Mark's Tragic Life

By M A Seymour

Knew at 4 in 1970, I was different, however, had to conform to society's expectations of me.
Bullied by many people, including family members.
Met the amazing CB who changed my life. She still holds the quay to my heart.
At 15, met a much older man who I fell in love with, but others jealousy and greed tore us apart.
My dream of being a Journalist was shattered.
Worked many male dominated jobs, because of my father.
Used and abused by friends?????????
Lie to many times, by "Family."
Helped with the aftermath of an earthquake.
Worked in my parents mixed business, including as a short order cook, and the stores manager.
On the cover, is me, the day of a sad occasion.

• Language: English
• Publisher: M A Seymour
• Release date: May 28, 2022
• ISBN: 9781005325923

M A Seymour

First up, I wish to advise, all my titles, except Mel's Journey series are NOT suitable for under 18's due to adult content. I recommend you to be broadminded and 18+ to purchase.Also, I write all the content, format and create the covers. I am not talented, however, have given writing a go.N.B. Transbians is no longer for sale, however, I am posting an edited (Censored) chapter weekly on Mel's Customised Candles blog, FREE.My goal is to obtain 100 Million eBook sales to then establish a support centre for LGBTIQA people.This centre will include accommodation and employment, also Mel's Customised Candles Production Studio.If after construction has completed, there are funds available, I will offer low interest loans to transgender residents for them to obtain their surgeries.Hopefully this centre will be located in Regional Victoria, Australia.Please be advised, I do not receive the full purchase price of eBooks, I receive around 55% in net royalties. However, as I reside in Australia, I am still required to pay Income Tax and GST (Once $75,000 sales reached annually).Now The Totally Boring Part:Hatched in Sydney, NSW, Australia, 2️⃣8️⃣0️⃣5️⃣1️⃣9️⃣6️⃣5️⃣♊♊♊♊♊♊♊♊Assigned Male at Birth. (Mark Warren Harrisons). For Security & Safety Reasons, my real Surname has not been disclosed.Monday, February 2nd, 1970, was the day my life changed. I met the amazing Claire Baire.Molested, from 6-14 by an older relative. I only remembered this after "Chris" spread vicious lies about me in 2018.Assailant is revealed end of "Mark's Tragic Life," you will be surprised.I also reveal my theories about why CB broke up with me.Many people have made assumptions about me, just by looking at me, instead of getting to know me.Shy, Introverted person who gets nervous when speaking to others.Viciously assaulted and left to die at 16. This assault left me Infertile.Both the above have caused major Anxiety, Depression, and Trust Issues. ??????????????Because of the assault, have shied away from relationships, because who wants to Date or marry a Defective Man? ??????????????Growing up, wanted to be a Journalist, but was killed when so much time from school was missed after the assault.Lied too, many times.Told to "Do The World A Favour & Drop Dead." This was a cousin.Worked many male-based jobs: Trolley Boy, Factory Worker, Junk Yard, Courier, Sub-Contract Parcel Delivery Driver, Bus Driver, Blood Delivery Driver: All of which were good, but not my taste, But Eye Opening. ????????????????Have also been a Short Order Cook/Manager, Kitchenhand, Carer, Train & Station Cleaner/Acting Team Leader.In 1990, when my father decided to sell our family home and buy a small business, both Mum and I agreed.We heard about a small business for sale in Tamworth, NSW which is where Mum was born and her family resided.Dad flat-out refused to look at the business, because of my Grandmother.They never got along from the time he and Mum met.My grandmother let us know we could stay with her until we found another home.I would have enjoyed the chance to be closer to my family as we only ever saw them once or twice per year. One of these were my Favourite Cousin, who now strongly abhors me, which I understand why.Dad, being the head of the household, decided to buy a small business in Gulargambone, NSW.None of us knew anyone there which was not good for me.I never felt happy or comfortable there.Honestly, if Dad swallowed his pride and bought the business in Tamworth, we may still own it today, well, I would.However, after a tragic event, the shop was closed.Early 2015, finally got the chance to move to Melbourne, Australia.Due to ongoing issues, have since left Melbourne.Since then, have been a Volunteer Call Centre Operator for a Cancer Charity, also Event Co-Ordinator, which was fun. Domestic Cleaner, (Scary) Government Call Centre Agent, Mystery Shopper/Auditor Spy, Contract House Cleaner, Contact Centre Officer, on nightshift.Wanted to write for many years, unable to find the right subject, until "Chris" entered my life, albeit a very short time, but they had a profound effect on me, why I still have no idea.Hobbies include: Writing, Going For Long Walks, Watching DVD's, Spending Time With Friends, Blogging, Networking, Cleaning.Novels 14-15 are coming along well.I do not plan to release any further parts or titles until 2024, due to study commitments.Writing both "Mark's Tragic Life" and "Mark's Controlling Father" brought back many memories, but also finally gave me answers about why I am the person I am today.Please do not think about the short-term pain, instead long-term gain.I write using Australian spelling, language and terminologies.I invite everyone to add me as a favourite author so you are kept updated.I started writing out of boredom and to release my feelings towards "Chris."Mel's Journey is based on her, but from my view, had my life been different.AGE IS JUSTED A NUMBERNEVER ASSUME ANYTHING, ALWAYS ASK QUESTIONS TO CLARIFY.EDUCATION IS THE QUAY TO KNOWLEDGE.

