In the Ring with Life: Taking the Punches and Winning the Game!

By Shashikala Shanmugasundaram

Shashikala (Shashi) believes that each of us is playing a game with life. She says, "We are all IN THE RING WITH LIFE, taking the punches and fighting our own little battles. Sometimes we play our moves phenomenally. Other times, we get punched, kicked, and knocked down. With every life experience, we learn new lessons and become better, wiser, and stronger. Life is all about taking the punches, learning our lessons, standing up again, and playing our best game!"

 

We always love to talk about the good in our lives — our promotions, our lavish Sunday brunches, our new this, our spectacular that. On the other hand, we rarely wear our pain on our sleeves — success must look effortless, we convince ourselves. In this book, Shashi candidly presents her experiences climbing the corporate ladder in Singapore's male-dominated construction industry, her sudden retrenchment during the COVID-19 pandemic, along with more personal struggles — her miscarriage and difficult pregnancy. She lays bare her wounds, hoping this gesture of hers will give strength to someone somewhere, who has been knocked down hard by life, to stand up again and face life head-on!

 

Another sob story? Before you roll your eyes, Shashi is eager to clarify, "This is not a sad story. Nothing about me is sad. I am a fighter. Not only do I make lemonade from the lemons, but I also crush the whole damn lemon skin and make a face mask out of it! This book is not just about what can go wrong in life. In the ring with life, we don't have to stay down. Sometimes, we play our moves ingeniously and achieve the impossible. All it takes is a little belief in ourselves and investment in our abilities."

 

Shashi shares her secret to good health, happiness, and peace by highlighting the importance of setting goals, continuous learning, parenting & adoption, and the need to 'live for a cause'. She believes that crafting a life that we desire is solely in our hands.

Shashi believes that this book will appeal to the following people:

 

People who got retrenched during the COVID-19 pandemic and are determined to bounce back.

People who want to achieve their goals and live a balanced life.

People who have lived a life of "CAN'Ts" and have always been told that they can't do something or be someone.

People who feel they are too old to get that degree.

Women leaders who are eager to make a mark in a man's world.

People who want to be best friends with their children. Shashi draws upon her tight-knit relationship with her daughter and shares some practical parenting tips, which have gained the approval of her now grown-up daughter.

People who are interested in being adoptive parents. A beautiful true story of an Indian couple who adopted a physically challenged Ethiopian girl is shared.

People who have achieved a lot of financial and material success, but still feel empty inside.

People who want to do good, but don't know where to start.

People who are on the search for meaning in life.

 

Shashi covers diverse topics in this book. She says, "It's like a variety of shots instead of a jug of beer." She promises the most pleasant hangover of your life.

Shashi describes her book as a casual coffee chat with her. With her informal tone and occasional winks (wink wink), she brings forth her views in a light and humorous way.

What are you waiting for? Grab a coffee and read on!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Kalvalchi Publications
• Release date: Jan 25, 2022
• ISBN: 9789811814716

Book preview

Dedication

This book is dedicated to my miracle baby, Pavi, whose very existence has taught me to have faith in God, myself, and this amazing life!

Acknowledgements

I am ever grateful to my parents for their unconditional love and support through all my endeavours. From them, I learnt that kindness is everything and positivity is a candle in the dark. I would not have the courage to write this book if I was not made strong. They raised me to be resilient through all of life’s punches and to stand back up after every fall.

Thank you, Paplu and Bamlu !

This book might not have come to fruition were it not for my dear brother’s encouragement and belief in my abilities as a writer.

Thank you, Kidudi !

A Promise

50% of the proceeds from this book will be used for charitable purposes. Together, we will make this world a better place!

Preface

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COVID-19 made me a writer!

I was a busy professional woman with a hectic work life. As a senior vice president of a reputed company, I was in charge of construction projects across South East Asia and Australasia. Then came COVID-19 and I got retrenched. My life suddenly came to a grinding halt. I didn’t know what to do with my time and with my life. There were no meetings to chair, no site walks to lead, no project updates, no inspections, no leadership meetings, no problems to solve, no teams to lead or inspire! Added to it, was the pain of retrenchment. In the ring with life, I had just been delivered a powerful punch that brought me to my knees. Life has a sadistic way of teaching us lessons — it was time for yet another one. Over the years, I have learnt many such lessons stemming from various blows in the ring with life. I have always wanted to share these with the world — after all, we are rarely alone in our struggles. My retrenchment finally gave me the time I needed to put pen to paper and bring this book to fruition!

