ReWrite The Rules!: Turn Your Life Around From Victim to Victorious

By David Gillman

The tragic act of suicide usually happens in isolation, away from the judging eyes of family or friends of the victim. It is the last answer for the sufferer who’s only wish is to be rid of the pain of constant anxiety and depression.

With over 800,000 people worldwide dying each year and the numbers beginning to increase again it is

• Language: English
• Publisher: Keystone To Success Life Coaching
• Release date: Jul 2, 2019
• ISBN: 9780648543213

Book preview

REWRITE THE RULES!

TURN YOUR LIFE AROUND

FROM VICTIM TO VICTORIOUS

DAVID GILLMAN

Publisher: Keystone Coaching

Sunbury, Victoria, Australia

http://www.keystonecoaching.net

Copyright © David Gillman 2019

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted by any person or entity (including internet search engines or retailers such as Google, Amazon or similar organisations), in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying (except under the statutory exceptions provisions of the Australian Copyright Act 1968), recording, scanning or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher.

ISBN 978-0-6485432-0-6

Front cover design: Rob Williams, ILoveMyCover

Front cover photograph: Barry Ellem

Illustration in Chapter 1: Rabia Batool

Book layout: Derek Rawson

Print and Distribution: Lightning Source/Ingram

Dedicated to the children, teenagers,

young adults and their parents

who are going through dark times and seeking help.

&

With gratitude to my family, friends, foes and associates who have all contributed to my knowledge and given me the

energy and inspiration to help others.

David Gillman is a qualified Master Life Coach. The ideas presented in this book are based on his life experiences. The reader is invited to apply the ideas while bearing full responsibility for their application and any results, and is counselled to seek professional advice in the case of serious life issues.

Note: In places gender-specific terms (such as ‘he’) have been used in order to make the text easier to read. Whenever a gender-specific term is used, it should be understood as referring to both genders, unless explicitly stated. No offence or sexism is intended. In other places ‘they’ has been used, reflecting contemporary conversational speech rather than correct grammar!

Note: Best efforts have been made to find and acknowledge the true source of all quotes. If we have got this wrong, please let us know!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

David Gillman is a Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Master Life Coach. He runs his own coaching practice, Keystone to Success Life Coaching. He has revolutionised printing practices in the presentation awards ribbon-printing industry while working in his family business, and is a three-time Australian Dancesport Champion with numerous national and state titles to his name.

The family printing business was not only a source of income and opportunity for David, but also triggered a life-changing crisis when he was 12 years old, resulting in him almost taking his own life. He achieved the extraordinary, managing to coach himself out of that one-way journey, and reapplied himself to the art of creating a fulfilling life.

In the process of healing David discovered a wondrous wealth of people and wisdom in the teachings of Neuro Linguistic Programming, which enabled him to hone his self-taught life-coaching skills. It has been David’s lifelong goal to bring a message of hope to those who don’t want to live in fear or despair any longer, and instead wish to live lives of significance. This book is the realisation of that goal.

It’s never too late to change the direction that your life is going in.

– Dr. Wayne Dyer

Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

– George Bernard Shaw

CONTENTS

Preface

Introduction

Chapter 1: The Four Prisons I Created

Chapter 2: The Brilliant Little Voice That Saved My Life

Emergency and Support Information

Chapter 3: The Destructive Rules I Was Living By

Chapter 4: My New Rules, And How I Arrived At Them

Chapter 5: Another New Rule: Listen To The Most Empowering Voice

Chapter 6: Old Rule: Survive!

Chapter 7: My Pact With The Devil, And How We Both Won

Chapter 8: The Likely Outcome Of Living By The Rule of Violence

Chapter 9: New Rule: Hold Onto Your Dreams And Let Go Of Your Illusions

Chapter 10: An Old ‘Feel Better By Eating’ Rule Is Transformed

Chapter 11: Old Rule: Stay In Your Comfort Zone. New Rule: Take A Risk! Get Out There And Invest In Yourself

Chapter 12: Important Friendships Are Worth Waiting For

Chapter 13: Strategies For Success

Chapter 14: The Rule Of Creative Competition And Reinventing Oneself

Chapter 15: ReWriting The Rules Of The Jungle

Chapter 16: New Rule: Appreciate Hurtful Experiences

Chapter 17: Apologies And The Forgiveness Process

Chapter 18: Support Systems

Conclusion

My New Empowering Rules

I’d love to coach you!