Book preview

Mark’s Tragic Life.

By M A Seymour

Copyright 2022, Seymour Publishing Group.

November 2022 Version.

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Dedications

I have dedicated this to Zoe and Becky (Not Their Real Names), who have been my best friends for over 30 years, and without your love and unconditional support, I would not be the person I am today. Thank You

To The Super Awesome, Totally Groovy and Amazing Claire Baire, Thank You for helping to guide me and turn me into the person I am today. I will forever be Grateful, and I’m so sorry for letting you down.

I also want to thank Claire Baire’s Siblings for allowing me back into your lives, I am so looking forward to Catching up again, THANK YOU.

AGE IS JUSTED A NUMBER.

November 2022 Update:

I reveal who molested me, The previous person mentioned was incorrect, however, due to COVID and my job, have recently remembered who the true assailant was.

I also mention my theories about Claire Baire.

Both are revealed at the end of this novel.

Seasons here in Australia are as follows:

Summer--December to February

Autumn/Fall--March to May

Winter--June to August

Spring--September to November

Contents

Prologue

Chapter 1: Birth

Chapter 2: New School

Chapter 3: Meeting Someone

Chapter 4: Assault

Chapter 5: Wedding/Rape

Chapter 6: Ripped Off

Chapter 7: Age-Gap Relationship

Chapter 8: Bad News

Chapter 9: Bus Driving/Newcastle Earthquake.

Chapter 10: New Millennium

Chapter 11: 2001-2005, Megan

Chapter 12: 2006-2010: Caring For Dad/Train Cleaning.

Chapter 13: 2010-2012 Tragedy Again/Moves.

Chapter 14: 2013-2014, Fun Times

Chapter 15: Transition/ Redundancy

Chapter 16: Melbourne

Epilogue:

Other Novels:

Prologue

This is my real true story, remembered by me. What I write may not be exactly how it happened, either due to it happening many years ago, or my memory playing tricks.

The main reason why I wrote it was to show what my life was like growing up, knowing I was Different.

Hoping to educate others too.

N.B. You may need tissues, as some parts may result in your emotions releasing. I know they did for me writing this story.

Honestly, I’m surprised, I made it to 18 years young

I have changed names and where possible locations to protect the innocent and, in some cases, not so innocent. The only false name used is my surname, this is for personal reasons.

I have not included any photos or real references to most locations, mainly because I may be identified and there are some peeps I do not wish to have contact with. One of them is Julie, even though it is not her real name, you will see the reason why we are very much estranged.

I have written this in Australian speak, references and spelling.

A late addition, early 2019 was the molestation. I remembered this after someone spread very vicious lies about me online. (I have proof they are lies, Chris.)

Please be advised that this part is for over 18’s only as it contains some very erotic moments, and a lot of profanity too, because, hey, it’s MY story, so I will swear. I am just letting you know before reading.

Yes, that is me on the cover, it was a sad day, which you will find out about later in this novel. To this day, the events leading up to the day still haunt me.

Please, enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed, and sadly at times, writing it.

At the very end I will reveal something too, that I’ve learnt over the years.

Cheers, Big Ears.

Chapter 1:

Birth.

I was born Friday May 28th, 1965 at 11.30am in an Australian Hospital. My assigned Birth name was Mark Warren Harrisons.

The day I was born, for reasons never revealed to me, my father was at his job as a Sales Man. He worked for a very well-known Department store at the time. When I had been born, someone from the hospital rang my father’s work to let him know. The Public-Address system went something like this Attention Staff, Daddy Harrisons, Your Son has just been born, Congratulations from all the staff here.

The entire store erupted in applauding, cheering and whistles for daddy, he turned very red, saw his Department Manager who said, Go. Daddy then left and drove up to the Hospital. When he arrived, mum was in her ward nursing me. Mum said. Mark meet your daddy, daddy meet your son, he came over and gave me a kiss on the forehead, then kissed mum. Mum said, When Mark was born, the doctor slapped me instead of him, because he is so ugly. Daddy said, What, no way, he is absolutely gorgeous. Mum said, Well that’s what he did.

N.B., Please be advised that the doctor who delivered me, was an old friend of mum’s from when she was a nurse there, and he did it as a joke. Mum told daddy that, but of course, daddy being the hot head he was, decided to have it out with the doctor. What I have just said, was told to me by mum.

I am unsure as to how long he stayed. Mum and Daddy had decided on my name before I was born, Mark for a boy and Julie for a girl, in those days, parents didn’t know the sex of their baby until the baby was born, unlike today where they know long before the baby is born, or in some cases, Hatched (LOL), yes, I’m having a go at certain peeps there, 2 (U) G.

