Eclectic Odd Short Stories

By RB Parkline

These short stories are not your Grandma's Shakespeare. The stories are intended to be humerous, silly and thought provoking. There are stories of spirituality with a twist. Satire which includes a look at the world today with its political correctness. Those who are far to the right with extreme conservative values and the far left with liberal views. Both views are self righteous with a lack of tolerance for anything but their view. An angel in Heaven wants a promotion. He believes he has been in Heaven long enough so he speaks to the Lord. A small pig who is the runt of the litter becomes a superhero who protects the farm. Two young boys are entertained in the hospital waiting room by an older man who tells them tall tales of the good 'ol days.  A poem of two rednecks who are on the naughty list. They have a chance to make things right if it's not to late. A man faces a test of his faith that is beyond what he can endure. He realizes when there is nothing left, faith is all there is to hold on to. Friends help him through his crisis.  Other stories that include Cavemen.  Little People who decide to set out in the wild west to set up their own town. The short stories are intended to entertain those who wait in a hospital waiting room, in the lobby of an airport, train station or where people are bored. 

• Language: English
• Publisher: RB Parkline
• Release date: Feb 15, 2022
• ISBN: 9798201816407

RB Parkline

A quite individual. Writing for entertainmet as well as adding some historical facts with an underlying spiritual nature. Stories should touch the lives of individuals as their imagination is activated. 

Book preview

Three Corners Pete

Chapter I

Hospitals are a cold , sterile environment. Their mission is to heal, and for a nine, and six year old boy with little activity to amuse them, it is a boring place to be on a Saturday morning. 

Into this cold place Wilma Baker with her two sons entered the waiting room. She looked at her two sons with the look they both knew well now you two are to stay here in the waiting room, and wait for me. I will go check on Grandpa, and come back for you, if he is feeling up to having visitors. I want you to behave, and I mean it. Wilma raised her Mother's voice do you understand me!

Yes Mam! both boys said automatically.

She stared down at them, then walked out of the waiting room.

The two young boys sat down in the padded chairs already bored. In the waiting room they saw men, and women of different ages sitting quietly. Some of them read magazines, others watching some talk show on television.

They watched as an older man in a wheelchair moved towards them. The old man in overalls, a red plaid shirt, wearing only socks, no shoes, with a Dallas Cowboy cap on stopped his wheelchair in front of the boys. Looking at them with a toothless grin. What’s your name?

I’m Jeffery and this is Buddy. What’s your name?

Three Corners Pete '' the man responded, leaning back, continuing to grin. They call me that because I was born in Western Oklahoma, right where Oklahoma, New Mexico, and Texas come together. It was different back when I was a youngin, see the Comanche were running loose causing trouble. They really were bothersome folk. Why they would burn down a perfectly good barn for no reason, just to be mean, no call in that ya know.  Riding around the prairie on horseback hooping, and hollering, throwing those long spears on fire into a barn, or burning perfectly good wagons, just because they could."

Jeffery’s eyes narrowed Hold on, that was a long time ago, I don’t think you're that old. The old man stared at the young boy. Ignoring him continuing, When I was ten I was a hog dogger.

What's a hog dogger? Buddy interrupted?

Pete shook his head That's the problem, you younguns got no good education. You probably learned about cattle drives. The Goodnight trail, and Chisum trail. Well those bunch of smart alec Cowboys, and Mexican Vacaroos riding horses driving cattle, not all Texacans, Mexicans, or Oklahomans rode horses. Back in the olden days we would climb a tree, wait for a big hog, they ran wild in those days. Then jumped on their backs, and hung on for a wild ride. Well I saw this big hog, went ‘bout eight hundred pounds. I jumped on him, and rode him till he got tuckered out, which was almost a year. I almost skipped my birthday!

Jeffrey shook his head I don’t think you rode a Hog for a year!

Yes I did, not only that I lost ten pounds.

Jeffery looked at his brother shaking his head.

Ya see boys you had to tie a rope to each of the big tusks that were ‘bout five feet they were sticking out the sides of his mouth, that’s how you steered him. Then I would ride to a prairie dog village, chase them dogs down, grab ‘em by the tail, and throw ‘em in a basket. The farmers would buy them for two bits each, to have them prairie dogs dig their post holes for their barbed wire fence.

I don’t think so,Jeffery said suspiciously.

