What doesn't kill you makes you stronger:: T-Mac's Life Story

By Antonio Allen

This story is based on the true to life story of T-MAC who witnessed life as a teenager during the times of the 1980’s. During the peak of gang violence in the 80’s along with the deadly drive by shootings in South Central Los Angeles you will experience what it feels like to be a young adult that was falsely accused and beat 3 attem

• Language: English
• Publisher: URLink Print & Media, LLC
• Release date: Mar 13, 2019
• ISBN: 9781643671789

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WHAT DOESN’T KILL YOU, MAKES YOU STRONGER

T-MAC’S

Life Story

ANTONIO ALLEN

What Doesn’t Kill You, Makes You Stronger: T-Mac’s Life Story

Copyright © 2018 by Antonio Allen. All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any way by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording or otherwise without the prior permission of the author except as provided by USA copyright law.

The opinions expressed by the author are not necessarily those of URLink Print and Media.

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Published in the United States of America

ISBN 978-1-64367-176-5 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-64367-178-9 (Digital)

Non-Fiction

19.12.18

CHAPTER 1

The senior year of high school in 1986 was such a beautiful thing. I had all the college students asking me lots of questions, Allen Kid, what college are you thinking about?, We can give you a free master’s degree, a job, a car, the new 280z and an apartment! You like that kid? Your job will be to show up on the football field with your teammates.

Sir, I said, I have not played football with a team or at a school before.

Kid, we will make you a champion! You’re fast as hell kid! I’m pretty sure no one can catch you! Here’s my card, call me.

My Coach saw the College Coach hand me his card so he took it out of my hands before I can even look at it. He was angry, What the hell are you doing handing my boy a business card without asking me? He said, Son, go away. It seemed that my Coach was mad at that College Coach. I couldn’t hear what my Coach was saying but his hands were going up and down, just like when someone on our team is not running as fast as they could, he would say, You’re bullshit, run it again! You’ll run it all until you get it right!

The youngsters’ eyes were uncomprehending to what the Coach was saying, his hands would be moving fast. I would think, "Maybe he was up late that’s why his time is not right, it’s…… not like him to run that slow. Oh well, it’s not me so I shouldn’t care much. Nobody knows what my Coach was saying to that College Coach. Man! All the crap will go down on the schoolyard, yeah! Maybe they will run into each other around the corner. I smiled when I saw Coach coming my way. So much thanks for the Good Samaritan. I was thinking what Coach was so mad about, but we’ve seen plenty of those that did not turn out good, right? Thing is, though Coach never said much. He ripped apart the College Coach’s business card. He was acting more like a security guard than a Coach. I was thinking why he did that for when Coach said, Son, get warmed up and get ready for the 440 race coming up. Yes Coach," I said.

My girlfriend Gigi was there. I looked at her then she blew me a kiss and said, Baby! Win! Win! Win! For me, baby! I felt so good. I love her so much and because of her, I win all the time. I was pumped up when Coach called me and said, Now son, it’s trouble having her hanging around here, tell her to stop coming here. Do you hear me son? Tell her. I realized that Coach wanted Gigi out of my life right away. I figured maybe Coach would like her so I told him she’s the reason why I win all the time. Maybe it’s stupid, but I don’t know. I guess I was in love with the way she looked at me. She knew that something was wrong by the crazy look I had on my face. Baby, is something wrong? Gigi said, looking sharply at my Coach. Deep inside, I was saying, This is not right, Coach! I know she can make me happy, but instead, I said, I’m just happy you’re here with me. I was laughing, but my eyes glittered with the pain that I was trying to hide. I knew she came a long way from Long Beach to Las Vegas just to see me win these races.

The weather in Vegas was cold and windy. The wind was blowing fast, and it seemed like it was snowing in Las Vegas all day that day. Cumulonimbus clouds in the sky, unthinkable cold weather, and a total contempt for human life; it was the most menacing day of my life. The disturbing question is: WHY?

Coach asked me why I was looking at the love of my life sitting there, with a cold to death look on her face. I guess everyone was cold but me, my blood was boiling hot, I was warming up, moving faster and faster so Coach told me to slow it down. He said, You are warming up, not racing, son. I kept going faster and faster like a mad man, I mean mad with the question Why? Why Coach? She’s my girlfriend?!