The day mum and daddy brought me home, as mum was getting out of the car, she tripped and lost her grip on me, resulting in me falling on my head on to concrete. I immediately started screaming and they both picked me up then got into the car and daddy drove back to the Hospital. When they arrived at Casualty, they went in and told a Nurse who took them back straight away and got a Doctor to attend to me. In those days, CT Scans were not around, so there was only X-Rays done on my head and body. I was kept in for observation for several nights, just to make there was nothing wrong.

My Grandparents lived very close to the hospital, so mum and daddy decided to stay there, in daddy’ old room, just to be close, in case anything happened. Thankfully, though nothing did, and I was given the all-clear several days later to go home.

I do not remember much of the next couple of years, until my sister came along. She was born February 2nd, 1968, she was given the names Julie Maree. I do not remember how I felt about her, but have many times wished that I had hurt her very much then. I will reveal why later in this part.

My earliest memory was starting Primary School February 2nd, 1970. I cried as mum left me at the school. I didn’t want her to leave without me, but she did. I then ran back home and beat her and my sister back home. Mum immediately put me back in the car and drove back me to school and took me in to the Principal. I was not allowed to leave the office until I was given permission.

When I could leave, my Principal held my hand and walked me to my class, I cried all the way there. When we got there, she introduced me to the class and the Teacher partnered me up with a girl named Claire Baire, (My nickname for her is Claire Baire). I went and sat next to her, she said, Hello to me, but I ignored her. I looked outside for a long time until I heard a smack on the desk, it was the Teacher asking, Did hear me?? I said, No, she said, Ok, everyone is to partner up with the person next to them and complete this project together. I had to partner with Claire Baire, but we got in and started doing our project.

We worked well together, and we talked while we did. I found out her Birthday was exactly a month after mine, her parents were on pensions, she loved a well-known music group who had come on to the scene after winning a song contest. When we finished the project, we decided that we wanted to spend more time together. When the bell rang for play-lunch, we went and found a spot to eat together, then after we would walk back into the classroom. We continued to partner up in almost everything together, then at lunchtime we sat together again.

I found out that she was the youngest of 4, she had 2 older sisters and a brother. She told me that the closest sister to her was 7 years older, so they didn’t really have much in common. Claire Baire asked me my story, I told her. She was happier that me and my sister were close in age, I said, Yes, but I’m doubtful we will ever be close, especially as she is a girl and I’m a boy. Claire Baire said, Yes, but at least you are both closer in age, let’s hope in time you are both really close. I said, Yes, let’s hope. The bell rang to go back inside. We placed our rubbish in the bin and walked inside to our classroom.

We sat next to each other and it was so hard trying to listen to the Teacher when we were both looking at each other. The Teacher did notice and had me swap seats with another boy. I did scream and argue about moving but did accept it. I got in and listened to the Teacher and did what was asked of me. I kept stealing a glance towards Claire Baire and had a strange feeling, at the time, I didn’t know what it was.

When the lunch bell rang, Claire Baire and I grabbed our lunches and went outside to eat together, we were both upset that we couldn’t sit together in class but could at other times. I told her about the strange feeling I had in class, she asked, What was it? I said, I don’t know and even now I still don’t know. Claire Baire said, It could have been that we had been separated or something else. I said, Yes true.

We chatted for the rest of lunch until the bell rang to go back into class, we held our hands and walked in to together, it felt very right, but very wrong as well. We sat back in our assigned seats and continued to listen to the Teacher and do our work. The bell rang around 3pm, but the Teacher wanted to talk to us both before we left.

We asked, What’s wrong? She said, Well for starters, I don’t like that you both hold hands walking to and from class, you are both too young to do that and secondly, I am going to request that one of you gets transferred to another class. We both argued and said, We will keep away from each other in class, but we both like holding hands. She said, Ok then what I suggest is you can hold hands but I will not allow either of you to partner up in anything together for the rest of this term.

We said, Ok thanks, she said, Ok now go home and be children. We said, Thank you and grabbed our bags then left. We walked to the front gate where mum was waiting for me, she asked, Why are you so late?

I told her and introduced her to Claire Baire, they both said, Hello. I asked mum if we could take her home as her sister hasn’t turned up? Mum asked, Where does she live? Claire Baire told her, mum said, That’s ok, that street is on the way home, we said, Thanks and we both got into the back. The drive to Claire Baire’s house was short, when we arrived, Claire Baire and I got out and we went inside, while mum got Julie out of the car.

Claire Baire opened her front door and introduced me to her mum, we both said, Hello and a few seconds later mum came in with Julie, Claire Baire introduced them to each other, she asked, May I show Mark my room? Her mum said, Yes, if it’s ok with Mark’s mum. My mum said, Yes, but we need to get home soon, we said, Ok and went to her room.

I was astounded at how messy her room was, but I was put at ease, she asked, Do you mind if I change in front of you? I said, That’s fine and covered my eyes, she said, Ohh that’s sweet, but you don’t need to cover your eyes, I said, Thanks but yes, I do.

