The Chronicles of the Prairie Dog Nation: Chronicle II: The Great Threat From the East Part II

By T. A. Ridge

In Washington, the four P-Dogs cleverly disguise themselves as short, hairy humans. While half of them try to find the P-Dog Constitution, the other half spend their time sabotaging the bill that would destroy the PDN. At first, they set up headquarters at a famous hotel, but after they get discovered by the hired thugs of Sen. Rawlins, Savant finds some weird alternative places to stay among the museums of Washington. During their week in Washington, every day becomes a dangerous adventure as they not only find crazy ways to stop the joint houses from voting on the bill, but constantly get in and out of trouble with the different authorities of the city. To make matters worse, if the P-Dogs aren't able to find their constitution by the end of the week, they'll lose the alien's challenge - which means that their extra-terrestrial friends will never help them with any crisis again.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Emphaloz House Publishing
• Release date: Jan 19, 2022
• ISBN: 9798201348229

Book preview

The Chronicles of the Prairie Dog Nation

Chronicle II

The Great Threat From the East

Part II

by T. A. Ridge

Copyright © T. A. Ridge 2020

The Chronicles of the Prairie Dog Nation - Chronicle II

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.

This book is dedicated to

Lynn Clarke a good friend.

(October 11, 1935- March 20, 2016)

My dear friend, you will always

be appreciated and remembered.

Thank you for your support and kindness.

Table of Contents

1.: Tuesday

Settling In

The Domes of Voices

2.: Wednesday

The First Full Day in Washington

Day of the Hippies

3. Thursday

The Grand Opening of a Certain Place

P-Dogs Roasting on An Open Fire

4. Friday

Attack of the White Cats

Attack of the Gnomes

5. Saturday

A Bad Day to be Human

A Bad Day to Be a Certain Texas Senator

6. Sunday

A Rather Stressful Day to Be a P-Dog

A Good Day to Be Army

7. Monday

An Unlikely Source

A Desperate Plan

8. Tuesday

Life is a Stage

The Fall of President Sherman

1

Tuesday

Settling In

After quickly looking around to see if all the other P-Dogs had made it to Washington, Vicente looked at Porker and then he looked at Savant, who was standing beside Bung and said, "Okay, bueno, we’re all here. Savant, get the bong off your brother and then break out the costumes.  Porker has had another NA, so I’ll get him off the shower curtain rod so we can get him dressed.

Just then, a loud splash was heard among the conscious P-Dogs.

During the transport ride, the clicker had placed everyone in a good location in the stall except for Porker. Upon popping into the stall, the clicker had decided to place one of the ends of the shower curtain rod into the toilet which currently was filled with a pungent cleaning agent that had a very distinct sapphire color. The splash noise was Porker sliding down the curtain rod into the toilet water headfirst. The ropes that had tied him to the shower curtain rod had become loose during the transport.

Sighing, Vicente jumped up on the toilet. Next, he reached up and took a firm grasp of a piece of the rod just above Porker’s head and pulled him out of the toilet water. Vicente then swung Porker over the cold tile floor of the bathroom stall and, as he pulled up on the shower curtain rod, with a big splat he deposited Porker on the floor.  The pungent cleaning agent had done a number on the upper half of Porker’s body. From his waist up to his head, his fur was now a very bright blue.

As Vicente and Bung watched the blue cleansing agent leach out of Porker’s fur and bleed onto the pink tile, Savant chirped out, Okay, I have the costumes ready.

Just after catching a glance at Bung, who was smiling inanely, Vicente’s right eyebrow shot up into his forehead when he caught sight of the costumes. What the hell are those?

The first set of costumes that Savant had chosen for the P-Dogs to wear on their first night in Washington D.C. was special to say the least. They were modest colorful calico dresses in which the neckline and the sleeves were trimmed in white lace.

Vicente pointed to the dresses that Savant was holding and, as he wagged one of his fingers, he yelled, I’m not wearing any of those!

Why? asked Savant.

Vicente yelled, W-h-y?  What do you mean, why? Erratically talking with his paws, Vicente yelled, Well for one thing, they’re stupid! And for another thing we’ll never fool the humans into believing that we are human chicks. I mean … I mean what the hell do you have in mind here? What … what type of female humans are we supposed to be with these ugly outfits?"

With a look of confidence, Savant replied, We’re going to be Southern Baptist Women who are going to an all-women’s Southern Baptist Convention which is actually being held at the D.C. Convention Center this week. No one will ever think that the Southern Baptist women are P-Dog spies.

With his arms crossed, Vicente said, Oh really?  So, you think that if we put on these horrible garments, none of the humans will get suspicious?

Yes, I do, smiled Savant.

Uh huh, said Vicente.

Facing his brother and leaning forward a little, Bung, with a big grin said as he stared at the dresses. W-o-w! The colors!

Savant defended, You know you’re the only one who doesn’t like them.

Vicente exclaimed, Well yeah! Vicente pointed to the others, He’s high on the ganja and probably thinks that the prints on the dresses are talking to him and Porker is passed out!

As he pulled out a brown pair of pumps and a brown beehive wig from the backpack, Savant said, Well with Bung so high on cilantro we have a great deal of luck on our side now.

Well, that’s true. With another cockeyed look, Vicente then exclaimed, but what the hell is up with the beehives and the high heels?

With a smile, Savant replied, They’re to give us some height. I have a beehive wig and a pair of pumps for everyone.

With a frustrated look on his face, Vicente asked, "You know, considering that we are only about eighteen inches high, do you really think that the pumps and the beehives will make a difference?

Oh yes, replied Savant with great confidence.

Uh huh.  And you don’t think that the fact that we are very hairy, have small ears, have long incisors, have big feet and … once again, are only about eighteen inches tall … all of that won’t cause the humans to get a little suspicious?

Savant replied, I have a really good cover story.

With some reluctance, Vicente asked, What is the cover story?

