From AIDS to Eternity

By Mark Whiting

From Smalltown Boy to Queer Spirit Warrior, from gay bars to Radical Faerie gatherings, here is a tale of awakening to a multi-dimensional reality and of discovering the hidden spiritual powers of gay/lesbian/bi/trans/queer people and how they are manifesting in the world today. AIDS took Shokti to the twilight world between life and death, a place where realities merged and spirit entered. HIV opened his mind to the fact that humanity needs to awaken and realise that we are cut off from our true source and nature, to understand that: Healing Is Vital: healing of our belief in separation. AIDS became his Accelerated Individual Discovery of Self.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Oct 29, 2021
• ISBN: 9781470980535

Book preview

PART ONE

1.

My Aquarian Story

I was a smalltown boy who arrived in London in 1986, coming out of the closet and embarking on an exploration of life and love that was to be threatened very early on by an HIV diagnosis and prediction of death. As I prepared myself for that end I dove into the mysteries of religion, occult magic, mysticism and new age teachings, seeking for some answers as to why I had been born in the first place.

AIDS took me to the twilight world between life and death, a place where realities merged and spirit entered. HIV opened my mind to the idea that humanity needs to wake up to the fact that we are cut off from our true source and nature, to understand that:

Healing Is Vital: healing of our belief in separation.

AIDS became my

Accelerated Individual Discovery of Self.

I came out of the sexual closet at the age of 21, having struggled as a sexually repressed teenager. I can remember, as early as 7 years old, being fascinated by boys’ beautiful butt cheeks in the school playground but fear and shame kept me quiet about it until my last year at university. My story is one of personal and unexpected spiritual growth through the life experiences that my gay inclination led me directly, and rapidly, into.

By the age of 25 I was facing a journey into illness with HIV, was told by my doctor that I had maybe 7 years to live. At 33 I was still alive, but with a t-cell (CD4) count of 3, waiting at death’s door and taking a good look through that door while I was so close. By the age of 35 it was clear I was going to live for a while yet, and I left behind 5 years confined to my council flat hermitage, the cocoon years ended and I found myself stepping back into the world reborn with a new appreciation of the spiritual nature of existence – and of myself, of my purpose in being alive – that I had been blind to before.

I now see my journey with HIV as a rite of passage that opened my mind to the multi-dimensional nature of life. It forced me to grow out of identification with the blinkered, limited ego-mind and accept I am a child, a divine child, at play in the great scheme and mystery of the universe.

I have noticed that many people don’t really want to grow up into responsible adults, let alone wake up to spiritual reality… when our sights are set low and we are under the illusion that the ego is in control we don’t wish in general to have that fantasy shattered. It often takes illness or some kind of breakdown to make us acknowledge that we are in fact part of something much bigger. Then we get the opportunity to build a relationship with that something, and make way for it to manifest in us. As time goes by it is becoming more widely appreciated that a healing crisis can be a doorway to transformation and growth.

With the shock of the 2020 Covid-19 pandemic, the whole world is being presented with this chance to evolve and transform. It feels more than ever that gay author Mark Thompson was correct when he described AIDS as a training ground for the apocalypse.

I feel that as an atheistically minded young man I lost touch with my soul, became absorbed in a shallow world of sexuality and had no ambition or drive to achieve anything much in life. My soul was not expanding, not getting to express its many wonderful talents, so it became increasingly hard for it to stay on the planet. Since I opened my (inner) eyes and found the motivation within to bring light, love and joy into my life and to the world, my health has returned and my existence has utterly transformed.

My time wasn’t up, but it took the healing crisis of nearly dying with AIDS to get me in touch with my soul and to learn just how deeply we are involved in a spiritual, not simply physical, experience here on planet Earth, and how blind humanity is, or has become, to that.

As my consciousness went into altered states I journeyed with spirit guides, gurus, dead brothers, star beings, angels and elemental spirits. My awareness opened up to a complex multi-dimensional reality in which human life is simply a component part: the vehicle I used to make this journey was my own body-mind.

Surviving a year with a CD4 count of less than 10, I stubbornly held onto life and went on to recover thanks to advances in medical treatments, beginning a new existence in which I seek to combine awareness of the spiritual dimensions with a fully embraced and embodied physical experience here on Planet Earth, through celebrating and exploring our human nature as spiritual, social and sexual beings.

It was as I prepared myself to die, in the mid ‘90s, just a decade after coming out, that I finally learnt that what we call ‘queer’ people were often the shamans and healers of traditional tribal societies across the globe.

Although there had been gay writers and visionaries telling this story since the 1970s (who developed a visionary thread that had actually already been initiated in the early 20th century by gay pioneer Edward Carpenter), I had not come across them. Nor would I have been open to their words since I had accepted the science-based material depiction of reality that secular society has adopted, and which was ‘educated’ into me at school.