Claire Baire then unzipped her uniform and took it off in front of me, I didn’t even have time to react. I got the strange feeling back again when I saw her just wearing panties, she noticed and asked, Are you okay? I said, Not really as I have just gotten that strange feeling again. Claire Baire asked, What made it happen? I said, Well it was seeing you in your panties just now. She said, Well I have an idea, let’s ask our mums if we can both come back here tomorrow after school and I can try something out. I asked, What was it going to be? She said, "You will find out tomorrow.

I said, Ok, she finished getting changed, then mum called me saying, It’s time to go home. I said, Okay, we are coming out now. We walked out to the lounge room and said, Can we ask a question please? Both our mums said, Yes. Claire Baire then said, Can Mark come back here after school tomorrow please? They said, Yes, but why? I said, Well we get along so well, and we can’t sit together in class, we have some sort of a connection. They said, Ok yes.

We said, Neato, and I said, Goodbye to Claire Baire’s mum then went to the car, I asked mum, Can we pick Claire Baire up in the morning? Mum said, Yes of course, we will be here around 8.30am. I got into the car and Claire Baire said, Okay have a great night and I’m so happy we met today I said, Yes you too and me too.

Mum started the car and we left, I kept waving goodbye to Claire Baire even after we had lost sight of each other. The drive home was short, when we got home, mum went and unlocked the house. I went inside while she got Julie out of the car, then came inside to start cooking tea. Daddy arrived from work not long after, of course Julie started again and said, Guess who has a girlfriend?

Daddy asked, Who? I said, I met a girl who is just a friend, but I wouldn’t call her my girlfriend. Daddy said, Oh well at least you met a new friend, whatever she is. I said, Yes, I just want to see what will happen, but for now, I will call her a friend.

Daddy said, Well you say that now, but in a few years’ time, you will feel differently. Mum said, Most children your age feels the same way, I didn’t like boys when I was your age, but look at me now, I’m happily married to your father. Daddy said, Yes, we all change. Mum said, Ok tea is ready, we all sat to eat, and as it was Julie’s Birthday, I decided to be nice to her, something that I regretted, due to what happened some years later.

The next morning, we woke up early and I had my bath, got dressed, had breakfast, then we headed to pick up Claire Baire. Julie even at 2 years OLD was teasing me about having a girlfriend, and as usual, I fell for her baiting me. I honestly started strongly disliking her from then on, because of this, and because I was very unsure of my own feelings towards Claire Baire.

When we arrived at Claire Baire’s house, I jumped out of the vehicle and went to knock on the door, but as I was about to knock, the door opened and out bounded my gorgeous girl. We bumped into each, causing our lips to meet which resulted in my first kiss, albeit I never knew it at the time. Claire Baire dragged me inside to say hi to her mum, which I did. Mum came in a short time after and said, Hi, Claire Baire and Mrs. Herbert. Mrs. Herbert and Claire Baire said, Morning, how are you all? I didn’t have to answer because everyone could see the smile on my face was as wide and high as the smile on a certain fun park, located in two of Australia’s biggest cities.

Around 8.30, mum said, Ok, sorry, but you two need to get to school, are you ready Claire? Claire Baire said, Yes, I am. Claire Baire grabbed her lunch box and placed it inside her school bag, kissed her mum and said, Goodbye, mum, see you this afternoon. Mrs. Herbert said, Goodbye, sweetie, have a good day, see you this afternoon, and you two be good, ok, otherwise your father and I will ban you both from seeing each other. Claire Baire said, Yes, mum, we will, see ya.

Claire Baire and I walked to the vehicle and being the gentleman, I am allowed Claire Baire to enter first, then I got in and closed the door. Mum left the house and headed to our school. Once we arrived, we said, Thanks, see you this afternoon. Mum said, Before you both go, I want you to know that what Claire Baire’s mum said, goes with your father and I ok? I said, Yes, mum, bye.

The day went well, Claire Baire and sat apart in class and we did listen to our teacher, of course, I was wondering what Claire Baire had planned this afternoon, but didn’t ask. The only time we spent together all day was at little-lunch (recess) and big lunch, which we both held hands and cuddled each other so much. I knew then that there was a very strong connection between Claire Baire and I, something to this day I still have.

Finally, at 3pm the afternoon bell rang, and we left the classroom, grabbed our school bags and walked to the front gate where mum was waiting for us. She said, How was today? We said, Great. We hugged mum and then got into the vehicle for the short drive to Claire Baire’s. Julie being her bratty self was still niggling me about having a girlfriend. I said, Julie, at least I have someone who likes me and wants to spend time with me, you have no one, so stop being so jealous, ok? Julie never said a word, she just started sulking.

Claire Baire was concerned about Julie, but I brushed her away, and used my eyes to talk to her, she did back off, like she had heard what I was psychically saying to her. Finally, we arrived at Claire Baire’s, we said, Goodbye mum. Mum said, Ok, now you behave, I will be back here at 5.30 to pick you up, now give your mum a kiss and hug. I said, Yes, thanks mum. I kissed and hugged her then watched her drive away.