Why you boys are just ignorant? You got no learnen. Ya see the farmer would tie a rope around the dogs belly, when it reached a certain level they would pull them up. Don’t they teach you nothin in school?

Jeffery feeling defensive I’m not ignorant, and I do learn a lot in school, I doubt prairie dogs would dig a hole for a fence post, and I don’t believe wild Hogs weigh eight hundred pounds with five foot tusks.

Buddy laughed they probably used you for a fence post.

Both boys howled with laughter.

No, I wasn’t a fence post, but I did make good money rounding up prairie dogs with my Hog O’l Oily. Pete leaned forward Ya see boys I called him that because he had this special knack for finding oil. I was the first person to discover oil in Texas.

Hold on, Jeffery said, holding up his hand. He pulled out his cell phone as he concentrated on the small screen his fingers flew across the small letters. He looked intently, then looked up oil was first discovered in Oil Springs near Nacogdoches in 1866, the first oil well was at Spindletop near Beaumont Texas in 1901, I just looked it up. You would be over a hundred, and fifty years old!

I age gracefully, and besides  that’s just plain wrong.  Me and O’l Oily were near the panhandle of Oklahoma when he turned over a big rock, and oil began seeping out of the ground. I collected it in a bucket, then sold it for five cents in quart Mason jars. I was the first to call it black gold. Ya see before then folks burned whale oil in their lamps. Leaning forward his forearms on his knees looking intently at the boys. Those yankees up north would go out in a big ship, find one of the big whales sleeping, then have a little guy slip down his blowhole, and start scooping out the oil.

No, no, no Jeffery said, shaking his head vigorously the sailors would get in a small boat, and harpoon the whale, when it died they would take it on board, and get the oil. The blowhole of the whale is too small, it’s how he breathes, blowing out water.

That don’t make any sense! The small boat was used if the whale would wake up, he would get mad because the little guy was inside taking his oil. So he would take a deep breath, and shoot the  little guy through the blowhole sending him many miles away. The boat would go pick him up before he drowned. Besides the whale has a mouth don’t he, well that’s how he breathes, like all other critters. Pete leaned back looking mornfuly at the boys I just don’t know what’s to become of our children because of their poor education. Why I have a third grade education, and know lots more than you two knotheads.

Hey, that's not nice! Buddy yelled.

It’s ok Buddy Jeffery  said patting his back I think this old timer is loco.

Pete took his hat off scratched his balding head I see y'all got some learnin  needed up in here. OK, ya see, Oklahoma oil, or black gold  is the best oil anywhere else because of the flood, ya know in the Bible. Well it covered the earth, and there were whales that when the flood pulled back they were stuck on dry land which was here in Oklahoma and Texas, where they all died, and after many years turned to oil. And that’s a fact.

How do you know that? Buddy asked, eyeing Pete?

Well because I can read, it's in the bible.

No it's not, there’s nothing in the bible about whales dying in Oklahoma, and Texas turning to oil Jeffery said laughing. The whales live in water so they would be safe, all the other animals, and people died.

Don’t they teach you boys anything in Sunday School, of course it’s in the bible, in the book of Hector, where the boat landed on Mount Asphalt. The whales, mostly made of oil, were trapped in an underpass below the mountain, and they died.

Jeffery laughed It was Mount Ararat in Turkey, that’s where the boat came to rest. The story of Noah is in Genesis, and there’s no book named Hector in the bible.

"Yes there is, he was the prophet of the sea who preached to the mermaids. It was the

mermaids, and their men folk who lived in the Gulf of Mexico who taught the Oklahomans how to catch unicorns, who could smell oil which the old Oklahoma cavemen used to light their fires. The unicorns were the ancestors of the hog who grew two long tusks instead of the one on their forehead, that’s called evolution."

Both boys were howling with laughter. When Jeffery caught his breath he explained evolution and the bible don’t go together; they are two subjects that are at odds with each other. Besides, the Gulf of Mexico is on the Texas border, not Oklahoma!

Pete shook his head I swear you two are dumber than a sack of hair. He sighed Back in the old days the Gulf of Mexico was close to the Panhandle of Oklahoma, Texas was underwater. He looked mornfully at the two young boys. It was so much different when I was a boy. I remember riding O’l Oily looking for the black gold, I was the first one to call it Texas Tea, ya see, that was the label for the oil I used. All the town folk, and farmers would buy it from me, since it was better than whale oil. I helped pay off the farm with the money I made from the oil O’l Oily found. It was rough for a while because O’l Oily couldn’t get around as well after he got his peg leg.

