My choice

By Patrick Murray

My choice tells an episode in the life of a couple, Fanny, a Filipina, and Thomas, an American. Fanny's heavy family past comes to haunt her: her ex-boyfriend, Marco, gets in touch with her to help her little brother, Rico, who is currently hospitalized. This, in a context where the members of Fanny's family do not hesitate to accuse her of having abandoned them with their difficulties and their misery. Fanny is reluctant to help Marco, refuses to let her future husband Thomas pay the bills and refuses to share this problem with him, which adds to the challenges and conflicts within the couple. Marco's shenanigans make her realize the weaknesses of her personality which she needs to improve in order to live healthier relationships and deal with problems properly. Will she get there? Is she up to the task? And how will Thomas react in this emotional labyrinth? Will their couple survive it? It is a demanding journey that awaits them.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Jan 28, 2022
• ISBN: 9781678146030

Book preview

Chapter 1

The intrusion

Fanny is comfortably seated on a rustic sofa, attentively reading a novel of fiction when, suddenly, there is a knock on the door. Annoyed, she sighs, throwing a dark look in the direction of the door. She hates being disturbed while reading. Her passion and her imagination soar. Putting the book down on the small table, she walks towards the main door, takes a long breath and mumbles:

— Who is it?

She is convinced that it is again the neighbor, Marina, who comes to ask for a favor or just converse with her. Since arriving in Thomas' life, she has the feeling she spies on her to make sure she doesn't do anything stupid. Yet, they are both of the same filipino nationality. On the other hand, she understands the reason; Thomas lived off many mishaps with his ex-wives and ex-girlfriends. Now, it is this lady who has the mission of monitoring Fanny on behalf of Thomas. At the moment, she is not coming here to bother her very often; in addition, Fanny and Thomas thank her occasionally with the small desserts that Fanny offers her.

— Come on! Open up, Fanny! a man orders, with mixed determination of authority.

Strangely, she finds this voice familiar. Her whole being is on alert, as if her body and her consciousness  recognized the person on the other side. What puzzles her is that this man seems confident and he clearly mentioned her name.

— Hey! Fanny! he claims again, increasing his tone impatiently.

He kicks the door violently, making it vibrate, and the sound echoes through the apartment. At that moment, Fanny's body freezes, a fear sets in her. The way he pronounced her name… Her worry takes over. Oddly enough, he pronounced her name the same way it is shouted to expose frustration or  abuse of authority. In addition, there sees physical behavior demonstrating the determination of a confrontation. After such an analysis of the situation, a memory comes back to her: a past that she had such difficulty forgetting. At this moment, her eyes quietly widen, she nods in wishing that wasn't what she dreaded. Sadly, she can't help but turn white head to toe, she can't believe and she doesn't want to believe it. She stands, starting to shake. Her eyes are fixed on this door which, for her, is the only barrier that protects her. Sadly, she knows it, she's seen this man so many times manage to enter despite all her efforts to hold him back.

For now, she doesn't dare to move, let alone utter a sound. She wishes that this strategy can make him realize that there is no one on the scene. But she is wrong. She has already made an appearance. She fears a new assault. This time, it is obvious he succeeds in smashing the door which opens by hitting the wall of the interior passage. He stops it with a steady hand.

— Finally! he exclaims with pride.

Fanny doesn't know how to react. She is paralyzed. She can't believe what she sees; all the bad memories come back to her. She stands there, standing in front of him, ready for the confrontation and the punishments he has so often lavished on her without mercy. She glances timidly in the direction of the book she was reading. All her thoughts betray her. Suddenly, she has a bitter taste rising in her throat. All those years reading novels of fiction and dramas... she now regrets having had such pleasure for this kind of reading. She realizes that she is not only about to experience such a tragedy, but that she will still have a hard time forgetting.

What disturbs her right now is why this man she left and fled for several years returns. What is the reason for his appearance after such a long absence? She was convinced that he had forgotten her and that she was finally free to start a new life. Obviously this is not the case. She has a feeling that she will have to face her old demons. For now, she wishes it was just a ghost. And still there! Her ultimate question remains: is she ready for such a battle? She comes to herself and she feels her blood run cold upon seeing him in the doorframe.