With a guilty look on his face, Savant said, Uh, we really need to get to the printing office.

What printing office?

The Government Printing Office, answered Savant. Beside other things that are printed for the government, the copies of bills that congress votes on are printed there. And tonight, the printing office will be printing copies of Sen. Rawlins’ bill which will be given to both houses so that they can read them and then vote on them tomorrow.

Vicente asked, Don’t you need me to go with you?

I would prefer that, but somebody needs to stay with Bung at the hotel to make sure he doesn’t trip out, answered Savant.

So, do you really think you can handle Porker? You know how he can be.

Oh, I think I can,

With the challenges that he went through to liberate Durth, Bung, and Vicente out of jail, Savant had a little bit more confidence now.

Wait a second here, amigo, said Vicente as he raised his right index finger. Don’t you need to bring your brother with you for luck, so you and Porker won’t be discovered as P-Dogs?"

Oh, I have a solution for that, smiled Savant.

And what is the solution, Savant?

I’m going to use another phenomenon that is linked to the Bung Phenomenon.

What other phenomenon is linked to the Bung Phenomenon?

It’s what I and some of the scientists now call, The Lock Effect.

Shaking his head a little, Vicente asked, And what the hell is that?

Well, if you cut a lock of his hair when he is really high…

Like now, said Vicente."

"Yes, like now. Well, anyway, when you do that and carry the lock of hair with you, you also carry a great deal of his luck with you for a certain amount of time.

Interesting, said Vicente.

Yes, I think so as well.

With a frustrated look coming over his face, Vicente then said, You know, you still haven’t told me about the cover story you came up with.

No, I didn’t.

I’m not going to like it, am I?

Nope.

Can you even give me a hint?

With a nervous look, Savant answered, I would rather not.

With a ticked off expression, Vicente then pointed toward the stall door and said, We’re just about to go out there into the world of the humans and you still haven’t told me what the cover story is! Why Savant? Why?

With a timid expression, Savant replied, "Because I really can’t think of a good cover story beyond the fact that we’re Baptist women who are going to a convention for Baptist women and…

And what? asked Vicente.

Savant continued, and I need you to use your amazing skills of improvisation for the cover story when we mingle with the various humans out there.

Sighing first, then rolling his eyes, Vicente, with a tilt to head then said, O-k-a-y!  I’ll be the one that makes up the cover story. Let’s just get the disguises on. My lord, these are so ugly!

Smiling now, Savant said, Thanks Vicente.

With a bit of a frown, Vicente said, Yeah, sure.

Savant then said, I get the brown dress.

Oh no you don’t! said Vicente. Vicente then pointed to his chest and said, I’m the leader of this group and I’m getting the brown dress; it’s the least ugly of the lot. And besides it goes with my hazel eyes.

Briefly shrugging his shoulders, Savant said, Okay no problem, I’ll take the green one.

As Savant handed Vicente the brown calico dress, a pair of brown silk granny’s panties fell out and landed on Porker’s snoring face."

Savant said, Don’t forget to get your panties on.

With a flat mouth and a dead stare, Vicente said, I am not putting those on!

But you have to, said Savant.

With a wrinkled face, Vicente, in his native tongue then asked, "Por que?"

Savant answered, In case we have to bend over, they will cover our tails and our other … things.

Knowing that his best friend had a good point, with a sigh Vicente bent over and took the panties off Porker’s face, O-k-a-y I’ll do it! But I better get a few medals after this mission!

Quickly Vicente put on the panties. But then, just as he was about to put on the dress, he felt two things in the bust of the dress. With a flat frown, Vicente asked Savant, What the hell are these things?

Those are a pair of water-filled fake breasts. A pair of them are sown into each of the dresses. Pretty nifty huh?

No. It is not nifty! They are too big! If we all put these on, we’ll each look like the Front Hunch of Notre Dame! Do you really think that these are necessary?

Well, of course so, replied Savant as he was putting on his green silk granny’s panties.  If we’re going out in public as human females, wouldn’t you rather go as stacked ones?

After thinking for a moment, Vicente commented, Interesting way of wording it, but I guess that does make sense.

As Vicente watched Savant put on the green dress, he noticed the color of the beehive wig that Savant was about to put on, Vicente asked, Uh, Savant?

Yes?

Why the hell is your beehive wig green?

Oh, that’s to match my shoes and dress.

With a paw on one of his hips, Vicente asked, And you don’t think that’s just a little bit out there? And that it might draw too much attention?

No, I don’t think so.

Savant does that mean that the red dress has a red beehive wig, and the pink dress has a pink beehive wig?

Savant replied, Yes … yes it does.

Bung, with a hazy look on his face said, I get the red one!

All the conscious P-Dogs at the same time looked down at Porker. Vicente, with a smirk then said, Well I guess Porker gets to be pretty in pink.

After Vicente and Savant got into their costumes, they turned their attention to helping the other two get dressed. Vicente, after losing a coin toss, got stuck with the task of dressing Porker. And as Savant began to dress his brother, he came up with the feminine names for him and the other P-Dogs. First, he figured that since Vicente had Ranger Ann’s credit card on his person, he would get the name Ann Bell. Savant then came up with the name Vicky Lynn for himself and next he came up with Betty Fay for his brother and lastly, he came up with the name Remma Jo for Porker.

Along with the outfits, each P-Dog would also sport a string of pearls, a wedding ring, a pair of silver framed cat eyeglasses and a patent purse that matched the color of the dress they each wore.

Vicente, as he placed the pink wig on Porker’s head, commented, Those panties are too small, it was hell getting them on Porker.

They’ll just have to do, said Savant as he put on his backpack.

Well let’s get with it, said Vicente. Everybody get down and put a paw on Porker.

After getting down on their knees, they each placed one of their paws on Porker.

Vicente asked, Okay now, where are we going?

The Watergate Hotel, I have reservations there already, replied Savant.

