My Brother's Shadows

By Hayley Reynolds

Hayley was 22 years old when her brother Wayne, then 16, was diagnosed with leukaemia, cancer of the blood. Within a few weeks Wayne also contracted a deadly fungal infection in his sinus, which spread to his left eye and then into his brain.

In this book, Hayley recounts the emotional journey she and her family took as Wayne fought his il

• Language: English
• Publisher: Hayley Reynolds
• Release date: May 30, 2018
• ISBN: 9780646977676

Hayley Reynolds

Dr Hayley Reynolds is a researcher at the Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre in Melbourne, Australia. She previously carried out a PhD in melanoma research and postdoctoral work in breast cancer research at the Auckland Bioengineering Institute, The University of Auckland, New Zealand. She also holds a Graduate Diploma in Theology from Laidlaw College, Auckland.

Book preview

COMMENDATIONS for the Australian edition of My Brother’s Shadows

My Brother’s Shadows is an honest and thought-provoking exploration into the bond of kinship, the betrayal of death and the beauty of God. Through this personal account of human tragedy and spirit-filled triumph, Hayley reaches the heart, challenges the mind and gives voice to the full orchestra of human emotion. This is a book you won’t want to put down.

Guy Mason

Lead Pastor, City on a Hill, Melbourne

Adolescents and young adults are a unique group when it comes to a cancer diagnosis. As the sibling of a young cancer patient, Hayley provides an accurate and honest recount of her experience. She highlights so beautifully the challenges facing siblings on the journey and leaves the reader feeling in awe of her courage and faith. A ‘must read’ for all.

Ilana Berger

Clinical Team Leader, ONTrac at Peter Mac

Victorian Adolescent and Young Adult Cancer Service

I approached My Brother’s Shadows with trepidation for I did not want to be reminded that young vibrant people are struck down by cancer. I did not want to be confronted with the reality that cure is not for all despite their age. I did not want to hear again the anguish of a loving family who could not defeat death. I wanted a hero and found in Hayley’s diaries courage, fear, resolve, doubt, love. I encountered life lived raw and faith fully lived. My Brother’s Shadows is not for the Pollyannas; it is for the reader who is prepared to wrestle with God.

Revd David Dawes

Head, Pastoral Care Department, CPE Centre Director

Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre

Hayley’s book, My Brother’s Shadows, speaks from the heart to the heart. She grants readers the privilege of an invitation into her thoughts and emotions as she relives a journey on a very personal, emotional and faithtesting roller coaster ride. Her absolute reliance on the love and support of Jesus, her personal Lord and Saviour, is evident. You will feel her pain and at times, I had to stop reading to process such contrasting moments of hope, encouragement, disappointment, tragedy and ultimate eternal victory. Hayley opens the door to the deeply personal sibling and parent-child relationships in her God-fearing family whose very fibre was repeatedly tested. My Brother’s Shadows is a testimony to the strength of character and depth of faith, defying his young age of seventeen, that Wayne displayed even at the toughest of times and whilst enduring endless pain.

Gordon Johnstone

Head of Campus, Emmanuel College, Gold Coast

COMMENDATIONS for the New Zealand edition of My Brother’s Shadows

This is an agonising and finally hope-filled story. I couldn’t put it down, though there were many times I wanted to because of its unrelenting tension and heartache. Hayley invites us to share the journey she and her family took because of their love for Wayne. My Brother’s Shadows will inspire and trouble you. It will move you to grieve and pray, lament and celebrate, be angry and seek God, and finally to the sort of courage and faith Wayne himself so wonderfully displayed. I warmly recommend it to you.

Dr Rod Thompson

National Principal/CEO, Laidlaw College

Co-author of Shocked by Blessing: Stories of the Awful Grace of God

Hayley graciously opens up her life, including her brokenness and pain and questions, and lets us observe a God who moves and loves beyond our understanding. Her brother Wayne’s response to his battle with cancer changed me. At his funeral I remember silently promising to never settle for a mediocre life. Wayne’s courage dared me to move and I said yes. Hayley’s account of Wayne’s suffering holds gems of perspective on loss, grief and eternal hope.

Lydia Cole

Singer-songwriter

As one who travelled this path with Wayne and his family, I want to thank Hayley for recording so poignantly this extraordinary journey. It is filled with courage, faith, suffering, heartache, hope and disappointment. My Brother’s Shadows is sacrificially honest as Hayley allows us access into her deepest thoughts during what became an eighteen-month ordeal. Wayne’s steadfast faith and courage will inspire you. He was the unwavering one in the centre as those of us around him struggled to comprehend it all. As I read, I was drawn into reliving this remarkable story of Wayne, his family and God, as I know you will be too.

Rev. Peter Eaton

Senior Pastor, Northcote Baptist Church

Wayne’s legacy at Westlake Boys High School lives on to this day. Wayne taught us all at Westlake to have faith, to believe, and in doing so he became the teacher and no longer the student. He taught us to have courage and to be at peace no matter the odds. Hayley’s story of her brother’s illness, though bruising and tragic, is fused with faith, hope and love… and the greatest of these is love. Thank you Hayley for having the tenacious faith to write this book. You have passed with Honours.

Jim Dale

Principal, Sacred Heart College, Auckland

Former Headmaster, Westlake Boys High School

a journey of faith

in the midst of tragedy

Hayley Reynolds

Published by Hayley Reynolds, ABN 57 890 219 452

Office and orders:

PO Box 1150

Craigieburn

Victoria 3064

Australia

Tel: [phone]

International: 61 4 2376 0240

© Hayley Reynolds 2017

First published in New Zealand in 2011 in paperback format (ISBN: 9780473186500).

First published in Australia in 2013 in paperback (ISBN: 9780987428715) and eBook (ISBN: 9780987428622) formats.

