Build Your Own Romantic Comedy: Pick Your Plot, Meet Your Man, and Direct Your Happily Ever After

By Lana Schwartz

“A rollicking, meta, Choose Your Own Adventure novel for adults whose notions of romance are skewed and cracked from a lifelong diet of Meg Ryan movies.” —Vulture

Get ready to relax with your favorite romantic comedy of all time—the one you create! Instead of turning on the latest cheesy rom-com for a simple, mood-boosting love story, put yourself in the director’s chair with Build Your Own Romantic Comedy.

First, open the book and pick your heroine. Will she be a high-powered business lady with no time for love? Or a quirky bakery owner? Just make your choice and read how the magic unfolds. When it’s time to meet your man, do you prefer a hunky prince, a hunky executive, or a hunky nemesis? Each choice will take you down a totally different path that all somehow end up making a charmingly predictable romance.

Choice by hilarious choice, you’ll pick from classic rom-com elements like:

• Sassy best friends
• Romantic date montages
• A makeover, obviously
• Dramatic but easily solved misunderstandings

Make your way closer and closer to the big payoff—the picture-perfect, most romantic final kiss ever.

And when you’ve savored that last bit of fun, romantic goodness, don’t be glum. Turn back to page one and start a new love story. With over 100 possible stories, the happily-ever-afters never have to stop.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Open Road Integrated Media
• Release date: Mar 17, 2020
• ISBN: 9781646040520

Book preview

Cover: Build Your Own Romantic Comedy, by Lana SchwartzBuild Your Own Romantic Comedy by Lana Schwartz, Ulysses Press

For my mom and dad

BOOK PATHS QUIZ

PICK YOUR PLOT

Which rom com path is the one for you? Take the quiz here to find out or turn to Chapter One and pick any of the options there!

WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY?

A. Someone who reminds me of my past.

B. Royal blood.

C. Someone who challenges me.

D. A guy I can meet at work.

E. A man who sees my full potential.

F. Someone who wants to bankrupt my company.

G. Power.

PICK A PROFESSION.

A. Record store owner.

B. Queen of a small, lesser-known country.

C. Data entry.

D. Editor-in-chief of a female-focused magazine.

E. I prefer not to talk about money.

F. Bookseller/barista/baker.

G. Journalist.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE DRINK?

A. Moscow Mule.

B. Red wine.

C. Anything strong works fine.

D. Tequila.

E. Champagne, preferably opened on the deck of a yacht.

F. Coffee.

G. Whiskey, neat.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE CITY?

A. I prefer small towns.

B. Prague.

C. Anywhere would be better than here.

D. San Francisco, Chicago, somewhere like that.

E. Newport, Rhode Island.

F. New York City, is there anywhere else?

G. Any city free from corruption.

MOSTLY AS:

Back to your hometown you go to reconnect with your high school crush. Turn to the rose on page 4

.

MOSTLY BS:

We see a prince in your future. Begin at the rose on page 4

.

MOSTLY CS:

You’re not thrilled with your dead-end job, but that doesn’t mean there’s not something better in your future. Start at the palm tree on page 5

.

MOSTLY DS:

You’ve got a magazine to save! Turn to the sun on page 2

.

MOSTLY ES:

Has anyone ever mistaken you for someone else, or told you that you remind them of someone? Start off at the palm tree on page 5

to get a taste of what their life might be like.

MOSTLY FS:

You’re all about that bookstore life. Turn to the coffee cup on page 6

.

MOSTLY GS:

Something’s up at the mayor’s office, and you’re determined to find out what it is. Turn to the pencil on page 8

.

CAST OF CHARACTERS

JENNY: Our plucky heroine who gets back up every time she gets knocked down, again and again—and well, again. She believes women can have it all—both a great relationship and a killer career—and she’s not going to stop until she has the best of both. Anne Hathaway in The Devil Wears Prada, with hints of Meg Ryan in all of the Nora Ephron movies and a twist of Kate Hudson in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.

TOM: That guy who drives you absolutely crazy, but you just can’t stay away from. Smart, funny, handsome, and he knows it. A suave and smooth talker who might make you roll your eyes, but you’d still rather listen to him talk than anyone else. James Marsden in 27 Dresses and Glen Powell in Set It Up, mixed with Henry Golding from Crazy Rich Asians and Mark Ruffalo in 13 Going on 30.