Why don’t we just go to the Government Printing Office first and get it over with?

Well, I thought we would go to the hotel and freshn’ up first, said Savant.

Vicente said in a casual manner, Yeah, okay we can do that. So where in the Watergate do you want pop into?

Savant answered, How about one of the housekeeping closets near the hotel lobby?

That’ll work. Leaning over Porker’s face, Vicente said, "The Watergate Hotel … in one of the housekeeping closets near the hotel lobby … now! Vicente then slammed his fist into Porker’s nose. But to everyone’s surprise, nothing happened. They were still in the stall.

Surprised the most, Savant said to Vicente, Try it again, maybe it’s just a glitch.

Vicente turned back to Porker’s snoring face and said, The Watergate Hotel … in one of the housekeeping closets near the hotel lobby … now! But nothing happened after he hit Porker in the nose.

Vicente said the location to the clicker again and again and hit Porker’s nose again and again, but nothing happened.

Just as Vicente was about to repeat the process again Savant said, Hold on Vicente. Let me consult the clicker’s manual.

As Savant stuck his right paw into his right-side pocket, Vicente asked, There’s a manual for the clicker?

With his Paw Pilot in his paw, Savant answered, Yes, I downloaded it on the Paw Pilot yesterday. Savant quickly turned his attention to the screen and, after pushing a few buttons, he accessed the clicker’s manual. Savant then typed in a question and as soon as he pressed the Enter button, he received his answer.

Vicente, who was getting impatient, asked, Well, what is the answer, Savant?

Savant looked up and said, with a disappointed look on his face, Well, according to the manual to the Clicker Z1000, this particular series can’t be used when it’s in an individual that is not conscious. Sorry, I guess I accidentally skipped that part when I was skimming through the manual.

Because he liked Savant and because it was rare for Savant to make such a mistake, Vicente decided to take out his anger on someone else that he really hated. And, as he started to rapidly slap Porker’s face from side to side, he yelled out, "Wake up, you fat bastard! Come on you ugly pendejo! Wake up now!"

Savant spoke up, Uh … Vicente, we need to get to the hotel.

As he stopped slapping Porker, Vicente looked up and asked, Yeah, but how are we going to get there now?

By taxi, answered Savant.

He pointed to Porker and then asked, But, even if we get him to the hotel, how are you going to be able to get into the Government Printing Office and do what you need to do to sabotage the bill?

Well, if I can get him to the hotel room, I think I know a way that can wake Porker up. Savant then said with hesitation, But, it’s going to be a bit dangerous.

Shrugging his shoulders, Vicente said, I’m okay with that.

Savant then said, as he pointed down to Porker, Well let’s get him back on the shower curtain rod and then will go outside and hail a taxi.

With a cockeyed look, Vicente said, Uh, Savant?

Yes?

Don’t you think that a Southern Baptist woman being carried like a luau pig on a shower curtain rod by her fellow Southern Baptist women, may look a little suspicious?

Savant replied, Oh yes! But you are good at improv, so you’ll think of something if anybody asks.

Vicente said, That’s true, I will. But just for a backup couldn’t you … think of a cover story like the one you got when the humans asked us why we’re only eighteen inches high, covered in fur, and so forth?

Well, that cover story I came up with about our appearance took me hours. I just don’t have the talent for coming up with a good lie as quickly as you do.

Vicente, as he quickly pointed to Savant, then said, No! You are going to be the one that comes up with a good cover story. And as the leader of this mission that is an order!

With some trepidation, Savant said, "Okay, I will.

With the palms of his paws out, Vicente then said to his dear friend, Sorry Savant, but I’ve got nothing when it comes to coming up with a believable cover story.

I understand, said Savant. I’ll … come up with something.  I just hope it doesn’t sound stupid.

Just then, a thought came into Savant’s head, Uh, Vicente?

Yes Savant?

Since you’re the one that has Ranger Ann’s Amex, I think you should be the one that wears the red beehive wig.

But why?

Savant answered, Because the Amex Card probably has her identity picture on the back.

Hmmm, you’re probably right. Vicente looked at Bung and said, Bung we need to switch wigs.

Bung nodded and said, Okay dude.

As Vicente took off his brown wig, Savant helped his brother take off the red wig. And quickly Vicente and Bung put on their new wigs.

Bung then looked at the red beehive now on Vicente’s head and asked. Hey, before we go to the hotel could we stop at 7-11 and get a Slurpee?

Sarcastically, Vicente answered, Uh, no!

Ahh! Dude!

With a stern look, Vicente said, We’re on a mission to save our nation Bung, and we need to get with it!  Come on Savant, help me with Porker.

Soon after they got Porker tied to the shower curtain rod again, they left the women’s restroom.

In front, with one of the ends of the shower curtain rod on his shoulder, Vicente led the pack. Carrying the other end of the shower curtain rod on his shoulder was Savant. And to Savant’s left in front of him was his brother walking beside Porker.

Just as they were heading toward one of the many doors of the front entrance of Union Station, two police officers that patrolled Union Station quickly stepped in front of the

P-Dogs.

Savant was right about Bung’s luck. It did prevent the two police officers from seeing the four as P-Dogs. Instead, the two officers saw them as very ugly, extremely short, and hairy women with bad overbites and bad taste in clothes.

To Vicente’s left was a white, older police officer who had seen too much fast food and to his right was a skinny young black police officer who hadn’t been jaded yet.

Still snoring his head off, Porker hung there on the shower curtain rod with his eyes rolled into the back of his head and his tongue hanging out one of the corners of his gaping mouth.

The older officer spoke up, Uh, hi … ladies. Uh what’s wrong with your friend there?

A very curious person by nature and a person who could no longer contain himself, the African American officer said, Not to offend but are you all midgets?

Horrified, the older white officer nudged his elbow hard into the young officer’s shoulder.

Ouch! What was that for?

The older officer yelled, Don’t you remember your sensitivity training? Midgets like to be called little people now!

