Congratulations.....You're Having a Baby (Or Two!!)

By Gary Locke

Congratulations.....You're Having a Baby (Or Two!!)

Alex and Sarah Wilson are both in their early forties. After deciding that they are not living the lives that they want to be, they both quit their high-pressured jobs and are actively planning to, open-endedly, travel the world. What is it they say? “Whilst you’re busy making other plans, Life is what happens.” Or is it, “Don’t make plans, because shit happens!”? Either way, for Alex and Sarah and their plans, there is well and truly a large spanner thrown into the works; or, more accurately, two tiny spanners as they find out that Sarah is pregnant – with twins.

Told from Alex’s perspective this humorous story follows the shock and anguish that follows on from the discovery that Sarah is pregnant with twins. The initial surprise, the first scan, the baby groups, the planning, the announcements, the re-decorating, the name discussions; this is a book that everyone who has become, or is planning to become, a parent will be able to empathise with. This journey of pregnancy is quirkily told from a male point of view, as Alex shares the shock, trepidation and fear that becoming a parent at their stage of life brings, whilst also reliving hilarious tales from his and Sarah’s past. Is this really happening to them?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Gary Locke
• Release date: Oct 6, 2021

Gary Locke

Gary Locke is the author of the hilarious Paul Day Chronicles series of books.He was born, raised and continues to reside in Hazel Grove, Stockport - with his wife and two daughters. (Yep, he should probably try broadening his horizons a little!)You can contact him by email at [e-mail], add him to facebook: Gary Locke, follow on Twitter, Paul Day style: @pdchronicles, or visit pauldaychronicles.com

Book preview

Congratulations…..you’re having a baby twins!

:-o

For Sharon, Ella-Louise and Hazel

xxx

Congratulations…..you’re having a baby twins!

Alex and Sarah Wilson are both in their early forties. After deciding that they are not living the lives that they want to be, they both quit their high-pressured jobs and are actively planning to, open-endedly, travel the world. What is it they say? "Whilst you’re busy making other plans, Life is what happens.? Or is it, Don’t make plans, because shit happens"? Either way for Alex and Sarah, and their plans, there is well and truly a large spanner thrown into the works; or, more accurately, two tiny spanners as they find out that Sarah is pregnant – with twins.

Told from Alex’s perspective this humorous story follows the shock and anguish that follows on from the discovery that Sarah is pregnant with twins. The initial surprise, the first scan, the baby groups, the planning, the announcements, the need to re-decorate, the name discussions; this is a book that everyone who has become, or is planning to become, a parent will be able to empathise with. The journey of pregnancy is quirkily told from a male point of view, as Alex shares the shock, trepidation and fear that becoming a parent at their stage of life brings, whilst also reliving hilarious tales from his and Sarah’s past. Is this really happening to them?

By Gary Locke:

Love Is Usually Where You Left It.

Congratulations…..you’re having a baby twins!

! – For when full stops aren’t enough and question marks aren’t appropriate

The Paul Day Chronicles Comedy Series -

2020: The Lockdown Year –

Paul Day Chronicles - 2020 Vision.

Short Stories from 2020 –

Paul Day Chronicles – SPA Trekking.

Paul Day Chronicles – Karma Cashout.

Paul Day Chronicles – Box of Memories.

2006: The Midlife Crisis Year –

Paul Day Chronicles – Happily After Ever!

Short Stories from 2006 –

Paul Day Chronicles – Love Is Like Fireworks!

Paul Day Chronicles – The Stag Do.

Paul Day Chronicles – Football Is Like Sex!

Paul Day Chronicles – Fate… Bloody Fate!

1992: The Coming of Age Year –

Paul Day Chronicles – Goodbye B.M.X., Hello S.E.X.

Short Stories from 1992 –

Paul Day Chronicles – Love for the Very First Time.

Paul Day Chronicles – Dead Legs, Exam Dreads and Fun Behind the Bike Sheds.

Selected Short Stories -

Fifty Shades of Paul Day

Cling and Grow Publishing

Copyright © Gary Locke 2015

Cover Design by Andy Tiplady – Freelance Graphic Designer

First published in Great Britain in 2015 by Cling and Grow Publishing

This edition first published in 2015 by Cling and Grow Publishing

The rights of Gary Locke to be identified as the author of this work have been asserted in accordance with Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher.

All characters and events that appear in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Congratulations…..you’re having a baby twins!

Gary Locke

Chapters

Introduction

Blue Cross Day

The Scan

Plan C

Better than Sex

A Blank Page

Mothercare

The Facebook Way

Baby Group

Names

Noah and the Barbecue

The Hospital

The Nursery

Labour

The Birth

Congratulations…..you’re having a baby twins!

Introduction.

Children.

What was it that a famous, curly-haired singer once sang about children? That they are the future? Well, Ms Houston was right, wasn’t she? Without children, there is no future; at least no future for mankind - which, if we’re honest, probably the rest of the planet would be thankful for. But, for mankind and its very existence, it is vital that people continue to have babies. Maybe not quite as many as currently seem to be conceived (and is that fact the biggest evidence that TV is not as good as it used to be?) but certainly some.

Of course now, though, because of those incessant, brainwashing adverts we have all been convinced that the future is orange – which is actually how I envisage things would be after a nuclear war. (Let’s hope those bloody mobile phone clairvoyants are wrong, shall we?)

So, as you probably guessed, this is a story about children; our story about children. But I’m getting way ahead of myself here. Before we go on any further, it is probably only polite of me to introduce myself, which will clear up the question in your mind – who the bloody hell are you?

Well, my name is Alex Wilson and I am forty-one years old.