PREFACE

Between 1990 and 2016 the total number of deaths from suicide was 22,433,833. In 2016 alone, the total number of people lost was 817,147. That figure encompasses all people aged five to 70+.

This shocking data comes from the Institute of Health Metrics and Evaluation (IHME). A graph tracking four age brackets reveals that the largest group was aged between 15 and 49 years, and accounts for approximately 60% of all deaths. In general, in most high-income countries, the figures also indicate that the ratio of male suicide to female suicide is three times higher.

Suicide Deaths: 2016: Total Worldwide = 817,147¹

But there is another disturbing number to consider. According to the World Health Organization’s best estimates, for every successful suicide, twenty more people are attempting it. The figures published by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in the U.S. indicate that there are roughly 25 attempts for each suicide death. For young adults aged 15-24 the ratio is much higher: there are approximately 100-200 suicide attempts for each suicide death.

If you consider these facts, you soon realise a new possibility: unbeknownst to you, a family member, a loved one, a colleague or a friend may be considering suicide and be so affected by the stigma of shame that he or she is unable to reach out for help.

It is with this in mind that I wrote ReWrite The Rules. By the age of 12 I had fallen into such a state of depression that I knew I was spiralling out of control. I had been the miserable target of schoolyard bullying for several years. I was unable to get close to the girl I had a crush on. I was grieving family pets that had recently died. And I was struggling as an only child while my parents focused on keeping their small business afloat. I just wanted a miracle to occur and return life to how it had been a few years earlier before everything ‘went wrong’. I felt that if I could find a book by someone who had experienced what I was experiencing, they would surely have some advice that would help me. But my parents’ library contained no such book; neither did the school library or the city library.

There are many empowering resources available on this topic now. It is my intention to add to them and do what I can to reduce those staggering statistics. This is the book I was looking for when I was 12. It is for teenagers and young adults who feel burdened by crises. It’s also for their parents and grandparents and guardians. I hope you will donate a copy to your library to help me aid, empower and even rescue those in danger of taking their lives.

The personal stories I share in ReWrite The Rules reveal both my darkest days and the steps I took to empower myself and make the following years much more enjoyable and enriching. I’ve shared so honestly that I’ve winced, at times, at the memories of how I tried to deal with my hardest times. But I’ve shared those very personal stories to save you some pain.

This book doesn’t just cover the topic of suicide prevention; it also addresses the issue of schoolyard bullying and revenge, the challenge of a broken heart, and other ‘life journey difficulties’ that ensue when you don’t feel confident or worthy. It challenges you to ask and answer some probing questions with the outcome of turning your life around, regardless of what you feel up against right now. As you read, you’ll come across strategies and tips for dealing with bullies and your own disempowered self-talk.

Whether you are seeking help for yourself or for someone you care about, or whether you simply want to understand the dynamics that drive someone to suicide, this book will offer value. The pain for a family of sitting down to dinner and forever facing the empty chair of a loved child is inestimable. What might that child have contributed to both the family and the world? Such pain cannot be ignored.

Imagine, also, being able to prevent a vengeful child from maiming or killing another child. The spite I felt for one of my bullies almost resulted in jail time (and all the other serious costs and consequences that such an act would have unleashed). You’ll discover how I managed to pull back from a potentially disastrous act.

If we want a different result in our lives we have to behave in different ways. We can’t hope for a better result if we keep doing the same old things. The first ‘different thing’ might be reading this book and generating a new set of ideas, strategies and personal rules.

You will receive immeasurably more from this book if you take the time to respond to the exercises offered throughout. I recommend that you treat yourself to a new, good-sized notebook and dedicate it to your journey. Be as honest as you can, remembering that the information you record is purely for your reference as you go about building a new set of rules for your life.

INTRODUCTION

"I regret nothing in my life even if my past was full of hurt.

I still look back and smile, because it made me who I am today."

– Unknown

How much do you know about this guy in the photograph? Do you assume that he is lucky, successful, wealthy? After all, he’s wearing tails, he’s beaming, he looks like he’s being applauded. Maybe he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth? Maybe he was always destined for success? Or is he just a poser? Is he just playing a role in this photo?

Could you possibly know, from this photo, that for most of his life he was tormented by one thing or another? Would you know that he almost took his own life, at age 12?