Bending over slightly and talking with one of his hands, the young officer said, Oh! Sorry ladies! That was wrong of me.

Savant, in a badly done falsetto voice and in an exaggerated southern drawl, spoke up and said, Oh that’s o-kay. Savant pointed to the others quickly, we get that all the t-i-m-e.

Briefly, a satisfied look came across Vicente’s face.

But then Savant said, But we’re actually not little people.

With a terrified look on his face, Vicente, with bated breath quickly turned to Savant.

The older police officer then asked, Uh … what are you then?

We’re four women who have gone through the change. And we’ve gone through it r-e-a-l bad.

The younger office asked, What’s the change?

The older officer turning to the younger officer as he scoffed and whispered, Menopause. Don’t you remember? That was on our fifteenth day of sensitivity training."

O-o-h, I see! nodded the younger police officer.

Vicente then decided to participate in Savant’s bizarre cover story. Balancing his end of the shower curtain rod on his shoulder he put his paws on his hips. And with a falsetto voice and southern drawl that was worse than Savant’s, he said, You know, a few years ago before the change, I was 5’2"

With a shocked look on his face, the older officer exclaimed, Really?

Vicente continued, Yes! And I wasn’t this hairy either.

Savant commented, I’m thinking about getting laser hair removal.

Vicente then said to Savant, I’m thinkin’ about that too, Vicki Lynn.

The older officer then asked, Not trying to be nosey, but when you started changing like this didn’t you try hormone therapy?

Savant looked to Vicente for an answer to the police officer’s question.  Vicente, after raising his right eyebrow at Savant, then turned to answer the older officer and replied, Huh … well we would have loved to, but our religion won’t let us. In our religion we believe in letting nature take its course.

The older officer said, What religion are you all, if you don’t mind me asking?

We’re Southern Baptist hun’, answered Vicente.

With a puzzled look, the younger officer commented, I didn’t know that the Southern Baptists don’t believe in medical care.

Uh well, we belong to an offshoot of the Southern Baptists that is really uptight, answered Vicente.

The older officer commented, It must be very uncomfortable to have all of that body hair.

Oh yes, it is hun’, answered Vicente. We spend a lot of money on razors from shaving all the t-i-m-e.

Bung, who had been enjoying the show, suddenly blurted out, I just shaved all of my body last Thursday.

With a shocked look on their faces, the two officers both exclaimed, Wow!

With big eyes and at the same time, both Vicente and Savant looked at Bung. Vicente then said to Bung, That’ll be enough, Betty Fay.

Sheepishly, the younger officer asked, How did all of your husbands take it when you all went through this really tough case of menopause?

The older officer again nudged his elbow into the younger officer’s shoulder and said, You don’t ask ladies a question like that. Where the hell are your manners?

Raising his paw quickly and with a smile on his face, Vicente said, Oh that’s all right hun’. We’re not offended; we get that question all the time. Vicente then pointed to himself and said, Well, fortunately for me, just around the time that I shrank from 5.2 to 2.2 and went all bushy my husband came down with a severe case of glaucoma.  It saved our marriage.

Savant spoke up, My husband dealt with it by becoming an alcoholic. Booze saved our marriage.

Bung answered, My husband had a freakin’ heart attack one morning when we both woke up at the same time. Menopause killed my marriage, but I sure did cash in. Bung held up his left paw that held the wedding ring and said, I still wear the ring to remind me of my husband … Vicente."

As he shook his head, Vicente just rolled his eyes.

In my vast studies of the P-Dogs, I have learned that a female P-Dog when going through the change doesn’t have it as bad as a human female does; in fact, the change hardly causes any drama in their lives. On average, the female P-Dog goes through the change in less than one hour and there is only one noticeable change that happens to their body. During the change, a female P-Dog’s paws become slightly smaller. It is for this reason that P-Dog scientists call this change ‘mini-paws’.

Out of curiosity, as he pointed to Porker, the older police officer asked, Uh, what happened to your friend there?

Vicente answered, Well, the severe menopause actually helped her marriage. She was so ugly before she shrank and got hairy that it actually improved her looks.

Well … I uh … guess that’s good, said the older officer with a confused look on his face.  He then asked the original question he had intended to ask when he and his fellow officer stopped them.  So why are you carrying your friend on a shower curtain rod?

Vicente answered, Well, when we were on the train, she had one of her seizures. And when she has her seizures, she starts to bite and claw people.

Savant commented, In the South, we call that havin’ a s-p-e-l-l. Savant then turned to Vicente, Isn’t that right, Ann Bell?

Vicente replied, That’s right, Vicky Lynn. Vicente then turned to the officers and said, So when she gets this way, in order to protect the public at large, we tie her to the shower curtain rod that we carry with us.

Oh, that’s so sad that you have to do that, said the older police officer. But it’s good that she has friends like you.

Vicente sang out, Well thank you hun’!

The young officer, with a puzzled look on his face asked, as he looked at Porker, Are you sure she’s okay? Her tongue is hanging out.

N-a-a!  She’s f-i-n-e, answered Vicente.

The young officer then asked, Uh … why are her head and arms blue?

Shifting his eyes from one side to the other, Vicente finally answered, She’s uh ... gotten one of the worse cases of crabs we’ve ever seen. And uh … the blue is from the medicine we used when we dipped her in a t-u-b on my papa’s farm near Tupelo.

The young police officer asked, How did she get such a bad case of crabs?

Vicente answered, Well we think it’s because she’s a whore. But we love her, don’t we Vicky Lynn?

Savant replied, "That’s right, Ann Bell.

The younger officer then asked, So why did you only dip half of her in the blue medicine?

Vicente replied, All of the crabs migrated north from her nether regions.

With a confused look on their faces, both officers briefly looked at each other.

The older officer then asked, So, what brings you ladies here to Washington?

We’re here to attend the Southern Baptist Women’s Convention that’s being held at the Washington D.C. Convention Center.

