The Perfect ME for the Perfect HIM

By Arielle Ward

• Have you ever asked yourself, “Am I perfect enough?”
• Have you tried meeting the standards of “perfection”?

You are not alone. Many spend a good portion of their life attempting to achieve a false image, fueled by societal pressures. This unhealthy quest continues until one is met with the clear reality that no matter the effort put forth; humankind remains imperfect. Life presents imperfect experiences marked by betrayal, rejection, and abuse. Good news, the Perfect One counts you at your highest value even when you feel at your lowest. In this book, you will discover how God took my imperfections and perfected each flaw to give Him glory. The detailed transparency will move you beyond your crushing moments to abundantly flourishing in every area of your life. You’ll discover that an imperfect life can become perfect when nestled in the truth of God’s word.

No longer will you search for your “Perfect Me” when you build a healthy relationship with the “Perfect Him”.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Feb 18, 2022
• ISBN: 9781678009830

Book preview

INTRODUCTION

Oh, to be swept off your feet in a modern-day fairy tale. In Real Time. In Real life.

To tune into the English royalty or Netflix’s Bridgerton, we live but for a moment as the perfect Bride with the perfect Prince, attending Cotillions and high society parties, with the most beautiful, bountiful ball gowns made of fine fabrics and headpieces from a family with a royal bloodline. Oh, to be the Belle of the Ball, the apple of his eye, that girl, the one he would choose. But, he chose her.

Princess Diana lived it! She was the global hope we all had as little girls and grown women in this modern-day society, a real-life fairy tale where she, a member of a British royal family, would marry Prince Charles, the longstanding heir to the British throne, on July 29, 1981. Nearly one billion people from 74 countries tuned in to view the royal couple’s nuptials. The royal pair were joined by 2,650 guests, and endless crowds of people lined the streets near Buckingham Palace in hopes of catching a glimpse of Charles and Diana. And they got what they wanted! They captured the hope that they needed in pictures and on video. They captured it as Princess Diana clutched her large gardenias, orchids, and lily of valleys and walked down the aisle of Westminster Abbey, down to meet her Prince Charming. Oh, it was a glorious sight indeed! The wedding of the century! She gave the world the perfect story of timeless royalty, hope, and love. But it wasn’t so perfect for her in return. In fact, the pictures say it all. Princess Diana was clearly passionate about Prince Charles, but he does not share her ardor. For it would be years later that the world would find out that Prince Charles chose another. However, Diana was the people’s choice as she became known as the People’s Princess. She was one of the most adored & charismatic personalities of the British royal family. She was kind, articulate, gifted, and light-hearted. She had no respect of persons. She would cater to people of all walks of life, no matter who they were or where they came from. She was an anomaly in the palace. A dream! And no matter how much she gave, she still didn’t get his heart in return. After 11 years of separation, Princess Diana and Prince Charles were officially divorced in August of 1996 after numerous affairs and scandals. And on August 31, 1997, the world would discover more about the imperfection in her perfect story.

Princess Diana’s heart was broken. On a traumatic night in 1997, Princess Diana had been riding in a Mercedes Benz with Dodi Fayed and Trevor Rees-Jones. The car had been driving at an accelerated speed. The driver, Henri Paul, was trying to avoid the paparazzi when the car raced through a tunnel under the Alma bridge, and Paul lost control. He crashed the car into a pillar. Both Dodi and Jones were pronounced dead at the scene, but Princess Diana was still alive. She exclaimed, My God! What has happened? to Sergeant Xavier Gourmelon, who performed first aid on the scene. She was alive in the ambulance but later went into cardiac arrest and was pronounced dead at the hospital. Diana’s body slid forward during the accident, and the impact was so powerful that it threw her heart out of place. This resulted in the massive internal hemorrhage that wasn’t visible at the scene. In the back of the heart, her pulmonary vein was torn. What appeared to be the perfect heart was actually broken. Have you ever been there? Have you ever gotten to a place in your life where you’ve asked yourself, My God, what’s happened?

The heart is deceitful above all things; who can know it but God? Your heart can be broken, and you do not know it. Your heart can be shifted out of place without any clear signs or evidence. It appears that everything is beating and working properly, yet the evidence of your broken heart shows up in your choices.