The thing about humanity is this: each person we encounter is just another face. Until we begin to interact with them, we have no idea who they are or what they are about; we have no idea if they have been cruising through life or grappling with the worst challenges.

In my case, my near-suicide at age 12 became the lynchpin to my success. My life changed when I realised that ‘the universe’ made everything happen for me, not just to teach me a lesson or trip me up.

That is a very big idea and one that might be unsettling to you. But hang in there and let me unfold it for you through the pages of this book. The key thing, however, is that whether you agree with the philosophy or not, it’s much more empowering to view the challenges in our lives as being there to serve us than as ‘punishments’ for being inadequate.

Contemporary video games encourage children to develop the skill of thinking outside the box from a young age. Their role-play character is usually defeated in an opening round of the game, so they hit the reset button. They try again and again and again, and in the process learn to anticipate what is going to happen and prepare for it. Eventually, they understand the rules and principles of the game so well that they can pass the level easily. Then they have the option of experimenting with other strategies to develop more variety of approach.

As a 12-year-old I didn’t realise that I was playing by some pretty destructive rules – and they were rules that I had invented or accepted! (I will explain this in Chapter 1.) At the age of 43 I now finally know why I had to survive what I did. It has taken a VERY LONG TIME for me to understand and forgive certain parties for their actions because for that very long time I was angry and focused on justice and retribution. In the end my breakthrough came when I had the following realisation:

If you allow this situation to continue to interfere with your thinking and emotions in day-to-day life, how much of YOUR life will it rob you of?

That realisation gave rise to this question:

What actions are you going to take to stop this destructive thinking, turn your life around, and free yourself of this burden?

My journey from that point was not all plain sailing. I continued to struggle and fall backwards, but my direction had changed significantly: I was headed in the direction of greater responsibility and a life that would fulfil me and make me proud.

Now I have an important question for you. Keep your answer at the back of your mind while reading the rest of the book. The question is this:

Are you free or imprisoned by rules and beliefs that don’t serve you?

If you are imprisoned, have you allowed others to put you in prison or have you done it to yourself? And, most importantly, whether you allowed them to imprison you or you did it to yourself, how do you rewrite the rules of your life and set yourself free from this prison?

I have described the strategies that worked for me in simple, straightforward steps so you can apply them as quickly and easily as possible. Will my experiences and insights help you? I believe so, because success in life is not a mysterious business and it’s not purely the result of chance or good fortune; success is the result of taking action on useful ideas.

During the early stages of my competition dancing career, Kerrie Ward, one of the greatest coaches I ever had, told me: David, I have a lot of experience but I can't install that knowledge in your body. I can only impart information; you have to be the one who practises and applies what I tell you.

Travel back in time with me now. Use my life experiences to unravel your story and understand what is holding you back. And then take those insights and turn your own life around.

David and Kerrie Ward, at the Australian Dance Sport Championships, 2016

You are always one decision away from a totally different life.

– Unknown

Chapter 1: The Four Prisons I Created

Suppressed pain … always comes to the surface. It shakes you into reflection and healing.

– Bryant McGill, Simple Reminders: Inspiration for Living Your Best Life

The last straw came when I rang Mum for help with some Year 7 French homework. She was at the factory with Dad trying to keep the doors open, and she was busy and stressed. When I asked for help she got mad with me for not trying to figure out the French by myself, and she hung up on me.

I was alone in the house. The day seemed warm for winter. I could hear children playing outside in the park. Little sparrows were chirping in the leafless branches of trees, and I was sitting in my pale white bedroom with the grey carpet staring at a possible detention for not doing my homework.

For months I had looked in the library at school, in the local public library, in my bedroom and on my parents’ shelves for a book that might address issues like school bullying, broken heart, lack of energy, lack of connection with my fellow students or teachers, lack of motivation at school, anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts. I just wanted to find a book that addressed all my problems directly and simply. I didn’t want to have to wade through long stories and explanations before getting to the point. But I had found nothing.

I walked to my bedroom mirror and looked at my reflection. I was convinced that I’d been adopted because my parents seemed able to march on in their pain but I couldn’t succeed in mine. I was dumb! In a massive fit of frustration, I went berserk in my bedroom. I threw my books against the walls, tore the linen off my dishevelled bed, kicked my bedroom door, threw pencils and pens everywhere, and then collapsed in the middle of my room, numb and empty.

I felt broken beyond help.