Claire Baire grabbed me by the hand and took me inside, we said, Hi to her mum, she said, Hi, how was your day? Claire Baire said, Groovy, but happy we can spend time together now. Mrs. Herbert said, Ok, well behave you two, ok? We said, Yes, we will. Claire Baire grabbed me, and we walked to her room, and she shut the door.

Claire Baire said, Ok, now, I know you are wondering what my plan is, well, it’s this, I want you to wear my clothes this afternoon, and let’s see what happens. I said, What, no I’m a boy and boys wear boy clothes. Claire Baire said, I know, but I want us to wear each other’s clothes and see how we both feel, hey no one will know. I said, Ok."

We both took our clothes off and then we put each other’s clothes on of course, being a boy, I just lifted her underpants up my legs without thinking. Claire Baire said, No, girls are very flat there, you need to hide yourself, which I did by turning my male part under my body to give the appearance of being a real girl. Once the underpants, sorry Panties" as I was sternly informed, were right, Claire Baire handed me her school dress to put on, which was easy, but trying to zip it up was not easy, but Claire Baire showed me the trick girls use.

That is to zip it up halfway, then lean forward to zip it up the rest of the way, or have a friend do it for you, but Claire Baire decided to let me do it for myself, which I did. Claire Baire put on my clothes and wow, when I saw her, I thought she was a boy. I felt very happy and realised that maybe I’m really a girl but didn’t say anything to Claire Baire because I could see us being more than friends in the future, and girls (Even freaky, ugle ones) don’t date other girls, likewise for boys.

N.B., I grew up in an ultra-conservative and traditional area, where being different was unheard of.

When Claire Baire was happy with how we looked, we looked in the mirror and I couldn’t believe how much of a girl I looked, and I started to cry. Claire Baire asked, What’s wrong? I said, Well I look better in a dress than I do in boy clothes, but somehow now I know why I have been feeling really strange lately. Claire Baire said, So do you think you are a girl? I said, Well maybe, as that would explain why I have been feeling strange lately, it does feel nice wearing this dress and your panties.

Claire Baire said, Yes, honestly, I feel better wearing your clothes, maybe we should have been born the other sex. I said, Who knows, but for now, can we keep this a secret, because even though I love it, and I love seeing you like that, it’s not right. Claire Baire said, Pish posh, who cares, it’s our lives and we will live them how we want, so everyone else can just clear off. I said, Wow, where did all that come from? Claire Baire said, I don’t know, but it annoys me that we have to live and act how everyone expects us too.

I said, Agreed, wow, we are perfect for each other, I Love You. Claire Baire looked at me with a very weird look on her face and said, What did you just say?’ I said, I Love You, but only as a friend, we only met yesterday, who knows what the future holds. Claire Baire said, True, come on let’s go show mum what we have done. I said, No, I can’t do that, not yet. Claire Baire said, Look she will be ok, she will think it’s cute that’s all, just two kids playing dress-ups. I said, Ok."

When we got there, her mum looked and said, What are you both doing? Claire Baire said, We are just wondering how the other feels all day every day, her mum said, Ok, well you both look good, but I don’t think you could stay that way. Claire Baire said, Mum did you want another boy when you were pregnant with me?

Her mum said, Well it would have been nice, and I did feel that you may have been a boy. Claire Baire said, So that explains why I feel more male at times. Mrs. Herbert said, Yes, but I do love my daughter and as long as you are happy, that’s all that counts.

We both said, Yes, then Claire Baire’s mum, said, Ok Mark I think you should get changed back into your boy clothes as your mum will be here soon. We said, Ok and went back into Claire Baire’s room for us to change back into our own clothes. I cried when we got back into her room.

Claire Baire said, What’s wrong? I said, Well I have enjoyed the freedom of being a girl and I don’t want to be a boy. Claire Baire said, Well yes, I know but if we went out like that, we will be picked on by everyone, for now, we will just enjoy dressing up here every afternoon, ok? I said, Yes, I’m going to ask mum if we can just walk home from school every afternoon, then she comes pick me up around 5.30, do you agree, we should? Claire Baire, said, Yes, groovy idea.

Once we had both changed and put our assigned sex clothes on, we went into the lounge room to wait for mum and Julie to arrive back.

Claire Baire’s mum could see I was upset and she said, If you went outside dressed like a girl, you will be picked on and maybe worse, you can dress as a girl when you are here, if we are all alone ok. I said, Yes, thanks. Claire Baire then heard our car pull up and she went outside to greet mum and Julie.

They all came back inside a few minutes later, we chatted about a few things, then mum said, Ok we need to go as I have tea cooking in the oven. I said, Ok and hugged Claire Baire’s mum and said, Thank you, then Claire Baire and I walked outside hand in hand, when I got to the car, she gave me a kiss and said, Thanks, I love you. I just looked at her weird, but said, Ditto. I got into the vehicle, mum started the engine and we left; I was waving furiously to Claire Baire.