Oh yeah, said the older officer, I heard about that on the Internet.

With a smile, the younger officer asked, Do you all plan to do anything else besides attending the convention?

Vicente who, like his fellows P-Dogs, didn’t know what it was to be a Southern Baptist woman improvised, Uh, every day after we’re done with attending the convention we’ll go out and hit the clubs and get some action.

The younger officer, who currently shared a disgusted look on his face with his partner, said, Uh, I don’t think as Southern Baptist Women you are all supposed to be behaving like that.

Putting his paw on his hips, Vicente answered, Well, when you are women that look like this, you take action where you can get it. Isn’t that right Vicky Lynn and Betty Fay?

The twin brother P-Dogs replied, Oh y-e-s!

With his paw on his hips, Bung then said, H-e-l-l! We’re Baptist, not dead.

Vicente said, That’ll be enough Betty Fay.

Having enough of these strange hairy short women, the older police officer said, Well ladies, I hope you enjoy your stay. It was nice meeting you. I and my partner need to make our patrols around the station.

The young officer said, Yeah, we need to get going on our patrols.

Relieved, Vicente said, Oh okay officers. It was such a pleasure to meet such handsome men. Isn’t that right, Vicky Lynn and Betty Fay?

The twin brothers exclaimed, Oh yes it was!

A little terrified, both officers leaned forward, nodded their heads, and said at the same time, Bye ladies, enjoy Washington. The officers then slowly, at an angle, started to walk toward the back of Union Station.

At the same time, the three conscious P-Dogs said in unison, B-y-e!

As the P-Dogs headed toward one of the doors on the far right, the older officer, out of etiquette, turned around and ran ahead of the odd ladies and opened the door for them.

As Vicente walked toward the open door and with a gentle wave of his paw, he said, ‘Oh thank you, you are such a gentleman! Isn’t he, Vicky Lynn and Betty Fay?"

The twins chimed out, Oh, he certainly is-s. Thank you, officer.’

No problem, ladies enjoy your stay.

Just before the door closed, all the conscious P-Dogs again said, B-y-e!

After getting one more look at the odd women, the older officer turned around and quickly walked back to the middle of Union Station where the younger officer had been patiently waiting for him. And as he walked up to the younger officer, with a worried voice of concern, he said, When I get home in the morning, I’m going to have a long talk with my wife about going through the change. You know Misty is going to be 44 next month?

Yeah, you better, said the younger officer.  You don’t want to wake up in the morning one day with Misty looking like that.

The older officer, peering through the front entrance of the station, stared at the odd women who were now trying to hail a cab and said, I agree. That would just totally end our marriage.

Finally, one of the taxis saw the odd-looking women and stopped in front of them. The passenger side of the cab was parked on the curb. And because of this the taxi driver couldn’t talk through the passenger side window and had to get out of the cab to talk to these very short passengers. The taxi driver had seen all kinds in his career, so the sight of these short hairy women didn’t faze him one bit.

With a polite grin, he asked, Where can I take you all?

Savant spoke up, The Watergate Hotel. We have reservations there.

Oh, The Watergate! exclaimed the taxi driver. That’s a nice hotel. The taxi driver, out of curiosity that was eating him up, finally asked, Uh, what’s wrong with your friend there?  Why do you have her strung up on a pole like that?

Using some of the truth, Vicente answered, She’s had one of her narcoleptic attacks. And when she gets one of her attacks, we string her up on the shower curtain rod so she doesn’t hurt herself or others.

Oh, that’s sad that she suffers from that, said the taxi driver. You know, I had a great aunt that had that same problem.

Really? asked Savant.

Oh yes, said the taxi driver. The taxi driver then asked as he looked at the odd-looking women. Um … didn’t you all bring some luggage with you?

Thinking on his feet, Vicente answered, "We had so much luggage to bring that we sent it ahead to the hotel just before we left Tupelo.

That was a good idea if you’ve got a lot to carry with you, said the taxi driver. You know I thought you were from the South.

Putting his paw to his mouth and then drawing it away, Vicente said with a giggle, Oh, do our ac-cents give us away?

As the taxi driver opened the door to the backseat of the cab, he smiled and said, Yes, but I think your accents are beautiful.

All three of the conscious P-Dogs said together, Well thank you!

As the taxi driver picked up Bung to put him into the backseat, Vicente got an idea on how he could dry Porker, who was still very damp, off.

Looking up at his name badge, Vicente said, Uh, Mitch?

Just as Mitch was about to take hold of the shower curtain rod and place it in the cab at an angle so that it would fit in, he said to Vicente, Yes Ma’am?

I know it sounds like a strange request, but do you mind po-sitioning the shower curtain rod to where my dear friend is hangin’ outside. The fresh air will probably do her some good.

Hesitating, Mitch asked, Will that really help?

Oh, it will do wonders for her, answered Vicente. Plus, I know that she can really get car sick and throw up if she just happens to wake up during the journey from here to the Watergate.

After hearing that last tidbit of information, the taxi driver decided that it would be a good idea to have this woman in pink hanging out of the window.

With three of the odd-looking women in the cab and the one hanging out the back window, just as the cab driver was about to head off to the Watergate Hotel, Savant spoke up, Hey Mitch.

Looking into the drivers’ mirror at the short hairy lady in green, Mitch said, Yes ma’am?

Could you please go down First St. and then go west on Constitution Avenue and then go up Virginia Avenue?

Oh sure, little lady, laughed Mitch. So, you wanna’ take the scenic route, do-ya’?

Savant said, Uh … yes! Yes, I do.

No problem little lady, said Mitch with a smile.

Going down to where First St. intersected with Constitution Ave to his left, Savant pointed out the U.S. Supreme Court and the Library of Congress which sat adjacent to each other. Across from the west side of these buildings, the P-Dogs caught sight of the U.S. Capital Building. Going past the reflecting pool, the cab then went past the National Gallery of Art. Just to the left on Constitution Ave., the cab started to go past a vast area of red-roofed buildings called the Federal Triangle. At the extreme eastern point of the Federal Triangle, Savant pointed out the south entrance of the U.S. Archives.