He walks quietly like a wolf that has found its prey. Despite the twilight, she never forgot the behavior of this man. She feels an urge to scream, but what good is it! He's there. And, if that's really him, that will only make matters worse.

With every step he takes, she takes a step back. She absolutely wants to confirm his identity. She wants to see him in the light because, right now, she's not sure it's him. She wishes it was just her imagination. If so, it proves to her that she never managed to forget him and overcome him morally. It is a demon hiding inside her, a past she has never forgiven and accepted. A real blockage.

The more she thinks, the more she wishes that it was a pure stranger, a break-in. In this case, she will be able to defend herself or flee. At this point, she must have her answer as quickly as possible.

She continues to move in a circle. Unfortunately, he quickly guessed her intentions, he's heading in the opposite direction to make the suspense last. It’s only when she hangs the lamp on the floor and realizes that it was him who set her up. She feels his gaze. It is he who observes her and examines her from head to toe.

Her heart is gaining momentum. She's questioning herself again. Is it her past that comes back or is this simply a stranger who is looking for an easy prey, who wants to satisfy his low instincts? With discretion, she re-examines the situation, calculating her position and that of the exit door. For her, this is the only chance to save herself and to go and claim help. Oddly enough, she is not able to concentrate to escape, she is intrigued by this man who is convinced to know her. This plot is quickly forgotten at the moment when the man decides to move towards the light.

Every new step he takes reveals his physique: hard lines and heavy eyebrows offer him a cold look.

Fanny's eyes open as much as possible, she wants to see as much details as possible. The shadow and the light give him at times doubts and, at other times, confirmations, a mixture that irritates Fanny. An anguish sets in. She doesn't know why, but she articulates mechanically:

— Marco?

At this moment, the man offers her a sadistic smile and filled with satisfaction. Fanny's eyes can't believe it. She sees this man she fled and for whom she has everything abandoned to start a new life. Against her will, she finds that the features of Marco's face are darker and pronounced. He still possesses that piercing look without forgetting this hairstyle worthy of a young rebel who has never aged.

— Then! Is it really you? she whispers, as to herself.

Fanny takes a break before regaining her spirits; a power flows through her veins. A force that dictates that she should straighten her back.

— If it is you, I do not want to see you again. I have no interest in the family, she cries, without worrying about what's next.

The man stops at her height and stares at her with a victorious gaze.

Fanny is in shock, she can't believe it's really him, let alone having doubted herself after all she has been through. She feels completely stupid.

So this is where you've been hiding for all these years? he quips with a pinch of sarcasm.

— Go away! The two of us have been done for years as is the family. It's over, she says forcefully.

Marco does not answer, he looks up and looks at the apartment.

Fanny takes a while to calm down. She seeks to control herself and gather all her courage so as not to bend.

— What do you want from me? She asks bluntly.

Marco walks by exploring the place. He stops in front of a piece of furniture and makes a remark to it:

— So, it's true what I've been told, you live with an American? He blurted out detached.

He has fun looking at the provenance of each piece of furniture, he is not shy about citing the origin. He even takes a taste of it.

— He is really a pure American, look, there is even a flag in the corner of the living room. It is incredible, these people, he quotes with a humor awkwardly hiding his contempt.

He has fun annoying Fanny, which is starting to make her lose patience.

— What do you want from me? She asks again.

Marco walks into the bedroom without embarrassment. Outraged by this behavior, Fanny follows him and manages to take him speed to plant himself in front of him. She orders him to stop searching and to leave the premises. Marco's strength is more imposing, he easily pushes her to the point of drop to the ground which doesn't bother him. On the contrary, he seems to display a smile of satisfaction. He randomly opens the doors and drawers of the furniture, thus entering his privacy. He looks at the labels of the clothes he intercepts, continuing to cite their origin before throwing them around the room. He even dares to remove the sheets from the bed to know their origin.

— Wow! He's really American, your man. I wonder why he lives in our country, he asks with heavy sarcasm before uttering an evil laugh.

Fanny gets tired of Marco's game. She has to stop him and get him out of the apartment.

— That's enough! Go away now! She says with authority.

Marco remains indifferent to her words, he goes into the kitchen. He keeps reminding her that all appliances are from the same origin. He invites himself to open a cabinet door. He takes a plate and a cup.

