Where or When

By Mary Walsh

Shannon O'Sullivan meets Declan Maguire on the night of their friend's birthday party and they are instantly drawn to each other. Over the course of the next few months, they continue to run into each other and fall head over f*cking heels. Did Shannon and Declan meet before in another time? In another place? Was it somewhere that love spanned centuries, where intense passion defined every moment? Was serendipity pushing them to be together? But Shannon is engaged to Noah and he is all she has ever known for three years. Does she really love him? Is Noah so safe that Shannon convinces herself she found happiness? Does she go with her heart or her mind? Who does she choose?  

For mature audiences only.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Mary Walsh
• Release date: Oct 15, 2021
• ISBN: 9781393811459

Mary Walsh

MARY WALSH was born in St. John’s, Newfoundland. She studied acting at Ryerson University and is the creator of the CBC’s This Hour Has 22 Minutes, which has won numerous Gemini, Canadian Comedy and Canadian Screen Awards. She is a versatile actor and has appeared in both dramas and comedies, including the Gemini Award–winning Hatching, Matching and Dispatching, which she wrote and starred in. Recently, Walsh has starred in Sensitive Skin, Rookie Blue and Slasher. She currently has several feature films in development, and in 2017 the cast of Hatching, Matching and Dispatching will be reunited for a CBC feature called “Christmas Fury,” of which Walsh is the writer, producer and star. She is a Member of the Order of Canada and has received a Governor General’s Performing Arts Award for Lifetime Artistic Achievement.  

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

Declan

July 20, 2016

Dear Declan,

Jack proposed... and I don’t know what to do.

I made the wrong decision the last time and I don’t want to fuck it up again. If you think there is any chance that you and I could be together, I won't marry him. I have always wanted to be with you.

I don't need an answer from you right now, but at least think about it. I don't want to date you and see what happens, I want to be with you (and only you) for the rest of my life.

Two decades have passed, and I have never stopped thinking about you.

You are the greatest love of my life.

Shannon

My mouth fell open as I read Shannon’s letter. I waited 20 years to hear those words. Words I reflected on so many times that I wondered if I imagined how we met, how I felt about her. But no, I lived it. I was there. She was real. Her body once fired beneath my touch. She was so beautiful; someone could have painted her. I remember. Before I met her, my life paled in comparison and I couldn’t imagine living without her. Shannon was my kryptonite and I was at her mercy. Years ago, we ignited a dangerous chemical reaction. She pushed me to be my best and I hoped I did the same for her. The heavens opened on the first night we made love and I knew we were bound to be together. The union of my body with hers would end the existing universe and make a new one begin. She was the only woman I ever truly loved.

The only problem: Now I am married to someone else.

CHAPTER 2

Shannon

September 29, 1996

Imet Declan a few minutes past midnight on the night of my friend Michele’s 21st birthday at Mick’s Pub. She had mentioned Declan’s name a few times to me in passing the previous year, but our paths never crossed.

A month earlier, we started our senior year at Culpeper University in Virginia. East of Main Street, the campus sprawled between the railroad tracks and the rumored-to-be-haunted cemetery. During Finals Weeks, our parents would treat us to Knakal’s Bakery homemade cookies and chocolate-dipped eclairs. In fear of the No Loud Talking, No Foul Language sign at Baby Jim’s Snack Bar, we’d watch our mouths on Friday and Saturday nights before we hit the bars because the small diner closed at 2:00 p.m. during the week.

What can I get for ya? the bartender asked me, looking bored. He wore a dark green t-shirt with Mick’s Pub emblazoned in gold lettering across his chest.

A crowd of college-aged drinkers snaked around the L-shaped bar, laughing and downing beers. Girls wore tight jeans and tank tops while guys donned t-shirts and loose shorts taking advantage of the last bit of September’s warm weather. A handful of female servers wearing tight Mick’s Pub green t-shirts dodged tables full of tavern-goers sitting in vintage mahogany padded chairs that had seen better days. Green glass coned lamps above the bar and each table provided the only light in the room.

Do you still have Sam Adams Summer Ale? I rested on my elbows on the bar, slowly tapping a ten-dollar bill.