Down Constitution Street to his left, Savant then pointed out the north entrance to the Museum of Natural History. Just after passing the Museum of Natural History, Savant then pointed out the north entrance to the Museum of American History which also sat to the left of Constitution Avenue. Past the Federal Triangle area to the right, the P-Dogs caught sight of the White House which sat in the distance and the Washington Monument that loomed closely on the left. Going past 17th Street, the cab then went in a northwest direction up Virginia Ave which took the cab right in front of the famous Watergate Hotel.

After giving Mitch a particularly good tip, the P-Dogs entered the elaborate lobby of the Watergate.

And as one of the two desk clerks saw the four odd hairy women come through the doors, she came from behind the counter and stood in front of it to receive her short guests because the counter would to be too high for her to see or converse with them.

In her mid-twenties and blonde, the desk clerk got down on her knees and, with a cheerful smile, she said, Hi! And welcome to the Watergate Hotel, how can I serve you?

Speaking up because he had Ranger Ann’s Card, Vicente said, Yes, I have reservations for one of your oversized deluxe suites under the name Ann Bell MacTavish.  I believe we have that room for the next seven days.

Okay ladies, let me get one of my team members behind the counter to pull up that reservation.

Looking up at her name badge, Vicente said, Thank you s-o-o-o much Margie!

Standing up, Margie turned around to one of her fellow employees, a young brown-haired man who was currently standing in front of one of the computers and told him, Dale, look up MacTavish, Ann Bell, party of four. We should have a reservation for them for one of the oversized deluxe suites.

After quickly typing in the data, Dale said, Yes here we go … MacTavish, Ann Bell … party of four and you have one of our oversized deluxe suites from the 13th to the 20th.

Uh … ladies? Margie said as she got down on her knees again, Do you have any luggage for us to help you with?

Vicente said, Well, all of our luggage got stolen on the train!

Oh, that’s terrible! Margie exclaimed! She then got up, turned around to Dale and said, Did you all hear that Dale?"

Dale, with an upset look on his face, said, Yes! I heard!

Vicente grinned and said, Well don’t worry, we’re just going to use this tragedy for an excuse to go on a shopping spree.

Getting down on her knees again, with her fist she swung her arm in front of her chest and said, Well good for you! Way to turn lemons into lemonade, ladies.

Dale spoke up, Uh Margie?

Margie once again stood up and turned around, Yes, Dale?

Sorry, but does she still want to use her credit card that she used to secure the room?

Hearing Dale from over the counter, Vicente said, Yes, yes I would.

Margie then got down on her knees again and said, Okay … uh Miss MacTavish?

Actually, it’s Mrs.

Oh pardon, said Margie, I should have seen your wedding band.

That’s okay, dear.

Well, if I can just see your Amex card and your driver’s license, we will check you in.

Okay Margie, no problem. Reaching into his brown patent purse, Vicente pulled out the Texas driver’s license that Savant had forged and Ranger Ann’s Amex card and handed it to Margie in a casual manner. There you go, dear.

Savant had given him the forged license during the cab ride to the Watergate.

Margie looked at the picture on the back of the credit card which had a real picture of Ranger Ann and then she looked at the picture of the forged license which had a picture of Vicente on it. In the picture, Savant had cut and pasted (via the computer) the outline of Ranger Ann’s red hair and hair style on top of Vicente’s head. On the forged driver’s license, Vicente was smiling exactly the way that Ranger Ann was smiling in the picture on the back of the credit card.

With a subtle look of satisfaction on her face, Margie said, Well, it looks like everything’s in order here. Sorry about having to do that but there’s so much identity fraud now!

With a charming smile, Vicente sang out, Oh no problem hun’. I appreciate you lookin’ out for me.

Tilting her head, with a warm smile, Margie said, Well, thank you. I’m so glad to have such sweet guests as you.

With his paw on his hips, Vicente said, Oh hun’, we’re always sweet, we’re from the South.

Margie, with a warm smile, then said, Well, I tell you what, since somebody stole your luggage and because you’ve been so darling, I’m going to make sure that you all get a free dinner at our restaurant … and I’m going to send you one of our premier gift baskets. It has caviar, wines, cheese, chocolate, and champagne in it!

With a big grin, Vicente turned to the twins and said, Well isn’t that just darling of her, Vicky Lynn and Betty Fay?

The brothers chimed out, It certainly is, Ann Bell.

We’ll just give this to Dale for moment and then I’ll get the bellhop to show you to your rooms.

Becoming more comfortable with his role, Vicente said, Al-right honey-bunny.

Getting up, Margie turned around and handed Dale the card. Dale then quickly imprinted the card and handed it back to Margie who then turned around, got down on her knees again, and handed it to Vicente along with the forged driver’s license that he then put back in his purse.

Finally getting up the nerve to ask the question that she and Dale were wondering about, Margie said, Uh, I hope you don’t consider me rude or nosy.

Smiling, Vicente said, Oh, go ahead hun’.

Timidly, Margie asked, Why do you have your friend tied up to that shower curtain rod?

With a smile, Vicente replied, "She has narcolepsy and when she has one of her attacks, we have to tie her like this to protect herself and others at large.

I see.  Margie then asked, So why are her head and arms all blue like that?

Vicente’s eyes grew big as he struggled to think of the lie he had told the younger officer when he had asked the very same question.

As they watched Vicente struggle to answer the question, Bung and Savant began to rack their brains to recall what exactly Vicente had said.

With his eyes going even bigger, all Vicente could say was, Uh … uh.

Just when Savant remembered what answer Vicente had given to the younger officer, Vicente and Bung, each improvising, gave a much different answer. At almost the same time, they all three said, Its medicine for her … Savant, crabs. Vicente, Mange.  Bung, Gonorrhea."