The drive home was short, but I felt like it had been a lifetime since I saw Claire Baire and I reflected on our activities of this afternoon, mum could see I was quiet and said, What’s wrong? I said, I’m missing Claire Baire, that’s all as we both had lots of fun today. Mum said, What did you both do?

I said, Just relaxed and listened to her records, she loves ?????? Mum said, Ok great, I’m so happy, you will see her tomorrow morning when I drop you off, I said, Yes. We had arrived back home, and I got out and went inside. Daddy was sitting at the table reading his newspaper. I got ready for my bath and mum brought Julie in so we could bathe together, daddy came in to watch us and assist. He did help us both wash ourselves, then when we were finished, we got out and daddy dried her off while I dried myself off.

I put my pyjamas on while daddy dressed Julie, then we all went into the dining room for our tea. We all sat and ate in silence, then afterwards daddy said, So how are things going with Claire Baire? I said, groovy, she is really neato and I really like her. Julie said, Yes like a girlfriend. I punched her and said, No," of course mum and daddy abused me for hitting Julie. I apologised to her and checked to make that she was not injured, she wasn’t.

We all sat and watched television for a while, mum did the dishes. After a while, it was bedtime for Julie and I, we both went and got in to bed, we shared a room in those days. Mum and Daddy tucked us both in and gave us both a kiss, then they closed the door and went to do whatever they did. Julie and I went to sleep quickly.

Over the course of the next few months, I got closer to Claire Baire and I would dress up every day at her place. I hated having to return home as I had to be a boy. I would get jealous each time I would see a girl wearing a dress or being feminine and having her girlfriends. I was too young to understand as to what was going on, although today I now know what I was feeling.

I would spend time with our family over this time as well, of course they were all male cousins and I would get ribbed because I had a sister. I got so annoyed with them a lot and would end up in massive fights as well. These fights were not just play; they were serious where blood was spilt regularly.

I of course being the third youngest would always lose and more often than night end up in Hospital as well, a couple of times an extended stay either because I was left unconscious or the Doctors wanted to keep me in for observation, I was very lucky that I never got any broken bones, all my injuries were scratches or abrasions each time.

N.B., This part was hard to write, and I had forgotten it for many years, only remembering after a very traumatic event late in 2018.

When I was 6, my parents decided to go away for a weekend, and an older cousin offered to look after me and Julie. We both loved this cousin and were excited about spending time with them. Once mum and daddy had gone, we got ourselves ready for our nightly bath, with our cousin supervising us. Once we had finished bathing, we got out and dried ourselves off, then put our bed clothes on.

We went and had tea, then afterwards sat to watch television for a while, with us sitting either side of our cousin, with a blanket covering us. I suddenly felt movement down near my penis, which made me jump, thinking the worst, but my movement got stifled by a hand pressing hard on my thigh.

After a while, Julie decided to go to bed, especially as it was past her bedtime, but we had stayed up longer. Once she was safely tucked in, my cousin came back and placed the blanket over themselves, and we continued watching television, and again their hand wandered, but then suddenly tore the blanket off us and got down on their knees and pulled my bottoms off and did things to me.

N.B., I will not go further, suffice to say that what they did is highly illegal, and has had a very traumatic effect on me since. I only remembered this even in late 2018, hence why it is a late addition to this novel.

I didn’t like the feeling, nor did I feel comfortable with what my cousin was doing, but accepted it as I didn’t know any different, at the time. Once my cousin had finished, I felt very dirty and sick, then went to the lavatory to clean up and hopefully pee, which I did. I decided to go to bed and try to sleep, which I did.

The rest of the weekend was very hard as I didn’t want Julie to know what happened, but I didn’t feel comfortable being near our cousin. I made sure that I wasn’t alone with them though, and avoided being touched by them too, and was so excited when mum and daddy arrived home, then not long after our cousin left.

I did get distant with everyone for a while, because I felt that it was my fault that my cousin hurt me, even though my cousin didn’t physically hurt me, the emotional side took its toll on me, and I feel that because of what my cousin did to me, is a factor in why I shy away from getting intimate and physical with someone.

N.B., Please be advised that the above event is a reason why I have major trust issues. I Thank Those who Helped Me to Remember this event, as now I have answers too. Again, Thank You.

Chapter 2:

New School

I moved to a new school when I was 7 years old, I didn’t want to leave my old school as it meant not seeing Claire Baire every day. I did not settle in there very well and did become very shy and withdrawn from everybody. My Teachers tried to get me involved in activities and socialising with the other children, especially the boys, but I refused to. I told them that I wanted to return to my old school, but in those days, the law was you had to attend the closest school to where you resided, something that today does not occur.

