’s Not Your Fault!

By Santos Gonzales

                                             "It's Your Fault."

         These are the devastating, untrue words used to psychologically manipulate countless victims of abuse into remaining with hurtful partners. And they are the words that kept Fidella Saenz locked in a prison from which she thought she would find no escape for either herself or her children; that is, until she found the strength – through faith in God and in herself - to reject them and the lies they represented, and take control of her life. Now, her inspiring story is ready to be shared with the world so that countless other women and men like her may be empowered to make the same incredible leap of faith and change their own lives forever.
      
   Written in shocking and honest words from the perspective of her own son, It's NOT Your Fault journals Fidella's remarkable navigation of the lies and manipulations that were used to trap her in a dangerous, abusive relationship. It is at times invigorating, and at others heart-wrenching, and at all times a shining beacon of hope as Santos Gonzales' presents his mother and the road to freedom she paved for herself. Emphasizing her unquenchable trust in God at even her darkest moments, and demonstrating her unbreakable love for her children, It's NOT Your Fault is a raw and powerful testament to the power of his mother's will, faith, and love for her family – and a pillar of inspiration for anyone waiting to break their own chains, reject the lies and injuries they suffer, and follow Fidella's fearless example.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Santos Gonzales
• Release date: May 21, 2023
• ISBN: 9798201544195

Santos Gonzales

Santos Gonzales uses his difficult childhood and his Mother’s courage to shed light on abuse and help women become stronger than ever. Based in Corpus Christi, Texas he is currently pursuing a Criminal Justice Applied Science Degree and has been serving in Law Enforcement for over 16 years. He spends his free time reading, writing and gives credit to his mother for inspiring him to go into Law Enforcement.

Book preview

Chapter 1

THE HERO: FIDELLA SAENZ

Fidella Saenz was born in July 1943 in George West, Texas. She was one of five siblings. She had two older brothers and two older sisters, and she was the youngest, along with her sister.

Noami Saenz. Her older sisters were much older and married and had families. The oldest brother Santos Saenz began working on a ranch, later becoming the ranch foreman and earning enough money to buy the Saenz family a house.

The family lived in Lockney, Texas, for four years before relocating to Lubbock, Texas. Tommy Saenz, her brother, and the rest of the family settled in Lubbock, Texas. Smittyhildo Saenz, her father, was the family's patriarch. Smittyhildo was sundown. Smittyhildo would also become a ranch. Smittyhildo didn't care much about outside occurrences such as dances or going to the movies. He believed in hard work and ensured the family was in Church on Sundays. Being a ranch foreman and having little to no education meant going to work. For the Saenz family, that meant uprooting everything, moving to Oklahoma; and working in the cotton fields. The family would later move back to Lubbock because of the constant work.

Her Mother, Candendia, was the glue that held the family together. She ensured that the family's basic needs were satisfied, such as food and clothing that needed to be washed or repaired. Her parents believed in working hard and putting God first in everything they did. They rejoiced in the small blessings, such as having a clean pair of shoes and sometimes having enough money to enjoy a hamburger from a local dinner.

While living in Lubbock, her parents took in a small baby boy from a distant cousin. The baby boy was raised as a sibling and was now the youngest. Fidella’s youngest baby brother's name was Rudy. Of course, being the youngest of the family had all the perks of being the baby. He was an apple in his father's eyes and his mother's baby. Being the youngest also meant he could get away with anything. When Rudy became bored, he used his water gun to torment his older sisters by spraying them. When Fidella and her sister Noami would become upset and chase him, he ran to his mother, who would scold the two sisters for chasing their younger brother.

As Fidella became a teenager, she would become curious and, at times, defy her father's wishes and go out to the drive-in movie theater in town. As she became bolder, she talked to her sister.

Noami into tagging along, and they both went to the drive-in movie theater. Fidella knew she did not want to stay in the cotton fields, but she still wanted to find a way to