Yes, you’re in luck. The bartender suddenly perked up, checking me out. He poured me a draft from the tap system beside him. A flexible maze of draft lines intertwined Coors Light, Miller Lite, Budweiser, and a few others. Until the end of the month.

I paid him, took my pint of ale, and strolled over to Michele. She wore a red tank top, untucked from her tight jeans. Fixed between strands of her long brown hair, a plastic silver tiara with the words Birthday Girl settled on top of her head. Michele was shorter than me; she stood 5’2" at best. Ever since I met her, I watched how guys ogled her curves. I wasn’t usually insecure, but I was a little jealous of the attention she got.

Hey girl, I said to her, as I reached to hug her. Happy birthday.

Thanks, Michele said. She was born and raised in northern New Jersey and had the big hair and matching attitude. I had learned never to underestimate her. She could go from zero to Jersey in two and a half seconds flat.

Ten hours earlier, she invited several of us to come out to celebrate her birthday at 12:01 a.m. She planned on drinking as much as anyone would buy her, not caring if she got drunk faster than she could handle.

A couple hundred of our classmates packed Mick’s, typical for a Friday night, as Green Day and Nirvana songs echoed around us. A fog of cigarette smoke choked us in the dimly lit bar.

A good-looking, dark-haired guy a head taller than Michele, wearing a plain navy-blue t-shirt and cargo shorts, stood next to her. The beginnings of a goatee speckled his chin and upper lip. Cute guy.

Shannon, Michele said to me, motioning to him while holding her beer, This is Declan. And she scurried off through the masses to her other guests.

Stunned by Michele’s abrupt departure, she left me to fend for myself. I paused in awkward silence facing Declan, a glass of amber libation in my hand. He grinned at me, amused by my sudden hesitation. I expected Michele to tell me a little more about him before leaving us in favor of a crowded table across the bar.

How long have you known Michele? I inquired, kicking myself for using a trite line. I caught myself staring at him for a second too long. His hazel eyes were the color of soft moss with tiny swirls of mocha. I would have remembered if I met this good-looking guy before, but I couldn’t place him.

Declan spoke, We met at Freshman Orientation and have been great friends ever since. His smile widened as he discreetly checked me out. He steadied a glass of beer in his left hand. I thought I knew all of Michele’s friends. I don’t know why she never introduced us before.

I blushed awkwardly and fidgeted with the hem of my white t-shirt. Why did I sense that he could see right through me?

How ‘bout you? Declan asked me.

I met Michele last year, I told him. We had a marketing class together. I skimmed the crowd in the direction that Michele headed, hoping to break out of my awkwardness. You ready to join the others?

After you. Declan held his arm out, palm open as if to say ‘ladies first’ and I led the way to Michele’s table in the far corner of the room. She presided at the head like a queen with her jovial court to both sides; everyone talking at once. Declan followed me as I skirted around the large oval table full of Michele’s friends. One lone chair beckoned at the far end and I sat in it.  When Declan stood behind me, I realized the table was full. Before I could say anything, he stepped away, quickly grabbed a chair from a nearby table, and sidled up next to me.

Once he was seated, Declan leaned into me, inches from my face, as if he was telling me a secret. Who do you know here? he whispered. Usually, I minded if someone invaded my personal space, but not this time. I was aware of being so close to a guy I just met, yet no tangible strangeness came. I could sense a comfortable vibe exerting from him.

I rested my hands on my lap, scanned the table, and studied the cornucopia of people around me. I nodded toward the girl with long blonde hair on the other side of Declan. I’ve known Sara for a couple of years now. She’s been in a bunch of my classes. Sara was in the middle of a deep conversation with a Latino guy to her right. I met Carlos tonight, and like you, Michele told me about him before. My gaze moved further around the table and Declan followed it. I paused at the pudgy guy with a broad smile on the other side of Carlos. I’ve known Andy for a couple of years now. The girl sitting between Andy and Michele caught my attention. Her dark chocolate skin and head full of long, tight, natural curls were scene-stealing. Who’s that?

That’s Laneka, Declan told me, after he took a long draw of his beer, finishing his glass. I’d say she and Michele are my best female friends here. I can tell them anything.

