Just Lust: Inner Space

By Ms Josie Tussle

JUST LUST
INNER SPACE


Since Lilith first refused to surrender to Adam’s demands in the Garden of Eden, Women have been; put down, slandered, badmouthed and subjugated. This woman attempts to unlock herself from the bondage of these and other patriarchal, social and political views, on how Women should behave sexually.
She throws the rulebooks onto the fires of ‘purity’! Taking you on her journey, as she becomes aware of her own sexual desires. She creates her own path through it, and exposes you to her mind, her body and her first taste of B.D.S.M.
She asks questions, and does not always like the answers. Yet, despite this, she further explores her own sexuality, her own desires, and her own emotions, until she finds some boundaries she hadn’t known she possessed. She is testing her self!

It is ‘her own’ Truth.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press UK
• Release date: Dec 14, 2021
• ISBN: 9781982284824

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Copyright © 2021 Ms Josie Tussle.

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brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, names, incidents,

organizations, and dialogue in this novel are either the products

of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

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NB Scripture quotations are from

THE JERUSALEM BIBLE

Popular Edition

With Abridged Introductions and notes

Darton, Longman & Todd Ltd

89 Lillie Road, London SW6 1UD

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of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical

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you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use

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Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are

models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Whip artwork in Front cover by Molly Burnett

Short biography of the author written by Chris Dibnah

ISBN: 978-1-9822-8481-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-8482-4 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date: 12/07/2021

Contents

Preface

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

About the author

JUST LUST

My thanks go out to:

Adrian Hyde; who has been there for over a decade to guide me. Without his support and help I would still have an unpunctuated hand written manuscript.

My family who put up with me writing this so long ago, and will now have to deal with the consequences of publication.

Special thanks to my long-suffering husband who has encouraged me every step of the way; I hope he may now find some relief.

I should not leave out the other people who have supported me all the way. Thank you all for believing in me.

My love and appreciation goes out to you all.

To, anyone who wants to debunk this as a literary piece of work, I say give it your best shot!

I

dedicate this book to all

Women.

Enjoy.

I hope that any men that read this will see

there is also a message for them.

PREFACE

I wrote this story in the hope that it will help women realise that they have their own truth. That they can do with their own bodies whatever they like and only have to answer to themselves.

I hope this will help you to start a conversation.

To open your minds and your hearts to the idea that no matter what you want from a sexual relationship you are beautiful and you deserve respect.

You do not have to be like ‘Eve,’ you do not have to kowtow; you can be a ‘Lilith’. She was the first woman and was not made from Adam, Lilith was made by God! Therefore both Lilith’s desires and your own sexual way of being, are legitimate, undeniable and Godly, or as I would say; Goddessly.

Chapter 1

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I HAD ALREADY rearranged my last appointments of the day and managed to claim back a whole three hours of life from the drudge of work; even though on the way home I have already been through town, so that I could restock on all my girly things. I need to look and feel my best. I am going out, for the first time in ages, and I ‘don’t’ want to come home alone again!

Home at last, I look at the clock and laugh out loud. I would still be there had I not rearranged things earlier. This makes me feel good. Pete the lodger should still be asleep, as he works nights now. Doing what I’m not sure. All I really know is that he’s had a few different jobs! But he’s very clean and quiet, and despite a few hold up’s he always pays the rent, so I’m not that bothered; he’s seems pretty honest – so I don’t really have anything to worry about, he must be sound, right? I put a ready meal in the microwave and unpack all my goodies in the bathroom. Check myself in the mirror, telling myself twice, ‘your going be fine, he is coming home with you, it’s going to be great’! The ping of the microwave reminds me to eat. I am so nervous, I am not sure I can.

It has to be done, ‘can’t drink on an empty stomach, I hear my granddads,’ voice in my head say. It’s not exactly gourmet but it conjures images of Jim, this really super sexy chef. I only vaguely know him. He’s going to be at the party later. Sarah my best friend is setting me up with him, on a double date with her and Dave.

She’s always trying to make me happy. She hasn’t done it yet, but she keeps trying and we get to laugh afterwards, so I suppose she sort of does, eventually! Dave is not her boyfriend; she doesn’t have one either but that’s her choice, she likes to keep it free. I don’t see Dave much, he’s sort of her go-to man I suppose. I hear snippets from Sarah about their amazing sex life so I feel like I know him really well. After all, I’ve had all his most intimate bits described to me already. As for Jim, well... I never got to know him, because I always thought he was a bit out of my league. He’s what I’d call ‘well fit’, and he already owns his flat and car outright so he can’t be short of a penny or two. He always has a new phone or something that everyone wants to see. From what I’ve seen of him he’s a perfect gentleman, so I can’t help but ask, why he isn’t tied up already?