Why did O’l Oily have a peg leg? Buddy asked, looking suspiciously at Pete?"

Well O’l Oily was a special hog, and you know, you just don’t eat a hog like that all at one time.

The two boys looked at Pete with wide eyes you mean you ate O’l Oily Buddy asked? Not all at once, like I done told you, he was a special Hog. Now pay attention children, you may not be so lucky in the future to have a man of my wisdom telling you the true facts.  

Pete looked at the two boys continuing with his tale Back then when the oil companies found out there was black gold under the sod in west Texas and west Oklahoma they came out by the hundreds. They put up hundreds, and hundreds of wooden oil derricks to get to the oil. Why we would have to carry an umbrella with us because of all the gushers.

What’s a gusher? Buddy asked curiously.

Ya see sonny, when one of those wooden derricks was drilling with their big pipes, and sharp bits hooked on to the end, they would strike the pool of oil. Then the pressure would send it up spewing out the top near a hundred feet in the air. It would sometimes take days, and days to cap off the well to keep it from spilling out. Well I would of course grab my buckets, and riding O’l Oily, would gather as much as I could, race home, dump it in a big barrel, and race back for more. Then I could sell it as Texas Tea to the town folk in Mason jars. The oil companies would be fighting mad as I grabbed all the spilled oil I could, but they were too busy trying to stop the gusher while I was gathering the oil. They tried to stop me, but they couldn’t catch O’l Oily even if he did have two peg legs.  Hey! I thought you said he had one peg leg? Buddy said, leaning forward. 

Pete smiled his toothless grin you know O’l Oily was special, but he was a hog. He had four peg legs, but his feet were real. That way he could run almost like he used to, except he just didn’t have any knees.

Hold on, there is no way O’l Oily had peg legs with real feet, it’s not possible, Jeffery said, shaking his head.

Well of course it is if you know how Petre said grinning. 

No, there are nerves, tendons, blood vessels, and a whole lot of other things inside the leg, and foot to keep them working together, Jeffery said, looking at Pete.

Mind over matter my boy, O’l Oily liked moonshine whiskey, so when he would get himself all liquored up, I would go in, cut off his ham with the leg bone. I would attach a wooden peg to his hip then it was then only a matter of attaching the foot with the ankle bone to the peg leg, so when Ol Oily would wake up he didn’t know any difference. He didn’t mind, and it didn’t matter. Mind over matter.

That doesn’t make any sense, it just sounds dumb.

Pete waved his hand dismissively. Those oil companies got themselves rich, and quickly. There was more money than a politician has promises. Why people were making so much money? They started putting kickstands on their poneys."

The boys both laughed I don’t think you could put a kickstand on a pony Buddy gasped laughing.

Why of course they did Pete countered folks wouldn’t have to tie their horses up, they would stop, kick the kickstand down, jump off, and the horse would lean over resting. It was something to see. 

Both young boys laughed knowing Pete was making up stories. A nurse walked up, looked at the boys smiling and placed both hands on the handles of the wheelchair saying with a grin. Sorry to bust up the party, but Pete needs to have an x-ray.

Pete shrugged his shoulders, I suppose I’ll see you two young men later. The Doctors are just being curious so I guess I’ll humor them with an x-ray.

As he was being wheeled off Pete said over his shoulder I remember once when my neighbors dog ran off, Western Oklahoma was so flat we watched him run for three days!

The boys were giggling when Wilma walked into the waiting room. She smiled at her sons who were sitting, and giggling. They both sat up seeing their Mother.

Have you two been behaving yourselves?

Yes mam, they both said in unison."

Chapter II

Wilma looked at them suspiciously then said Ok, you can see your Grandpa now.

Jeffery, and Buddy followed their Mother out of the waiting room, past the nurses station, down the long wide corridor, walking into the room close to the end of the

hallway. She explained as they walked how their Grandpa had fallen off a ladder

cracking a rib, and hitting his head. He would have to stay in the hospital overnight

going home in the morning.

Walking in they saw their Grandmother sitting on a chair. She rose quickly, going to them giving each a hug.

Grandpa was in bed smiling, You two rascals been behaving?

They grinned yes sir.

They told Grandpa of meeting Three Corners Pete, and the wild stories