We always love to talk about the good in our lives — our promotions, our lavish Sunday brunches, our new this, our spectacular that. On the other hand, we rarely wear our pain on our sleeves — success must look effortless, we convince ourselves. In this book, I candidly present my experiences in climbing the corporate ladder in Singapore’s male-dominated construction industry, my sudden retrenchment during the COVID-19 pandemic, along with more personal struggles — my miscarriage and difficult pregnancy. I lay bare my wounds, hoping this gesture of mine will give strength to someone somewhere, who has been knocked down hard by life, to stand up again and face life head-on!

Another sob story? Before you roll your eyes, allow me to clarify that this is not a sad story. Nothing about me is sad. I am a fighter. Not only do I make lemonade from the lemons, but I also crush the whole damn lemon skin and make a face mask out of it! This book is not just about what can go wrong in life. In the ring with life, we don't have to stay down. Sometimes, we play our moves ingeniously and achieve the impossible. All it takes is a little belief in ourselves and investment in our abilities.

I also share my secret to good health, happiness, and peace by highlighting the importance of setting goals, continuous learning, parenting & adoption, and the need to live for a cause. I believe that crafting a life that we desire is solely in our hands.

What’s in it for you?

This is a feel-good book. I have felt very good writing it and I am confident that you will feel good reading it. After reading this book, you will feel good about life despite its ups and downs. You will have more confidence in yourself to take on life’s challenges. You will be motivated to remove the ‘t’ from the can’ts in your life. You will be able to take those punches and have the strength to stand up again.

This book will especially appeal to the following people:

People who got retrenched during the COVID-19 pandemic and are determined to bounce back.

People who want to achieve their goals and live a balanced life.

People who have lived a life of can’ts and have always been told that they can't do something or be someone.

People who feel they are too old to get that degree.

Women leaders who are eager to make a mark in a man’s world.

People who want to be best friends with their children. I draw upon my tight-knit relationship with my daughter and share some practical parenting tips, which have since gained her approval.

People who are interested in being adoptive parents. A beautiful true story of an Indian couple who adopted a physically challenged Ethiopian girl is shared.

People who have achieved a lot of financial and material success, but still feel empty inside.

People who want to do good, but don’t know where to start.

People who are on the search for meaning in life.

I have covered diverse topics in this book. It’s like a variety of shots instead of a jug of beer. I promise you the most pleasant hangover of your life!

IN THE RING WITH LIFE

I believe each of us is playing a game with life. Sometimes, we play our moves damn well. We duck, defend, and punch life on its face and win. Other times, we get punched, kicked, and knocked down. We dust ourselves, slowly stand up and the game starts again. We are always being tested. With every life experience, we learn new lessons and become better, wiser, and stronger. We need to hone our moves and level up our game. If we succeed, we move on to the next life lesson which is usually even harder. If we fail to learn, we get pushed back down and have to take the test all over again.

I have learnt many such lessons, as highlighted in the coming chapters. Some lessons, I am still learning. Life is all about learning lessons from our setbacks, standing up again, playing our best moves, and winning the game. However, enjoying every bit of the journey is more important than securing victories!

I have kept the tone of this book informal so that it feels like we are having a casual chat. I am also a very expressive person who loves emoticons. Since book formats are not so emoticon friendly, I am going to use ‘(wink wink)’ when I mean something in a light-hearted way.

Go ahead, grab a coffee, and let’s start right away!

1. My Successful Life — it’s not about money!

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Success is relative. To some, it is making the Forbes list or the cover of Time magazine. For others, it could be becoming a billionaire CEO controlling vast markets. From scaling Everest to becoming the next Beyoncé, our idea of success is uniquely moulded to our individual goals and ambitions. Now, where do I fit in? I have never graced the cover of a magazine, won any Olympic medals, or done anything extraordinary; in all honesty, I am just the woman next door — balancing family and work while managing life’s ups and downs. Maybe you’re like me too.