Christmas 1972, my parents decided to surprise me with a model train set, which I wanted, this was to reinforce that I was a boy, but as a surprise, my father and all the male neighbours had decided to set it up across the road at the neighbour’s place in their lounge room. When I saw it, I had the widest smile ever on my face and knelt to start playing, but was promptly told, No, we have to test it first to make it is working fine. I got very upset and angry and walked back home sulking and in a huff.

I was unable to play until the New Year, by that time the novelty had worn off and I was no longer interested in playing with it. I did though just to please my parents, and because I was a boy.

When I would visit Claire Baire, she would always cheer me up as usual, she would kiss me and tickle me as well, which I always really enjoyed. I honestly wished that I could just put a dress on and go out as a girl, but of course in those days, it was unheard of to be different. I do not recall hearing much about different peeps growing up until when I was 9 years old.

Mum and I were watching a television show about a Transsexual woman and that was the first time I heard that terminology and I also realised that I was a Transsexual, I said, Mum, I’m a girl too. Mum said, Go tell your daddy. I was very scared to tell him as he was a real Homophobe, being that he had served in the Army.

Christmas Eve 1974 was a very tragic day, when Cyclone Tracy struck in Darwin, which is situated at the very top part of Australia. Most of Australia did not know about this tragedy until the following day when people had started to turn their wirelesses on or for those who had televisions, watched the news. This tragedy did teach some lessons too.

March 1975, my Aunty and 2 cousins were involved in a major car accident, this resulted in my younger cousin dying at the scene, he was younger than me by 5 months, but older than his brother. He had been warned many times to wear his seat belt, but he was very complacent and always said nah I’ll be fine.

I will not go into details here as even though it happened over 40 years ago, it is still very raw for me. We both looked like twins and were often mistaken for twin brothers. His mother was unable to look at me for many years.

N.B., As much as seat belts can be a nuisance, they are there to save lives, so please can everyone ensure that when you are travelling in a vehicle fitted with seat belts, to put them on. Recently I had to travel by coach from Ballarat to Melbourne, and only a handful of passengers had our seat belts on. I’m an extremely nervous passenger and always wear mine because I’m such a control freak as a driver and can’t trust anybody else driving, this comes from being a Professional Driver for most of my working life, either as a courier, parcel delivery driver, Bus Driver, or Blood Delivery Driver.

I continued to cross dress at Claire Baire’s, I said, I know what I am now. Claire Baire said, And what’s that? I said, Transsexual. Claire Baire said, What does that mean? I said, I think it means that I was born one sex but feel the opposite. Claire Baire said, ‘Oh, ok groovy. I said, But because of my father, I don’t feel safe telling anybody else, not even Julie. Claire Baire said, I agree, you will always have me to support and looooooove you, ok, my boy? I said, Yes, and same here, my girl."

I enjoyed our times dressing together, and it did show me that being a girl was what I really was, but this is back in 1974 and it would have created many problems within not only our family but our neighbourhood.

I was brought up to believe that boys married girls, even though I knew I was a girl, I didn’t like boys, I still liked girls, so apart from battling my inner girl to come out, I was also battling with the fact that I liked girls, I didn’t have access to any literature to explain these feelings. I was basically controlled and brainwashed in to being Normal. I knew that I was not. I loved spending time with Claire Baire until the day in 1979 when she broke up with me, being 14 at the time, I did not understand why she did. Of course, I was devastated and refused to socialise with anybody. I had no idea why she broke up with me.

I have my theories; however, I am unable to have them confirmed or denied. I will mention more later about Claire Baire and a chance encounter as well.

N.B., I wanted to follow my heart and go to Claire Baire many times but was told not to as she hates me and that I am better off seeking someone else. I have always regretted listening to those selfish people and do regularly cry about how much I let Claire Baire down. CB, I have always loved you from that very first moment I laid eyes on you in the classroom and will right up until we meet again. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABE. My advice to everyone is always Follow and/or Listen to Your Heart, as our hearts know what they want.

January 18th, 1977 was a very sad day as that day was when the worst Train Disaster in Australia occurred, which left 83, although I have heard it was 84, people deceased. The reason why I mention this is because I was on a train nearby and that station was the next station, but we got stopped at the previous station, all we were told was that there were track problems ahead and as soon as they are resolved, we will be on our way, we did see Emergency Services travelling at high speed, that way and suddenly saw Helicopters in the sky. We knew that something was up and of course started to bombard the station staff with questions.

N.B., I found out later that someone my father knew was a fatality that day, who was under 30 and on their way to book and pay for an overseas trip that they had been working very hard to save for. I know it was a sad day, but many lessons were learnt that day, so in my opinion, even though those lives lost were a waste, they did not die in vain. There is a mini-series that details a lot of the accident, and aftermath. I have also worked with people who were there on the day too.

After a while, someone high up came and said, Trains will not be going any further until further notice, of course we all wanted to know what happened, all he would say is, A train has come off the tracks and some of the track needs to be repaired. We said, What is going to happen for us now?

He said, We are organising replacement buses, but they will be only stopping at Strathfield then Sydney Central, you can travel back to your station from either without fear of being fined, buses will be in place until the tracks have been fully repaired in the Granville area, We all said, ok thanks.