With a shocked look that she shared with Dale, she exclaimed, Oh my goodness!  She then pointed to Porker, She has all of that!

After giving Savant and Bung a dirty look, Vicente shrugged his shoulder and turned to Margie and said, Yes. She has all of that.

Has she gone to a doctor? Margie asked.

Oh yes, said Vicente. But after the doctor discovered that the medicine didn’t work, he said that it was just best to wait for the gonorrhea to kill the mange and the crabs to kill the gonorrhea."

Margie asked, Really? But what about the crabs?

Well, there’s a special homeopathic treatment that the doctor said would cure her of the crabs in time.

Oh really, well what’s that?

Not expecting to really have to explain what the homeopathic treatment was Vicente was again caught by surprise.  As he stalled to think up something, Vicente stuttered out, Uh well … uh.

Again, Margie asked, So what homeopathic treatment did he tell your friend to do in order to get rid of her crabs?

Interceding for Vicente, with a smirk on his face, Bung blurted out, He told her to go to the beach and let them throw rocks at each other.

With a puzzled look, Margie exclaimed, Uh?

Vicente then said, Well, what Betty Fay meant, was that the doctor told her to get rid of the crabs by dunkin’ herself in some cold sea water at the beach, followed by rolling around naked in the sand … for a while. Which she did last week and now she is completely cured.

Oh, I see, said Margie. I didn’t know that works.

Well, now you know, smiled Vicente as he nodded his head.

Well ladies, thanks for the info. Let me get the bellhop and he will show you to your room.

In one of the nicest oversized deluxe suites that was done in a modern Federal Style, the bellhop showed the four odd short hairy women the expansive room.

The carpet was done in midnight blue. The bedspread, the sheets, the numerous styles of bed pillows, and the upholstery on the furniture were done in shades of medium dark blues and gold. The wood of the furniture was done in a medium cherry finish.

The room was L-shaped.  At the bottom of the L-shaped room were two large and ornate king-sized beds. At the top of the L-shaped room was a luxurious bathroom with a huge garden bathtub. Between the beds and the bathroom was a large service bar, a small dining table, a divan, two chairs, and a chase lounge that surrounded a large coffee table. On the service bar was a microwave, sink, and espresso machine.

As the bellhop set Porker and the black backpack on the nearest king-sized bed, Savant pulled out a wad of bills from his purse and handed him a twenty-dollar bill, Here you go.

As the young bellhop bent down and took the twenty, he said, Oh thank you, ma’am!

No problem. It’s only money, said Savant.

Just after the bellhop left, Savant then went to his brother and said, Stick out your left arm, Bung.  Slowly, Bung stuck out his arm.

Savant had just remembered that he had left the scissors in the blue backpack at the Rose Hill Square. And Savant needed a clipping of Bung’s hair for him and Porker, so they could have his great luck. Savant improvised. With his sharp teeth he leaned over his brother and bit off a little patch of his fur from his arm and then he put it in one of his side pockets.

Savant then went between the beds and went to work on a plan that he thought might wake up Porker.

As Bung stood there in front of the king bed closest to the door enjoying the buzz from the cilantro, Vicente, as he followed Savant, asked, What are you doing?

As he walked under the lamp table that sat between the two beds, Savant yanked out the lamp cord from the wall socket and said, I’m going to shock him into waking up.

Do you think that will work?

It’s worth a shot, said Savant. Savant then jumped up on top of the king bed closest to the door and quickly untied Porker from the shower curtain rod. He then dragged him over to the edge of the bed nearest the lamp table. Next, Savant jumped over to the lamp table and, using his PS super-induced strength that he still had, he yanked the electric cord out of the base of the lamp.

Vicente asked, Is there anything I can do to help?

Savant looked down at Vicente and said, Yes, when I say now, I want you to plug the cord in the wall socket.

Okay, but isn’t that kind of dangerous?

Thinking for a moment, Savant looked down at Vicente and said, Well, for Porker it is.

Shrugging his shoulders, Vicente said, Well that’s good then,

Savant then turned around, leaned over Porker, and placed the now exposed wires of the cord on Porker’s head. Savant then yelled, Now!

As the current of electricity went through Porker’s body, he convulsed like a fish that had been yanked out of the water and thrown onto land.

Reacting to the pain, Porker suddenly woke up and yelled out, Son-na-va!

Ignoring his pain, Savant said, Go ahead and pull it out, he’s awake.

You got it, said Vicente.

Looking around the hotel suite, Porker noticed that he had glasses on him and quickly took them off. Where the hell am I? A look of shock then came over his face as he saw the dress and pumps that he was currently wearing. Just as he was about to complain about the pink panties being too tight, Porker, with another shocked look, noticed his arms. Porker yelled, "Why the hell am I wearing a pink dress and why the hell are my arms blue?

With jazz paws, Savant answered, It’s all part of the master plan. Come on, we need to change into some other costumes; you and I need to go somewhere.

Porker asked, Where are we going?

We’re going to the Government Printing Office, answered Savant.

Why? Porker asked with squinted eyes.

I’m going add a few ‘controversial’ bills onto the bill of Senator Rawlins.

Crossing his arms defiantly, Porker asked, And what if I don’t want to?

Vicente climbed up on the bed that Savant and Porker were on.

Savant then said, If you don’t do what we tell you to do, me and Vicente will kick your fat ass for several hours.

Standing up over Porker who still was on his back as he nodded his head, Vicente said, He’s right, he and I will kick your fat ass for several hours if you don’t do what Savant says! And during this mission, if you try any of your antics or try to escape before the mission is completed, we will find and catch you. We will torture you for a few days and then will tie you up and mail you to Lloyd who will then torture you some more before he kills you.

Remembering what Lloyd had told him when he visited him at the Buffalo Motel, Porker then rolled his eyes and said with a half-hearted smile, Well, don’t just stand there, break out the costumes!