Are you telling them that you sat so close to me that you could smell my hair? I teased.

He laughed out loud and tried in vain to keep from spewing his beer at me.

You’re funny, Shannon. I like that in a girl, he said, possibly his feeble attempt to flirt with me.

Well, I chuckled, no one can ever accuse me of not telling it like it is.

Declan leaned even closer to me and nodded toward the dance floor on the other side of the bar. If you see our waitress walk by, flag her down because I will need another drink, so I can ask you to dance.

Why wait? I stated as I rose from my chair. Let’s go.

Declan stood from his seat. He followed me closely and, as I serpentined the chairs around our table and the adjacent one, his hand lightly grazed the small of my back. We maneuvered our way around a few clusters of people. Almost everyone held a drink in their hand as they danced; arms flailing as beer sometimes sloshed on the sticky floor. Blue and red spotlights beamed at a disco ball hung from the ceiling bouncing multi-colored dots around the room. Declan and I finally reached the middle of the crowded dance floor.

With other couples within feet of us, Declan pulled me close to him. He snagged my arms, rested them around his neck, and slipped his own around my waist. His warm breath purred quietly on my neck. We swayed back and forth to a ballad from Boyz II Men, our bodies melded into one.

Declan was handsome, in a timeless sort of way. His hazel eyes looked hopeful and true. He reminded me of that actor in the old movie where the almost-lovers intended to meet at the top of the Empire State Building but never do because the woman is hit by a car. Humphrey Bogart? Clark Gable? Cary Grant? I couldn’t place him. Much to the chagrin of my classic movie-loving father, all of those actors blended together to me.

Declan and I danced in silence during the next song Tainted Love and then I said to him, You’re pretty good at this.

Yeah, my mom made me take dance lessons as a kid, he deadpanned.

I stopped dancing, with his arms still around me, and stared at him skeptically. Seriously?

Nah, Declan chuckled. But that was payback for calling me out on sniffing your hair.

I laughed out loud. Touché Mr..... I suddenly realized I didn’t know his last name.

McGuire. Declan McGuire.

I chuckled again.

You’re laughing at my Irish name? he asked me.

Yes.... I mean no. I corrected myself, uncertain if he was offended or playing me again. I’m laughing because I assumed I was the only one with an Irish name. My last name is O’Sullivan. Shannon O’Sullivan. I swear some people think I’m right off the Emerald Isle boat. They expect me to say things like ‘Erin go Bragh’ all the time. I rolled my eyes in annoyance.

Don’t you know that all Irish folks only eat shepherd’s pie for dinner and drink Guinness every night? Declan chuckled. Even as he poked fun at me, I found it hard not to smile.

He then took my left hand from his shoulder and lifted it above my head with his right hand. When he held my hand, my whole body warmed to his touch. I quietly gasped at the new, unexpected sensation.

In one swift motion, he used his other hand, pushed my waist, and forced me into a twirl. Surprised by the sudden dance change, I stumbled into him and he caught me before I fell into the couple next to us on the dance floor. Declan pulled me close, his eyes locked into mine. His pale, smooth skin shone with a little bit of sweat. My cheeks burned, and I turned away because I didn’t want him to catch me blushing.

As the song ended, Declan released me from his hold. I’m getting another beer. I’ll be back in a few.

While Declan waited at the bar getting himself another round, I stepped over to Michele standing in line for the restroom.

Once you break the seal.... she said to me.

I hear ya sister.

I saw you and Declan dancing. Her eyes glossed over me, the fallout of her initial birthday drinks. She awkwardly adjusted the crown on her head.

Yeah, he’s a good guy. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her that he made me blush. Twice.

Did you tell him you’re engaged? Her Jersey voice sounded louder than usual.

I tried to shush her and hoped she didn’t notice me cringe. "No, not yet. We were only dancing and having a good time. Like every other time I’ve innocently danced with other guys here." I spun the engagement ring from my recent fiancé Noah easily around my finger. The new ring was a size too big. Worried that I could lose it, I removed it and pushed it deep into my pocket. I made a mental note to take it to a jeweler soon and get it resized.