Mum said, What do you both want to do now? I wanted to continue in to the city as planned, we had been promised a day in the city during the holidays, but Julie said, I want to go back home as I am scared, of course, me being a boy said, It is fine, we won’t be going anywhere near the problem. Mum said, No we are going back home.

We were lucky that there was a bus service close by to get us back to the station where our car was parked, we headed to the stop to wait for the bus.

When we arrived home, mum instantly turned the television on and they were showing the scene live, it looked very bad and suddenly the phone rang. Mum answered it, it was daddy saying, Are you all ok? and of course, he was upset that she had not answered earlier. Mum said, We only walked back in the door a few minutes ago. I could see that mum was getting upset with him, I started to play up as I knew that was the only to get her off the phone, she said goodbye and hung up.

We spent the rest of the day just watching the television and thankful that our train had been late, if it had been on time, we may have been affected. This is the last I will mention of this tragedy.

Julie, even though she was only 9, wanted to be a chef when she grew up, and asked mum if they could do some baking please? Mum said, Yes, of course. I continued watching the television and kept them informed about the latest news.

Chapter 3:

Meeting Someone/Tragedy.

When I was 14, I was introduced to beer by my then best friends’ father, who said, Real men drink beer and smoke. I was able to do both at their place, even though I hated both activities, but was forced to do them when I was there. My mum noticed that I did change especially as would try everything to not go over, but his father was, well let’s just say very Persuasive and me being 14 years old was told, Obey your elders, which I did. I was also introduced to the dreaded One Arm Bandits as my friends??????? father bought a machine to play at home.

I remember waking up one morning lying on the grass in the backyard, with their collie dog licking my face. N.B, I have never revealed to anyone the reason why I dislike animals licking me on the face, this is one reason.

When I turned 15, mum and dad said, We are going to have the side patio filled in and it will become your room. I asked, Why? They said, Because your sister is going into puberty soon and she needs her own room. I said, But why we couldn’t continue to share?

They said, Because teen brothers and sisters don’t share rooms. I was upset and angry, I almost told dad then that I knew I was a girl, I am so sorry that I didn’t though. The new room was completed within 2 weeks, it helped when I had my Grandfather and Uncle who were both carpenters. I moved in that night.

I became severely depressed and would go for long walks almost every day just to clear my head, these were for several reasons, trying to work out what I had done wrong with Claire Baire for her to break up with me, and also wishing that I had the guts to tell my father I was a girl. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Claire Baire and would have gotten back with her in a heartbeat, but my feminine feelings were very strong as well, these walks helped me a lot.

It was during one of these walks that I met someone who in the short term changed my life. I had been walking for almost an hour and decided to sit down on a park bench, this set of a chain reaction inside me, resulting in me bursting into tears. N.B. Being a 15-year-old teen boy and crying in public in those days, was not acceptable, and usually resulted in said boy being bullied and called a sissy.

I don’t know how long I cried for, but suddenly felt another hand on my own, I was startled by this and looked up to see a very nice-looking man smiling at me. He looked older than me, I thought he was around 26-27, but how wrong was I. I will reveal his true age later.

This man handed me a handkerchief so I could wipe my tears and introduced himself as Andrew. I said, Thanks, my name is Mark, he said, Nice to meet you, I saw you sitting here and felt that I should you when you started to cry, so what has you so upset? I told him about Claire Baire and my feminine feelings, I felt so at ease with him, like I had known him all my life.

When I had finished telling him, he said, Wow, I feel so sorry for you, wish I could help you out in some way. I jokingly said, Well let me move in with your family and let me live as a girl. Andrew said, I would love to, but I can see you are under 18 and I live alone. I said, Great, means I could dress up when I want. He said, Yes, that would be great, but how young are you?

I said, 15, he said, Ok, you are under the legal age to make any decisions like that, and until you turn 18, I do not want to upset anybody in any way. I said, Ok, but that is a long way off, I need to leave home now. Andrew said, Ok I suggest that we meet on a regular basis and talk if you want.

I said, That would be great and we decided to meet every Saturday at this bench. I said, That there may be times when I can’t meet you, but I will try to as much as possible. Andrew said, That’s fine, judging by what you told me about your family, it won’t be easy.

I said, No, but I will find excuses though, I don’t know why, but I feel so safe and comfortable with you. Andrew said, That’s great, you make me feel very happy, the happiest I have been in a long time.

I squeezed his hand and said, Thanks, but I need to be going home, I will see you on Saturday, he said Yes, and be happy. I walked away with a very big smile on my face.

We did meet almost every Saturday over the next few months, sometimes he couldn’t make it, others I couldn’t, but when we did, it felt like coming home and I looked forward to our time together. I did start to get feelings for him, which suited me fine, especially as my female feelings also grew larger, and felt that we could live together as a normal heterosexual couple. I would masturbate thinking about him, and really wanted to have sex with him, but had decided not to even kiss him until I turned 18. I will detail more about my time