My wife, Sarah – forty (also old-ish but, as she likes to say: I will never be as old as you, Alex!), and I recently re-evaluated our lives and asked whether we were in the position that we wanted to be in life. Our overwhelming conclusion was: No. And so we quit our jobs and decided that we would plan a round-the-world trip that would last for at least a year.

I know what you’re thinking – Did he fire six shots or only five? What? Not a fan of Clint Eastwood / Dirty Harry? You know – Do I feel lucky? Well do you punk? No? Okay, moving on....

(At this point I should probably inform you that I am a huge movie buff / nerd, so I pre-apologise if I overdo any references to classic films that you may or may not consider classics or may or may not even like.)

What you were thinking though is - mid life crisis.

Yep, two people trying to come to terms with the fact that they were now firmly into the fifth decade of their lives certainly had classic hallmarks of that mid-term life agitation, but there was more to it than just that. We were, fortunately, in a position in which we could take stock of where we were. Whereas the majority of people have financial constraints and family commitments, we were free of those responsibilities and therefore able to look beyond our current life-style. My job at the bank had become more and more pressurised and so the opportunity to cash my chips and walk away from that was more than welcome. The whole stigma that unfortunately surrounds that industry at the moment is yet another pressure and the rhyming possibilities available to anyone who wants to insult bankers is also fairly unpleasant.

Sarah had equal pressure running her small pharmaceutical business and had found that, despite the fulfilment of knowing that everything she worked hard for was ultimately for herself, the hours were becoming longer and longer as time passed by. So, when she was offered the chance to sell to one of her bigger, more aggressive, competitors it seemed like the logical thing to do.

By making this change we would no longer be part of the alarmingly large number of people who just seem to live for the weekend. How can it be right to almost wish the week away because you are so desperate to get to Saturday? Wishing away five whole days a week, or five-sevenths of your lives? In simple mathematic terms (probably best for me) does that mean that, if we were to live until we were seventy years old, we would only actually have had twenty years that we wouldn’t have preferred to just fast forward through? How the hell can that be any way to live?

So rather than a mid-life crisis, we preferred to look at it as an opportunity to escape the rat race; a chance to spread our wings and search out all the beautiful things that this big, green and blue globe of ours has to offer those who are willing to go and explore.

Well, that was the plan anyway, until there was a pretty big spanner thrown into the works. Or, more accurately, until there were two tiny spanners thrown into the works……

Blue Cross Day.

Everything starts somewhere.

According to the bible, everything started with the heavens, the earth, light and darkness. Although that book soon begins to describe people walking on water, parting oceans and immaculate conceptions. Hmmm.....

According to the top scientists, the greatest brains on the planet, everything started with a big bang. (Is that the best they can come up with?)

All I know is, that for Sarah and me, everything started on a Saturday in January on the blue cross day.

Actually it started before this; probably way before this. But the first that we knew that it had started was on the blue cross day. I realise how confusing that sounds, so let me explain.

Saturdays usually meant two completely different things for Sarah and me. For Sarah, it meant shopping; lots of shopping, the more the better. In fact, she couldn’t get enough of it. Like an addict starved all week she would embrace Saturdays and soothe all her cravings with one, action-packed day-visit to anywhere where they sold basically anything. Clothes, shoes, handbags, jewellery, even garden gnomes; it didn’t matter. As long as her trip involved credit cards and carrier bags she was more than happy.

I, on the other hand, think that Saturdays were invented for sport. High-octane, adrenalin-induced activities that demand nothing less than blood, sweat and tears. And what better way than to experience the blood, sweat and tears, than to watch them from the comfort of your favourite, front room armchair?

Even though we had both now quit our jobs, and were well under way with planning our round the world trip, we were still treating Saturdays exactly the same. For Sarah, the Saturday in question had been a long time in the making. Not quite Jurassic Park tag-line length, but certainly long enough to grab even my attention. She was particularly excited with this weeks’ weekend-opener by the fact that there was a blue cross sale on in one shop she had mentioned - that I’d taken precise attention in not listening to. (There are only so many conversations about shopping expeditions that men can take in without wanting to buy a pair of ear plugs or physically rip their own ears off.) I have learnt though, from earlier retail-therapy monologues that I did listen to, that blue cross sales meant that the stakes were even higher. The alarm has to be set extra early as you don’t want to be left behind by the early bargain-hunting crowds. The boot of the car also needs to be cleared of all the junk you can’t quite fit into your handbag because you don’t want to be left with not enough room to bring everything you buy home. Sarah didn’t seem to realise, or seem to care, that a blue cross sale only meant that the same stuff that she had decided not to buy during her previous shopping trips, would now be slightly cheaper. How is it that the fact that you might save a few pounds means the dress that you didn’t like a week earlier suddenly becomes something you couldn’t possibly live without?

It didn’t matter because Sarah was ready. The only problem was... there was a problem. Sarah had been feeling less than 100% for about a week and a half and didn’t fancy driving herself. Now she isn’t the type of shopper who goes with a pack as part of some kind of female social event. No, she is a lone wolf. She likes to be focussed on her mission and sets out alone to seek out and savage anything she deems worthy of purchasing. The only slight sidetrack to her operation being a muffin and/or cookie pitstop shortly after arriving at the shopping centre – although she wouldn’t then stop to consume, but rather eat on the move.

For me, Saturday morning always started with a bacon butty with plenty of brown sauce, and it’s a well known fact that the best way to digest a bacon butty is slowly, in your dressing gown, whilst watching Soccer AM. So when Sarah offered me the chance to give her a lift to the shopping centre, I was somewhat less than enthusiastic.

I’ll buy you a cookie? was her opening gambit.

No thanks, they’re pretty much always soft! I batted away.

Come on, it’ll be fun! she tried next.

A frown / raised eyebrow facial combo was all that comment deserved.

And then she tried something different; something sneaky.

"I’ll tell