With all the food I can eat, finished and the rest disposed of, I concentrate on getting ready. On my way to the shower I grab my Rabbit from my room, I could definitely get off thinking about Jim manhandling me later, and of course it means I might not look so desperate when we meet properly. I don’t want to look like a gold digger either. I’m ok now I’ve got the debts Danny left me with under control. That’s all thanks to having a decent lodger if I’m honest. I don’t need Jim’s money, just his hands and his lips, right now! The thought of real hands around me, his upon me, make me tingle. I giggle like a little girl at the thought of Jim’s body next to mine and I wonder for a moment if he snores in bed!

The water from the shower makes the rubber of the Rabbit adhere to my skin. I have to push hard to get it to a wet place between my lips that is actually slippery, and still it’s not quite in. It won’t go in! I laugh because it makes me think about being a virgin again, and I realise that it was that long ago, I have no memory of what being a virgin felt like. These thoughts don’t help me to fully insert this piece of rubber into me, so I squat, using my full weight to push down. I have to actually hold myself open with my hand. There, now it slips in with ease! It slides in deep, and I push down more to feel it, really feel it, as deep as it goes and it feels good. I sigh in relief as I switch him on. The balls start to grind inside me, causing shallow pulsations in all my muscles that make me sigh.

Ah, yes… I whisper to myself, as I ride my wonderful friend.

I plan a long slow wank in my head, but I can’t help myself. I should go slower, in and out like Jim might fuck me later but I’m hungry for it, I keep pulling it from me to fast and spitting it out. Forcing me to reinsert it several times. The idea of Jim making sweet love to me has got me hotter than I thought it would. I don’t think, my fingers respond to my needs and turn on those ears. I’m feeling good, and I’m almost ready to cum! The plan has been lost, over-ridden by sensation. I don’t know if I want to cum yet though. Maybe Jim will do it later? I’m confused, I want him! I want a man to take it from me. Should I cum or wait? What should I do?

I can’t wait. I need this, and now! I thrust myself down, fast and hard pushing it in deep, bracing my body for that moment when I burst into orgasm. But one of my knees buckles throwing my body off balance. I slip over onto my side, hit the walls, and as I swing around onto my back I inadvertently let go of my friend to steady myself! My fanny muscles squeeze down hard in my panic. I spit the vibrator out, shooting it across the bathroom while moaning a weird moan. First the sound of ecstasy then panic both mixed in with some pain. I’m ok, and the vibrator looks ok, but it does seem to be attempting an escape as it gyrates around the floor and I laugh.

There is a knock at the door and I hear Pete’s voice.

Everything ok? he enquires.

Yep! I say, Just slipped.

I try to turn off the vibrator.

I dropped my electric razor and fell over. I say, thinking quickly. I’m ok, thanks Pete.

Ok, he says, and I hear him trundle back to his room. I snigger to myself. That was a bit of a close one!

I have to get back in the shower because I smell. My whole body smells like I’ve been fucking myself, because I have. I am covered in sweat, horny sticky sweat, I lick some of it off my arms. It’s slightly salty, and also watery from the shower. It’s intoxicating, almost drug-like, I think to myself as I tremble slightly. It always takes me longer to get clean than it does to cum! Long Live the Machine!

But, I haven’t cum! Not really, not properly. I feel unfulfilled.

It had been just my vibrator and me since Danny walked out of my life nearly three years ago now. I could do with a bit of real cock but I can’t bring myself to get that close to anyone. Danny hurt me deeply: mind, body, soul and pocket! A real cock would be nice; it’s what the cock is attached to that I don’t want to deal with. I’m really not sure there is such a thing as a nice man any more. Once I get to know them they all turn out to be liars, control freaks or perverts. Sarah assures me there are plenty, she says I should just get out there and take what I want! I’m not sure I know what I want. I haven’t had a man, or any proper sex, for like, forever!

As I clean up the mess I’ve made, it occurs to me that Pete never has girls over and that he might well be gay. I imagine what he looks like starkers with a vibrator up his bum and it makes me laugh. I go back to my room, still smiling and wondering if this Jim guy Sarah’s setting me up with really is as good as she makes out. I don’t want to get hurt again. I rub my hair lazily with the towel, and then lie back on my bed to daydream about a mysterious dark handsome buff, taking me roughly from behind. I debate with myself on the pros and cons of having another go at getting myself off before I go and meet Jim.

I don’t dream for long. Sarah phones me and just starts rambling excitedly.

Almost ready hunny, just checking you haven’t got cold feet. Just to say I’ll be a tiny bit late, I got something I need to do with Dave first. I know you will want to eat so I’ll bring some food to line our stomachs with before we go. See you then, be ready! and she puts the phone down.

