The Way Home: Journey of Hope Series Book Four

By Margaret Tremper

When the grieving time was over for Peggy, after Larry’s passing, she finds herself on her own. Turning eighty made even getting around more difficult. Corona Virus sheltering made for long days inside, it also gave time for reflection and new projects such as learning to play a new instrument (recorder) and learning Spanish. After sixteen years, she returns to Michigan to visit her family. Back in New Mexico, she sets her sights on her final journey home.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Jan 4, 2022
• ISBN: 9781716035432

Book preview

Alone

2016

If life could stay the same and we could predict what tomorrow would bring, I wouldn't need to write this story.  But the road has twists and turns so traveling down it sometimes takes more courage than standing still.  I noticed a decline in Larry’s condition, after that, he didn't want to go out or meet with his friends like he used to.  He had a harder time catching his breath, and now he is using his oxygen twenty-four seven.

Peg, I want to talk to you.  Sit down a minute, I'll turn the TV off. Larry settled down in his recliner and waited for me to finish the dishes.

I sat down next to him in another recliner and waited for him to begin.

If anything happens to me, I don't think you'll be able to handle the payments on the new Kia we just bought.  I really like the car, but I think you should think about taking it back to the dealership.

Where did that come from?  Yes, the salesman had told us we could bring it back without any charge if it was still in good condition because we only leased it, not bought it.  I couldn't imagine doing such a thing, but Larry must have been thinking about it.

I'll manage somehow, I told him, always the optimist.

I'm serious!  I've gone over the budget and there's no way you can swing the car payment on the little social security you'll get.

My heart began to beat faster as I thought about all that was being implied by this conversation.  Once Larry got a notion in his head, he seldom left it until he got his way: selling cars, buying scooters, or making trips back east, whatever he felt strongly about.

We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, I told him getting up to end the conversation.

I could tell he felt his health was failing, and I noticed he walked slower now.  Sometimes he didn't even go to church with me, saying he just didn't feel up to it.

He had orchestrated my life for 21 years mostly around his illness so that even my slow steps following behind him coming and going from the apartment to the car, from the car into Wal Mart and back again reminded me over and over that I was caught up in his limitations.

When I was out and about working for seniors doing house work and what not, to keep them out of the nursing homes, I was my own person.  But as Larry’s chronic obstructive pulmonary disease worsened, I cut back on my cleaning responsibilities and concentrated more on helping him.  He still wrote the checks, balanced the budget and decided most things from day to day.

It rained all summer; all fall and now all spring.  This was very unusual weather for New Mexico, and Larry was feeling the effects of the dampness in his lungs.  The medications didn't seem to be working anymore.

One day when I was off to work after lunch to one of my scheduled cleaning jobs, I said to Larry, I'll be back about four thirty. He was sitting at the computer desk where he played computer games, or sometimes read the news on the internet.

Okay, he responded absently.

Is there anything you need before I go? I asked trying to get his attention.

No, he indicated with his head. I left for the afternoon.

A half hour later my phone rang.  It was someone from the fire department telling me the door was locked to my apartment and they couldn't get in!  Fires were rare where we lived, and I didn't understand why he couldn't get inside, we never locked the door when one of us was home.

It dawned on me that maybe Larry had called 911 because he couldn't breathe and for some reason the screen door latch was stuck, which it did once in a great while.  But a good jerk would open it quickly.

When I got home, (I was only five minutes away at Una’s apartment) the EMT had crawled through the living room window and was administering oxygen to Larry.  They explained to me that his oxygen level was low as well as his blood pressure and some other vital signs were off.

From then on it was a rush to the hospital, waiting for information about his condition and making decisions on my own, one of which was when they told me he would die if a ventilator wasn't put down his throat immediately, and would I consent by signing the work order.  I couldn't just let him die, even though he had a DNR (do not resuscitate) clause in his living will filed with the hospital.

I signed the order for the ventilator even though I thought it might be something he didn't want.  I was actually surprised he had called the ambulance at all, but in the moment of panic when he couldn't breathe, he probably couldn't think to dial my number so 911 was easier.

He was flown to El Paso by helicopter.  Pastor Ernie took me by car (an hour and a half drive east of Deming) since I couldn't drive in all that traffic around the big city. Once there, I stayed at the hospital with him in the cardiac care unit. I sat all night in a chair by his bed, listening to his breathing, rising to restrain him when he tried to rip the tubing from his arms in his agitated state.  With the ventilator down his throat, he couldn't communicate with me, and I knew he wanted the thing out.

The next day they removed the ventilator and hooked him up to other machines to help him breathe.  Periodically they would medicate him for his agitated state to calm him down.  He still tried to remove the hook-ups on his arms and even tore at his hospital gown many times managing to remove it even with all the wires attached to him.

Over and over again he would say, I want to go home! They wouldn't release him until his vital signs were back to normal. We were there for the duration.  A week later