Noah and I had been dating since my freshman year. We met when he stood behind me one night at Mamma’s Diner and they unexpectedly ran out of hamburgers. I snagged the last one and he offered me $25 for it. I declined his over-the-top offer and purposely took a bite of it, sealing my victory of the savory burger. He pitched sharing his large order of fries as a peace offering and we spent the next hour getting to know each other.

Noah graduated in the spring and found a job 90 miles away in Richmond at the end of the summer and we temporarily had a long-distance relationship. He proposed two weeks ago. While I was still in college, we talked on the phone every night after dinner and planned to visit each other twice a month.

Even though I knew no one else in Richmond, I said ‘Yes’ not thinking I would then have to move there after graduation in May and leave behind everything and everyone familiar to me. Our wedding still a year away, I had some time to shop for my bridal dress, choose my half of the wedding party, taste cake samples, order flowers, decide on music, and pick a photographer. I couldn’t wait to get married. 

A few minutes later, Michele and I exited the restroom, our feet sticking to the floor that hadn’t seen a mop since the 80s. "Did you catch Friends and Seinfeld last night?" she asked me.

Before I could answer, Sara waved Michele over to our boisterous table as Declan approached me with two full glasses of beer in his hands. For the second time, she left me alone with him. Was she doing this on purpose or obliviously buzzed?

I got you a fresh one, Declan said, extending one of the beers to me. I hope you don’t mind.

Thank you. I took the beer in my left hand and followed Declan back to Michele’s table. He settled in the empty chair next to Carlos and I sat on the other side of him. He shifted his body to face me, focusing all of his attention on me. I took a large gulp of my beer, keeping my eyes on him over the rim of my glass as I drank.

Tell me something embarrassing that you did as a kid, I inquired. Unsure why I was so fascinated by this guy, I wanted to learn everything. Declan almost made me forget about my recent engagement. Almost.

I stupidly climbed a water tower with my buddies when I was 12, he explained while drinking his beer. Then, when the cops came and told us to get down, I slipped when I had about 10 more feet to go and fell and landed on my arm. Declan shamefully shook his head. The police took me to the hospital because I was hurt, and my parents weren’t too happy to get a call from them at 10:00 at night. I spent the next two months with a cast on my arm.

I’ve never broken a bone, but I did fall out of a tree once, I countered, grazing his arm with my hand, surprisingly electrified by the connection. My cousin and I were double swinging on a tree vine in the woods behind her house. She was on top and made it into the tree. I didn’t and fell a good 15 feet. I was damn lucky I didn’t break anything.

Before either of us could say another word, Michele nestled between us and draped both of her arms on our shoulders.

I want... to go to The Lodge... and sing karaoke, she slurred through inebriated words. Because I met everyone at Mick’s, I guessed that Michele already had a handful of drinks before coming to the bar. Probably a mix of beers and shots. She erratically wagged her finger at our half-finished glasses. Drink up.

You’re the birthday girl, Declan told her. He chugged his beer in one gulp and I took another minute to finish mine. Moments later, we followed Michele, Sara, Carlos, Andy, and Laneka out the door.

After a few blocks of strolling and talking from all ends, we bustled through the door of The Lodge. Behind everyone else, Declan and I stopped a few feet from the entrance, surveying the room. A handful of people lingered at the bar and several of the tables were already full of patrons. A couple of empty pool tables hugged the back of the room. A DJ in charge of karaoke parked on the opposite wall engulfed by his equipment. Pink lights bounced behind him. The Lodge wasn’t as packed as Mick’s which allowed us to spread out around the dark bar.

Are you singing to Michele? Declan angled toward me.

Oh, no, no. I don’t think so, I stuttered, thinking of the time I forgot the lyrics during a solo at a church Christmas pageant.

Before Declan could respond, Carlos yanked him by the shoulder and led him away from me. Declan turned back toward me as Carlos dragged him and mouthed to me I’ll be right back. They said something to the DJ and picked up a couple of mics.

The music started.

Tears streamed down my face from laughing so hard as the boys sang Centerfold. Declan and Carlos gestured to Michele throughout their singing debut. She hammed it