Then I heard Coach said, Boy, it’s time to go. I was still on the track, you can see the gray steam coming off my body. I took off my uniform and there was more steam coming off me. I could hear people in the stands murmuring something like, He’s a ghost! Look at him, man! Well, apparently not, I thought, maybe someone did think I was a ghost staring a gun shot. I thought, it’s Flash Gordon today baby! I cut through the high wind like I was a knife. Two years of coaching meant nothing to me right now. I ran the first 220 in 23 seconds and roll the other 220 on into the finish line. I ran like I was running the 100 yard dash, like a car on a freeway getting out of the way of traffic, all I remember was snagging the first line. It was an interesting reaction from everyone; my Coach, the officials and the people in the stands … maybe it has something to do with my running time, it was unbelievable. They were like prize fighters’ battered faces looking at their watches. I didn’t know the exact time I ran, but they said that the wind pushed me. Who knows? The world’s fastest kid or man, no one came close to ‘Flash Gordon’! No, they just took it away. I won, but Gigi wouldn’t know. She would always say, You know who that is out there? My hero! and would toss me flying kisses.

The track was my playground. I made eyebrows rise on the track field. All eyes were on me when we went to other schools on a track field trip. I was always a hero in all schools. I enjoyed being the center of attention. But, the time I lost touch and trust in my Coach, that’s when he told Gigi to stop coming to my track meet. They had a conflict and both of them drifted away. When I asked them what happened, they would say nothing. Gigi was always cheerful and optimistic, it was probably why she stroked out holding it all inside. I don’t want to make you mad, Antonio. Gigi said. She sounded worried then it all came out, I thought you were a regular guy partying and chasing girls. You think you’re smarter than me, huh? I thought you were different Antonio. I loved you only! I was at a red light. When my life seemed happy, there will always something to fuck it up. I knew it was about what Coach did.

I could feel too much pain. She bit her lower lip and said, I don’t love you anymore! I hadn’t heard nor seen her since. I freaked out. I called her but she won’t pick up. She knew it was me but she didn’t pay me any attention, now I lost touch of her. When I went to her apartment, an old lady said, Baby, they moved two and half months ago. I asked the lady if she knows where they move to but she said, We were never close like that, baby. You are a very good-looking young man. She smiled and said, What’s your name boy?

Antonio, Ma’am! I said.

On the contrary, she said, "she always talked about you. She was a very outgoing girl. More than her mother." Gigi is a very beautiful girl, my heart fuzzed about remembering how beautiful she was.

I lost touch of myself. I was the guy you notice when you enter a class room, just smarter. I always get A’s, even without working hard. The old lady said she would call you, give her time and have some faith she said. She might know the truth but all I can do was think that maybe we were never close, and there were more tears. I just drifted away from Coach and my teammates on the track field. My classmates would say things to me that was hard to believe. For example, the track team said they were going to fuck me up and plus that the girls would get you in trouble and kick your ass! I remained serious and smart. I thought I was brilliant from one class to the other.

I’m a good fighter. Growing up in the projects you have to fight or get beaten up or you get your money or shoes taken. My Dad will always say There is no punk living in this house!

You grow up fast in the projects. The only thing I can think of is Dad had gotten politically conservative. There is real law-and- order in his house and he also said Not me! which refers to me. Dad calls me Not me because when I was three or so, I always said, Not me, Dad, to not get in trouble. Well, a good way of saying it instead of You are a liar! to finish up things, maybe I was rebelling Well, not me!

Mom was heavily into education of her sons and the kingdom hall. Yes, my Mom was a Jehovah’s Witness. I am sure that we share her interest in providing reading materials for all her sons, the most important thing is, Love for Jehovah, our God, and for this reason I was not going to fight the track team. I guess I am a Ghost. I remember back at that track meet in Las Vegas, someone said he looks like a ghost!. I was convinced I’ll outsmart them all.

When the school bell rang for the next period, I was always in my classroom so fast that the teacher made me the student teacher’s aide. I would sit there thinking, God, help me stay out of trouble. Keeping my activities to myself, my love for running is still unbeatable and just because I was mad at

Coach, it didn’t stop me to run on my own. I win for myself. I thought that I see my loved ones ghost faces in the stands at my track meet and now it’s just Gigi. She’s always on my mind when I run on the beach sand. I run so fast to catch her but she was always faster. Then, she’s gone …

My knee wiped out. I fell right on my face, ate sand and my hands hit the sand then I thought, Why, Gigi why? It was like I was hearing her thoughts laughing at me, I thought you were different, Antonio. I don’t love you anymore! It kept running in my mind over and over again. Could I change the fact that I lost the two important things in my life? My relationship with Gigi and my passion for running. How should I spend my time? How should I enjoy life? What should I do to help me feel better? How can I change what has happened?