Well, this is where God takes over if we allow Him. And He begins to show us how imperfect we are. He reveals to us that we are faulty and incomplete without Him…that the perfect person, desires, or images we’ve created do not exist. In fact, it’s the imperfection and transparency that He uses to bring about a miracle in the lives of those who will believe. It will take Him to perfect that which concerns you.

Throughout this book, the Him refers to God. The capital H is to bring honor to His name, His supremacy, and Lordship. He is the perfection we all hope for, long for, and seek after. We just have to be open to Him because He has been knocking for quite some time. I’m a living witness. He showed me my imperfections. And at the same time, I found Him. I could be with Him, walk with him, talk with him, all day, every day. He would occupy my time, morning, noon and night with his presence, fervor, and favor. He would speak to me in His Word, share Bible stories and scriptures with me. He found me where I was. He would reveal my broken heart to me. He would show me my past, embrace me in my present, and unlock my future. The imperfect me was off to a new start with the Perfect Him, and in the process, he sent me him.

In this book, you will encounter transparent moments in my journey. I invite you to take this journey with me as I find the Perfect Him. It is my hope that you will find your Perfect Me.

CHAPTER 1:

Becoming Me

I was bullied as a little girl. It started as far back as I can remember. It was like a haunting that followed me everywhere I went. Maybe I had victim written on my forehead with a bully censor light. It sure felt that way. It would show up at school, in relationships, and in church. For whatever reason, I just could not escape it, as it reared its ugly head in every area of my life. It caused me to have low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety at a young age. I spent many lonely nights trying to understand why I was unloved, unwanted, and unaccepted. Many never knew how lonely I felt as I continued to smile…continued to love. I was never one to receive love as I was the one giving it out. I was comfortable with that. The root of it, I was soon to discover.

Being an oddball, studious, and intrigued by different cultures and nature, I was very different amongst my circles growing up. The things that excited me, the ideas that brought me joy, were not the excitement for others. At times, I’ve learned to be around others without being myself. Dumbing myself down for acceptance or simply hiding is what I learned to do. So I hid behind what I knew. I hid myself! If I knew the answer, I wouldn’t share. Besides, I thought I was wrong, and I wasn’t sure of my answers. Was it correct? Would my answer be accepted? Would it be received? Would they laugh at me? Or punish me for sharing? I’d rather sit in a corner without being seen or heard because I was safe there. No one would see me….no one would hear me; therefore, no one would be able to hurt me, pick on me, or reject me. I wanted to be kept out of sight and away from notice. To be hidden was my best defense. Like a chameleon, which changes its skin color to look like the scene around it, I changed my beliefs or behavior to please others or blended in with the background. I could stay alive longer from the predators who were out to get me, the ones who would see. I wasn’t supposed to be here, the Arielle I was destined to be.

I was afraid of what the future held for me. Perhaps, it was the people that I wanted acceptance from. Either way, it just never worked out. Perfect me? I didn’t want to be. I was afraid. I was running. I was hiding.

* * * * *

I reminisce about the days when families would work together to rear their children – a day when parents didn’t pay daycare to watch their son or daughter. They trusted family to do it. Children would go over to their grandparents’ houses after school, and mom or dad would pick them up, depending on who finished their shift first. That’s what my parents did. They both worked 9 to 5 jobs, and they did the best they could to make things work with what we had. My dad was an engineer tech, and my mom was an educator for early childhood, as well as handling her sewing business on the side. There were five of us, and at the time, we lived in a two-bedroom apartment for a family of six. My baby sister was born years later. I was the oldest, but I still wasn’t old enough to watch my brothers and sisters. So, we went over to our great-grandmother’s house after school. It was a nightmare for me! I hadn’t told my mom until I was old enough to articulate the partiality I had experienced. But I think speaking about it made me relive it, and I didn’t want to. Plus, I didn’t want to make my parents feel bad for leaving me there and cause any more confusion than what my presence had already caused. I was the child born before my parents were married. I was the oops while my parents were still young, figuring things out.

My great-grandmother had a bubble gum dish in her cabinet, and I loved those red gumballs with the gum in the middle. They were like blow pops without the stick. When I asked her for one, she would fuss and then give me one filled with disgust. But when my two cousins asked for one, she would grab a handful for each of them and give it to them. Sometimes, my cousins would get the gumballs on their own, but when I would try, she would slap my hand and send me out of the kitchen. As I observed, I was the only