— This is very interesting! See, they're made in China, taking on the tone of a surprised person. But it's true, a lot of products in the United States are made in China ... So ..., he explains nonchalantly.

He throws it all on the counter and stops in front of the fridge, he opens it without hesitation and takes a beer.

— Finally, I am going to taste a real American beer, he pronounces in praise.

He uncorks it, throws the cork across the room and takes a good sip. He does not shy away to make a face.

— It's completely disgusting, I understand better why these people are so big, he says. He deformed his face exaggeratedly.

— At least, he doesn't get drunk every day, she replies mechanically.

At that moment, she suddenly realizes what she has just said out loud. Her heart squeezes and her throat tightens. Marco gives her a heavy look of contempt and empties the bottle suddenly before throwing it over his shoulder. A clear sound echoes in the kitchen. It's a noise that Fanny has heard so often in the past. Her whole body stiffened.

Marco looks at Fanny. She has a hard time supporting him, she concentrates on holding back her tears that want to fill her eyes. She doesn't want to show him the slightest sign of weakness: a challenge she must win, because this man represents her past, a pure curse; she has never managed to turn the page, she just forced herself to forget. Marco confirms with a sly smile that he has sensed Fanny's weakness. He takes another bottle and opens it. He suddenly stops in front of the cupboard doors. He suddenly stops in front of the cupboard doors. Without hesitation, he opens the top one. He criticises each box and product that is there. He even has fun playing the slack by throwing each box over his shoulder, singing the national anthem of the United States.

He now opens the door below. His eyes widen and he laughs as he takes a tin of sardines and Baby Shrimps. His laughter echoes throughout the apartment, the echo seems to be spinning around the room. To Fanny's great despair, she no longer understands what is happening.

— I'm proud of you; despite the invader, you knew how to keep your Filipino origin, he said with a sincerity she had never seen from him.

Marco walks up to her and places the jar of Baby Shrimps in her hands. She does not understand, she looks up and meets those of Marco who shows her a big smile that destabilizes her.

— So, little princess, have you finally found what you wanted? He begins, taking a more serious tone.

Fanny is confused, she has difficulty understanding the sudden change in behavior by Marco. She forces herself to come to her senses before replying. I'm not a princess and you will leave this apartment right away or I will call the security!

Fanny's eyes suddenly widen at the sight of the broad smile on Marco’s lips.

— How did you get up here? What did you say to security? She asks with a worried voice.

— He is very friendly, the keeper. He doesn't seem to like your new boyfriend too much, the American. When I showed your picture, he revealed everything to me and let me pass, he shared, in sitting comfortably on the rustic sofa.

Fanny is having a hard time understanding. The only sentence that comes to her mind is that is it illegal, is it an infraction her security is questioned.

What have you done? she asks curiously.

Marco takes a break before answering.

— We are Filipinos. Between us, we help each other, he replies with dubious honor.

Fanny's stunned. She doesn't believe a word of it.

Don't worry, he says confidently, "there is no problem’’, I am within my rights.

Fanny's got her head spinning, all of a sudden. She doesn't understand. What rights is he talking about?

You paid him to let you through and have my address, she spits in disgust.

Marco remains grounded in this argument. He offers her a simple smile at the tip.

You're wrong , little princess. Even if the building is guarded by security guards, tell yourself this: not everyone likes strangers, especially if they are evil as...

Like you, for example, she concludes bluntly.

Marco takes a sip and continues...

— Either you never go out or you have learned nothing.

Fanny's eyes suddenly widen. She takes a long look at the apartment. She thinks about her days, her routine: cleaning, washing, cooking and reading. That's all she's been doing since she came here. This revelation makes her tremble, she must lean against the wall. Her face becomes frighteningly pale. The moment she raises her hand to her forehead, it reveals the diamond to its ring finger.

You have a beautiful ring, how did you seduce him? he asks, mocking her with a sadistic and devious smile, tell me all about it.

I have nothing to say to you; go away right now, she entangled herself.

Marco does not change his attitude, he does not react, he even seems to take pleasure in putting her in anger.

— I see that you haven't changed that much, you just put on weight. It is true that reading books every day and enough to eat doesn't help keep your figure, he says by examining her.