Shit! I think, jumping off the bed and walking to the door. I am quite hungry after my ‘shower’ but I need the loo before I get dressed and have to deal with her telling me how to play the night out. I am happy with my head in ‘vibrator and buff-man land’, and I chuckle away to myself as I walk into the bathroom, shut the door, and lock it behind me.

I am totally gob-smacked! I gasp. Pete is as surprised as I am. He shuts his eyes and curls his naked body up in a ball. I really wasn’t expecting him to be there!

In shock, I stagger backwards with my dressing gown flapping open and hit the shut locked door with a thud. He freezes, I freeze, and there is a long uncomfortable silence. Why doesn’t he stand up and try to get out of the door, why hasn’t he moved? I can’t think. He’s naked for fucks sake, he’s bollock naked, what do I do? I can’t help but stare at him, taking in every detail of his posture, trying to work out what the hell he is doing?

I start to panic a bit because I’m trapped in here with him; but he hasn’t frightened me, he hasn’t moved. Is he not going to challenge me? I don’t understand?

As the fear of all the nakedness subsides I stand up tall, leaning away from the door that supports me, and ceremonially pull my gown back around me tying it tight. He keeps his body perfectly still and hides his face from me. I still feel quite brave so I take a step towards him. I am curious. He holds something in his hand, which sort of feels familiar? I strain my head to see, and he curls up tighter and starts to shake. I feel a rush of power like I’ve never felt before as I realise that he is in a very vulnerable position, and that he feels it too! This makes me feel good, very good indeed. I throw my shoulders back and stand tall.

What have you got? I ask quite boldly, my voice echoing around the wet walls of the locked bathroom making it louder. He shakes slightly, but then very calmly and very slowly he pokes out a bit of fabric.

Oh! I say, in recognition. This man, my lodger, is naked and kneeling on the floor, clutching the knickers I took off before I got in the shower. I must have forgotten them in the pandemonium.

Grounds for eviction, don’t you think? I shout. Then realising that he is actually perving I shout again, You fucking dirty skank!

He shudders. I am trying to sound like a hardcore landlord but I think I sound more like a pimp. This thought and his shaking body makes my clit tingle and throb slightly. I try not to laugh. This is bizarre, totally bizarre! Why am I getting a sexual buzz off this?

You’re a twat! I say to myself out loud without thinking about it, but before I can correct myself, Pete gives me a muffled, Yes Mam! in reply!

I like the way this feels. I don’t know why. I assume it is the position of power I find myself in, so I ask him, what the fuck he is doing with my pants. He looks up at me with a sort of scared but inquisitive expression.

"Don’t look at me! How dare you think you can look me in the eyes! Sitting there with my knickers in your hand, you dirty whore!" I pause, there is silence. My feeling of power disappeared when he looked at me, I need to get that feeling back.

Answer the question you toad! I shout at him, scaring myself slightly. He softens his stance, lowers his head and in a relaxed voice he says, I was sniffing them Mam.

Dirty bitch! You dirty, dirty bitch! I say, and my clit twitches again. I’m actually getting off on this! Why? I can’t understand what is happening? I like it though!

Maybe it’s just because I had a failed orgasm just a few minutes ago, or maybe it’s him sniffing my pants! I don’t like it when he calls me ‘mam’, though. It makes me sound like some Madame of the brothel! I might be a bit deranged, but I’m not a whore. I don’t want anyone to think I am a whore!

I stand there, shameless, watching him shake in silence for what seems like an age while I think about what to do. A hundred different new thoughts and emotions hit me all at once. I’m not sure I can cope with the new feelings, or the amount of feelings, I’m confused. How the hell do I get out of this?

Now although I think I probably shouldn’t, I do very much like the idea of him sniffing my pants. It’s dirty, really dirty; how long has he been doing it? Maybe since he moved in? How long has he known what my most personal place smells and maybe even tastes like? He’s been doing all this while I have been busy avoiding seeing him as anything other than ‘the lodger’!

My clit is really tingling now and so swollen I can even feel the blood flowing through it, heating it up. I get the urge to fuck him. He could be my rough buff! I want to fuck him, I want to pin the little bastard to the floor, shove my pants down his throat and ride him till I’m done, just like I did my vibrator. My heart beats fast and my breathing gets heavy. I put my hand on my chest to feel it, and take a few steadying breaths in an attempt to compose myself, with the words DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH THE LODGER! ringing in my head. He just sits there staring at the floor. He’s made me so fucking horny, and he’s just going to sit there? DO NOT SHAG THE SKANKY LODGER, FOR FUCKS SAKE DON’T DO IT!

I don’t think, I just reach out and grab him by the back of his hair firmly and push his head to one side. There is no resistance, he closes his eyes so he doesn’t look at me, and I feel him relax, I whisper in his ear.