DAVE: A scruffy, lovable guy, who just wants a nice girl to watch his favorite TV show with. Isn’t that really what life is all about, anyway? Think Bill Pullman in Sleepless in Seattle meets Chris Pratt in Bride Wars.

CJ: Jenny’s BFF, who’s always there to lend an ear, or a wisecrack when Jenny needs it most, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have her own needs, wants, or desires. Judy Greer in basically every romantic comedy she’s ever been in.

NATASHA: Your classic rom com villain, who has the man you want, or is actively plotting to steal him from you. Impossibly gorgeous, sophisticated, and seemingly everything you’re not. Cameron Diaz in My Best Friend’s Wedding, if she were a bad person, or Tess from 27 Dresses.

CYNTHIA: That impossible-to-please rom com boss, who seems to exist only to make your life miserable, but every once in a while, if you look closely, an ounce of vulnerability seems to shine through. Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada, obviously, plus Lucy Liu in Set It Up.

CECILIA: A ritzy, proper type who hasn’t stepped below 59th Street in Manhattan in at least 30 years, if ever. Think Susan Sullivan in My Best Friend’s Wedding, or Candice Bergen in Bride Wars.

MAURICIO: The man who’s here to make you an entirely new woman. Your fairy godfather, if you will. Larry Miller in The Princess Diaries, or Hector Elizondo in Pretty Woman.

THE QUEEN: Regal and impossibly intimidating, the Queen knows what’s best for everyone, even if they can’t see it for themselves. Julie Andrews in The Princess Diaries meets Michelle Yeoh in Crazy Rich Asians.

Chapter One: Introductions

BOOK PATH 1

It’s a beautiful day in New York City. The sun is shining. The chirping birds are as loud as the tiny children who populate this West Village neighborhood are quiet. Jenny doesn’t wait for the Walk sign as she crosses the street—the Walk sign waits for her. It’s the kind of morning that makes her remember why she moved here from her small town in another, less important part of America. The kind of morning that makes it seems like her dreams are within reach. Because they are! If things go well at work today—which they will, because they have to—she’ll be even closer to showing the world that she is somebody.

She arrives at her favorite coffee shop at 9:10 a.m., 10 minutes later than she normally does, which means she’s 10 minutes behind schedule, and that means Jenny can only spend two minutes at the coffee shop, rather than her usual allotted five minutes. Because if she spends her usual five minutes at the coffee shop, she’ll be late for work—and she cannot be late for work. Not today.

Jenny picks up her scalding-hot, triple-shot, extra-large latte and heads toward the door, ready to take on the day.

But then, out of nowhere—thud—and the latte has been spilled all over her meticulously chosen, very expensive, dry-clean-only white blouse.

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. This can’t be happening, she says.

Napkin? asks the source of the thud. A man. Of course. He holds a napkin out to her, but the expression on his face is too smug to render it a peace offering.

You’re not going to apologize for knocking into me? Jenny asks, grabbing the napkin stubbornly. She does need one, after all.

Why would I apologize? You knocked into me, the man replies. And OK, if someone held a gun to Jenny’s head and asked, Is this man the best-looking man you’ve ever seen in your life? she would say yes, but failing that, she will never, ever, ever admit out loud that he is attractive.

"You clearly knocked into me," Jenny replies. Her blood boils, or something like that.

Then why are you the one covered in coffee? the man says, flashing her a knowing smile.

To follow Jenny to the magazine where she works, turn to the magazine on page 15

.

If Jenny can’t worry about this mysterious stranger right now because she has a big date with her boyfriend tonight, turn to the rose on page 4

.

BOOK PATH 2

It’s one of those perfect evenings. The kind that makes Jenny feel like maybe magic really is possible after all. There’s a gentle breeze in the summer air, and you can see between three and five stars in the sky—the most possible in Jenny’s major metropolitan city. She’s having dinner with her boyfriend. She’s, without a doubt, absolutely certain that tonight is the night that he is going to finally, finally propose. She spent hours picking out her outfit with her best friend, CJ (It’s a pale pink shift dress with an empire waist that screams bridal.) She even did ring finger exercises to ensure her finger was strong enough to withstand the weight of even the biggest rock. She promised her parents she’d call them as soon as dinner’s over. And said boyfriend has taken her to one of the fanciest restaurants in the entire city. They’ve got the best table in the house, right next to the window, with a view overlooking the city. The restaurant bustles with customers, all of whom, Jenny is sure, are looking at