"Bueno! Vicente said with a sneer. I’m so glad you’re seeing it our way."

Savant hopped over to the black backpack and, after digging through the menagerie of costumes, he pulled out two simple dark blue housekeeping uniforms and a pair of black sensible pumps. As Savant handed Porker his costume and pumps, he said, Oh and by the way, we all have cover names now.  Savant explained, Vicente is Ann Bell, Bung is Betty Fay, I’m Vicky Lynn, and you are Reema Jo.

As he got up on his feet, Porker asked, What was my name again?

Savant replied, Reema Jo.

Sarcastically he asked, Reema … Jo?

Yes.

With his head tilted and his paws on his big hips he yelled Reema Jo?  He then scoffed and said, So how many children did I give birth to in my single wide?"

Vicente yelled, Get your costume on!  Savant has an important mission, and we need that clicker in your nose to get him there!

The housekeeping outfits, like the calico dresses, all had built in cleavage.

As he took off his pink dress, Porker saw the tight pink panties. You all put panties on me?

Vicente said, We’re all wearing a pair of them. They’re to hide our tails and the other parts of our bodies.

With an irritated look, Porker said, I see. Well, these panties are riding me so hard in places that my I eyes are watering!  He then asked Savant, "Do you have another pair of panties in your bag of tricks that would fit my healthy rear end?

As he was putting on his housekeeping uniform, Savant answered, No, sorry.

With that same irritated look on his face, Porker said, I see.  Then. with a look of self-pity on his face, he said, These are tough times to be Porker.

Savant thought of everything when he was picking out the costumes in Vicente’s vast warehouse. From out of the backpack, he pulled out two small rags and two mini clear plastic bottles that contained blue-tinted glass cleaner. Savant threw one of the bottles and one of the rags at Porker’s feet.

Porker who always had two maids to clean his home in the PDN, asked, What the hell do you intend for me to do with this?

Vicente, who was starting to lose his patience with this drama queen, said, If you’re going to be acting like a member of housekeeping you to have to look the part. That means that for the time that both of you are there you will have to be cleaning to avoid suspicion. Understand?

Great! Porker said. I’m on a suicide mission playing Hazel.

When they had their costumes on a couple of minutes later, as Vicente, Porker, and Savant stood on the bed and Savant said, Come over here.

No, said Porker with a leery expression. All you’re going to do is hit me, so you can use the clicker in my nose. Can’t we just take a cab there?

No, said Vicente.

To think of a way of preventing his nose from being punched, Porker tried to stall Vicente and Savant who he could tell were becoming impatient.

With his paws out, Porker pleaded, Can’t we just talk about this for a moment?

Both Vicente and Savant yelled, No!

As Porker started walking rapidly around the outer edge of the bed, Savant and Vicente started following him.

With clinched fists by his sides, Vicente said, Come on Porker!

From a brisk walk, the chase around the bed quickly turned into a full sprint.

Looking behind him at his pursuers, Porker yelled, Can’t we just figure out a less violent method to get to this place?

As they ran after him, Vicente and Savant yelled, No!

Due to his corpulent size, Porker, after a few circles around the bed, suddenly became short of breath and began to rapidly slow down.

Collapsing on his knees, he took a deep breath and gasped out, Okay … okay …  Promise me, that you won’t hit me really hard.

Savant looked at Vicente and shrugged his shoulders. Vicente then shrugged his shoulders and nodded to Savant. Savant then got down on his knees in front of Porker and said, Okay. I will go easy on you.

In a frustrated tone, Porker gasped out, Thank you!

Savant then said, This time.

Porker frowned at Savant. Then, when he saw Savant place one of his paws on his shoulder and lift his other paw up, Porker closed his eyes and tightened his face.

Loudly, Savant said, The Government Printing Office on Capital St., third floor of the printing room in a section where there are not a lot of people around! Now!  Instantly, just after Savant punched Porker in the nose, the two were transported to the GPO.

In a long room full of big printing machines, the two P-Dogs had landed in a corner of the room where there were very few people. Savant had done his research about this place.  He knew that the GPO, like many of the government agencies, hired several private housekeeping businesses to clean their offices. And also, by his research he learned that the housekeeping business that cleaned the GPO wore dark blue uniforms and cleaned the place between eight and midnight.

When Savant and Porker saw two men coming their way, Savant said to Porker in a whisper, Quick. Act like we’re cleaning.

The two men saw but ignored the two short hairy housekeeping ladies, they just kept on walking.

At a computer that was at the end of each of the big printing machines, the two men stood in front of one. One of the men was carrying a computer tablet which held a list of the projects they were doing tonight.

The older one, who was a manager, asked, Okay Ned, what’s the next project on the list?

Ned looked down at the clipboard and said, Number 278, The Rawlins Bill, two-thousand of them.

Looking at the computer screen, the manager said, Well let’s see here, the tour guides to the U.S. Capital Building are about a minute from being done. The manager, using the touch screen feature, highlighted Number 278. And after going to another screen and touching in a few commands, he then turned to his assistant and said, All-righty’. That should be printing in a few minutes. He then commented, That has got to be one of the shortest bills I’ve ever printed.

The assistant then commented, I know, I’ve been here four years and I’ve never seen a bill that short.

The manager then said to the assistant, Let’s go take a break, Ned.

Cool. I could go for some coffee.

As the two men were heading toward the door, the assistant said, Jim was telling me that Sen. Rawlins wants this bill delivered to both houses by six-thirty tomorrow. Is that true?

The supervisor replied, Yep, that’s the order. And when Sen. Rawlins wants something done, you do it! You never want to get on his bad side.

When the two men had left the printing room, Savant quickly got to work.

Savant ordered, Porker, go to the door and if you hear anybody coming tell me.

O-kay. Porker said. The sooner we get out of here the better. Porker then walked to the door.

Pulling out