Now you’re going to pay. Nod if you understand!

He nods his head as best he can in my grip. His breathing is deep and heavy. I can see his chest rise and fall. I want to touch him, I want to stroke him and I really want to bite him. I grit my teeth and dramatically release his head from my grasp as I walk away from him.

Put those pants in your mouth, bitch! I want to make sure no one hears your screams. Nod if you understand!

He nods, and I can feel myself shaking. My whole fanny is burning with desire. I can smell his sweat, his hair and I can taste his anticipation in the air. I think of my vibrator just for a second and then my mind is back on Pete. Pete! Pete this piece of meat! I like that so I say it to him.

I can’t think of anything else so I tell him to get on to all fours. He immediately obeys me. It makes my entire cunt tingle this time, I want to fuck him, so I smack his arse and ask him if he likes it. He nods.

You’re not fucking supposed to! I say, taking the back scrubber from the bath. One smarting whack leaves a perfect outline of a pink elephant on his arse cheeks. The sound rings out, it pleases me, it makes me stand tall and proud. I like the look of what I’ve done and my body surges with hot rushes. It takes all I have, not to just throw myself at this man, and lay under him. I’ve been so starved of sex. Hot rushes fill my groin as I watch the red, redden.

My bladder shouts at me! I remember why I came here! I move to the loo to pee, and then I laugh out loud because I have an idea.

In the shower, bitch! I command. That’s it sit there! He’s so obedient he jumps to my every command and I wonder how many times he’s done this before. My bladder is feeling desperate so I don’t think, I squat over him, holding my dressing gown open and myself up by pressing my arms into the shower walls. It’s awkward, but worth the strain. I manage to create a constant stream of hot piss that hits him about three inches above his cock. It spatters and splashes and runs down his body, rolling over his flaccid cock and trickling off its end, so it looks as if he is pissing too. I stop a few times and start again, each fresh stream of piss met by a slight flick of his cock and a knicker-muffled moan from Pete, Pete my piece of meat! It makes me feel really dirty, really in-control, and, it makes his cock hard!

I can’t help thinking about how his cock would feel inside me, even soaked in my piss, which would make his skin stick to mine like the water had the vibrator. I stare at his swelling member, observing it’s girth and it’s bends. I decide it’s perfect, just what I have desired for so fucking long, and accidentally let out a little moan of pleasure. I tell myself off; it doesn’t feel powerful to tell him I am ecstatic. I start to slide myself towards his cock. I want to impale myself on him. Oh, how I want to feel the heat of his helmet pierce my lips – fuck! I just want this man to take me now! To grab me and pull me down on him! If he did it would not be my fault, I don’t want to shag the lodger. I want his cock! If he just touches me now I’m gonna give in and impale myself! I could do it, I shouldn’t, but I want him! I want him to pull me onto his hot shaft and grind until he makes me cum. I can’t! I can’t shag the fucking lodger!

I remember he’s been bad and stand up. I can’t shag him, I mustn’t! That would be giving him what he wants and he should be punished not rewarded! I lean over him and grab the dry loofa from its hook and dropping it straight on his cock and tell him he disgusts me, that his hard cock offends me. I ask him what makes him think his cock deserves anything other than a good beating with a ruler, and tell him that I am going to beat him black and blue, that he will have lots of breakfasts in bed to make, lots of toilet scrubbing to do, and that I will be more careful with my underwear in future. He nods to all of it, keeping his eyes closed.

Good boy, I say. I am not sure what to do with him now. I about to leave, but the way he looks up at me, feels like he’s begging for more! And I want him so much!

Stay there, don’t fucking move bitch! Don’t look, I will be back. Understand?

He nods. I feel stronger because now I manage to hold down the urges I have; it’s all the desire that is in me. I feel powerful again!

I watch him shake for a while, and then I unlock the door and leave the room, shutting it behind me.

I stand outside, looking back at the shut door staring in disbelief! This can’t be happening. I give my very erect nipples a squeeze to affirm I’m alive and run to my bedroom to stare at myself in the mirror. I stare for some time. I have no idea what’s just happened or why! I thought the guy was gay a moment ago! Shit! Shit! SHIT! What the fuck! What if he is gay? He can’t be, can he? He’s being so good, I don’t know? I just know that ‘I need to do this’. I need to fuck him! This all feels too good! It feels so good I could still be dreaming. I pinch my nipples again to reaffirm that I’m awake. Aw! Yep, I am awake! Fuck! This is fucking weird. Is it too weird when it feels so fucking nice? When it feels like proper sex? It feels so totally real. There is nothing seedy or dodgy about it. Somehow it feels wholesome like whole meal bread instead of gacky white.

I try to disengage myself from what’s happening. I call myself a slut and try to