Facing imminent illness and predicted death from AIDS, I started to ask questions that I had left unvoiced before, about life and about sex – and before long I felt I was finding a crucial secret hiding in my sexuality, and tapping into the real reasons gay sex had been made a taboo.

I began to wonder if the modern move towards political and social acceptance of queer people would ultimately result in the return of the powers and priestcraft our kind once knew. One thing was sure for me – the rationalist atheistic view on life I had taken on board while in the education system, was simply not an adequate description of the complex existence I was experiencing. Nowhere near.

As I recovered from the AIDS years, in the early 2000s I became involved with Queer Pagan Camp, the Edward Carpenter Community (which holds retreats for gay men) and the global Radical Faerie community: I was part of the team giving birth to Folleterre Sanctuary in France and to Albion Faerie gatherings in the UK. A decade later we had garnered enough energy to launch Queer Spirit Festival, a 5 day camping summer event for 500 people dedicated to celebration of the creative, loving spirit - and innate, earthy, ecstatic spirituality - of LGBTQ+ people.

The Queer Spirit Library

When I came out in 1986 the few books that had been written about the spirituality of gay-lesbian-bi-trans - ‘queer’ people were far from my radar, but in the three and a half decades since I found the courage to be true to myself and come out in a world that I knew would judge, even hate, me, many books have been published on the theme of queer spirit that seek to expand the understanding and vision of what gender fluidity and same sex attraction are all about in the grand scheme of Creation and the evolution of human consciousness.

The first I came across was Gay Soul, Mark Thompson’s 1994 compilation of interviews with gay pioneers, bringing names such as Harry Hay, Will Roscoe, Ram Dass and Joseph Kramer into my awareness. This opened up the doors for me to start exploring the possibility that, far from being unnatural and abominable, my gay sexuality might contain a sacred secret. I soon discovered Mark’s other works Gay Spirit and Gay Body and the mystical writings of Andrew Harvey, whose phenomenal work Gay Mystics draws out the heritage of queer spiritual voices throughout time and from every corner of the world.

The turn of the millennium brought forth many new works on gay spirit, largely unnoticed by the commercially driven mainstream gay world.

It’s clear to me that this flowering from mainly gay male writers was part of our response to the devastating challenge of the AIDS years. These books were truly ground breaking and covered a lot of ground – such as offerings from

Andrew Ramer (Two Flutes Playing)

Toby Johnson (Gay Spirituality, Gay Perspective)

Christian de la Huerta (Coming Out Spiritually)

David Nimmons (The Soul beneath the Skin)

John Stowe (Gay Spirit Warrior)

Winston Leyland (Queer Dharma)

Will Roscoe (Jesus and the Shamanic Tradition of Same Sex Love)

Christopher Penczak (Gay Witchcraft)

Michael Thomas Ford (The Path of the Green Man)

These works, all published 1997-2005, were signs of the gradual opening up of the story around the spirituality of LGBTQ+ people the world over, which was also happening at increasing numbers of gay spiritual retreats, Queer Pagan and Radical Faerie gatherings at this time, a turning away from the tame and humble words of some gay people who defend us within religious institutions and instead proclaiming the natural and ancient power in our sexuality. They were also a manifestation of the longing in many gay men for deeper meaning in their lives than that generally found through the often shallow immediacy of the mainstream gay scene. The AIDS apocalypse pushed many men to seek for answers deeply within themselves.

This surge of gay spirituality books built on the inspired writings of the earlier pioneers of this path –

Larry Mitchell, The Faggots and their Friends Between Revolutions, (1977)

Mitch Walker, Men Loving Men: A Gay Sex Guide and Consciousness Book, (1977)

Arthur Evans, Witchcraft and the Gay Counterculture (1978)

Judy Grahn, Another Mother Tongue, (1984)

Randy P. Connor, Blossom of Bone: Reclaiming the Connections between Homoeroticism and the Sacred, (1993).

These early pioneering texts stand out as classics of an emerging genre of queer spirituality, even earlier examples of which include works by Walt Whitman, Edward Carpenter (The Intermediate Sex), Oscar Wilde (De Profundis), Victorian poet John Addington Symonds, Sapphic poet Elsa Gidlow and Beat poet Allen Ginsberg.

Since 2005 new books have appeared as authors share their own liberating insights, such as Salvatore Sapienza (Gay is a Gift, 2009) and Caffyn Jesse (Orientation, 2015).

Some works focus on de-colonising the notion of sexuality from the binary, western, psychological model that was developed in the late 19th century – when we look at cultures around the globe it certainly becomes very apparent that there have always been other, more holistic, views on gender and sexuality at play, in which homo and trans sexualities often have a deep association with spirituality, long ago denied in the monotheistic religions, but which is still common among their monastics and clergy. Gay men have always continued to answer the call to spiritual service, even while having to hide their true nature in order to do it.