My two unbeatable loves. Where are my friends? Are they really my friends? As long as I keep on winning races, they are friends. One fact about me, as a little boy, I always had a day dream that I can fly. I got off the sand laughing, then it all came to me! I realized I was immature to this teenage stuff like school, sports and girls. I was not as intellectual as I thought I was. But that’s not exactly what came to my mind when you say intellectual, right? It’s been months since I have not put on any physical harm to anyone on the track team or them on me. All my classmates would have loved to see some action. Someone will get their ass kicked in class if we had free time. So I picked up a book with a title, Choosing Good Health to Make Time Pass I opened it up, and right there it said, Emotional Health I thought, Will this teach you how to live with your feelings?

Good emotional health means that you have good feelings about yourself. Knowing how to make wise decisions helps you have good emotional health. That’s me, I said. I kept on reading social health so I would better know how to get along with others. Good social health means you try to get along with your family and friends, and you care about helping others, that’s my mom … She kept on telling this to us, all the time, so the book became a great help to me.

I was starting to feel good about being sad and angry, thinking about studying and not running my mouth like some of my classmates. I made a wise decision to reach wellness.

There were two or three choices in solving my problem, so I thought about my choices. I could go back to P.E. class with Coach or I could join back on the track team or stay with the job that I currently had. I went to school for half a day and worked for J&G construction the other half. I loved my job and I enjoyed being with friends on the track team, but I didn’t want to risk my family.

We lived in the projects. We had no money or food and sometimes we ate plain baked potato or French fries for dinner. French fries was O.D.R. in our house half of the time. We would not have cooking oil so we usually just ate plain baked potato. On French fries days, it was always a fight who would get to the table first. You want ketchup for your fries in our house? Huh! The only ketchup you get is if you take too many fries off the plate and you get busted in the nose. There were only a few to go around. I would always dream about butter cream cakes, cookies, whole milk and ice cream. My little brother who was sleeping on top of the bunk bed would slap me and tell me to stop talking in my sleep because it makes him hungry hearing all the sweet and fatty snacks mentioned. I would play the big brother role and say, Take your little butt back to sleep before I beat you up! And he would pass gas and say you eat that then we laugh. We were not rich and did not live in Beverly Hills but we were one big, happy, poor family and we always had a good time.

I’m having a day dream again, but thank God it’s not about flying, but about the good old days. I thought about earning some money to get things that we need at home, and all extra things. I had to make the right decision. I looked up and put the book down when I saw Coach in my Math class, talking to my teacher who’s looking at me the whole time they were talking. Antonio! he called. I haven’t decided on anything yet because anything I tell Coach will go straight to the track team and I don’t want a high-powered Coach to know at this point that I’m grieving.

Antonio, did you hear me?

Yes ma’am! Both of them looked at me.

Your coach would like to see you outside, okay? she said. Coach said, Thanks a lot.

No problem, she said and flashed an abrupt smile. She spoke in a soft voice most of the time, but I never paid attention to her. She had a little makeup to add depth to her eyes, but she didn’t need that anymore. She had very long hair and thin hands with strong fingers that squeezed mine for a second. Her eyes flew back to coach and said, Coach is waiting for you Oh yeah, I said. What’s up, Coach?

He gave me the eagle eye look, but I smiled. You probably never heard a sullied speech, most of the time they’re bullshit speeches, and I knew that Coach was going to lay down one on me, What’s up is, Coach said, "Son, are you that egotistical?

I’m not trying to get between your relationship with Gigi! I was thinking that Coach was underestimating me and this was no way to win at black jack. Eventually he said, You do not need a relationship yet. What can you do for her now? Nothing, son! What is she doing for you? Nothing! What the hell, boy? You live in a project, there is no future there! An alley full of drugs and alcoholic people with no plan or education or any long term goals. They will die there or get killed! Is that the neighborhood that you want, son? You can help your family, get them out of the projects. College is the key or you will be working at McDonalds or be in prison for life! There will be transsexuals there! I know you don’t want that project life, son. I felt a little out of balance when I heard all that. When he said that to me, he was eating a forkful of pie. I was thinking of my dream to get out of the ghetto. I learned you couldn’t prepare for anything, well, hmm… Coach said. Life’s full of new experiences, go see the world son! I have college connections!

It’s up to you to have long term goals! It’s your life at hand. I’ll see you on the track field. Yes Coach, I said. He smiled again and shook his head and said it was good getting his sugar rush with that ‘Donut Head’; he’s black leather, not coach leather. Laughing hard, he joked Well, life’s full of new experiences," and the only thing I can think of was, he’s right!

Gigi is gone, too. But one day, she’ll see me on T.V. and she’ll come back to me. She has hypertension but she’s never took care of it. She was only sixteen