We find ourselves caught up in navigating the mundane: cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, family chores, raising kids, shuttling between after-school tuitions, planning for the education and future of our children, spending time with loved ones, taking care of parents, trying to manage sickness and health, paying bills, saving every penny for that dream house or dream car, and the list goes on. Life is full of routine tasks. It’s not always as glamorous or carefree as is shown on TV or in the movies. Most people live such lives playing their roles as daughter, son, spouse, parent, employee, employer, etc. We drift through life, with its moments of happiness and struggles, achievements and failures —­­ a constant drama nudging us from one scene to the next. Some scenes are happy and some, not so much. Life engulfs us with its pairs of opposites: birth and death, richness and poverty, health and disease, success and failure. It’s like night and day; you just can’t have one without the other. This is life. We have no choice but to accept it and cherish the joyful experiences as they come while remaining resilient through any times of hardship.

In my experience, life often deprives us of what we desperately want — probably just to teach us some valuable lessons. When we desperately want to buy something, we will not have enough money; when we have the money, we won't have the desire to buy it. When our kids are young and need our time, we will be busy slogging away at the office, climbing the corporate ladder; when we have achieved our career goals and have time on our hands, our kids will have grown up and they will no longer have time for us. When our digestive system can take on any kind of exotic food, we won’t be able to afford it; when we have the money to dine at the most expensive of restaurants, we won't have the health to digest fancy food. When we have the energy to travel, we won’t be able to afford it; when we can afford to finally visit that exotic destination, our health won’t permit it. It’s like life is playing a game with us. If you are among the few who defy the above — you have all the money, time, and health in the world, the desire to do it all, and have your loved ones by your side — consider yourself lucky and blessed! We often can’t have it all in life.

In the ring with life, sometimes we win, sometimes we lose, but there is a lesson staring at us each time. The following chapters encapsulate my little battles with life and the valuable lessons I have gathered along the way. This chapter is a summary. If you were to consider life as a game and evaluate your performance on its various facets, how well do you think you would score? In this chapter, I reflect on my performance in different life ‘zones’ that I have regarded personally significant. These include: health and fitness, mind and soul management, self-love, relationships, living for a cause, self-development and learning, career and wealth, in order of priority. Your values and metrics for assessing your life’s success may be different, based on what you believe is important at this stage in your life. These will inevitably change as the years pass by. Mine changed too. Money was much higher on my priority list during my younger years. For some people, ‘mind and soul management’, ‘self-love’, or ‘living for a cause’ may not even appear on their list for their entire lifetime. This is okay too. Our life! Our priorities! Our decision!

I would like to add that I have not touched upon religion and God here. This is a very important part of many people’s lives, and that is something the reader should prioritize based on their belief system (or lack thereof).

Let’s dive in!

Health and Fitness

This tops my list for a very practical reason. If I am not in good health, I can’t possibly focus on any of the other aspects of my life. We know health is wealth, yet, we often take it for granted.

I have no qualms in saying that I am fit and fabulous at fifty-plus. By no means do I have a perfect ‘Instagram-worthy’ body. I don’t. I have folds and fats that won't go away. I also have white hair, pigmentation, and wrinkles which age has invited to stay. Still, I love and accept my body with its imperfections. I am proud of my little biceps and tiny abs, trying their best to show up. Appearance aside, as of today, I also have a healthy internal body without common age-related ailments relating to joint pain, blood pressure, cholesterol, and diabetics. My body has served me well and continues to serve me well. While it is certainly possible that I may have hit the healthy genes jackpot, I think it takes much more to maintain a healthy body — immense discipline, regular exercise, and a nutritious diet!

I give myself a score of 8/10 for health and fitness. I would give it a 10/10 if my biceps and abs popped out more (wink wink).

Mind and Soul Management

I can’t emphasize enough how important this aspect is. I wonder why a lot of people behave like their mind doesn’t even exist and that even if it does, it will take care of itself somehow. There are people who exercise their bodies to perfection and ignore their minds. The quality of our life is dependent on the quality of our thoughts. Humans think thousands of thoughts each day. These thoughts determine our behaviour, our attitude, and ultimately our outlook towards life. Yet, we don’t give it the importance