Thomas Prower takes a world tour on this theme in Queer Magic (2018). Raven Kaldera highlights the sacred history and power of gender-variance in Hermaphrodeities, while books such as Arcane Perfection (2017), a second Queer Magic (subtitled Power Beyond Boundaries, 2018), and The Book of Queer Prophets (2020) are compilations of writings by queer individuals each telling something of their personal spiritual story and sharing their unique eye on the world.

Manifestation

My personal journey into magic and

consciousness began in 1995, part of a global surge of queer spiritual energy, as reflected by the many inspired books coming out soon after.

I explored esoteric schools, eastern spiritual teachings, Celtic paganism and shamanism, but most crucially I surrendered to the internal process of awakening and transformation of being, undergoing a complete realignment of my own mind, heart and soul.

My journey with AIDS was a very modern version of an ancient archetypal experience of ego destruction and shamanic rebirth, one that would have been recognised as such in a traditional tribal setting, but which the modern medical world does not comprehend.

I survived this annihilation and rebirth through finding a determination in myself that I had not known before, that became a devotion to the path of awakening and service, offered to the gay community that we might reclaim the holy queer spirit inside us, discovering and proclaiming who we are, no longer allowing ourselves to be defined as ‘other’ by the majority population; and I offer my work to the whole of humanity as a missing piece of the puzzle that, when put into its place, will suddenly make the whole picture much clearer to see.

My contribution to the gradual remembrance of humanity’s cosmic nature is not simply intellectual and book bound, it is an engaged practice, a way of life since 25 years. The first five of those were in the AIDS cocoon guided by the loving presence of the Goddess and spirit friends, since then in lively, spirited, colourful, exploratory community with other questing queers who seek to release their creativity, passion, power and holiness, and be of service to the world.

The first gatherings I attended in the early 2000s brought only a few dozen people together each time - Queer Spirit Festival, which had its first outing in 2016, was drawing in 500 people by the third event in 2019. The queer spiritual web, which also consists of tantra, yoga, dance, sacred medicine and other workshops, festivals and events is evolving and growing, and our ancestor pioneers are looking forward to many more of us shining our magical, empowered, spiritual light strongly.

In this book I offer my story of awakening to spiritual light and discovery of the spiritual magic inherent in queer sexualities. I hope to offer perspectives on life, and our queer part in it, that I hope will assist in the evolution of a more compassionate world of enhanced understanding, well-being and joy.

I hope it will help queer people especially to overcome negative attitudes around spirit and faith as we realise we can find our own answers through direct experience. Answers that will help all of humanity to overcome the fear of death, the ultimate illusion, and live a more fully divine life.

The emergence of gay people into society, accepted and embraced as never before, is changing the world, and the Queer Age of Aquarius is only just beginning.

2.

The Shift of the Ages

Understanding the times we live in...

Astrology

Astrology helps us to have a

view of the ‘bigger picture’ both of our own lives and of human evolution, one that nurtures a sense of connection and belonging within us, and through revealing what underlying energies are at play at any time, helps us make informed choices and decisions. It also helps us to respect the impermanence of life and the many transformations we undergo while living it, plus the endless cycle of death and rebirth, making living in the here and now a richer, less fearful experience.

Astrology is a wisdom tradition based on the principle of ‘As Above So Below’, a belief that the sky above us offers a map of our own soul journey here on earth – because that is how the conscious universe designed it to be. 2000 years ago it was already understood by Christian Gnostic Theodotus that the stars:

are not the cause of things, but a sign of what is taking place.

3rd century philosopher Plotinus wrote that:

The circuit of the stars indicates definite events to come but without being the direct cause of what happens.

Thanks largely to the hit musical Hair from the hippy 1960s probably everyone on the planet knows that the planet is entering the Age of Aquarius.

This is a long process, and the enthusiasm for it birthed in the 60s has been waning and waxing ever since. But after the dark trial of a global pandemic it seems likely to me that more people than ever will be hungry for some Aquarian light.

A queer and crucial aspect of Aquarian energy, which is acknowledged but generally underplayed by astrologers, and largely unknown by many of the people it most affects, is revealed in the mythology behind the sign.

The mythology of Aquarius is the story of Zeus, king of the gods, falling for the beautiful Ganymede, son of Tros, the founder of Troy – the God transforming himself into an eagle to swoop down and whisk the young man to the heavens from the fields where he was tending sheep, a humble pursuit often characteristic of a hero’s boyhood before his privileged status was revealed. In Heaven, Ganymede replaced Zeus’ daughter as cup bearer to the Gods, when she went to marry Herakles. In some versions she stays around and Ganymede is the personal cupbearer to Zeus. The God compensates his father with some fine horses and the reassurance that Ganymede will hold the fine distinction of being his cup-bearer and will become immortal, which the King was happy with. When the goddess Hera became jealous however, Ganymede was forced to move on, and Zeus placed him in the sky forever as the water bearer constellation