Fanny's cheeks turn red, she examines herself from head to toe. She notices what he is saying is true, which infuriates her. She refuses to let him blame her about her weight because, unlike him, she changed all the same.

He opens the book and begins to read it. After a few lines, he stops and takes a look at the summary at the back. In a spontaneous gesture, he throws it around the room, quoting indifferently:

— Something else that is not from our country.

Without waiting, he intercepts the remote control which is on the table next to the sofa and turns on the television. He sees that he is on a channel that belongs to the Americans. He nods and chooses a local channel. Fanny looks at him attentively, she is disturbed by the words that he quoted, You haven't changed that much, it gives her a pinch in the heart.

— What do you want from me? She asks firmly.

Marco watches television attentively and gives a restrained laugh, responding:

I don’t believe it, the television is Korean. So there, I'm amazed, he bursts out laughing while pointing at the logo of the remote.

Fanny's cheeks turn red, she has feelings of anger and rage that rise again in her. She can't stand this rude man who has no respect for her anymore. Suddenly, she remembers that he was never very polite during their time together. As a result of this thought, she realizes that there is something changed about him. He is different. Aside from the front door incident, he remains calm and in control of himself, which is the opposite of when she dated him. But, the point is, he's here, in this apartment, and broken into. She takes long breaths to calm herself; she brings together all her courage. Using an authoritarian and firm tone, she repeats her question. She feels weird, she never pushed as far as his character. Following this feat, she feels a shiver run through her teeth. A tickle that she has difficulty controlling. But the most apparent reaction is that her hands are shaking. This, Marco noticed. He clears his throat before answering. Fanny understands that it's a new little game that he loves, the suspense. She hates it. It plays on her nerves. Even when she reads, she finds it difficult to control herself in the face of this feeling so unpleasant, that moment of anguish waiting for the outcome. No, she hates it.

— So there, he informs bluntly, you'll be surprised. It was at the request of your little brother.

What a surprise! Fanny closes her eyes. She tries to remember the face of her younger brother. She doesn't really remember him anymore. She really forgot about it. She's ashamed of herself for doing such a thing. She feels guilty instantly.

— He wants to see you. He's really not doing well, he announces in a banal tone.

Marco speaks with such lightness, without haste, that Fanny is not convinced. Mostly that she knows him well. She lived with him for several years, she knows he's good liar and manipulator.

She is on her guard. She must not be naive… not anymore.

— Do you remember how your mother got sick and died? He adds.

A long, embarrassed pause follows this statement. Fanny is breathing hard, her gaze distraught expresses deep amazement.

— What makes you think that? She finally snaps.

— There's no question about it, says Marco.

— It's impossible!

Fanny repeats her words as she walks up and down the room. She continues to be suspicious. She is based on the many times he lied to her in order to get money, to cheat on her ... She refuses to believe him.

— Doctors confirm it. Without proper care, there is little time left for him to live. Now, you know the reason for my presence. We must operate immediately, but no one can pay.

Fanny freezes and bites her lips. The hatred of this time comes back to her, she shoot him with her eyes.

I don't believe you, she interjects, facing him.

Marco doesn't smile at her, his whole face shows he's serious, which unsettles her, but she continues to convince herself that everything is wrong. He noticed the stubbornness and the determination not to believe him. He is charmed by this new strength of character of Fanny.

— So, call your grandmother, he answers clearly and without hesitation. She'll explain everything to you.

I am only the messenger.

Fanny continues to study Marco's behavior. What bothers her now is the word messenger. Moreover, the fact that he mentions that the order came from her grandmother gives her the benefit of the doubt. A thought comes back to her, the last words she said to her grandmother. At that moment, she felt uneasy, coupled with guilt.

— But what exactly did they say? She asks, taking on a calmer tone.

Marco quickly realizes that he hits it in the right place. He takes the opportunity to continue.

— Oh, that he was not very well ... He is seriously ill. They say he waited too long to be examined.

Fanny lifts her head to the side to exaggerate her displeasure.

— Let me guess, no money!, she says in a completely detached tone.

There you go, he said, raising an arm to add a dramatic pinch.

Fanny turns on her heels.