This 2017 edition is in eBook (ISBN: 9780646977676) format only.

Apart from any fair dealing for the purposes of private study, research, criticism or review, no part of this work may be reproduced by electronic or other means without the permission of the publisher.

Scriptures taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®.

Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com.

Original cover design by Lydia Cole.

Original typesetting and design work by Sasha McPherson.

Wayne, this is for you, and for your friends

CONTENTS

Acknowledgements

Foreword

Preface to the Australian Edition

Preface to the New Zealand Edition

1. Calm before the Storm

2. The Devastating Diagnosis

3. A Long Way from Home

4. Things Get Worse

5. Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy

6. Overseas Again

7. Promise of Healing

8. Moved by Generosity

9. Cruel Relapse

10. More Chemotherapy

11. Back to School

12. Stolen Hope

13. The Final Days

14. Grief

15. Suffering

16. Faith and Healing

17. Heaven

Epilogue

Endnotes

About the Author

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Writing this book has been as much of a journey as dealing with Wayne’s cancer. I am deeply grateful to all the people who have helped along the way. Thanks must first be given to Mum and Dad, for their continued support and encouragement. Mum, thank you for proof reading many drafts, making sure every apostrophe was in the right place, and for helping choose the photographs. Dad, your diary has been an incredibly detailed resource for recalling what happened during Wayne’s illness. Its initial aim was to record the story of a miracle. Maybe in a way it has, though we all know it was not the miracle we first prayed for. Lynda and Steve, thanks for your support and your constructive comments. Also thanks to everyone who read my initial and very draft manuscripts. Michael Allen, Rod Thompson and Mary Tallon, your feedback and encouragement kept me going when I didn’t think I could go any further. Thank you Julie Belding for your editing work. Thanks also to Lydia Cole for designing the cover and Sasha McPherson for typesetting and carrying out the final design work. To Nigel Davis, thank you for sharing your story with me about your own battle with cancer. Lastly, thanks to all my friends who have encouraged me through this writing process as well. It has been appreciated more than my words could express.

FOREWORD

This story tells of the very special relationship between a sister and brother - Hayley and Wayne. It is also a story of Hayley’s relationship with God, and her faith issues during and after Wayne’s illness.

This is in fact, a story of love…

Firstly, over the course of Wayne’s illness as Hayley mirrors the definition of love as described in 1 Corinthians 13:

Love is patient, love is kind.

It always protects, always trusts,

always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

Secondly, as she comes to terms with Wayne’s death and how God could allow the waste of such a talented, godly young life:

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror;

then we shall see face to face.

Now I know in part;

then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And thirdly, beyond the grief and questions:

Now these three remain; faith, hope and love.

But the greatest of these is love.

Even though they were separated by six years, the warmth of love and friendship between Hayley and Wayne was a family treasure. It made for an extremely happy harmonious home - God had blessed us generously.

Suddenly with Wayne’s diagnosis of leukaemia our family was in crisis. When trials hit we become exposed, reduced to who and what we really are. Cancer brings with it endless toil, turmoil and exhaustion. The victim and their family encounter stress, tension, trauma and every other emotional challenge known to man. How would we, the Reynolds family, deal with this vicious intruder to our blissful existence? Would our faith in God see us through? Would our faith in God survive?

There were so many challenges, which we as a family, and as individuals, had to face. Wayne, the victim of the cursed cancer and its complications faced the ultimate challenge. Ruth and I looked on amazed at his unwavering optimism, incredible courage and unshakable Christian faith. All the while he was enduring hideous pain and suffering, but never complaining or seeking sympathy.

For Hayley, having just completed her Bachelor of Engineering degree, the call to support Wayne and the family at our time of crisis was definitely not in her script. But without hesitation, she returned to New Zealand and joined our caring team, willing to do anything for her beloved brother. It was love that drove her. Remembering the countless hours that Hayley spent at Wayne’s bedside always brings tears to my eyes. Whether chatting, praying or sitting in silence, her persevering, patient, kind, optimistic, unfailing love enabled her to endure far beyond her natural resources. Wayne too was empowered by the same resource. It was beautiful to behold.

In spite of all our efforts, prayers and faith that God would heal, Wayne eventually succumbed. Grieving and bewildered at the absence of a healing miracle, we all had serious issues and questions for God. Hayley, ever the academic, embarked on a journey. Searching, looking for answers, not just for herself, but for anyone else in her situation as well. Now several years on, many books read and a Graduate Diploma in Theology completed, Hayley shares here what she understands about how God works. She would be the first to say her understanding is very incomplete, but if her insights cause some light to shine through the mist of our perceptions we know Wayne would be happy.

Beyond the grief, beyond the memories of relentless pain and suffering, we do look forward with our faith and hope intact. Anyone who has experienced the love of Jesus will understand.

Bruce Reynolds

Proud Dad

PREFACE

to the Australian edition

It has been two years since My Brother’s Shadows was first published in New Zealand. Since then I have been humbled and at times amazed by the positive responses to the book. It didn’t seem to matter whether or not readers shared my Christian faith. Many people have been able to relate to the rollercoaster journey that is cancer.

Life has since moved on, and in late 2011, I moved to Melbourne, Australia to work as a researcher at the Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre. Many cancer patients come through the door each day at Peter Mac, so there is a continual reminder of people who are affected by the disease. Not surprisingly, I have had a number of flashbacks to Wayne’s illness, particularly when I have seen a patient wearing an eye patch or a teenager with no hair.

Shortly after relocating to Melbourne, I was put in touch with Acorn Press who expressed interest in publishing this new Australian edition. Thank you, Acorn, for believing in this book and also in me. The timing has been perfect.

As for this edition, I decided to leave the text the same as it was in the first edition, even though at times I worried that my words were